In a bit of absolutely positively WONDERFUL news, Fi's case is approved to be moved to our area. This is huge as her needs are complex and frankly expensive and it was unclear if the move to our area would be a go. I feel strongly that to be her guardian and be truly present in her life requires a geographical closeness as well. She needs to pop over for supper some night, or to watch a movie etc and not have it be a big production on how to get her here etc. This also likely means that the guardianship is pretty much a shoo-in.
Fiona is excited . I am excited. The kids are excited. When KC heard he was planning all the ways she could be with us for various family things. I think it will also help to give Fiona a sense of security as I know that is how I feel about things.
I have been so lucky with the Great School. One of the reasons they are great is because they recognize, affirm and support us as a family unit. Not as "the adoptive parents of Fiona's biological brother." The places that placed that tagline on us did not see the bigger picture. That we are there for Fiona even when Rob has other things on his mind. I don't just drop him off for a sibling visit. We are family in the real nitty gritty, sometimes great, sometimes painful way that families are.
There were also placements where my contact with Fiona was limited because my status was murky and so ill defined. Calling me the former adoptive parent isn't all that positive sounding. The reality of our situation is much more complex than that. How do you explain to professionals who don't know you that you were not giving up? That you were making sure she had services your insurance could never provide and that the other children stayed safe and fairly untraumatized?
The change in the oversight location and the change in my status to legal guardian wipe away the questions of others while still ensuring that she has the mental health supports that she will likely always need. She will be here Sunday for the BBQ I am making her favorite mac n cheese to have at the buffet just because I know it is her favorite and I want there to be that comfort of a favorite food on a day when she will be meeting new people. I know, someone is going to write about how we should not comfort ourselves with food, but the reality is, sometimes, we all need to. I also think it is important because our BBQs typically have a variety of family favorite foods. K's side of the family would never get together without having potato salad for instance. I adore salsa and chips. It is a visual way of belonging and blending and affirming her place in the family.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Fiona's first weekend call
As we move forward toward my guardianship of Fiona, my role in her life is becoming more of a "recognized" parent. The Great School in the City now calls me when there are incidents. I sometimes heard about these in the past, but know that it was not regular and usually through Jane after time had gone by.We are also having a weekend call as well as our Tuesday one. And we have a sleep over each month and at least one day visit. It is good.
Though this weekends call was not a happy one. Fiona had a significant behavioral outburst on Saturday. Staff called on Sunday (bless them, as it ended about 12:30 in the morning) and she was still not really in a good place emotionally on Sunday. Fi called me and complained at length about the staff. The trigger was a dispute over television between Fiona and another peer. It escalated dramatically from that initial altercation.
Fiona told me that she was angry that staff did not let her call the police and did not let her go to the hospital. I do know that we all feel that hospitalization is not the best course of action. There is very little if anything typically done and much of the good work that we all do is actually un-done by the different environment. Oddly enough, healthy eating for her diabetes tends to go out the window there which always strikes me as odd, and there are other issues as well.
I am not down on hospitals, I just see it as a last resort, not something we do when we don't get our own way. I think staff called her bluff a bit on it since there was no self harm going on and nothing that could not be handled by other less restrictive options.
I asked Fiona if she thought there was anything that she could do other than go to the hospital, because I really thought we should consider that as our very last step always.She said no. Eventually we made a list of things she could try to calm herself--a shower, favorite music, a PRN, a healthy snack,writing or drawing.
Mid way through she said what the real issue was. She is afraid that she will not like anyone in the new group home. She is afraid that something will go horribly wrong and she will wind up out on the street. (it was weird to me that this was her fear as that has always been my fear FOR her).
I reminded her that we were family and we were going to find a place that would be a good place to live and would be closer to us so she could be here more as well. I also said that she would not be homeless. More tears, but it seemed to be that flood that then leaves you calm. At least I hope it was. It is hard when this is by phone and you don't have any visual cues to help out. I also reminded her she is coming out here on Sunday for the family BBQ
But things seemed better today and I also got an email from Jane that DCF sent a packet that seems to indicate that they agreed to the request to relocate her case to our area!!! Jane is not 100 per cent sure that is what it means but we both hope that we are reading it correctly and that is the emails intent. It will be fantastic if that is what it is!
