Families R Built with Love

Rockin Steady

2012-01-28T10:35:00.000-08:00

Last night was movie night for Rob and I. He didn't have anything particular in mind so he let me choose. I chose a movie called Rock Steady. I confess that I knew the sound track had reggae music and was about a black teen coming of age and little else, but I just had a feeling it was a good fit for us. And it was.

Rob was thrilled because it was an "R" rated movie. His first. I was thrilled because in the movie, the lead character has a lot of unrealistic dreams. Money will come easy. He will go to Hollywood and become a famous stunt driver. He will win a $10,000 prize at stock car racing. Rob tends toward dreaming the grandioise. It is easier because I think then deep down there is no expectation that one must really do something to make that happen. Yet one looks like one has goals, if you know what I mean.

As the lead character matured and learned about key things--like showing respect even when it seems silly, making amends when he screwed up, and learning that futures could be more modestly planned and still be successful, I could see a bit of a light bulb over my son's head.

One of the things I love about being an "older" parent is that I all ready know that talking at my kids is going to get me no where. So I look for odd ball teachable moments and media is often very helpful in this regard. I don't talk that much about the show or the book except in roundabout ways, otherwise it still comes off as preaching and any chance for the message to filter through the teen miasma is as good as gone. More off the cuff comments seem to work well--expressing amazement at people who stepped forward to help for instance.. Comments of "oops, that was bad timing" wehn the kid did something stupid. That is about as far as I go with it. But I find that later, he tends to bring things up and then it is okay to delve a bit deeper.

At any rate, it was a good movie, despite the R rating which was likely do to the fact that the boys made some poor choices on how to earn money at the very beginning of the movie. But there was no violence or nudity, although there was some strong language. However, from ~~policing~~ my son's Facebook viewing, there was absolutely nothing in the movie that he hasn't seen or read on the Internet at nearly 16.

Confusion :-)

2012-01-26T02:53:00.000-08:00

Rob's girl friend called tonight. That was about an hour ago and they are still yakking. LOL I had to interupt the deep discussion to put his eye drops in his eye at 7 p.m. He told her to hang on while I did the drops and while I was doing it he laughed and said, "Boy Ooma, women are confusing." I laughed and told him to get used to it!

Growing Pains

2012-01-25T03:26:00.000-08:00

Fiona almost did not call last night. Jane called and said that she had gotten upset about somethiing and decided she did not want to talk to us or even to visit with us. Jane said that normally she would not even share the last part as it was (in Jane's mind) clearly said in anger but Fiona had said it in the presence of otehr staff which meant that the whole team weighed in and felt that we should have this big talk about if she wanted us to visit or not.

Fiona has had lots of big things to deal with lately. First family re-connections and most recently the immenent loss of her social worker. S. is leaving on maternity leave and a new worker will be assigned. Normally, Fi has gotten very over-worked, very inexperienced and very unhelpful workers but this is not the case with S. and her departure is a blow to my daughter. It is another loss, and another feeling of being "passed around."

Jane said she was really sure Fi wanted to see us but that staff would like me to choose a cut off date to cancel the visit if her actions did not mellow out. That felt really hard, but I finally said Thursday evening by 6 p.m. Partly because I know Jane does not work on Fridays and communicationis with the school are a bit dicier when she is not in the loop. Jane could hear my hesitation and she said that she too was sure Fiona wanted us to come, but that I needed to remember about keeping my whole family intact and not being held hostage by my daughter's mental illness.

Those were huge words to hear. Intellectually I know this--otherwise we would not have had her removed from our house years ago. It was clear that she was going to be unsafe and unsafe to others as well as herself. But with her in the Great School, there is not a daily dose of dealing with the scope of her mental illness. It is easier to forget just how big that is and how hard things are for all of us when she is dysregulated.

On the positive side, Fiona stabilized and called about 40 minutes later and had a great chat. She clearly wants to see us and spoke animatedly of the things she would like to do when we arrive. We planned crafts and gym time and maybe using her video recorder. We will see how it all shakes out.

Re-Claiming

2012-01-20T03:52:00.000-08:00

My "real" birthday is January 21st. I have not celebrated it on that day since I was 19. That year my father chose to leave right after my birthday celebration. I knew he was doing it; it was this miasma of hurt that flowed over everything that day. But I hated it. I hated watching the pain in my mom and my sister's faces. I hated the fact that he thought I was not supposed to care. The next year I could not dream of celebrating on that day. Everything was raw and fresh. I chose to celebrate my birth on September 9th instead. It was my grandfathers birthday and he was someone who I loved and admired deeply. A therapist could make all sorts of very logical connectionis about this. They would probably be true. My father and I don't have a relationship. He remained close to my sister but although I tried to have a relationship with him, it didn't work out. He moved across country and never told me. I am not one for begging or needing to be beaten over the head to get the point, so that ended things.

My kids have always known the story of how my "new" birthday came about. In some ways it has been helpful to have a painful experience like that. They have experienced greater losses than I but there is a thread of understanding and connection that they feel because of this.

Except that KC feels it is wrong. He spoke with Kirsty yesterday and informed her that they had to bring me breakfast in bed tomorrow. Kirsty reminded him that the kids and I usually leave to go shopping before she gets up in the morning. KC was adament: "She can at least have a piece of toast in bed Mom," he said. Kirsty reminded him that we always have a big party in September. "I know Mom" he responded, "but this is the day she was BORN that we are talking about here."

I've not thought about my actual birthday in years. Unless I need to renew my license it is a non issue to me. But my son's love and sincerity is so touching that tomorrow I will really enjoy my toast in bed!

Speaking Patiently

2012-01-16T18:20:00.000-08:00

Our doctors office called today. They wanted me to know that they had called our Health Insurer as was requested for the "peer to peer" review. Tufts has indicated that they will again deny Lissa speech services because they feel this is the purview of the public schools. All in unison now people let's scream "argh!" To his credit, my Dr reminded them that we homeschool (though I know in my state I am still entitled to special ed services.) However, it still does not make sense to me. First of all, given my daughters age, she would not be kindergarten eligible till next year. That is one delay. The second is that the school system will want to do their own testing. Which will have its own, fairly slow time frame if my experiences for Chet are anything to go by. HR at my job may be able to help once we get the paperwork. I am hoping so. We also have some flash cards that the speech pathologist was going to use with Lissa. We will begin to use them here at home and I am going to do some internet research now. I need to come up with a bunch of concrete "th" words for her. Thumb for instance can have a good graphic with it to cue her. Likewise thin and thirsty. I am going to make this a fun part of her schooling and see what evolves while we jump through the various beauocratic hoops that await us.

Lissa loves to do schoolwork so I don't see this as being something she will resist. We can play with mirrors making sure our mouths are making the right position to do the "th". (she presently does it incorrectly and it results in the "f" sound.)

In an odd reminder of patience and communication, the kids and I were shopping today for gifts for the upcoming final (can you hear me cheering at the word final) Yule celebration this coming weekend. We were in a sporting goods store and Lissa fell in love with a pair of shoes. By some miracle, they actually fit--she has very hard to fit feet so this is pretty cool. Her feet had grown so the purchase was reasonable.

The young man that I asked to measure her feet did so and then he proceeded to tell me her size. "A th-th-th th . . . long pause. . . thirteen but right on the edge of thirteen and a half." I waited patiently while he spoke and then thanked him and got the correct sized shoes for her to try.

When we finished shopping, we got to the front of the store. One register open and a looooong line. Not a joyful view for a mom with 2 littles who are totally done with the experience and a slightly bored teen and an autistic elder son. When I suddenl y heard a voice say "I am opening over here." I looked up and the young man who helped us with the shoes was now opening a register and we were his first customers through the line. Hi speech issue was both more severe than Lissa's and more sporadic. For the first part of the transaction, it was significant--for the second, almost nonexistant.

I told him how excited I was that my daughter had found shoes that fit so well and thanked him again for his help. His "you're welcome," was clear as a bell.

Stretching and Re-Connecting

2012-01-15T16:12:00.000-08:00

Rob was invited to spend last evening at a friends house last night. We met up with his friend and his mom at a central location as though Rob and Drew are very close as friends, geographically we are not so much so! It is funny watching a teen get ready for an overnight. Rob got his clothes together the night before. This means the favorite skinny jeans were packed, the favorite sports jersey, his underwear and his deoderant and aftershave. He also remembered the Tshirt he has to wear on Sunday afternoons for his volunteer job. Conspicuously absent? Toothbrush. Pillow. Sleeping bag. Pajamas. Good thing I thought to check in with him as to what "all packed" actually meant. LOL

Rob is always pretty blase about leave takings. It used to bother me when he was younger. I thought it was a sign that he wasn't connected to us. Hadn't bonded fully. Would never bond fully. Sometimes even someone with Pollyanna tendancies can obcess..But with the wisdom of hanging in there and just watching, I have learned this is not the case. I'll give you tha t the leave taking habits do appear to be partly a result of adapting to situations of his past. But, he also spends time reconnecting very positively when he comes home. We met up at church this morning.

I had brought him an iced coffee as that is usually something he gets when I take the kids for their second breakfast on Sunday a.m.s I had also brought him a lunch to eat at his volunteer job. His eyes lit up when he saw me and the coffee. And I know he was happy about more than the caffiene jolt as he hung around with me for nearly 20 minutes before church started. Not saying much; mostly wanting to re-hash highlights of the football game of the night before. But smiling, joking, and standing a little closer than is his usual.

And so, years into this parenting journey, I read the whole situation differently now. I am grateful that he has the strength and courage to step out and leave us. And the courage to believe that we will be there when he returns.

Health Care and Medical Judgements

2012-01-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

I was actually going to write a much fluffier post about my kids and parties, but I have had health care on my mind a lot these past few days. That is fairly unusual for me. I don't go to the doctor. I am lucky that my children rarely need more than a well visit to our family doctor. I am blessed and I know that.It has also meant that I have not really had a lot of times in my life where I have had to think about what insurance will and will not pay for.

I wrote a while ago about Elisabeth being tested for her speech issue and how she was diagnosed as being eligible for at least 12 sessions of speech therapy. We received an appointment for Monday and thought we were all set. Wrong! Our HMO denied the request, saying that her speech issue was not severe enough to warrent the therapy. We are appealing, but these things take time. In this instance, it isn't life or death. In fact, as a tax payer, I can look to my public schools for speech therapy services. I am entitled to them even though we h ome school. We also received some flash cards from the clinician who did the testing and we can use those at home. But it angers me that someone who does not know my daughter has the power to say she is not entitled to this care.

It angers me even more that my mother had to wait several weeks to even have a cardiac appointment scheduled because of issues surrounding her health care.

And it makes me insane, utterly and completely a raging babbling idiot that there are children who are denied important medical care because of cognitive delays. I thought our society was past thinking that a dx of MR meant someone was less than human, but apparently not. You can read the story that made me crazy here

\Cost/benefit analysis vs a human life. Compassion vs clinical judgements. I can't imagine being in the position of my child being denied a life saving treatment. Apparently I don't have to "imagine it." It happens.

Pushing on to Friday!

2012-01-12T18:02:00.000-08:00

The week is almost over and in some ways it seems to have flown by. But I am tired. Working 7:30 to 5 is getting old--especially since I do another 3 hours or so on average of piece work here at home once the kids are all abed. The good news is that tomorrow we are working only until 3 p.m. as our company is closing early for the holiday. This will be the first time in my life that I have worked for a company that gave MLK Day off. It isn't like I am going to kick back or anything over the weekend, but it will be a bit of a breather and that will be good. On Tuesday my co-worker will be back and that will be a blessing. On Wednesday my new boss will start. That is most likely good but another kind of stress. And I am still coming to terms with the fact that I wasan't really considered for the position and given a chance to show what I believe I could do. Oh well, that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I am all about being stronger. Oh and my computer has a new wonky habit. I can't see what I am typing when I am keyboarding. I have to type blind and then hit my enter key when I am done. It is very weird.

Fiona sends a message!

2012-01-11T04:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I raced home from work. I was worried because on Tuesdays Fiona calls and I have been working late. My wife had a hair stylist appointment so Rob was watching the 2 littles for the 30 minute gap. But that would not mean that anyone would answer the phone if she called. So I stressed a wee bit, but was able to leave work only 30 minutes later than usual and was home in plenty of time. We had supper and I cleaned up and there was no call. The kids used the computer to do their book request from the library. Still no call. Finally the phone rang and it was Jane. She said that Fiona had gotten a letter from her first mom J. and they had spent the afternoon processing and writing a letter back. She said at the end of it all, Fiona was just exhausted and asked to go to her room. BUT Fiona had asked Jane to call me and explain and to give her love. That is so huge and has never happened before. All I want is for as many people as possible to love and support my daughter. She doesn't have to choose. There is no contest here. And I think she is finally getting that! I have never wanted her to feel that I was trying to compete with her first family. Despite the forecast of snow and the fact that I have to work late again, I am smiling!

Fiona Self Advocates

2012-01-08T18:25:00.000-08:00

Last night I got another email from Jane. She wanted me to know that she had received instructions from Fiona to ask her DCF social worker to "be more strict" with her birth family. Fiona said it hurts her when they don't follow through. This is a huge step for my duaghter who is pretty much perpetually conflicted with regards to her first family. I am so sad they put her in this position so regularly. But I am so heartened that she has come to this on her own. It is important her her mental health to know who she can count on in her life. I think that her family members probably have lots of issues and demons they struggle iwth. I think too that they feel that there is nothing wrong with Fiona and that requests for consistancy are just roadblocks being put up by "the system." Knowing Fiona over the past 10 years, I feel pretty confident saying that these are not unreasonable requests. If someone told me they were coming to visit and then did not show up and did not call, I would be pretty angry too. For Fiona, the anger and sadness these incidents cause is very difficult for her to manage. I hope DCF hears this for the honest request for help that my daughter is asking for. And I hope her family hears what she needs and can get their acts together.

Having an autistic moment!

2012-01-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

Today was our first Sunday back at church since the holiday. We did not go to services on either Christmas Day or New Years Day. On the way home, Chet told me that Mr. M. lost a tooth. "Someone knocked it out," announced Chet. "Honey I hope you didn't ask how he lost the tooth" I responded. "Remmember that some people don't like personal questions like that."
"Oh don't worry, " Chet answered, "I just asked how he got that hole in his mouth when he smiled and said good morning." Yup, I feel soooooo much better!

Catching Up!

2012-01-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

My week at work was amazingly hectic. I worked 7:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. every day. I usually work 8 to 4. Since I never take lunch it was flat out busy to say the least. My co-worker is in sunny Florida for two weeks and our new manager does not start till the 17th so for most of the week I was doing alone what 3 people usually do. At one point I had a call on the land line and a work call on my cell at the same time and it was totally surreal--seemed like a bad movie or something. On the plus side, the days sure flew by. And I got a ton of stuff done, though not nearly as much as I needed to, naturally.

The down side was I was home with the kids much less than usual and we all missed that. We made up for it today with lots of fun together doing our usual Saturday things and ending our day with "dinner and a movie." In our case, veggie burgers and fries while watching Mr. Poppers Penguins! It was a great movie for all of us to enjoy. Even Chet came down and shared in the fun with us. KC is going to be just like I was though--he gets very angry when a movie deviates from what he read in a book. He liked the movie but was really annoyed about the changes.

Tomorrow we have all day together too as my wife has her runaway day. She was feeling her own levels of stress heighten from being alone with the kids more so she has Sunday all to herself. And Monday night I have purchased her a spa treatment at a small local establishment. So hopefully that will keep her sane in the coming week which promises to be more of the same.

I also got a great email from Amazing Jane. It was a forwarded thread of conversation that Jane has had with Fiona's social worker regarding first family contact and future placement when at age 22 she ages out of the Great School in the City. Jane has been very active and supportive of first family contact and has tried to facilitate a lot of positive things. Unfortunately they often fall through because the family do not understand the need to keep their commitments to Fiona. At this point the way things stand, the social worker is in agreement that should there be no significant change in the first family involvement and reliability she will advocate for Fiona to be placed in an adult setting as close as possible to us.

