tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2711458223940763863.post5125622209674742842..comments2023-10-29T00:54:45.706-07:00Comments on Families R Built with Love: Plan for a SearchLeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02333788218398458127noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2711458223940763863.post-41709172936778798962013-04-04T17:10:56.026-07:002013-04-04T17:10:56.026-07:00I understand what you are saying but the fact that...I understand what you are saying but the fact that the adoptive family tried to have some contact even though it didn't work out is really important. Your stepdaughter and her husband are part of that child's history and family and they will need to know those painful truths at some point. It is in my opinion better to be up front about what the issue is and to have tried than to not have the knowledge of their family. I also have a situation with one of my kids that would be similar to that which you describe. However we have been able to keep contact with extended first family members. It was tough to build those relationships at first but it did work out and I think everyone feels a lot more comfortable with things now. You are right though, all my planning is said and done with the safety of children being first. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02333788218398458127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2711458223940763863.post-84781062211946563192013-04-04T13:41:32.382-07:002013-04-04T13:41:32.382-07:00I am glad that your search turned out well. I imag...I am glad that your search turned out well. I imagine it turns out well when the bioparent voluntarily relinquished the child. However, in the case of an involuntary termination of parental rights searching is most likely not a good thing.<br /><br />I am the stepparent of a woman whose parental rights were terminated once and who is in the process of having them terminated again. The first time the child was adopted by the foster parents who had had him since he was 4 weeks old. They felt badly for my stepdaughter and told her that they would provide contact. They did try to provide contact but unfortunately my stepdaughter and her husband acted in such a way that they had no choice but to stop contact.<br /><br />Stepdaughter and her husband do not accept any responsibility for their actions and if given any contact would try to undermine the adoptive parents. They constantly state that when the child turns 18 and comes to find them he will move out of the home he has lived in since he was a month old and move in with them and never see the adoptive parents again.<br /><br />Stepdaughter and husband had another child ten years later. They did the exact same things that got their rights terminated the first time and still say that they are in the right and the court is wrong. We are currently waiting for the final ruling which most likely (99.99%) will terminate their rights. <br /><br />Are my husband and I sad about this? Yes. Do we think stepdaughter and husband should regain custody? Absolutely not.<br />Do I wish there would be contact after the adoption? Yes, but contact with the bioparents is, in this case, not in the child's best interests.<br /><br />I love the idea of the big circle encompassing the child, but sometimes no contact is the best for the child who has been adopted due to parental termination of rights.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2711458223940763863.post-26635460706151539432013-04-03T19:34:00.473-07:002013-04-03T19:34:00.473-07:00I totally agree with you. I think KC is very lucky...I totally agree with you. I think KC is very lucky to have someone who supports him in this. It is so much better than kids fantasizing about their birth parents. And you are right... the ability to help them process this all as it unfolds is really amazing. I wish my children had had open adoptions. For me, it is totally non threatening.. I just see it as a bigger circle encompassing my children. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com