Though this weekends call was not a happy one. Fiona had a significant behavioral outburst on Saturday. Staff called on Sunday (bless them, as it ended about 12:30 in the morning) and she was still not really in a good place emotionally on Sunday. Fi called me and complained at length about the staff. The trigger was a dispute over television between Fiona and another peer. It escalated dramatically from that initial altercation.
Fiona told me that she was angry that staff did not let her call the police and did not let her go to the hospital. I do know that we all feel that hospitalization is not the best course of action. There is very little if anything typically done and much of the good work that we all do is actually un-done by the different environment. Oddly enough, healthy eating for her diabetes tends to go out the window there which always strikes me as odd, and there are other issues as well.
I am not down on hospitals, I just see it as a last resort, not something we do when we don't get our own way. I think staff called her bluff a bit on it since there was no self harm going on and nothing that could not be handled by other less restrictive options.
I asked Fiona if she thought there was anything that she could do other than go to the hospital, because I really thought we should consider that as our very last step always.She said no. Eventually we made a list of things she could try to calm herself--a shower, favorite music, a PRN, a healthy snack,writing or drawing.
Mid way through she said what the real issue was. She is afraid that she will not like anyone in the new group home. She is afraid that something will go horribly wrong and she will wind up out on the street. (it was weird to me that this was her fear as that has always been my fear FOR her).
I reminded her that we were family and we were going to find a place that would be a good place to live and would be closer to us so she could be here more as well. I also said that she would not be homeless. More tears, but it seemed to be that flood that then leaves you calm. At least I hope it was. It is hard when this is by phone and you don't have any visual cues to help out. I also reminded her she is coming out here on Sunday for the family BBQ
But things seemed better today and I also got an email from Jane that DCF sent a packet that seems to indicate that they agreed to the request to relocate her case to our area!!! Jane is not 100 per cent sure that is what it means but we both hope that we are reading it correctly and that is the emails intent. It will be fantastic if that is what it is!
Just Beachy!
K got some great shots of the kids too! I should have put on a close up of Lissa but I love the movement in this shot. She loved running down to jump the waves, screeching at them and then racing back. She probably ran miles yesterday!
Chet did so much better than the previous trip. That in itself was a gift. There was far less drooling--a visible sign tht he was more calm and regulated. KC always works hard to find things that he can do with Chet at the beach. It is one of hte few places where there is commonality between the two. KC loves Chet deeply but Chet's inability to emote or to understand those who are highly emotional makes things very hard for him relationship wise. But the beach is somehow that place where all that goes by the board. They look for shells together, they dig holes and make sand castles together. For a mom, it is so beautiful to watch.
KC spent a lot of time jumping waves too. It is always hard to get him out of the water as he is such a water beetle. But the rule is when I see you shiver or your blue lips chatter when you answer me, in you come to warm up. LOL
On the way home we stopped at a Dairy Queen for ice cream. Chose them because they have a non dairy slushy type drink that KC could have. The ice cream the week before at the other place made him feel chokey, activating his dairy allergy a bit. Here at home he usually stays with popsicles and sorbets but those are harder to find at ice cream stands.
Then I caught up on all the laundry of the past few days. Our dryer is presently not working and I have not got funds free to call a repair man. So we are hanging out exclusively. Whcih I am fine with but Friday it poured buckets. Saturday was the party, so we were 2 days back in laundry in a house where we do 3 loads a day. Egads! Got it all done and it is on the line and festooned in other areas to dry as well.
Checked Face book and discovered that the dance store where I get KC and Lissa's shoes was having a 27 % off sale. Since KC needs 4 kinds of shoes and LIssa 2, this was not to be missed. So off we went to the store and got all that we needed. I saved nearly $70.00 which made this mom smle!
Friday, August 9, 2013
Party Prep!
I was really worried today as the day dawned very wet and rainy. The annual summer party for the kids is tomorrow. I will not have 17 kids in my house ever. I really need an outdoor venue for this event! All day it rained. And not just a gentle rain. Raining buckets rain. I would look out my window at work and wonder how I was going to get the canopy up and the tables out there so that tomorrow we can decorate after shopping.