I feel glad and sad about this. Glad for us and the relationship that I have with my daughter. Sad because it is once again more proof that for whatever reason, a wide variety of people are not able to be there for someone who needs them. The first family is huge--not like me who has only one sister and a couple of cousins. There are legions of people and most of them live in the same general area. I don't know their circumstances and I really really try not to judge. But I know that as much as Fiona loves us, our constancy and presence also has the effect of reminding her that her blood kin can't be counted on. That they say they will come and don't. That they disappear without notice and without sharing why. I know how this hurts her and I grieve for that. But, that being said, at least if she can be nearer, she can be here on holidays, she can come for dinner she can hang out with us when we do our goofy family things. It isn't all that she wants but it is love and support that she does value.

Chilly but Peaceful!

2012-01-04T18:22:00.000-08:00

Lots of holiday music and movies make much of the "peace" of the season. There is some peace but usually in our family, they are snippits--little teeny weeny moments that are sandwiched in by lots of hubbub, noise and barely controllled chaos. Don't get me wrong--there really isn't anything I would change--a certain amount of chaos is good for the soul. LOL But too much is like adding too much spice to a dish. In our post holiday January I see a settling in our house. The absence of all the glitz and glimmer of the Yule decorations has helped to bring a more serene atmosphere back to our home. Last night I asked Kirsty what she put in their suppers as they were all playinig quietly in our living room. Lissa was busy with her dollhouse. KC was lying on th couch reading a Magic Treehouse book. Rob was drumming. (our drums are electornic so this is essentially quiet) It was a little surreal as we are typically a noisy tribe. But I think the kids spirits need a pause, a little respite. I am sure that they will be back to dancing in the front hall and singing and all the other louder pastimes that often occupy them soon. But for now, in the chill of winter, we are pausing peacefully.

Ready to Spread his Wings!

2012-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

Every year Rob goes away to camp for a week. He loves it. In some ways, it is a comfort zone. The venue is familiar. Many of the counselors return year after year. But he does not always know who is going to be there with him. Sometimes he has roomed with a best friend. Other years, he has gone solo and made new best friends. He is very adaptable in that way, much more so than most other kids I know. I suspect that part of it is a legacy from foster care. He learned how to adapt. He learned that being friendly worked better than other options and thankfully, this has been a more positive coping strategy for him to carry forward into his life.

I received notification from a friend about an organization where kids can work in national parks for 3, 5 or 8 week stints. It is volunteer. It is living in wilderness settings The kids have teams of about 8 youth and 2 leaders. They do things like build trails, and "guy" stuff that appeals to my Rob. We spent the evening filling out the application together. I was able to convince Rob that it might be best to start with a 3 week stint on our coastline somewhere. I was pretty honest that it was all about me not having him on the other side of the country at just barely 16 years old! LOL I said if he gets in and likes it, I am open to him being farther away next year but I need to build up to it. I do hope he gets to try this. I think it will be an amazing opportunity for him. I know the summer I spent living in a tent teaching at a Scouting camp was one of the best that I ever had. I figure if he has a lot of volunteer opportunities he will get to try out a lot of different things and rub shoulders with lots of different people from all walks of life. That to me should make it easier when inevitably he has to really decide what he thinks he might like to do for a career.

All good things come to an end. . .

2012-01-02T11:07:00.000-08:00

Vacation is nearly over and tomorrow I am back at work. I have so loved this time with my family. The kids and I have had a blast together. They are all a bit morose over the end of "ooma Time." What I am glad about though, is that we made our time together count. We made memories. We laughed. (some of us cried but it wasn't the temper fit extravaganza that sometimes happens. ) Today we took down our tree and though they did not want to do it, the kids got into talking about the ornaments as we packed things away. Somehow it took the curse off the proof that Yule is really over for them. WE also were able to buy KC his jazz shoes. The store has been closed for the holidays and he really wanted to get his shoes before classes start again this Saturday. He is so happy! We also did some biking and scootering as this is the last day that the temperatures will be nice. Boy can Lissa fly on a scooter! KC is hoping to be training wheel free this year so he wants to practice a lot as well.

Holding Family Close

2012-01-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

We have been blessed with a rare gift this January. Temperatures today are in the 50's. Tomorrow it will be in the teens. Only in New England, I guess. But for today, we are revelling in the unexpected, most unusual warmth. We went for a New Years Day walk and when we came home, we took down our outdoor decorations. Why wait till fingers and noses get numb with the cold to do it? We really need to take down our tree but the littles negotiated one more day. They have really enjoyed the tree this year and KC said he has to take lots more pictures of it before we can take it down. We had a lot of stories before bed sitting or actually sprawling, on blankets in front of the tree this year. Part of me is loathe to put it away as well, those memories are still so shining and special.

I always feel blessed to have my family, but at this moment in time, more so. Dear friends of mine far away in TX are facing the unspeakable tragedy of a beloved wife and mother dying far too soon and very unexpectedly. The fact that they just moved to the state makes it all the harder. There is nothing we can do and those of us who are their friends can only send emails of hugs and energies. But as one of us said when I bemoaned the distance and lack of ability to do something concrete--we can do something. We can remember to hold our one loved ones a bit more tightly, to be a bit more patient, and to live each day as fully as we can. In some ways that feels trite. In some ways, that feels comforting. I know the wheel turns as it will, but I am a 'fixer' by nature. And not being able to 'fix' something always grates on me. But for today, I am holding my loved ones close and holding my friends close in my heart.

Goodbye 2011

2011-12-31T14:35:00.000-08:00

OK blogger is fighting with me tonight and won't let me insert text between the pics. Sorry guys! I am coming off a migraine and don't feel like fiddling. We had a great New Years Eve celebration here. The first picture is Happy New Year in German, at least according to Google Translate! We made a big poster and used a fancy font and hung it in our dining room. We also took confetti and covered big numbers that I cut out of paper that allegedly had adhesive on it. We stuck all the confetti on and I tacked them to the wall, and came back 20 minutes later to find them looking like a sad chia pet who needed rograine or something. Huge bald spots and lots of confetti on the floor. Blech. Took them off the wall, brought them outside and sprayed them with adhesive. Then reattached the confetti and to be darn sure it didn't go anywhere covered it with contact paper. It actually wound up looking funky and fun.

We had our German meal, while German music streamed through my computer. The internet is so cool. We listened to German rock, a German "soft hits" station and a German childrens station. It was pretty neat. Usually finding music is the hardest part of pulling this together and now it is easy. We always have a little Jeopardy quiz type game with some facts that I find about how a country celebrates. The kids are geeks--they all love this! Then we threw confetti and read our remembrances of the past year. After all of that, the little kids danced on bubble wrap to German music and it sounded amazingly like fireworks. In 34 minutes it is actually midnight in Germany and they love the fact that they can honestly say Happy New Year for the country we celebrated.

Happy New Year all! I wish for all of us, opportunities and memories, hugs and smiles, sunrises and birdsong and joys to carry in our hearts to give us strength when times are hard. Blessed be!

Playhouse Progress!

2011-12-29T07:59:00.000-08:00

Working on KC and Lissa's new indoor playhouse with them has been a lot of fun. It is heavy duty cardboard that you can decorate any way you want. They have spent a little bit of every day this week working on it with me. I tend to do the second coats, and KC had me draw the hearts and vines and flowers but the majority of the paint work is theirs. I love the way he put texture into the green stripe of the rainbow!

Planning New Years Eve

2011-12-29T05:18:00.000-08:00

Rob chose Germany this year as our country to focus on for celebrating New Years Eve. I have spent a little time researching Germany to plan our food buffet. There is a little adapting due to the fact that we are vegetarian. That is often the case though in many of the countries we have chosen have very meat based diets. We will have vegetarian meat balls, saurkraut, onion pie, pretzels, cheese ball and some buttery crackers, rye bread and some pickled veggies. For dessert there will be jelly doughnuts. Apparently in Germany there is a tradition of a trickster filling one doughnut with mustard---I can't bring myself to do that! LOL We will have a trivia game, and play some other games. We have bubble wrap to jump on for fire works and we also will fill some balloons with bird seed and pop them o utside. If I get my act together I'll post pictures but lately, I've been slacking in the photo department!

Errand Day

2011-12-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

Today I have a number of odd errands to do with the kids. I have promised Chet we will pierce his other ear. This was his gift from us and he is very excited. I have to go to a couple of stores, which is not fun but must be done. (hey, how poetic! LOL) The other errands don't involve children but I am bringing them as it gives K a break from the kids. It was still nice and warm when we got up this morning, albeit unseasonably warm. I have been loving that. Unfortunately for me, that lovely odd occurance is coming to an end. We had a ton of rain and wind last night and they brought with them a cold front. Brrrrrr! It really feels like winter out there now. Time for me to go make tea to warm up and to clean up the kitchen from the muffins I made for breakfast.

Boxing Day

2011-12-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty good post Yule sort of day. The kids slept in a bit which was good as Lissa was hugely overtired. We went to a store and got them some notepaper for thank you notes. I was impressed in the fact that they spontaneously wrote thank yous to each other Christmas day. However they were on teeny bits of notepaper which is fine for us, but for the seniors who sent them a card or gift, not so much! LOL We tried to buy jazz shoes for KC but the dance store was closed today.

The kids ASKED me to help them clean the living room and organize their new toys. I am all about order, probably a bit more so than I should be. I try constantly to take a mental breath and remind myself that there is only a certain period of a child's life when they utilize 4million lego pieces and leave them around to cripple their loving parents. LOL We worked together and it really did not take long at all to get things so much tidier.

K and I took down the Christmas decorations in our dining room and above our kitchen cabinets and put up our snow man collection in its place. It looks sweet and cheerful and festive but takes the hype down just a notch. We will travel to my mom tomorrow to Christmas with her and then we will Christmas again with K's family in January so the festivities roll on for a while longer.

I actually kind of love that (said in whisper, as my wife is less a lover of celebrating than I am) It feels like the season doesn't end abruptly this way, which was what happened when I was little and I always had this sort of post holiday blues thing. No blues here, just the joy of hanging with my kids. And happy Boxing Day to anyone across the pond!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T07:55:00.000-08:00

Like the Who's down in "who-ville" Christmas is a big deal at our house. But not for the size of the gifts. For the joy of the season. For the fun of decorations and surprises planned. For songs and lights. Posters, slippers, bracelets and a toy dino can elicit as big a smile as a big bucks gift. Which is good as with a trip to Florida in May there were not big bucks for this Yule time. Probably the priciest gift was Rob's gift of 3 snowboard lessons from us and my promise to Chet to have another ear piercing done for him this week w hile I am on vacation. But even those, really are so much lower cost than many of our friends spend on the holidays.

KC got the best present of all and it was totally free! His picture in the holiday picture contest was published in the local newspaper on Christmas Eve. We didn't know till long after he had gone to bed so we told him first thing this morning.

We have called family and friends and wished them seasons greetings. Many are playing with some wonderful high tech toys and big screen TVs. I am glad for those who have that and want that, and equally glad that we can have genuine fun with less. We are now hanging out and playing games, watching snow flurries dance in the air outside. Merry Christmas all!

Fiona's Happy Birthday

2011-12-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

I took not ONE picture today. A spectacular failing that I blame on the fact that I have a nifty new to me purse that hid the camera in its depths. My usual purse has things spilling out the top so I see them and rarely forget. But I will have to etch the happy memories in my mind to keep for always.

Fiona was so happy to see us and so loved her gifts. She had invited one of her friends to the party and J had a good time with us as well. We had brunch with the school, then the party and cake, and then just sort of hung out and played a variety of games that the kids knew or created. The really good thing is that my kids are really not super competitive in the arena of games. It is really about playing together as opposed to winning, which made a very good dynamic for both Fiona and her friend. Part of our visit was also allowed to be unsupervised for the first time which was also pretty cool.

On the not so cool front, the cousin who was supposed to join us was a no show and a no call. I try not to judge. I know people have crazy things happen in their lives. But people seem to be so cavalier about letting Fiona down. I know she loved that we were there, but she asked me if her cousin was coming. I said to the best of my knowledge. So I know that the pain of the absence will register and be with her, even though she greatly enjoyed her time with us. Much is often said, and very justifiably, about adoptive families who are disrespectful of the importance and the ties of first families. I continually find myself in a rather different scenario where the first family members seem very comfortable popping in and out with no real commitment to their kin. This would be okay perhaps if Fiona did not have significant cognitive and mental health issues, but given that, and given the fact that this has been explained to them, it drives me round the bend.

After we left, the school population was going to go to a performance of The Nutcracker. I was glad at a couple of levels. First, it will delay the time before Fiona really has time to think about the fact that the cousin really didn't show. Secondly, and this is going to sound really mean--but it is something Fiona has that one of my kids here at home hasn't had. KC desperately wants to see the Nutcracker. And I could not afford tickets to the venue because we are saving for Florida. I explained to him that we would do this another year but it would not be this year. Then Fi called last week and said she was going and KC was kind of green with envy, though very polite about it on the phone. Fi has had to deal with the complex emotions about our trip to Florida and the fact that she is not yet at a place where she is safe enough to make such a trip with us. So for her, having that moment to shine is really wonderful, and i have to say, KC is great about handling it. He loves her so much that once that initial shock was over, he was great. And he once more today was the shining star of the visit, dancing with her, thinking of games to play, cracking jokes.

And now, it is time to think about Christmas Eve and find the stockings and check NORAD to see where Santa is so far! :-)

I believe in miracles!

2011-12-23T18:55:00.000-08:00

Why? Because I am officially DONE! Somehow, the presents have been purchased, the gift certificates made, the stocking stuffers wrapped, Fiona's birthday and Yule gifts all set, cake for her party made and it isn't even 10 p.m.! LOL I also believe in miracles because my wife helped me wrap stocking stuffers this year making a rather large job for one person a speedy one for 2. She has not done much Yule prep in many a year so that was a huge and most unexpected gift.

Tomorrow the kids and I will shop early as usual but it should be hopefully quick as we don't need a lot. Then we will get coffees for Rob and I and come home till it is time to leave for our ride the Great School in the City to be with my eldest daughter. I love the holidays. I always trust that somehow it will all get done. And somehow, even the year we drove back from Chicago with Lissa, it always does.

Gift Cards are an endangered species!

2011-12-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we go see Fiona and celebrate her birthday. My expense check from my job finally came so now I have the money that I budgeted for her laptop. I had told the school that I would kick in $125.00 towards the laptop and they could use it to defray the cost or to help her buy software, or down load songs on it, whatever she would like that was sanctioned. In a comedy of holiday madness my bank ran out of gift cards, the bank next door doesn't do gift cards and my wife is now out getting it at a local grocery store. How a cash gift card became a hard thing to get makes me shake my head in amazement.

There are times when I see differences in the way K and I look at parenting Fiona. When I explained my dilemma to K, who was leaving to do errands, she was surprised I was spending that much on her gift card. I said it was comparable to what the other kids get and that none of her other gifts from us were expensive. K feels there is a difference in her mind, because we have legally adopted the 4 who are at home with us and that our relationship with Fi is different. I said it is different legally, but not in my heart. She is my daughter, and whenever possible, she gets what they get. That means I bring a home made cake on her birthday and she is getting the gift cards. Don't get me wrong, K doesn't begrudge what we are giving Fiona, but I am sad that there is that weird perceived difference in her mind. Pieces of paper are not about being a parent and love binds more than any document from any court.

Chugging along towards the holidays

2011-12-22T18:49:00.000-08:00

Fiona's gifts are all wrapped. Rob helped me out with that so that I didn't have to do it alone. We have a set of birthday gifts that she will open with us and the Christmas gifts that we will give to staff so she has gifts from us for Christmas morning. The kids stocking stuff is all purchased, although it is still in my car. Rob and I watch X Factor together so there is no way tonight that I can wrap those. I will have to do that tomorrow night after I make Fiona's birthday cake which we are bringing to the Big City on Saturday. Kirsty was able to shrink a pic of us to put in the locket that KC picked out for her. He has a gentle spirit. Tonight when I put him to bed, he said he didn't really care what Santa brought, he just wanted to see Fiona. I think the open unreserved love that he has for her is a greater gift than the locket.

2011-12-22T03:17:00.000-08:00

December is always a blur in my life. I am glad that we have a tradition of writing memories on 3 x 5 cards to share the last week of the month as I would definately forget important things otherwise. Much of the busy-ness is truly wonderful. I am a person who adores celebrating.

Last night was Solstice night and that is a big deal in our house. We eat in near darkness with only glowsticks and candles and some lights around our dining room window to remind us of cold starry nights. We honor the changing of the season and the fact that the wheel of the year will begin to turn again and light is slowly going to return to our world. When I came home, KC and Lissa were busy with last minute preparations and "finding something festive" to wear. (their actual word choice) KC settled on his star covered shirt and a pair of jeans, and Lissa chose the sparkly dress Fiona gave her for Christmas last year.

The night before was the first night of Hannukah. We are not Jewish but my kids have Jewish friends and love to play the driedel game. Also our religion honors Judaism as one of our great sources and the story of Hannukah and Passover are things that our religion explains. At any rate, every year, we have to play a game of driedel after supper on the first night of Hannukah.

In a day and a half I will be on vacation until after the first of the year. This too is cause for celebration as although I have always loved my work, my restructured duties are boring in the extreme and I no longer look at the work before me with enthusiasm as I feel I have become a data entry clerk. No slams at data entry clerks, it is just that my duties were more far ranging and interesting to me previously. But my new employers like to compartmentalize and I drew the data box I guess! LOL

But in the midst of the December crazies, I read a post last night from a friend far off in TX. They have recently moved there and his wife just had a very serious heart attack and is in a coma. I can't imagine being in a new location, without even a permanent address yet, and having my soul mate so ill. It makes complaining about data entry petty, and the gift of my December bustle even greater.

On Dasher On Dancer!

2011-12-20T03:24:00.000-08:00

The above reindeer "danced" to the holiday party that the littles had at dance class on Saturday. I saw this idea in a magazine last year and KC really wanted to do it. Of course it was a December magazine that I read in February or something, so we had to wait awhile! The timing for us was not so great. Lissa's birthday on the 16th adds a layer of excitement and busy-ness to an all ready frenetic holiday season. And the kids really wanted to help. Which is a GOOD thing and I did not want to say, "oh I am going to do it" just to get it done quickly. So I sucked it up and over 2 nights, these dear deer's (sorry I could not resist) were created.

The first night KC and Lissa rolled out the dough and I cut the shapes o ut of a paper template that I drew. KC also took heart shaped pretzels and broke them to make the antlers. After Lissa's party, KC and Rob helped me dab on frosting and secure the eyes, nose and antlers. Truly they were the hit of the dance parties and watching KC pass them around carefully on a holiday tray was another sweet moment.

Out Takes

2011-12-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

I reminded my wife that we really needed to get our cards out and could she pleeez pretty pleez do the holiday pic of the tribe? She really does better than I do, partly as she can take lots of shots quickly. I am not so speedy and I either miss the great shots or the kids understandably wander off to do something a lot more interesting than watch me mumble about why is the flash not working. LOL These shots are all the out takes--there are about 25 out takes and with rare exceptions I thought they were almost better than the final shot that we wound up using. The personalities of our kids came through in all of them and I love that. Love Miss Lissa here, stylin' for the camera, for instance.

And this one is cute too. See that bear? That bear is A*von's Hip Hop Randy and if his battery runs down before Dec. 25th, it will not be replaced until next December! LOL Blake, our pooch looks fairly long suffering in this shot. I don't think he is rocking the bow Rob put on him!

I love KC in this shot and Lissa too, but I wanted more of her face if I was sending the shot to people who we rarely see. And Rob's smile is great but he is looking at his brother and not the camera. And Blake had disappeared. But you can see a bit more of Lissa's sparkly red dress. It was her gift from Fiona last year and she wanted to wear it for the picture. Fi was really excited to hear that.

What I love about this and most of the other shots also is that Chet really looked relaxed. I don't know if it was the time of day, the fact it was by the tree or the red cowboy hat I bought him at the party store. But he really took great shots. Oh and in this shot it looks like Lissa is trying to squeeze hip hop Randy's brains out! LOL And I suppose some days as I try to get everything done leading up to the holidays I feel a bit like someone is trying to squeeze my brains out too!

Holly Jolly Hectic!

2011-12-13T03:12:00.000-08:00

I am so behind where I usually am at this point in the holiday season that it is staggering! I have all the gifts, that part is good. But I don't have stocking stuffers. Nor have I written a single Yule card. I know some people hate cards, but I love them. I usually have mine ready to mail for the first week in December. This year we have not even managed the kids holiday picture. I took a great shot but it was too blurry, then a rash of sickness made taking pictures not possible. Hopefully we can try and do that today.

We also have a lot of piece work to do at night right now. We never want to say no to that as money is always needed and if you say no, then some other worker looks like they care a lot more than we do. We consistantly say "yes" so are usually one of the first workers called. But that means that I have also not had time to wrap anything because I have been doing the piecework at night.

K is trying to find time to make the cookies that we give to friends and vendors. . . And Lissa's birthday is this Friday! Hard to believe that she is going to be 5. We went and got her party decorations last night. December is also a hard month for her having the hype of both Yule and her birthday in the same month. I ~~think~~ hope she will handle it better as she gets older but right now, the fever pitch that inevitably results, leads to lots of meltdowns.

I know it will get done somehow. Things always do.

2011 Family Mural

2011-12-11T13:49:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year! Time for the annual Yule mural to go up in our dining room. KC came up with the idea this year of creating a gingerbread themed picture. This may partly have been because he was a gingerbread boy in his dance recital this past spring. He had kept the head piece and we all had to have our pictures taken wearing it to adorn the painted gingerbread bodies that K created! We used a lot of foam stickers to decorate the gingerbread house and the trees. They are quick and easy and add cool dimension. Plus kids of all ages can do it. Above is the house with K in the door way.

Here is Fiona riding a sled full of presents down a hill. I had to get a bit creative with Fi's pic as she was not here to have her picture taken with the required head gear. Thank goodness for computers that make such magic possible! LOL

Chet and Rob gingerbread people decorating a big tree. You can't see Rob's gingerbread person quite as clearly as I would like but he has plaid pants painted on his gingerbread body. Plaid pants are his new "cool" fashion statement so we made sure to incorporate them. Chet is tangled in silver garland and wearing a candy cane as an earring. Chet is famous for using unusual things as earrings, so this also, sort of celebrates his personality.

Next Friday is Lissa's birthday and we are going to put a temporary flag on the back of Fiona's sled (or possibly a fake balloon) that says Happy Birthday Lissa.

Long Ramble about Adoption

2011-12-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the stars align or something and a thing in my life that I had planned to write about sort of winds up the topic on a blog I read and I start to hear music from the Twilight Zone! LOL Tonight I was thinking a lot about adoption. Partly because December is the month Chet came home to me. December is the month Elisabeth was born and came home to me. December is the month I met Rob for the first time. It is Fiona's birth month and the month I met her for the first time. KC is the lone spring guy in my tribe. But recently, most of my adoption thoughts have centered on Rob.

I know how hard adoption is during the teen years. Being a teen is hard enough. Being an adopted, transracial teen of lesbian white women??? And yet, (and understand that I am knocking wood here) Rob seems to be growing into a comfortable place as a teen that he didn't have as a young child.

I am not crediting this to some fantastic thing I have done as a parent. I suspect it has a lot to do with Rob and how he approaches things slowly and deliberately and when he reaches a decision it has really.been.made.

But I do know that I have done all I could to try and make the space for making those decisions as comfortable as they can be, and for him to always know that he is deeply loved, always, no matter what. There have been a lot of times when I have felt that I cared far more about first family connections than he did. He would be unresponsive during phone calls or visits. He would not write to first family members. Once I managed to convince a variety of aunts, cousins and siblings that I was not holding him apart from them intentionally, we wound up working things out. They let a relationship develop between me and them, so that at least they knew what was going on in Rob's life. And I passed on what was going on in theirs in a casual, off hand manner that he seemed most able to accept.

Eventually, as a younger teen, I was able to tap into his love of the electronic age and through social media was able to re-connect him with some family in that manner.It was pretty stilted at first, and i am not a saint. I worried that something would be said that would hurt him. But just like I can't wrap him in bubble wrap when he skateboards, I can't wrap his heart in bubble wrap either. I just need to be there for him when it happens.

And the point of the ramble, is that the evolution continues. Tonight, Rob shared with me a picture of a hair style that one of his cousin's did on her daughter. When I said i wished Lissa would sit for something like was was shown, he quickly typed it to his cousin and then showed me her response. There was a naturalness to it all that spoke of the way we have smoothed out jagged edges and worked to heal. I mentioned to Rob that one of his cousins might be at our next visit with Fiona and he said he knew. I said I have never met this cousin before and I was looking forward to it. I asked if he remembered her. He said not really, but he thought she loved to wear a lot of red, like I do. We are all more connected than we give ourselves credit for. Adoption really requires that we honor those connections--those blood connections of our children, connections of culture, the whole gamut. I'd like to believe that when we do, we can truly facilitate a healing from the trauma that adoption also is for all our children. I don't want a scab over an infected sore. I am shooting for a healthy healing, and yes, I know there will be a scar. We all have them and I can't get rid of those either.

And the Twilight Zone connection? Tonight I read one of my favorite blogs written by an adult adoptee and she had posted a letter written by another adult adoptee. Read it, if you are an adoptive parent. Actually, I think you should just read it. Because none of us know where our lives will take us and whose hearts we will touch in the course of living. You'll find it here

A sweet tradition continues!

2011-12-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

K and the kids have been working on our annual Yule mural. This year, they decided to make a gingerbread house and all of us as gingerbread people. It isn't quite done yet but it is going to be sooooooo cute! This weekend when the kids and I were whirling through the local craft store like a tornado, we found some cute stick on accents--pretend candy, felt presents, that kind of thing. It will really look nice and the other cool thing is that it will not be hard to decorate around that for Miss Lissa's birthday on the 16th. I love this particular holiday tradition of ours because everyone gets involved, and everyone is represented in the mural somehow.

I have also been doing some research for our New Years tradition as the concensus seems to be to celebrate German style. Which is funny as I actually have German heritage in me and other than loving a good beer, I have no idea how Germans celebrate anything! (well I know there is a lot of brautwurst and such also but as a vegetarian I'll be working around those parts of my heritage!) Rob came back with this idea after visiting a cultural fair with his girlfriend and the rest of the gang seem to have bought in.

All I want for Christmas is . . .

2011-12-06T03:24:00.000-08:00

KC and Lissa wrote letters to Santa when we went to the Holiday Stroll. This was not a surprise, they wrote letters here at home. Letters to mail to him detailing their holiday dreams. Letters to leave with the cookies on Christmas Eve. letters because they thought he might be lonely--Santa gets a lot of mail from our home.
Thus I have been pretty sure I knew what was in their hearts and minds for holiday gifting.

Imagine my surprise when KC wrote on his letter to Santa "a new waffle iron!" LOL

Yup. About 4 months ago our waffle iron died. We used to use it almost weekly but it is hard (and pricey) to find a waffle maker that does 6 waffles at a shot. There are a LOT that make 4, but for 6, not really. So I put it off. We sort of switched to pancakes and texas french toast or eggs and home fries for the breakfast for supper meals. I guess KC was really missing those waffles. Thanks to the magic of the internet, Santa will come through!

You have to laugh!

2011-12-05T14:19:00.000-08:00

Chet and Kirsty had a rather large disagreement the other day. Both were still annoyed when I got home from work and I tried to negotiate the minefield of the evening; supporting both of them in their respective positions without setting anyone off again.

K's perception is laudable but the reality of it is not the most emotionally supportive for Chet. She believes that she needs to keep pushing him to try his best, to do better than he presently is and the most recent disagreement concerned handwriting. She made him rewrite a blog post that he had written for me to input for him on his book and movie reviews. Chet was angry and the second effort didn't look any better. For me personally, I don't see fighting over this. He had OT in school for 6 years with no discernable improvement and I have never been able to easily read his handwriting. When I do the blog entry he reads his notes to me and I type what he dictates.

At any rate, I started cleaning up from supper and Chet announced that " I was much the kinder parent, though far more simplistic."

From my autistic son, this is a compliment. Because I know he uses the english language a bit differently from the rest of us, I asked what he meant. (OK I will confess; I laughed and asked if that meant I was nice but simple minded.) He said no, he meant that I was kind and I didn't nit-pick.

It takes being willing and able to look beyond what is said and done sometimes when communicating with my Chet. He truly has a heart of gold, but such a hard time sharing his thoughts in a way that makes sense to the rest of the world. I tried to explain that Mom was just trying to help him work a little harder on some life skills because it would make things easier for him later on. But I do know that I see the situation differently; that there are things he probably has maxed out in ability wise and that is why I don't push. I figure if 25 years of skill building and intensive work on a behavior hasn't worked beyond a certain point, we have likely reached the limit of his ability to adapt and learn to that specific situation.

Maybe I am letting too much slide; I guess there will be no way to know until a lot further down the road. In the mean time, I'll go on being my simplistic self!

A shoebox full of joy

2011-12-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

It takes a special brand of ~~insanity~~ fortitude to take my whole tribe shopping at once! But I pretty much have it down to a science and though I am sure the various retailers are thrilled to see us leave, we do get through the stores for holiday shopping with minimal issues.

It is hardest of course, for Chet, who is over stimulated by the flashing lights, the music, the crowds, essentially ALL of Yuletide. Lissa is kind of up there too in the easily stimulated arena, but Rob and KC are thankfully not. Todays shopping trip focussed on birthday and Yule gifts for Fiona, Christmas gifts for K from the older boys, gifts for the "Shoebox Project" at church and the supplies KC needed for a gift he wanted to make for K for Yule. I like to take it in small chunks when I do this holiday thing, don't I? LOL

We tackled Fiona's gifts first and found pretty sweaters, a fancy hoodie with faux fur around the hood, a sparkly scarf and some cute jewelry. Those were all fine, but KC was determined to get her a locket because he felt she should have a picture of us from one of our visits that she could always wear close to her heart. The only locket we could find that fit his vision (it HAD to be heart shaped and it HAD to be silver) was more than I would ever normally have a sibling spend. But the sincerity of his desire to do this and the maturity of seeing what she would need outweighed the fact that his piggy bank sure did not have this much cash in it. He can pay me in chores and I know he will. We got the locket and now we have to figure out how to shrink one of our pictures down and print it for inside of it.

We did K next and that went pretty easily. Oh and I also was (you can laugh here) helping Chet buy his gift for me. Chet and K have been oil and water these days and with his aforementioned over-stim situation, it seemed better for me to do this. He doesn't stress me out the way he does K. I set some guidelines by showing him 3 things I liked and then told him to make his decision from those things and pay for it while I was elsewhere so that I would not know his final decision. My goal in this was to try and make sure I did not get another 3X hoodie since I am a size 5! LOL I asked Rob to circle back and check on things when I was not in the aisle and he did and reported that all went well.

Once we got back together it was time to buy gifts for an 8 to 12 year old boy who is in a shelter in Maine. Rob spent Columbus Day weekend there with our church youth group and bonded with an 8 year old boy there. In Rob's mind, we were buying for that particular boy. I have not a clue that he will actually receive our specific box, but didn't honestly feel that I needed to burst that bubble for Rob. I think he thinks a lot about that boy and that he weighs on his heart a bit. If it helps Rob to believe he gets this box, so be it. And who knows, maybe he will. We all picked out things for the box. It is fun to see how much we can fit in a shoebox. We fit, craft scissors, glue sticks, glitter sticks, crayons, markers, 2 pair of gloves, a card game of pictionary, a game called Toss Up, Silly Putty, clay, a Transformer, and an action figure. I figured out last year that you fit the most things by taking everything out of its cardboard and shrink wrap and packing in that way. I loved watching the kids all take part in deciding what to get and knowing that someone will have a brighter Christmas because of what we did.

From there we went to get printer ink because we need to take the kids holiday picture so I can mail out my cards. I tried to take their picture when we got home and either I was VERY jittery after taking them all shopping or the anti wiggle feature got turned off by a gremlin again. (I suspect the latter as the kids all use the camera as well.) I could have screamed as it was a cute shot, but it is way too unfocussed.

Then we went to the craft store and I scored a couple of craft kits for Fiona and KC got the suppies to make his gift for K. He literally has drawn out diagrams of what he wants to make for people and he sat down and did hers the minute we got home. The kid amazes me.

Actually, they all amaze me. They give freely of their hearts and their talents and that is all any mom could ask for.

Strollin' in the Holiday

2011-12-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was our community's annual Holiday Stroll. This is such a fun event. For the afternoon, there is almost a small town feel to our mid sized city as businesses throw open their doors and invite the public in for cookies, hot cocoa, crafts etc. Because we live only a half mile from town, I always walk the kids down. Traffic gets blocked off and pedestrians wander at will through the various shops, displays and events.

Usually the weather is not too cooperative. Last year it was frigidly cold and i remember explaining to Lissa that I would not stand in line in the cold for 45 minutes so she could ride a pony. LOL The year before that we had slushy snow and rain. This year, the goddess graced us with blue skies and mild temps. Also, having done the stroll for a bunch of years now, I have a feel for how the events generally will run (there is some variation year to year but also some standbys). This helps me hit the things that seem to matter most to the kids.

The first thing we did was head to the bakery that gives out free cookies. Except KC remembers that they make a cookie he adores that is of course, not free. So we bought that, and a cupcake and some kind of chocolate confection. Then we got in line for face painting and watched the Christmas parade go by while we were in line. From there, we wrote holiday messages to soldiers, letters to Santa, visited with Santa, played an indoor snowball fight, We watched chestnuts being roasted, heard carols being sung, and bought some hand made jewelry for gifting.

Nearly three hours went by in the blink of an eye and suddenly the sun was low in the sky and it was time to walk home. I baked frozen pizzas in the oven and we had a 'dinner theater" in our living room watching a children's holiday movie. Doesn't get better than that!

Saturday doings

2011-12-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

Well Rob is officially hired on at the local wildlife museum and starts next Sunday afternoon. He seems excited and I am glad that there was an interview process to help him get used to how that feels. In another bit of good news, one of his youth group friends also volunteers there and we will be able to share transportation chores which is a huge benefit to us.

KC officially has 3 dance classes on Saturday as the new jazz class was a go and this was the first Saturday for that. He loves it and loves the music they use in the class. He doesn't know that he will have a second number in the recital and I have neglected on purpose to share that with him. LOL

We leave in a few minutes to go to our town's Holiday Stroll. Vendors, and crafts, food and music. It is a fun way to spend the afternoon, though it leaves me racing through my chores tomorrow after church. But this is a kind of busy that I enjoy. It is a wealth of experiences that build memories and knit us ever more closely together.

Feeling Blue

2011-12-01T17:39:00.000-08:00

I am blue today. That is fairly unusual for me; I usually brim with optimisim. I don't know what the deal is. Work seems overwhelming. Being away from my office for a whole week was a classic good thing/bad thing. I know it is healthy to relax and decompress, but then I literally have to spend a whole week revving myself up to the go-go-go pitch that is my work speed these days. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I have a job. I enjoy the industry I work in. But the work load has probably easily tripled and it is very hard to figure out what is the "hot" action item in a sea of seemingly all "get it done now" projects.

It is also December 1st and it was on December 1st 14 years ago that we found out my MIL had terminal cancer. I will never forget the hysterical sobs as my wife called me at work and choked out the news. I will never forget how helpless I felt in the whole situation. Helpless is another one of those things I don't do well. I like to fix. I like to be orderly and yes, in charge. Don't ask for much in life do I?

So whatever the cause of the blahs tonight I am determined to think of the positives. Because there are a lot of them. Like Rob, who is pictured above. Rob who is out on his second date with a really nice young woman he met at our church youth group. She is his first real girl friend and he has fallen hard. He is growing up so much these days. Saturday he interviews for a volunteer position at a local natural history museum. He is stepping out and testing his wings and I love that!

And there are KC and Lissa who dance and sing and perform their little hearts out every evening after supper. Who can remain blue when someone is tap dancing in the front hall of their home with a large fake candy cane as a prop?

And Chet. Sometimes it is hard to know when you have made an impact with Chet. Autism blunts many of his responses so it is hard to know what he is doing because he memorized that "this" was the appropriate response to "that" situation. But yesterday he spoke with me about things we did at Yule when he was little. It was just neat to me that he remembered.

My wife. Who cheerfully drove my teen to a city 30 minutes away for his date tonight.

I have a lot to smile about. And tomorrow is Friday. . . see me grin!

Loss

2011-12-01T03:25:00.000-08:00

Death has brushed past me in my life the past two days. Not in a personal way, but taking people I knew, and I hate that. In both cases, the people involved are individuals I knew from my work. The first one, made choices regarding substance abuse that ultimately took her young life. It is sad. She is not the first of her family to do this and it is chilling to me to leave children behind because of that choice. I knew her before her demons ran her life and she was sweet and cheerful and caring.

Then just yesterday, another individual passed away from an unexpected medical problem that required immediate surgery. Talking with her shattered adult daughter was one of the hardest things I have done. I remember her mom as one of the nicest people I have dealt with, cheerful in the face of adversity, hopeful and always always careful to make every appointment that we had.

It is never easy to lose someone, but losing them around the holidays is always the hardest. My heart goes out to their families.

Fiona Wants a Laptop

2011-11-30T18:57:00.000-08:00

I think Jane and the staff at the Great School in the City really wanted Fiona to forget about her dreams about a laptop. Apparently the dreams were originally inspired by a conversation with her social worker and have somehow morphed in her mind into us getting her a laptop for her birthday. In all reality I am not against helping her get a laptop. The stickler is that the school does not allow students on the school's internet network on their own computer. Therefore, there is no way that Fiona could surf the net on her own computer which was allegedly what she originally wanted to do.

When she called last night she brought it up again. I really feel that it is important to try and deal with what my kids want without pretending it doesn't exist. So I said "gee I bet if you had your own laptop you could use a cool art program like Kid Pix Deluxe and make some neat art for your room." Thankfully the suggestion inspired Jane who then asked Fi to help write a proposal of how she would care for a laptop if she got one, and also a list of what she wanted the laptop to do. Surf the net was NOT mentioned by my daughter. She totally glommed onto the art idea, and also added that she would like to be able to play and record music on it.

I was impressed by her ability to talk about what she really wants, to take some ideas that were different from her original idea and not freak out about it, and to really clearly articulate her vision. She has come so far.

We also have tentative plans to visit on Christmas Eve day and celebrate her birthday, possibly with a couple of her school chums joining us. I'll also bring her Christmas gifts and leave them with staff. As I told Jane later in an email, the conversation just felt good to me. Not just for what my daughter could say, but for the fact that both she and Jane wanted me to be part of hte conversation. It was a "mom" moment and I was one proud mom!

Walking and Singing a Holiday Tune

2011-11-28T17:43:00.000-08:00

I don't expect this is what was meant in the carol "The Little Drummer Boy!" I love watching my kids make music though. It lifts my spirits even when it is discordant, loud, or when I have a migraine. And it isn't always loud or discordant, just sometimes! LOL

Tonight was amazingly warm for November in our region. After supper we walked through the darkened neighborhood looking at some of the houses that have all ready got holiday light displays up. (ours is one of them) It isn't normally pleasant walking in the dark in November around here. Usually there are chill winds and sometimes icy patches underfoot that worry my wife. But tonight was a bit of a gift from the goddess. The clouds danced away and we saw Luna, a lovely crescent moon shining down on us. We sang carols as we went up and down the streets (Rob laughing at the antics of the littles--I refuse to believe he was laughing at the singing of his parents!) It was only about 10 or 15 minutes, but it was a magical moment at the end of a day that was less than stellar.

Reality Check

2011-11-28T03:17:00.000-08:00

It is a good thing we made a pre-cooked gingerbread house this year. The kids and I decorated this on one of the days I had a migraine. They had a blast and I had very little to do other than open containers of decorations. A good thing as that same day I made a raspberry cheese cake. Last night I went to cut the same and serve for dessert, only to find that I left out the sugar! Seriously, I always pride myself on living life regardless of the darn migraines, but clearly i have to cross making cheesecake off the list of things I can accomplish when in the throes of one! LOL

It is back to the work world today. It is going to be a readjustment for the kids. Back to school work and back to only K at home. The littles were all ready mourning this last night. I did point out that at the end of December I have some more time off so that helped a lot.

Rob is starting to think of his future beyond our home. This is a big step for all teens, more so for kids who come from traumatic pasts. For many years he has steadfastly refused to think of anything he liked or showed aptitude for that was plausible. His life goals were things like "win a million dollars" "play for the Patriots" and I forget what else. This year he began talking about moving to Italy as an adult. I asked him jokingly yesterday if that was so he didn't have to help schlep 19 boxes of holiday decorationis from the attic. He replied that great chefs live in Italy. (I am sure they live elsewhere too but I am not voicing that!)

So for the moment, he is interested in a culinary career and we can research that further if he feels interested and not threatened by it. And I told him I loved the idea of him moving to Italy as I would have the opportunity to have kicking European vacations. We both laughed.

Holiday Decorating

2011-11-27T09:54:00.000-08:00

The holiday elves have been busy at our home and it glistens in a most festive way! I'll try to post pics of various decorations and displays in the next few days so that one post doesn't get billions of pics and get hard to load. This is one of our new holiday decorations. She is an angel that I got from A*on and she is really lovely. The reason she does not top our tree is because her fiber optics are battery operated with the button concealed in a most un-angelic place and this would be hard to turn on and off at the top of a 7 foot tree! LOL

Ever since adopting black children I have been really conscious of making sure that my decorations reflect ethnic diversity. We have a really nice collection of black Santas, some AA angels (including the one above which KC has named Alarissa) etc. Well, last year when Lissa was, in her words, just a baby, she beheaded my tall, talking AA Santa. Decimated the poor guy. This year while looking through the A*on catalog the kids spied a new talking Santa and wanted it. But he is your classic white bread Santa. I said that I really wanted to replace our dearly departed Santa with another black Santa. Rob asked me why I was prejudiced against white Santas. ROFL Which of course I am not, but I am glad that clearly he is comfortable in his skin so to speak, and comfortable with the way race is addressed in our house that he could joke in that manner. And yes, we ordered White Bread Santa!

Over the Highway and thru the woods!

2011-11-26T12:33:00.000-08:00

As is often the way, a migraine descends when I have the least amount of time for it. Yesterday I had promised my mom that I would drive the kids and I up to see her. I woke about 2:30 a.m. with the early signs. I got up and took some aspirin and hoped. Woke up at 6:30 and it was still there. Crap. The only good thing is it wasn't a blinding migraine. I could see. I just felt crappy. But my mom is not feeling well, needing a CT scan on 12/5 so unless it was unsafe I was not going to bail. It was not dangerous to drive.

Migraines are such sneaky devils. They come often from the release of stress, or a change in eating or sleeping schedules. All 3 happened this past week so I sure was due.

The kids were so awesome. They helped navigate me up to Nana's. My direction sense is non-existant. And my wife is one who can drive anywhere and get you there 50 different ways. Thus it is hard for me to memorize directions as she rarely goes the same way twice. Over the years, I have given up the trying and just chat and relax if she is driving. LOL

My mom was so glad to see us. She has some type of thickening of her bowel wall and the CT scan is to allow the medical dudes to get a clearer idea of the scope of this and the cause. She has been in considerable discomfort from this for a long time, while they tried to determine the cause of the pain. Unfortunately at the same time that this all happened, her middle aged cat became ill and that has really added to her stress and anxiety.

At least for a few hours yesterday, both cat and Nana were entertained by silly knock knock jokes, art work, poems and games. We had lunch together and then eventually hit the road to get back home. My mom emailed me how very much it all meant to her. I know it meant a lot to all of us too.

Thanksgiving reminiscence

2011-11-24T14:10:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving. While I understand my wife's position that every day should be a thankful day and one day devoted to thanks, eating and football is not necesssary, I respectfully disagree. I adore thanksgiving. I love the coming together of family. The jokes, the noise the hubbub. I love polishing the flatware that my mother in law got in Thailand many years ago when they were stationed there. I love polishing my mom's silver candlesticks and tenderly washing my grandmothers serving bowl. I love decorating a pretty holiday table and adding our things--pretty napkin rings and the dinnerware to those things that have come down through the generations.

It's not so much about the food for me, honestly. Lots of the food is stuff I would not eat. Yams that have been tortured in syrup in a can don't rock my world. But for my brother in law, who I love dearly, they ARE thanksgiving and must be present! Turkey is something I have not eaten in about 25 years. But I'll walk a mile for my own home made parker house rolls and I am guessing the rest of those gathered would too as there were only 2 left at the end of the meal!

I love watching the kids hanging out with aunts and uncles and their Pop Pop . Rob sharing his music, KC cracking jokes, Chet chiming in and Miss Lissa being the diva princess as only a 4 year old girl can be. I feel very blessed.

Preparing for Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T07:57:00.000-08:00

At the moment, my various holiday preparations are under control and I can sort of kick back a little. It has been (for me at least) a fairly relaxing couple of days. I have slept in--till 6:30 two days running. That is an unheard of event as a general rule. And this morning because it was dark and rainy out the kids did not want to get up right away. Instead we snuggled in my bed and told silly knock knock jokes till after 7!

I have polished all the flatware and the candlesticks, located the tablecloths for ironing, gotten my recipes together,made place cards with KC, cleaned and spiffed our spare room, done all the ironing and several loads of wash. Like I said, laid back, Lee style! Tonight I'll make the rolls and set them to cool rise in the pantry.

In a couple hours my SIL will arrive. She usually comes the day before Thanksgiving and we hang out together. She feels overwhelmed by all the talking and noise on Thanksgiving day so this is kind of her special time with us. K is all ready feeling overwhelmed by the hubub that will ensue and will go to yoga tonight to rest and recharge. She also will stay home when we journey on Friday to visit my mom.

Sometimes the differences in our parenting are wildly apparent and sometimes we are so in synch we could be one person. I personally feel that teens are supposed to give a little back talk. It is how they start to separate and how they figure out when it is okay to do that and when it is not. K, um, not so much. Last night she got into it with the older boys because she called our kitchen island a square and Rob pointed out to her (quite correctly) that it was a rectangle. Truly I have a hard time not laughing at that. He wasn't rude or swearing and dang it, he was correct! Maybe because I teach the math portions of homeschooling that matters to me. Geometry is so much easier to grasp when one knows ones shapes! LOL

But at any rate, between her sinus infection and not loving Thanksgiving in general, I think K needs a break. So Friday the troops and I will set off to visit my mom (who is not feeling well and also has an ill pet that is causing her immense worry) and we will cheer her up. Because silly knock knock jokes, crazy kids and pizza just kind of do that!

Fiona post visit

2011-11-22T15:52:00.000-08:00

Jane called tonight as Fiona opted out of her phone call. I am noticing (bit slow on the uptake but I did notice!) that this seems to be a pattern after we visit. I wonder if it is so painful saying goodbye that she can't face talking on the phone right afterwards? Jane said she did pretty well after we left. She had a therapy session scheduled and spent the first part of it doing lots of loud, chaotic drumming in the expressive arts studio, but was able to gradually move from that to playing the marimbas and then to playing the maraccas with the therapist. She didn't try to harm herself or others, she didn't destroy property, so it was all good to both Jane and I.

Jane is frustrated that Cousin N has floated out of the picture again with no explanation or contact. She is not returning calls and no one knows if something horrible is going on in her life. Fiona is always impacted negatively by this, and it is so hard to decide if the positives of first family contact outweigh the fall out when this seems to inevitably happen. I realize that I am a bit over the top about consistancy but I know too that my daughter needs constant proof that we are not going anywhere.

Jane seems to feel that it is reasonable for us to work toward unsupervised visits which is HUGE to me. I explained to Jane that I have felt terrified of angering a social worker and losing the contact we did have. Jane said I was not to worry and that she felt that the powers that be would be more than supportive. I explained that when Fiona was moved far from us and I was begging for her to be closer for visiting to continue that I was told by the social worker then that this was a dollars and cents move and I had no legal rights and had to basically put up and shut up. Jane did not know that part of the story, it was years before Fi wound up at the Great School in the City.

But hopefully after the holidays (which historically are trauma trigger days for Fiona) we can get some concrete plans to work on this. And now. . . back to the regularly scheduled Thanksgiving preparations.

Even More Thankful!

2011-11-21T18:29:00.000-08:00

I think I wrote a few weeks ago that Rob's sister Krystal had disappeared from the Internet. We used FB as our primary contact and suddenly she wasn't active there. In fact she didn't show up on his friend list or mine so we figured she had deleted her account. It was especially upsetting as we were trying to send her birthday greetings and I could tell that Rob was really upset that she was MIA.

I had an email addy that I sent a note off to but heard nothing back. Today when I went on line I saw her up on the friend list again so I fired off a quick greeting right away. Told her we really hoped her birthday was as special as she was and that we were thinking of her and wishing her a happy thanksgiving. She all ready wrote a short post back so I am feeling doubly blessed tonight!

Giving Thanks in the Big City

2011-11-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

Today we went to the Big City to spend Thanksgiving a couple days early with my daughter Fiona. She was so surprised to see us. Even with a mouthful of food, doesn't she look lovely? (please excuse doting mom comment!) She was so surprised to see us and so, so happy! In the past, being surprised would have meant that she couldn't hold her behavior together. Much like my Chet, the more she wants a situation, the less able she has been to handle it. Today, she shone. We had dinner together--though us vegetarians had to stock up on the sides. We were introduced around to her friends and peers. I met her new social worker, Ms. S. Always good to know the players. She seems pleasant and hopefully saw how much we love each other and will be supportive should I need her assistance.

After dinner, Fiona really wanted us to play basketball. She wanted Rob to have a shoot out contest with another student. While I am sure Rob would have enjoyed that, the gym did not have basketball hoops up at the moment. We would have to play that outdoors. Which was not on my list of things to do as it was chilly and with the littles getting over the various cruds that have beseiged our home it was not a plan. Again, deferring something she had in her mind would never have flown in the past. This time, though she was clearly disappointed, she was able to accept that we couldn't do it now, but we could do it at some point in the future. Huge huge progress. Instead, we played our version of volley ball in the gym. They had a net up and we used a light playground ball. The only rule was you could not kick the ball, anything else pretty much was okay. LOL We started playing and it was a blast. Gradually, her peers and classmates came in and began to join in until by the time we were done there were probably 12 kids plus us playing. Kids swapped sides periodically, but there was no fighting or problem of any kind. Ms. S. the social worker just stood in the background taking it in. I gave everyone a 10 minute warning and a 5 minute warning and then at 1:30 I called a time out so that we could say goodbye to Fiona. Lots of hugs and smiles and we left her continuing the game with her friends. For me, it doesn't get better than that!

Hair Time

2011-11-21T05:20:00.000-08:00

I suspect there was a time when I would have never put these pictures on my blog. Hair with a capital H is a big deal. Not just to me but within the black community and I feel a huge responsibility for my daughter to have healthy hair, in attractive styles and to embrace her hair in its natural state. Don't set small goals for myself do I? Add to this mix the fact that I can't do diddley with my own hair, and you have a recipe for angst!

I spent untold hours on YouTube, reading blogs, and researching natural hair products that would help Lissa's hair to be as healthy as possible. And initially it was not all that hard. For some reason as a baby and toddler, she was easier about having hair done. Sitting for an hour or so while I braided, twisted or styled was fine. Lulled me into a false sense of security the wee wench did, because once she turned about 3.5 she started resisting hair time. It wasn't that it hurt. It was that it was time she had to SIT. And my daughter is not a "sitter." She is a perpetual motion machine and asking the machine to remain in stasis for an hour or so--doesn't go over well. Styles of necessity became simpler, because I really do not want hair time to be tears time. And Lissa's hair is wonderfully thick and tightly kinky and coiled, so I likely will never be super fast at any style. It is long too, when it is wet it stretches midway down her back.

I also learned that it was OK to embrace a little fuzzies with her hair. Thank goodness for blogs like "Cherish my Daughter" who talks eloquently about not overworking her daughter's hair. Which is why I was brave enough to post a picture of my daughter's hair style after she spent the afternoon frolicing in the back yard and rolling around on the living room floor. Before church, this was a cute little mix of side twists in the front, and a french braid in the back that went to a low puff. After an active day? Not so much. But it was easy to smooth, finger detangle and band for sleep and will be easy to touch up for our trip into the big city today to spend the day with Fiona.

Catching My Breath!

2011-11-20T12:32:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks have been full. Full in both positive and negative ways. Watching my kids perform at a coffee house, watching my teen stretch and grow, watching my littles try new things. All good. But we have also battled some nasty health things lately--KC's sudden bout of pneumonia, Lissa's bronchial infection, K's cold. My mom has some health issues, as had K's dad. Work has been intense and the holidays approach bringing stress and joy in equal measures. Actually if I remember back to my sociology days, it is technically called "eustress and distress" but science has pretty well shown that regardless of whether we may enjoy the stressor, the result on our bodies is pretty much the same.

So that makes me thankful that I have vacation this week. A week to take things down a notch or two. Today after church I spent over an hour playing Wii fit with the gang and not thinking about work prep at all.If you knew me IRL, you would know that is very unusual.

I wish for all of us to have a bit of time to breathe, to find a moment of inner peace in whatever way works best for you!

Craving Simple

2011-11-19T13:44:00.000-08:00

With the holidays coming, things get complicated. Schedules. Plans. Even foods. They are fancier. Richer. To be sure I look forward to them, but I also love simple foods. Tonight was beans and rice. Doesn't get much more simple than that, but I had seconds of the goodness; the beans having simmered in sauce for hours while we made Thanksgiving decorations for our big picture window.

And I think, that is sort of the answer to the holiday crazies. Finding the balance that allows me to not lose sight of the simplicity that I love and that keeps me sane, and enjoying some of the "fancy" things that feel special and exciting.

Conversation with a teen

2011-11-18T14:28:00.000-08:00

(scene: teen on a computer looking at a social network site)

Teen: My friend said he broke his labia and can't go to the gym. What's a labia?

Me: (laughing inside) Why don't you google it.

(teen typing furiously. Reads definition on Wikipedia. Slowly a grin slips across his face.)

Teen: I guess he was joking.

You think? ROFLMAO

Holidays are important times together

2011-11-17T15:24:00.000-08:00

Someone I love and respect recently told me that they did not fully understand why I felt as I do about Fiona and the need to be with her at the holidays. To me, it comes down to a promise. I have always felt that when I signed on as a parent, that meant that I would be there, emotionally and physically when my kids need me. I'll agree that Fiona's case is complex. Legally, she is not my daughter. She gets better care and treatment maintaining her status as a ward of the state, much as I hate it. And numerous evaluations have indicated beyond a shadow of a doubt that her issues are far to complex for her to live safely and happily in a home environment. Even ours. (I am not being arrogant here. One eval listed us as her best possible option and even at that, the evaluater felt it was not safe or attainable.)

But people are more than the sum of their evaluations. They are more than the symptoms of their mental illness, and congition deficits. The fact that she is my daughter means I want her with her family on special days. I don't like thinking that she has a holiday dinner with whatever staff drew the short straw for a holiday shift, hanging out in the community room with the few other kids who don't have a home to go to. Fiona is always worried that she will drive us away with her behavioral outbursts. I keep assuring her that I have been here for 10 years and I am not going anywhere. But I think it takes doing things like being there for a holiday dinner to make that real in a child's mind. And my heart is painfully oblivious to the legalities of my ties to Fiona. It beats a drumbeat that all mothers hear; a song of worry,hope love and dreams for their child. When we are able to be together, there are harmonies and descants, joys and sorrows weaving through the song. Alone, it is a plaintive tune. I'm looking forward to descants and harmonies next week.

KC's really sick

2011-11-16T14:21:00.000-08:00

I try to be pretty laid back about childhoo illness. Kids get sick. It is just what happens. The wee elf came down sick Sunday and had a hacky little cough. Said cough quickly developed into this strangly sounding thing that was always bad at night, not so much in the day time. He has no fever and until today his energy was not impacted. Mine was (LOL) as I have been up an hour or two every night with him when the cough thing wakens him. He is very good about it but it was clearly frightening to him and he would clutch my hand or rub his foot up and down my leg as he lay in bed beside me.

Today we took him to the doctor to be sure it was just a heavy cold. And my poor little guy walked out with a dx of pneumonia. Sheesh! He has an antibiotic he despises but hopefully in a few days he will feel much better.

On the plus side, we talked with Fiona last night and we are very likely going to get to go to a Thanksgiving celebration that her school does. It is next Monday and I am taking some vacation time next week so this is totally doable I am so thrilled. It bothers me more than there are words in my vocabulary, that my daughter is not with us at holidays. The rational part of me can totally get that the hubbub of our home on Thanksgiving would not be therepeutic in any way shape or form, but the reality is, i worry always that she feels left out and unloved.

When I asked and found out that the school does this, was I ever eager to be there! I suspect 90 per cent of the food will not be food I can eat but I don't care. I'll be the most thankful mom there!

And sometimes, it's all good!

2011-11-14T18:26:00.000-08:00

Accidently or otherwise, we all have to have that ah-ha moment once in a while! Otherwise, we would not have the courage to keep parenting, to keep journeying into the uncharted forests of our children's lives and minds and walk with on the trek.

One of the things I work unceasingly on is being there for each other. This is a concept that is harder for some of my children than others. Some, by nature of their disability have trouble just understanding what that means. Feelings are mysterious, frightening and sometimes even irrelevant to that child. He does try to be present, but it is sort of "by habit." He learns that it is not acceptable to say "well you should not have done that" when a sibling falls down, but in a memorized data sort of way. Empathy is hard for him.

Others of my children experienced such early trauma that they are afraid that there will not be someone looking out for them. Even when years of constancy have shown otherwise, there is a kernel of doubt and fear. When will I show that I too can not be trusted to keep them safe.

But tonight, while I did the dishes, I set the youngest ones to making a turkey craft. Truthfully this was "Save My Sanity 101" as they both have colds and cranky is a bit of an understatement for their personalities at the moment! But they really got into their craft and they became cards. I suggested grandparents or godparents as the recipients. Lissa chose to send hers to her nana, but KC said his was for Fiona. He often makes a picture for her so that in itself is not surprising. But the message was:

Dear Fiona,
I made this card for you but we all love you and hope you and Jane and your whole school have a great Thanksgiving. Love. . . .(all our family names were then written) PS xxoo Without conversation, he knew that we should have all our names on that card so that his sister will remember that we love her even when we are apart.

Planning Yule Gifts

2011-11-13T05:12:00.000-08:00

I started shopping the other night. Fingers tapping across the keyboard; totally my way to shop. I have to finish the littles tonight and then Fiona is up next. Two calls ago she asked me if I would buy her a laptop. I always have a tough time with the logic and intelligent part of my brain vs the parental love connection in these instances.

I am not sure I can write this sensibly. If you have not lived this dynamic it may seem pretty cut and dried, and truly it is not. I know that my daughter has serious behavioral issues that likely mean that she would trash a lap top in a rage in short order. I know that without adequate supervision she probably can not even navigate a laptop successfully and get it to do what she wants it to do. I have bought her untold numbers of personal stereos, boom boxes, ipods and mp3 players over the year. I don't think any of them have lasted more than a couple of months.

If it was one of my kids who live here at home, it would be a no brainer. I would say they were not ready for the thing they were asking for and that would be that. But Fi is different. She is not with me day in and day out. The way she feels loved is through looking at her possessions. Through being able to say to a peer or a staff member: "My family gave me this." she feels loved and feels important. She looks to tangible possessions as proof of love and of the constancy of our presence in her life. And I get that. If I had the kind of life that my daughter has had, I think I would feel exactly the same way. There is also a level of parental guilt that I feel over Fiona. Part of me will always feel that I did not do enough, try hard enough or whatever with her. All the professional evals detailing the scope of my daughter's challenges are not enough to diminish that kernel of inadequacy that I always feel about her.

So the next thing I knew, the kids were in bed and I was cruising the internet looking for refurbished laptops. Which i found pretty reasonably. It would still be an expensive gift, but I could juggle things and make it happen. I did, in a moment of clarity, email Amazing Jane and tell her what I had found and ask her opinion and this week she called me.

She said that the situation is more complex and laid it out for me. The social worker is a good one and has not dropped the ball. Fiona has a chance to have a laptop. The problem is that the school has safety rules that preclude any student tapping into their internet network. Students are also prohibited from using social network sites because of a myriad of issues that make sense to me at one level and none at another. But it is what it is. So in reality, if Fiona wanted to download music or print a picture, she could not do it on her laptop. She would have to put it on a flash drive, go to staff and they would have to do this on the school server. Jane said the school has been reluctant to have this conversation with Fi because it will be hard. She will be angry and have behavioral issues and this time of year is notoriously difficult for her anyway. They are sort of being ostriches and putting their heads in the sand and hoping that she will forget about it.

And she might. This week when she called, she had her clothing sizes and wants clothes for Yule. Clothes I can do. And we share a love of fashion and a strong ~~addiction~~ passion for shoes and boots so this will be a lot of fun. I hope that when she looks at them she can feel how much I love her.

Saturday re-cap

2011-11-12T14:02:00.000-08:00

A dear friend and former coming of age mentor for Rob captured this picture of him at the coffee house last evening. I am so glad as my teeny little digital camera doesn't do well in low light situations and you can tell from the strings of white lights behind him that the light was less than ideal for a lower level camera.

Today was a busy day and predictably filled with spats from littles who were up way later than usual last evening. That they slept till nearly 7 a.m. didn't negate being out till after 10 p.m. LOL But I am willing to deal with whiny kid fall out because not only did both KC and Rob perform, but I have a really strong belief that families are whenever possible all there to cheer each other on. I want my kids to always have each others backs, and if they are not there to share the joys, how will they have the strength and courage to share the lows?

We did our shopping, our banking, made a trip to the laundramat to wash Rob's comforter and visited the library. Then we came home and I cleaned the kitchen and made an apple pie. We had a last minute invite for a play date for the littles but I begged off. I know I can handle them whiny, but I don't necessarily think others should have to! LOL

It was Observation Day at dance class. Once every 6 weeks or so the parents get to see what the kids have been working on. KC has freaked about this over the past 2 years. Today, didn't faze him in the least. He is so happy dancing. I love to see it. Miss Lissa on the other hand, has become "KC Number 2" as the dance teacher put it. Actually not as bad as KC though by a long shot. She cried for the first part of the Observation time but was able to cuddle with me for a bit and then go back for tap.

Tomorrow is church, and then Rob is volunteering at an ecology center with a friend until choir and youth group. I love that the kids are busy in such positive ways.

My heart sings!

2011-11-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

I can barely carry a tune but tonight was a delightful musical melange! Our teen youth group hosted a coffee house and there was the most amazing talent shared. From 6 year olds to senior citizens, there were all kinds of music shared. (and also a recitation of the poem "The Highwayman" which I remember making my mother read over and over to me when I was about 9 or 10 years old!)

I loved all the music, but I was mighty partial to two of the acts. KC and Rob both performed. The fact that KC performed willingly was enough of a gift, the fact that he was happy both before and after doing it, priceless. He played "The Bells of Michelmas" on his recorder and aquitted himself very well.

But Rob. Rob played a piece that he has written at his piano lessons with some assistance from his teacher. It is powerful and so beautiful. I have heard it once before on our keyboard here at home. I have got to get my son a piano. He has talent and the difference in sound and tone on the piano tonight vs our keyboard--well there is no contest. I can tell that all his teen passion and feelings go into his music and I am so grateful that he has this outlet to express himself in a way that is creative and positive.

At the intermission the teen choir director came up and shared with K and I how much the folks who work with the teen choir love him. She said he is the kind of student that music teachers dream of having. They are amazed that he has only studied piano about a year. He has an ability to accompany with percussion instruments and they have utilized him with a large drum (which he did tonight) and apparently also with shaker type instruments. Frankly I can't play music so much of what Rebecca was saying about his talent, I only dimly understand. That's okay! I can and am so proud of him and that's all I need to understand. And all Rob has to know too.

The night was further brightened by sharing the evening with our dear friends and the kids godparents, G and W. Special night. Special people. Special music.

Sleigh Bells Ring . .

2011-11-11T03:28:00.000-08:00

I started Yule shopping last night after the kids were in bed. Well most of the kids were in bed; Rob was still up watching the Bruins game. LOL I am so glad that most of my shopping can be done via the internet these days. It is so hard with our schedules and the ages of the kids to find time to sneak out to stores. So by my bedtime, Chet and Rob were done and Lissa and KC begun. I have to do KC and Lissa fully this weekend and I probably will hit stores for Fiona because I have all her clothing sizes and for that I can bring the kids with me.

I imagine that some super sale will happen the day after Thanksgiving and I would save big time had I waited. But we hope to take the tribe into the big city for a visit to an art museum that day and I have no intention of standing in lines at the crack of dawn on that day. There is no monetary value for having time together as a family!

Candy Art!

2011-11-10T03:56:00.000-08:00

Because I know everyone wonders what to do with the wrappers from all that Halloween candy. . . Because simply throwing them in the trash is so ordinary. . . I present an alternative. This is art made primarily from candy wrappers by KC. It is "Candy Land" in its most literal sense. He envisioned a factory that made the tootsie rolls and used bits of other wrappers to make the cars, the sun etc.

And this is mine (because I am so mature, right? LOL) Tootsie roll skyscrapers, a skittles garden, a farmer with fruit on his head a la Carmen Miranda and my especial fave--the starburst tree! Silly but fun!

The Eyes Have It

2011-11-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

Rob's eyes, that is. He has glaucoma, and was diagnosed very early in life. His pressure test was today and I am always a little crazy inside waiting to hear the results. Glaucoma is not curable, it is something you "manage." And management can have varying rates of success. Part of the success depends on early identification of the disease. We have that. Part of it depends on consistantly taking the meds. We have that covered too.

But there are variables we can't control that will impact his ocular pressure. Growth spurts, for instance can have an impact. There are other things too I suspect that doctors will find out in years to come. All I know is that I want my beautiful son with soulful brown eyes to be able to see the world.

Today, the pressure was slightly higher in one eye, though still within the parameters for normal. However for the first time ever, he could not see a light in one of the vision tests that they do. It is not anything dramatic as yet, but it is that little jab from the disease letting it know we need to stay vigilient and it is not giving up.

It is also a reminder to me how frustrating it is that we have so little medical info for our children. I know through conversation with Rob's extended family, that it is likely that his father has glaucoma. I don't know when it was diagnosed. I don't know how well it responded to treatment, or if any issues related to it have occured. I tried to get that information and was not able to. I wish I had those facts for my son. It might help the doctors. It might make Rob feel better about things. I have read on numerous adoption blogs how much it bothers many adult adoptees to write down that they have no medical history when they see a doctor. And I get that. But if you are the worry wort adoptive mom it isn't a whole lot of chuckles either.

Voices and Faces

2011-11-08T03:16:00.000-08:00

It really had nothing to do with November being the highly touted "Adoption Month." My kids have scrapbooks that I started from the day I met them. I have always tried to include as much information about their first family as I know. Rob is the luckiest in that regard, I have pretty comprehensive stories pictures and contact with extended family. KC has only one picture of his first mother Y. It was taken at the hospital and sadly, she is not even holding him in the picture. Maybe she did not want to. Maybe it would have hurt too much to.

She is wearing a sports team shirt for a team that both KC and I root for each baseball season. And I wrote what I knew below the picture. That she said she loved to write poetry, that she wanted to finish school. . . .

KC had asked to look at his first scrapbook--the kids have upwards of 3 or 4 now each depending on their ages. We opened it and looked a Y's picture and talked about his story. He looked up at me wistfully and said "I wish I knew what her voice sounds like."

I do too.

Changing before my eyes

2011-11-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

KC is an artist at heart but also has significant stage fright issues. He had to decide by this weekend if he would be in the recital this year. He put off the decision all week and woke yesterday all in a dither over it. "Oh this is the worst day of my life," he declared dramatically. "Heart Attack! Horror!" Seriously, this was a quote. Ate least I know his vocabulary is good. LOL

I said that he did not have to be in the recital. But that he had to understand that Lissa WANTS to be and he could not ruin the experience for her. Also he would not be able to hang out back stage with me, but he could absolutely enjoy watching the show with the family members who would be in the audience. He went away, deep in thought and an hour later told Miss Heidi at dance class that he would be performing.

Today at church I was purchasing tickets to the youth group coffee house this coming Friday. The sign up sheet for the acts was on the poster next to me. I saw KC writing something but truly did not know what he was doing as I was more focussed on writing my check. When I asked what he was up to I got a withering look and a "duh, signing up for the coffee house of course!" He apparently plans to play the recorder on Friday and allegedly will practice in front of all of us during the week so that he won't be feeling anxious! Go figure.

This and That

2011-11-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

KC decided he wants a blog and he has posted a few times. I do the scribing for him as his thoughts vastly outpace his abilty to keyboard at that speed. What impresses me though are the depth of his thoughts and the way he organizes them. Tonight when he came to me, he informed me that he wanted to do a series of posts about his family. First the girls, then the boys, and I would have to wait to see what the next part is! LOL Sometimes that kid cracks me up.

Lissa is on a high right now. Her class at church has fellowship duties and she gets to help in the kitchen. KC's class did this last month and her nose was oh so out of joint that big brother got to the kitchen before she did.

The older boys will spend tomorrow morning helping K with the leaves that have deigned to fall from the trees. Truly this is the weirdest fall I have ever seen. November and there are lots of trees still leaved? Really? In New England? More than passing strange I will tell you!

It felt good to center and have family time today. The work week is so high paced. I consciously take three deep breaths in my car before I drive off the site, endeavoring to leave any lingering angst or tensions there and not bring them home. But the blackberry keeps me in constant contact and I tend to work on it off and on throughout the evening. Mostly this is when everyone else is abed so at one level it is not a problem, at another level it does mean I never really put my job to bed. Which I suppose I should.

On the plus side, my tax refund finally arrived in my bank account today. So I will order Yule gifts asap. I also will be able to order our pellets and I splurged and got Lissa a new mattress and box spring to get her out of the toddler bed that she is way too big for, and a new sofa for our living room. It will arrive on Thursday. It is not fancy. I have 4 kids who think furniture is gym equipment. LOL But it will be new and it also has a sleeper thing inside for company. And it is not 20 years old and falling apart like what we have now!

Pity Party is Over

2011-11-03T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well truthfully it was over after about 2 hours yesterday. I can't really spend hours being morose over something like a promotion. I wanted it a lot. I felt qualified and excited about the challenge and changes I could envision. But it isn't happening. I had a shower, cried, and then wrote an email to the 3 people who met with me. I thanked them for taking the time to speak with me. Said that clearly I saw things differently but I respected their position and looked forward to continuing my professional growth. I almost immediately got a very nice email back from one of them. He said that he was very sorry about the delay (and he stressed delay, not denial) of the promotion. He has promised to support my professional growth and pointed to the fact that 3 other people under him have been promoted up. He said he believes in promoting from within and feels confident it will be in my future, just not right now. I don't know if it was salve or truth. I am operating on the latter because I really believe in trying always for the best and though I know humanity means I will miss the mark, I will always be better for having tried my hardest.

Happy Un-Halloween!

2011-11-03T17:22:00.000-07:00

Our city finally allowed trick or treating tonight so we went out for some spooky fun! The top photo is Chet, all dressed up as his version of Capt. Hook. He stands on the porch making "spooky" noises or tonight, hollering "Ahoy maties, come get your Halloween booty!" LOL It works pretty well as we had a record high of 67 goblins visit him. I love that we have found a way for him to participate in the holiday and enjoy it.

Here we have Black Zeus of Black Zeus Painting. I think it is the expressive eyes and smile that will get him the job. If I looked at the clothes that particular painter is wearing I might think he wasn't too attentive to detail! Rob came out with the littles and I. It is nice how many people give him candy as we walk. I think others see how kind he is being to the littles.

Then we have Peter Pan. Ready to fly! He is in love with how shiny his tunic is and the soft feel of the pants.

And we have Tinkerbelle. Lissa picked out the fabric for her costume herself. I think the wee princess has a good color eye. She felt the gold and green underskirt reminded people of the pixie dust!

We spent a good hour or so traipsing around. It was more dangerous this year as although there are no live wires down, the limbs of trees and such are all over the sidewalks and roadsides. Far more often than I would like we had to be walking in the road. But it was still fun and I was grateful Rob was there to hold either Lissa's or KC's hands (we kept switiching) because I felt they needed that extra help with the hazards.

Then we came home and the littles did the great candy swap. KC hates chocolate and gives all that to his siblings. In return, they give him any skittles, lollipops or starbursts. It is all very ritualized and different candy is worth more than another type of candy. I crack up listening to the haggling that ensues. It reminds me somehow of wizened old traders at a bazaar somewhere or something.

Job News

2011-11-02T14:31:00.000-07:00

Well in case anyone was waiting with bated breath, I will not be receiving a promotion any time soon. I had a great training session with a bunch of other people from other sites. It was helpful and even kind of fun. Then at 2:30 they pulled me out of the training for what I thought was my interview.

Only it was really so that they could, as kindly as they could, explain that there was no way in hades that they were promoting me. I do not have sufficient experience logged with the new company for them to feel confident in my skill set. They are happy that I want a promotion (????) and are in fact willing to allow me to continue taking trainings for this position. I did have to explain that due to my migraines I was really applying for this particular site. The site which has been my work passion and which is so close to my home that if I have a headache I know I will get home at the end of the day without killing someone on the road. They did not know I had migraines--which I guess is a testament to my work ethic. They understood, but it also means that if whoever they hire loves being a manager at this site that I am SOL.

I am sad, but am trying to look at this optimistically. I am not worse off than I was before. It is sad that they have so little faith in me but all I can do is be who I am and do what I do to the best of my ability. And I have a job when so many people don't.

But all that aside, it sucks.

Wish me Luck!

2011-11-01T15:01:00.000-07:00

I got a call from our corporate office after I got home from work today. I am at a training tomorrow and they have decided that after the training they will speak with me about my interest in the managers position where I work. Gulp. I am glad that I will at least have the chance to interview. I hope they see potential in me.

This was not the greatest of days at work. We were not told of a key policy of our new company and now, a mere 10 months later, it comes to light. Sheesh. When I said that no one had told us of this policy the response was "well I will just start treating you like a child." Yup. That inspires lots of confidence and faith in my abilities being recognized!

On the plus side (you know me, Pollyanna to the end!) I was told later on good authority that another superior (lots of chiefs in my line of work!) came to my defense, and I was also told that this was just one of those mis-speakings and not a sign of displeasure on the part of the person that said it. That they meant, they should remember to look at me as a neophyte in the company instead of automatically assuming that due to my years in the industry I would automatically know how this firm operates. I don't know if that is collossal cover up or not, but I am choosing to believe it. I want to have lots of positive energies and vibes going into tomorrows meeting and that won't happen if I don't believe in myself.

When should I push my kids?

2011-11-01T03:23:00.000-07:00

As anyone who knows my family or reads my blog, probably knows, my KC is a performer that is somewhat unique. He loves to perform but gets the most AWFUL stage fright. He has gotten through 2 recitals successfully though and has always been very proud of himself when he has accomplished this. Yet every fall when he asks to go back to dance, it is with the caveat that there will be no recital. Last year was pretty easy as his teacher did not want any costume money till January. So he had a longer span of time to find and groove there and ultimately to change his mind. This year however, his teacher needs the costume deposit this coming Saturday.

Lissa totally wants to be in the recital. KC is still adament that he does not. I truly am always at 6's and 7's about this kind of situation. I want my kids to stretch but I also don't want them to do something just because I want them to. I know in my heart that he is a good dancer who really enjoys the experience. (otherwise he would not be asking if we can try to add jazz to his repertoire of tap and ballet!) I worry that if I push him that he will decide not to take lessons because then he is not faced with this dilemma and that would be horrible. This is a kid who literally dances down deserted aisles of the grocery store every Saturday morning!

So what does a confused parent do? I explained it to the dance teacher and asked if she would talk with him next Saturday! LOL Can we all say cop out?

Halloween, Nature's tricks and remembrances

2011-10-31T16:52:00.000-07:00

This picture shows why there was no Trick or Treating in our community tonight! It may be Halloween but it is unsafe for people to be out. A freak "trick" by Mother Nature dumped more than 16 inches of heavy wet snow on the region. Lots of downed wires, (we were without power from 10 p.m. Saturday to 2:30 a.m. Monday) downed limbs and slippery roads. So trick or treat is Thursday, but we pagans celebrate Halloween even if we don't go out and snag candy! LOL

A spooky supper is a holiday tradition that can happen regardless. Here is Spooky Lissa. . .

. . .and KC lurking behind a chair

Rob grins beside the top part of a wiches hat that the kids made out of a pink camo handkerchief, a foam cone and a cardboard circle painted black!

We had spooky pizza decorated with cheese "spiderwebs" delish sugar cookies artfully decorated as pumpkins and ghosts. Truly I should have taken a picture but we were too busy munching. And our beverage of choice--Kool Aid Fizzy Lemonade, aka "swamp water punch!"

For me, at a deeper level, this is a night of remembrance. I believe the veil between the worlds is thinner on this night and I feel the love of those who have gone before more closely. When my kids are abed, I light a candle and have a quiet ritual time of my own.

For my Rob it is also a time of remembrance. His sister Krystal has a birthday just a day or two before Halloween. Due to our power outage we could not wish her happy birthday on line on her day. When he went on tonight, her Facebook account which is our means of connection, appears to be gone. I could see the sadness in his eyes. I gave him the personal email that I had for her, but I don't know if that works or not. Krystal was the sister he was the closest to in his first family. I often wonder if a part of him is angry that we let her go to Cousin N because we could not guarantee her safety if Fiona stayed in our home. I wonder if that anger is directed towards us, or toward Fiona. Or himself, for feeling disloyal to family. These are hard conversations to have and ones he has indicated that he does not want to have right now. I respect that. It is his grief and his pain and he can and should share it as he wishes. As long as he knows I am there and that we can grieve together.

Jumping from Fall to Winter

2011-10-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

This shot was taken this evening. It is not even November. Clearly the goddess has a sense of humor. Me, not so much. I am not ready for the fingerless gloves that I wear from November to oh, about June. But clearly I have to get ready.

I sort of worked at getting ready today by the tribe all getting their flu shots. Lissa is totally unfazed by shots. Watches calmly, hops down off the table, business done. KC, um not so much. In fact, King of Drama doesn't begin to describe the histrionics we were treated to. I am reasonably sure they heard the wails in Peru. LOL Rob finds it all funny which is in itself funny as at 7, he was KC. Just quieter but no less anxious and uncooperative. LOL Chet has always been easy about that kind of thing and becuase we went early in the a.m. we were in out and done before much time elapsed.

I finally got my scrapbook program back on my computer, thanks to the work of my lovely and talented wife and I made a scrapbook page for Fiona of our last visit together. It came out cute and of course now the kids are clamoring to have their books updated. They are only 5 months out of date. Sheesh, what is the hurry? LOL

But despite the snow I am glowing inside! Our church youth group does a coffee house a couple times a year as a fund raiser for the trips that they do. Lots of teens perform but so also do lots of other people. Rob has gone before and he has often helped in the kitchen. This year, he thinks he has decided to perform. Can I just say Woo Hoo!!!!!! He also said it was okay for us to be there and the kids are stoked to see Rob play. I'm excited not just because he is my kid and he plays well. He does, but the fact that he has the self confidence to share that talent in the wider world is what makes me grin!

Fiona sort of calls

2011-10-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is call night at our house and it is highly anticipated. The kids and I eagerly await the ringing of the phone and a chance to catch up with Fiona. Tonight the phone rang and it was Fi. But she explained that she was going somewhere with some friends from school and the staff and she had to get ready so she really did not have time to talk. But she wanted me to tell all the kids hi and she loved them and she loved me too.

This is so huge. I know she was prompted to call by amazing Jane, because my daughter's cognitive issues mean that she does not remember that Tuesday is call day. But the fact that she was amenable to taking those few minutes and telling us why she couldn't chat was an enormous step forward in maturity for her. Usually she is so in the moment that she can't see other issues or factors that should be considered. Tonight she remembered how much her siblings and I love her and look forward to hearing her voice. Happy dancing time!

And a Wild Time was had by all!

2011-10-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

Today we went to the big city to see Fiona. We had an eventful train ride. Unbeknownst to us, rail work meant we took a train part way, were bussed part way and got back on a train to finish the journey. It still beats me getting lost in city traffic! LOL

We met Fiona and Jane at the train station and drove to a zoo. I have been to several zoos but never this one. It was really cool. The sculpture of the red panda behind the kids is made out of hay bales, incidently! We had a really amazing time together. Fi did so well. She is such a good big sister and I am so proud of the work my daughter is doing. Cousin N and her daughter were supposed to join us and did not show. Jane is annoyed, though we are both trying to err on the side of caution and not judge. Something may have happened, but apparently she has continued to have a pattern of unreliability since she came back into Fiona's life. To say that this is detrimental to Fi is kind of the understatement of the century. Sigh. Jane said the reason she feels okay about the first family contacts that Fi has, is because her relationship with us is so steady and so secure. You can see it when the kids are together running down the paths, or telling silly jokes in the back of the van. I can feel it in the genuine way that she hugs me. There is no rigidity to her posture. Her face lights up when she sees us.

We went to the zoo gift shop and the kids were picking momentos. I told Fiona she could pick something out and when she went off to look for a trinket, Jane took me aside and asked if I wanted Fiona to pay for it herself or if I was paying. Fiona had paid her own admission to the zoo and I know that part of what the Great School is working on is money management and money as it relates to daily activities. But she is also my daughter and if I am letting the other 3 get a momento of the day, I want to do the same for her. Jane got that--and I totally know that at some level that is way more about me than it is about Fiona--but she let me get her the darned stuffed tiger. LOL

We got back to the train station with only 10 minutes before our train arrived. How I managed to get 3 kids in and out of the bathroom and their requisite food from the donut shop in the station I have no idea, but I did. Now we are home, the kids are in bed, but the memory of the laughter of the day rings in my memory.

Planning our visit to Fiona

2011-10-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

Fiona and Jane called last evening. Fi was in a very upbeat mood and eager to finish planning our visit on Saturday. We are going to a zoo in the Big City which all the kids are looking forward to. I said I would pack the sandwiches, chips and dessert if Fiona would do the beverages. I know the school has single serve containers of drinks so this makes for an easy way for her to contribute to the visit. Hopefully, Cousin N and her daughter are joining us there but Jane sounded a little sketchy about that. I hope they follow through.

I have felt very badly because this past Sunday was a family event at the Great School in the Big City and logistically I just could not get us there. We had church commitments that I could not reshuffle and Rob had something he was involved in with the Youth Group. I explained this to Fiona and she was fine with it but for the first time asked if we were Christian. We are not, and I explained that and gave the 10 second version of our faith. I said that Rob was very involved in youth group and had a lot of friends and did a lot of cool things both for fun and to help others with them. That was fine with Fiona but she was worried that if we were not Christian we wouldn't wind up in the "right" heaven so we could all be together when we died.

Truthfully I don't really believe in heaven in that way but I know how important this concept is to my daughter. Though she does not practice a particular faith at this point and has not for many years, she did have a strong Christian influence in her life at one point.

I said I really believe that it is about living a good life and that there are lots of roads through lots of churches to the same heaven and not to worry. She was good with that. Whew!

Missing You

2011-10-18T18:48:00.000-07:00

It was a crazy day at work today. But near supper time, I was home again and chatting in the kitchen with my wife. KC peeked in the window from outside where he and Lissa were playing and spied me inside. He came flying in. Gave me the biggest hug imaginable. "I'm going right back outside to play," he said. "But I just wanted to hug you; I missed you so much today." Best feeling ever!

Facial Recognition Study

2011-10-18T03:24:00.000-07:00

One of my friends is doing a child development class at school. She needed to show pictures to a variety of children of different ages to study when gender awareness came into play. The pictures were just faces at first--hair, clothing etc, was covered by a paper border. The kids each said whether they thought the face was male or female. Then when she went through the pics, she would lift up the border and they would see the face more traditionally and either confirm or change their decision.

L. was nice and let Chet do this as well, even though at 26 he is statistically not in the groups that she needs to explore. But he was fascinated by the project and clearly wanted to be asked and she picked up on it. Predictably he had a hard tiime with it. He still has a hard time with recognizing people he does not know well and it is an aspect of his autism. I find that he tends to glom onto a specific feature or style of clothing to describe someone from church to me.

Rob was more in the societal norms as I would have expected also. However what was surprising was that Lissa scored higher than KC. She got almost every single one correct. KC who at first thought should have rocked the test, scored at the same level as my friends 4 year old. Poor L is going to have some wonky results to tabulate.

However as I think it over, KC is my fey child. My guy who does arabesques and jetes down the empty aisle of a grocery store. And who wears sparkly bits of cloth when we play dress up. I'm not sure gender, even though he clearly knows he is a boy and self identifies as such, is as important to him for some reason. Intriguing though.

Sunday

2011-10-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

We are getting ready to leave for church in a few minutes. Our church schedule changed this year and it has been hard to get a groove going. We were "first service" people who were there bright and early at 9 a.m. Then we were home by 10:30 or 11 and had most of the day. Now the childrens program is only taking place at the "second service" and we have to be there for 11 a.m Yeah. 11. Which is practically lunch time for my gang who wake when roosters crow. (or I assume when roosters crow since I live in the city). I wind up playing in bed with them to delay getting up. I can't slow down breakfast, Chet has to eat by a certain time or he will pass out. Then I dilly dally doing Lissa's hair. That can take up a fair piece of time and she and KC usually draw while I do it. Then I clean the kitchen. Look at the clock. It is usually about 5 past 8. LOL So then I spend about 2 hours listening to the kids ask if it is time to go yet. Thankfully that time is nearly over and we will soon be on our way! BTW, K made the vest and jumper that they are wearing.

Even Glaciers Move

2011-10-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Parenting Chet as a child was very hard for K. In some ways, I think his being an adult is also hard for her. There is a part of her that periodically wants to believe that he is capable and just not trying. That a certain biological age will translate to a certain level of independance and maturity. Which it doesn't.

Frankly I stopped worrying about what he "should" learn by x years a loooong time ago. I also am okay with the fact that certain areas of his life are probably as good as they will get. I don't see that as giving up. I see that as accepting him for the person that he is. I would not want to spend my whole life with someone trying to "make me better." And from reading writings of a number of adult autistic people, this is a very real feeling that many people on the autistic spectrum experience.

However change does come for him and growth, albeit slowly and sometimes it sort of creeps up and I will suddenly notice that a particular situation is much more attainable than it was 5 or 10 years ago. He has been able to help with fellowship hour at church regularly and done really well. This involves following directions, safe food handling and such. He plans holiday gifts with tremendous care. He has a routine that as long as it does not deviate, allows him to remember all the steps to proper hygiene. He goes up to the corner store and makes purchases with no problem though large store situations, particularly with lots of florescent lights tend to stimulate him and he has a harder time maintaining focus and holding it together (let alone making the purchase.)

One area that is hard for him still is change. Any change. So for instance, planning a family road trip where we ate and slept at different places for a number of nights would not be the smartest thing to try. He would not enjoy the new places, he would be desparately trying to make them his familiar surroundings and when he couldn't, well his behaviors become less appropriate and easy to handle. So I told my wife we have to wait on a family road trip to see scenic areas and national parks. We can travel, but we have to have a "home base" that he can set up and return to when he needs to decompress. If we don't road trip the way she dreams till we retire, I am okay with that. I do believe that some day he will reach a point when he can do this without getting stressed. It's the Pollyanna in me; I can't help myself!

Bridges and Bargains

2011-10-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Rob took this picture while he was away this weekend and I adore it. There is something sort of sculptural about it that appeals to me. All my kids are pretty good with a digital camera. I get by but tend to rush and the shots show it. They help keep a memory but are not art. (though I can usually clean them up a bit with the computer!) The pictures they choose to take are sometimes as insightful as listening to music with them or chatting with them. It is another window into their essential self that they open to me and I love that.

My stylish 15 year old found a really awesome suit jacket for $3.00 at a thrift store while they were gone. Rob is really into creating his own style and I think that is great. I am stunned by the quality of the jacket that he got. He was stunned by the fact that I figured out without being told that he wore it when the group went into town to go bowling. Yup, I know my kid! LOL

I just don't do well at yard sales and thrift stores. K says it is because I move too quickly and don't like to poke. I say it is because the stuff there is junk. I think most times we are both at least 50 per cent right!

Rob's Home!

2011-10-11T03:16:00.000-07:00

Rob got home from his Youth Group trip last night and I was so glad to see him. He had a great time. He spent the weekend stacking wood for the shelter for their winter heat and helping to cook meals for the folks staying their.

Our director of religious ed said that there was one young boy at the shelter who really connected with Rob and cried when it was time for Rob to head home. The kids were all loaded in their vans but Rob asked for the van to wait and spent time with the boy telling him things were going to be okay and to hang in there and keep doing good jobs and it would be all right. (sniff) My boy is growing up. My son is healing.

He spent the evening putting up his pictures on Facebook and explaining to me what the shots were all about while I did our piecework. Today is back to work at my office and I will miss the time I have had here at home. Probably the longest uninterupted stretch of time in years.. But I am glad all my chicks are home again!

The weary traveler is home!

2011-10-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

My wife's plane was a bit delayed last night but she returned home just before 11 p.m. KC actually woke up enough to give her a hug and know that she was home, before he drifted back into slumber. K and I sat up drinking tea and chatting and then we both went up to bed. This morning the kids woke at 6ish and I was all kinds of crazy keeping them quiet because I thought she was still sleeping. The funny part was that when we came downstairs about 6:30, she was all ready up!

I am glad she had this vacation. She wanted it very much and seems renewed and recharged. Her friend seems like a delightful person and seeing the sites in a far away state is certainly cool! Also the trip I think allayed concerns that K has felt surrounding the plane trip that our family will undertake when we vacation in Mouseland later next year.

Chet's autism make his speech sometimes less than appropriate. His asian indian heritage make him almost automatically part of the profiling that our country allows in the name of safety. (heavy sarcasm here; please don't get me started on the giving up of freedoms for the illusion of safely). She had in her mind something I think very Gestapo-esque and him being hauled off the plane or out of line for something minor. I have reassured her that i plan on carrying documentation of his disability and how it manifests itself in his behaviors and making our situation well known at arrival at the airport. To our advantage in a difficult situation, Chet looks physically younger than his actual age and does not look like an adult male so much as a mid-teen.This lends itself to people assuming he is a minor in my care and to feeling less threatened by him. Chet has also flown with me post 9/11 and we managed it without incident so Pollyanna that i am, I feel sure it will work this time as well.

K was not so sure, but seems more confident now that she has flown for this vacation. And I think my wife brought the southern temps back up north with her. I am loving the temperatures today!

I hate watching kids bounce

2011-10-08T03:58:00.000-07:00

We are going to hopefully be visiting Fiona in a couple of weeks. Jane said when she and I talked that Fi had expressed a desire to have all the family that she is presently connected with at the visit and Jane wondered about inviting cousin N and her daughter. I am totally fine with that but after we hung up I remmebered that cousin N. now had custody of their brother D. I emailed Jane that should we not consider inviting D as well so that 3 of the siblings could be together. I know that D has not wanted to do the letter writing and so there is not an official visit plan but figured in a large-ish group visit it should be okay.

Except that Jane wrote back and was not adverse to it if I thought it was beneficial but D is not living with cousin N any more because things did not work out. He is in a new foster family and she is not sure that his sw will cooperate in time to orchestrate a visit.

Sigh. I am not judging cousin N. The placement not working out at her home may have had nothing to do with her (though the uncharitable part of me keeps pointing out that she adopted Krystal and then in months had shipped her down south to live with other relatives and where she remains.) But at 17 all the bouncing and lack of permanancy can not be good for this young man.

I have only met him a few times but enjoyed both the experiences. I can't wrap my mind around what he has gone through. First the removal from his mom and separation from his siblings. Adoption by a paternal relative with whom he lived for a number of years. Something going really wrong in the home that was not his doing that caused his removal. Living with a foster family that he clearly loved but who could not keep him. Moving to a residential. Moving to his cousins. Moving again.

I doubt very much that he will be part of the visit in a couple weeks and probably emotionally is not in a place to consider it. But my heart aches for D.

Halloween Decorations

2011-10-07T16:11:00.000-07:00

The kids and I started decorating for Halloween today. There is not anything scary in our Halloween. Ghosts, yes, pumpkins abound. Witches as well. But not ghoulish. No dripping blood, scary monsters, none of that. Partly this is because that would terrify my kids. Partly that is because that is not my belief system. I believe that yes, the veil between our worlds thins on that night, but it is not a night of terror but of warm remembrance.

Remembrance is in our decorations as well. If I had photographed all our decorations I'd use up all the memory in Blogger! LOL We really have a kabillion. Many many made by kids. Many passed down through the years. In the picture above, that little wax pumpkin used to be part of Halloween when I was little. My mom would put a birthday candle in each one (there used to be 6, this is the only one left) and they were at our dinner places on Halloween supper.

The plastic pumpkin and cat on the far right came to our decorations when I was a teen. I used to light it and decorate my bedroom with it. The small pumpkin next to that was a gift from a friend as an adult. The pumpkin far left was (are you ready for this?) my mom's when she was a child!

This guy is the lone remaining paper decoration from my mom's dance studio back in the 50's. There used to be many paper ones and my sister and I would decorate our play room with them. Years of kids and tape took its eventual toll on all but one.

But look! Last year a retailer came out wtih these miniatures of those same patterns. I think they were supposed to be cards. But we punched holes in them, made a garland and they hang in our dining room (or will when I hang it up tomorrow!)

We love Halloween--heck we love everything to celebrate! I love the stories that come out when the decorations are unearthed. I love the ooohs and aahs as favorites re-appear. (there are silly things too like ghosts we made out of contact paper with our faces. There was high drama till we found "ghost KC" this afternoon! All the other family ghosts had been unearthed and he thought his was lost.

Decorating as a family does more than make the house festive--or at least change up the clutter! LOL It makes memories, establishes traditions, builds stories for us to all remember in hard times.

Youth Group Trip

2011-10-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

This a.m. I had to get Rob to our church for 9 a.m. Church is 30 minutes from our house so I had everything packed last night as normally the commute is easy but was more challenging this a.m. dealing with the regular work commuters. His youth group and 3 other church youth groups banded together to head to a part of coastal Maine that is very economically challenged. They will live, work, and play at a shelter that provides many many necessities of life to folk who need it most. He has been looking forward to this--looking forward to the work. Looking forward to the time with lots of friends, and looking forward to the 48 butterscotch graham cookies that I made last night so he and his friends would not "starve" on the way up. It is a long drive; I knew that they would need "sustenance." Ironically, another blogger wrote the other day about her daughter reaching out for help. Rob has gotten much better in that regard, letting me know when he is ill or in need of me without my having to proffer the help first. The one area where he can not is around food. He.can.not.ask.for.food. He can put what he wants in the grocery cart but other than that, if I had not offered his cookies for the road, he would not have been able to bring himself to ask. I understand the why of this, but I live for the day he does.

But this is mostly about the joy that I feel for him. One of the Youth Group moms came up and told me that her daughter was at camp with Rob this summer and came home talking about how "cool" he was and how funny he was and how he was great to hang out with. (of course the gender is not lost on me folks!) But the mom said ROB? Rob from y outh group? She said she had worked with the youth group for 2 years and never heard more than 2 words from him.

But Rob is finding his voice and daring to share more and more of himself with the wider world. Opening up to reveal the creative, funny and caring man he is to a world who needs his gifts. I am so glad for that. (though the littles are mightily missing big bro all ready!)

Comings and Goings

2011-10-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

My wife is in KY visiting a friend. She left at 3:30 a.m. yesterday but thanks to the internet we know she arrived safely and is having fun. My mom arrived yesterday for an overnight stay and has left a short time ago. She visits rarely as she does not like to leave her cat alone, so it is a treat for us when she comes. Despite the personality quirks that occasionally drive one round the bend, there comes a time in life when mortality is more understood. Perhaps, losing Kirsty's mom so young also made if more real, but I feel lucky that she is still pretty healthy and able to enjoy life and be a part of ours.

Tomorrow I have to have Rob at our church by 9 a.m. as the Youth Group leaves on a mission trip to Maine. There is a place midcoastally that does a lot for a very impovished area of the state. The youth group goes and helps cut and stack wood for winter fuel, paint outbuildings or dorm rooms for the homeless who will reside there and sometimes help out with childrens games for any youngsters who may be guests at the time. Rob was too young to go last year but this year at 15 he is eligible and excited. He is pretty well packed, we just need to add toiletries and his meds.

My littles are going to really miss big bro Rob being gone as he will not return till Monday night. So I have a variety of crafts planned to keep them occupied. However this morning, KC woke with a cold so things may wind up being fairly low key.

Meanwhile I have been connected to work and doing what I can here at home. This is not an optimal time for me to have to take 3 days off but through the magic of the internet and remote servers I am able to contribute a surprising amount from here at home. This is pretty much my first experience with remote working so it is kind of a marvel to me! However the bong that my blackberry makes everytime a new email comes in that needs my attention gets to me after a while!

3 Days of quasi-vacation

2011-10-05T04:34:00.000-07:00

My wife left at 3:30 this morning to fly to KY to visit a friend for a few days. I put in for these 3 days as vacation time months ago. Then my boss was terminated and suddenly I was more important in the office. Well probably the same amount of importance but my presence was more important. I checked with my senior manager and he said I could still take the time, but I offered to work remotely from home as budget meetings happen in this time period. I was not scheduled to attend originally but clearly now I should have a voice.

So yesterday I brought my laptop home. I usually use it in a more desktop fashion when I am at work. I personally hate laptops. I have long fingers and my typing accuracy is the pits when it is in laptop mode. But I digress. I turned it on and connected to the internet but because my job has its own secure server I then had to call tech support and have them walk me through the process to do that. It is done thankfully and so today I can be assessible to both of the important parts of my life--my children and my job. Technology when it works is kind of cool! :-)

Chatting with Jane

2011-10-04T18:39:00.000-07:00

Jane called tonight as Fiona was in her room and unwilling to make a phone call. I suppose her DCF worker would call this not working her phone plan but the reality for Fi is that she can't envision doing anything but what she is doing in any given moment. If she gets caught up in something, even something simple like folding laundry, because she lives so here and now she can't transition to something else, even if it is something she wanted to do or have happen. Of all her issues, this is the easiest for me to understand as in many ways, my Chet is also like this. What is not seen, what is not here and now, simply does not exist. (for example for Chet, putting a pair of PJ's in a closet with the door shut makes them invisible. It does not occur to him to open the closet when the weather gets chilly and take out warmer PJ's.)

The good part of Fiona wanting to do whatever in her room was that Jane and I could talk freely. I told her that I hoped my email regarding the DCF workers comments made sense and was not rude, but that I under NO circumstances want my relationship with my daughter to be held hostage and to be a carrot for a behavior plan to enable her to visit her first mom. If she is able to have those visits, she.needs.to.have.them. But she also needs to know that I mean what i have always said. That she can tell me what is in her heart, even when it hurts her or hurts me. That she is loved. That she is my daughter.

Jane got it and will address this with the DCF worker. She said it was a very out of the blue comment and she was blindsided by it as well. I have no doubt of the good intentions of the worker but it was just flat out not smart in my humble opinion.

Hopefully we will travel into the Big City in 2 weeks to see Fiona and Jane. Cousin N and her daughter will also be invited to join us. Tentatively we will visit a museum that has a lot of cool kids things going on but details of the day are sketchy right now. While it is undeniably easier for me if Jane brings Fiona out here to visit I think alternating is probably a better plan for Fiona. First of all, as much as she loves being here, I know there is a deep anxiety on her part that she will screw it up somehow. The last thing she needs right now is more stress. But even more than that, her coming here and then us going to her, gives her a chance to see the reciprocity that should exist in a healthy relationship. It allows her to be a hostess, which is a role she shines in. Jane hadn't looked at it that way, but thought it made a lot of sense so we will see how things play out.

Word Choices Matter

2011-10-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

I got an email from Jane this morning. She is back from vacation and we should hear from she and Fiona tonight. Jane said that Fiona's DCF worker met with her recently and told her that they had found her first mother but before visits could happen "Fiona needed to interact positively with the family she has." I know this means not just me and the kids but also her cousin N. But still, it makes me angry as all get out. Our relationship is not a lollipop to hold out as a tool for some sort of good behavior. Or to get something that she wants with all her heart. How can our relationship continue to grow and flourish in that type of setting? I do not feel she has not acted positively overall. Not every phone call is sunshine and light but who in life always is?

I know that contact with her first mother is going to make for big hills in the relationship road. I know Rob is not thrilled about even talking about their first mother. There is a big cauldron of anger over her actions past and present and sadness over what he does remember and what he cannot. But he is grounded enough that we are getting through this (knock wood) okay. I think at the very least he knows that we love him utterly and completely and that will not change regardless of what decisions he chooses to make about seeing Mom J.

Why did they not just leave it at "we need to go slowly and work on this together. Let's start with a letter" Letter writing is always the first step anyhow!

I don't like her DCF worker anyway, this did not do much to change that!

Of Thor and Zeus

2011-10-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

Watching movies with Rob is our "bonding" time. We watch a flick once or twice a week and just hang out together. Well, we hang out while I work as we watch the movie. But it is still our time. Occasionally we invite Chet down to join us. He does not always want to come. Friday night when we watched the new transformer movie I was praying he would want to watch it. No such luck. I am not a big fan of the transformers. Gotta be an age thing. They all look the same to me once they stop being cars, or busses or whatever and turn into those fireball slinging machines. LOL So that was Friday night.

Saturday night I saw that we could see Thor. I love mythology and Rob and I have enjoyed a couple of myth based movies. So I asked if he wanted to see it. I explained it was based on the Norse mythological history, not Greek or Roman as we have more usually seen. I said that in this Odin would be the head of the gods.

"Like Zeus?" he asked me. I concurred.

"OK. . . oh at summer camp my friends all call me Black Zeus" he said with a laugh.

Apparently my son is a god-ling!

Busy Busy Busy!

2011-10-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

A rainy but busy Saturday at our house. I realized a week ago that poor Lissa had no fall clothes to speak of. Literally none. KC "shops" in the boxes of Rob's outgrown clothes that I store by size and season in the attic. I also have a good friend whose son passes down to me really good quality boy clothes for him. But Lissa, doesn't have that. And while the year before she could start the season with the togs from the previous year, that is not so this year. My girl has GROWN! So it was off to do clothes shopping after our morning of groceries, banking and dance classes. She is set now except for a winter coat.

Then Rob hinted that he wanted a pair of skinny jeans and the store whose selections he was oogling on line exists at the mall so we went there. I may be young at heart but shopping in a store with bad lighting and loud rock and roll music is not my idea of fun. He did find a pair of jeans though. LOL Then we had to go to a more conventional store because Rob did not have a warm coat. Got that. By this time KC was feeling left out as "everyone has something and I don't." (insert whiny tired kid voice here) Yup, good times! But we got through it and all made it home alive.

When I got here the mail had arrived and I found a letter from the IRS. We have been going back and forth since March when I filed my return regarding the adoption tax credit. I thought people maybe exaggerated about how mean the IRS can be. News flash--they are NOT exaggerating. They tried to tell me that not only was i not entitled to this but that I owed them penalties for trying to take it. Plus 20 percent interest. Needless to say I did not just whip open the checkbook. The only bright part in this was that I knew many many other adoptive families were having similar issues. So I kept slogging on and praying that it would turn out OK. And it did. I should get my refund now in about 15 days. (I did notice that they do not pay interest on the refund they have been holding hostage, but I am not going to quibble.) In fact, if I am lucky I will not have to ever go through anything like this again!

The other funny part to the IRS refund story is that this a.m. when I was on Facebook one of my friends had on a silly chain thing about how October is a special month because it has 5 Fridays 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays and you had to repost and would have a good financial outcome if you did it in 11 minutes. I usually don't do that kind of thing but this a.m. I had time. . . and then the mail came with good news. Coincidence or what????

Fall Frolic

2011-09-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

We've been blessed with warm temperatures the past few days, but fall is here. Because it is apple picking time!

Finding the perfect apple requires an eye to detail.

And careful bagging to avoid bruising. (look at the drops, the deer must love this orchard!)

Our garden plot is up at the orchard. You get a feel for my Rob's young man height with him standing next to our corn!

Tidings of Joy

2011-09-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

I found a minute today to call Jane's work phone and left a message saying how concerned I was that I had not heard from her and Fiona. She left me a voice mail during the event I was working at tonight. Jane is vacationing in Oregon. Fiona is fine; she has had one more hospitalization but very short term and we will hopefully hear from them both on next Tuesday evening. I am so relieved.

The work event went really well. I was excited to see the residents where I work participate so fully and joyfully. It was very magical to me. People whose life is marked with trauma, addictions, lack of education and more often feel they can't do things. Today, for this moment, they not only saw that they could, they positively rocked it out! The bigwigs were all suitably impressed. I tried to visit each table people and chat a couple of minutes. I don't want residents to think that all the management people sit at one table and look down on them or judge them. And I don't want one set of residents saying that I like another resident more than someone else. So that is why I kept circulating. A bunch of residents wanted their pictures taken with me which totally cracked me up. I mean, I am the person who writes the letters when people are not towing the line. I am the same person who had to lecture two of the residents this morning before the event on how they would behave at this and how we would not have drama. At all. But I also am the person they have known for 30 years. There was a cool spanish band playing music and we all sang La Bamba, and De Colores and a few other songs that even though I am a gringa, I know all the spanish words to.

My wife and kids came to pick me up at the end of the day (or maybe I should say end of the night as it was after 7). My car had a flat when I had gone out to go to work this a.m. and thus K had to drive me in today. Looking over at their faces smiling at me and having Lissa jump into my arms was the perfect end to the day.

Circus Juggling

2011-09-28T04:01:00.000-07:00

Being a parent and having a bunch of kids makes me a juggler. But my abilities to juggle are being tested this week as I have some extra work responsibilities that require I leave home earlier, return later etc. My kids are not loving this. I am not loving it either but it is short term and I also hope that showing I am committed to bringing my best efforts to my job will result in the promotion I hope for. Oh and at home we have 70 boxes of product to turn out for our home based biz. Stress? What pray tell is stress? I haven't time to look it up.

I am worried about Fiona though. I have emailed Jane twice and not heard anything which is extremely weird. There have been 2 missed calls. Again extremely weird. I have emailed Jane from both my work computer and myhome one in case my work server was not sending the email to an outside source. I can't call the school today due to how crazy things are at work right now, but I do plan on calling tomorrow.

On the plus side, I had a first yesterday. I was at an industry event for my job and one of the vendors was offering free manicures to women and free shoe shining to the men. I had a manicure. It only took 10 minutes (which is about as long as I can sit still) but my nails look so pretty. I have never had a manicure before. (since I am over 50 that is probably kinda weird!!) The manicurist said I had beautiful nails to work on. I told her that they get no attention so it is just luck.

Of Television and Autism

2011-09-27T03:23:00.000-07:00

Much of the time I don't really notice the differences between how Chet and I interact, or even how Chet views the world. This has been the reality of our life for so long it is our definition of normal. I noticed something this week though--sort of silly, but it was there.

Fall is the time when new television shows are promoted. I am not a big TV watcher except for the fact that I watch TV while I do piece work at night. No work= no TV watching for me. But luckily right now we have a lot of piece work to do.

Rob has had a couple of shows that he has wanted to try out and we have watched them together in the evenings. It is companionable, and it also allows me to make sure that I am comfortable with what he is watching.

Chet on the other hand, HATES new shows. They disrupt the routine of the familiar. He would rather watch a repeat of an old show than see a new show. An old show replacing a star with a new actor destroys his viewing experience. He can not even bring himself to try the new show.

It is all about the order that he tries to impose in his world and I understand that. But I guess sometimes I forget how terribly important that is to him. I'm glad for the reminder.

First Fall Saturday

2011-09-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

Fall is here and so is our more busy schedule. Dance classes started today and that makes our Saturdays busier. Especially since Lissa is now taking a dance class which is after KC's class. We arrive at the school at 9:30 and leave at 11:30. Before that we shop, bank and go to the post office. My lovely wife has taken on the library run as we really need to get home for lunch after the second dancer is finished with class.

So today we began our new schedule and all things considered our "shake down run" went well. KC was really happy to be back at dance. A lot of his friends came back. He is the only boy in the class still but this does not seem to bother him or any of the girls in the slightest. After his class and while Lissa was in for her class, he hung out with someone's brother in the waiting room so he can and does play well with both genders. (believe it or not I get asked that!!)

We came home for a quick lunch and then walked down town to our community's harvest festival. It is noisy and over stimulating to Chet so we never stay more than an hour or two max. I usually spend about $6.00 and the kids manage to have a lot of fun for that. Walked home and i was glad that I had all ready put dessert together this morning after breakfast as one of my friends and her daughter came over to play with the kids and the kittens.

Somewhere in there I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, prepped for my church school class tomorrow and made a fall wreath with the kids. The season's changed for sure! LOL

Saying Goodbye to Summer

2011-09-23T03:26:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of fall. The changing of the seasons is a big deal in our house. The pulse of the earth is something we try to stay tuned to. KC and Lissa have planned all week that they were going to have their last long bike ride on the last day of summer. They understand that now it is getting darker and that after supper play is shorter and confined more to our immediate environs due to the diminished light.

Except it rained. Like crazy. So I had to get creative and tell them that the earth was washing up for the new season. They looked at me dubiously holding their bike helmets. I said we would go on a rain walk as it was also very likely the last warm rain we would get in a long time. Fall rains are cold raw and icky. Summer rains are fun. So they grabbed boots and rain gear and we took a long puddle jumping walk and came home soaked. Welcome fall and farewell to summer, my most favorite time of the year!

In which I submit my resume. . .

2011-09-22T14:51:00.000-07:00

My boss is no longer my boss. Things have ended with a spectacular bang and more hubbub and high drama than one could believe. Just trust me, cause I can't talk about it in any detail. It.was.not.pretty. I am the assistant property manager. More than likely with my old company my track record would lead them to offer me the managership. In my new company, they post the position company wide and one is welcome to apply. Course they also post it 50 million other places outside the company too. So my guess is many many people will apply.

I wrote my letter of interest and sent it with my resume. I would really really like to have this job. I truthfully always stayed where I was thinking that my boss would someday retire and I would be the next manager. My previous employer knew that I did most of his work. My new employers know that too. But they have also invested in training me for another aspect of our work and the managership has less of that role in it. So I can see them feeling that the better bang for their buck is to leave me here. Here is hoping that they see beyond that and to what I can do in another capacity. Fingers crossed . . .

So How did I do on the challenge?

2011-09-22T03:45:00.000-07:00

I accepted the "Made with Love" challenge to not order out for 30 days and to budget for food more carefully. We were not perfect (and our 30 days is not quite over but drawing close) but we did better than I expected.

We have eaten out once. An order of take out pizza was a necessity one night. I suppose I could have served cold cereal but I can not bring myself to do that and that was all there was time and energy for. My wife had been canning tomatos all day and I have had big changes at work that have caused me to be later coming home sometimes. That was one of those days.

I used gift cards for Dunkin Donuts and my senior boss bought me lunch one day. I have not bought lunch at work on my own since I accepted the challenge.

We have made a lot more muffins and quick breads for breakfast or snacking and that is a good thing. We do cook a lot and never use mixes but this falls off a bit in the summer with the heat and humidity. It becomes easier to p ick up a "ready made" when it is hazy hot and humid.

My wife and I have begun planning a menu every Friday and using our freezer and pantry first. I shop on Saturdays and that way we can buy what we specifically need not what grabs our eye because of personal likes or an attractive display.

I am so glad I took this challenge as it really helped to make me work at looking more thoughtfully at this facet of our budget. In general, because we do not consume meat, my budget for a family of 6 and pets is far less than most of my friends with smaller families. But putting a big old magnifying glass on this showed that there are ways to pinch some pennies and perhaps even live more healthfully!