And then, at 5 p.m, magic! The rain stopped. The sky began to brighten and blue patches appeared. We got the yard tidy and the party areas set up. Truly the goddess was smiling on us. Course maybe she thinks anyone crazy enough to have a passle of kids in their back yard every year for a party deserves a little help. LOL
Back inside we made the party favors. The chosen theme was "rock star" so we have everything tied into rock star bandannas. They look cute. By tomorrow night I will likely be exhausted, but I do like doing this. It really gives the kids a chance to work on skills, plus see their friends and I get to chat with some of the grownups who are all people I like.
Good thing I like to party as next week is the family BBQ hosted here by yours truly. I need a nap!
And then, at 5 p.m, magic! The rain stopped. The sky began to brighten and blue patches appeared. We got the yard tidy and the party areas set up. Truly the goddess was smiling on us. Course maybe she thinks anyone crazy enough to have a passle of kids in their back yard every year for a party deserves a little help. LOL
Back inside we made the party favors. The chosen theme was "rock star" so we have everything tied into rock star bandannas. They look cute. By tomorrow night I will likely be exhausted, but I do like doing this. It really gives the kids a chance to work on skills, plus see their friends and I get to chat with some of the grownups who are all people I like.
Good thing I like to party as next week is the family BBQ hosted here by yours truly. I need a nap!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Spidey KIds
The night ended with a lightstick and noisemaker parade to "take back the night" and Spider Boy and Girl were right up there in the parade, waving noisemakesrs and Spider Boy was waving at the on lookers as though he was the mayor or something. Since the mayor really was there, it just cracked me up. He is such a ham and so into performing.
It was a late night for them though and the next two days were sort of recovery days filled with insipient crankiness. Today we are more in our usual groove, but I feel a huge time crunch as their annual Summer Party is this Saturday and I am so not yet ready. KC has helped to make some games but we still have a bit of work yet ahead of us. Somehow, it will get done. I hope.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Just beachy!
Yesterday we went to the beach. All of us--even my sand hating wife! I was excited beyond belief as usually that is just the kids and I but she offered to come with us and even chose which beach to go to. The weather was perfect. Sunny and warm but not burn your feet on the sand hot. The water was 67 degrees or so which is cold but tolerable. The waves were not so severe that the littles were knocked over. See? I said perfect!
KC spent a great deal of time perfecting skim board and boogie boarding skills. Still not quite there on the skim board, which is a lot about timing, but he has the boogie boarding nailed. He is such a water bug. You would swear he was born in a water sign, instead of April. He will stay in the water forever if you let him. When he was little I used to have to buy insulated swim gear for him because he pitched such a fit over getting out and warming up. Thankfully, at 9 he is more able to understand that he can return to the water when his lips are no longer blue and he is not shaking uncontrollably. LOL
Lissa said her favorite part was running to the water and screaming. That is pretty much my Lissa. A chance to scream is so up her alley. Ear piercing screams. But she had fun.
Rob endured the day. He likes to watch the water but not to really be in it. However he is also a helpful big brother and would hold Lissa's hand while she ran to the water to scream etc. Chet ran in and out of the water and looked for shells. He had a really good time but was quickly overstimulated by the sound and sensation of the water. When he gets over stimulated the first thing that happens is that he starts to forget to swallow and we have to keep reminding him not to drool all over the place. Usually the ocean is a place where he is more regulated instead of less, so this was disturbing, but at least he had a good time.
My wife went in the water some, but had to be careful of her newly healed ankle and spent the rest of the time in a beach chair relaxing and watching us all. When the kids had their sand castle contest, she and I could sit and chat.
There were plenty of snacks and lunches packed but the beach trip is not the same without a trip for icecream on the way home. Sadly, ice cream (smalls) for the 6 of us cost about as much as 5 or 6 gallons of ice cream. Yikes! But it was fun to sit on a picnic table out side the stand and eat our cones and joke around.
This will be a busy week with both some extra work responsibilities and the kids upcoming summer party which needs some final preparations. The beach day was the perfect way to rejuvenate before this weeks mad race of responsibilities!
KC spent a great deal of time perfecting skim board and boogie boarding skills. Still not quite there on the skim board, which is a lot about timing, but he has the boogie boarding nailed. He is such a water bug. You would swear he was born in a water sign, instead of April. He will stay in the water forever if you let him. When he was little I used to have to buy insulated swim gear for him because he pitched such a fit over getting out and warming up. Thankfully, at 9 he is more able to understand that he can return to the water when his lips are no longer blue and he is not shaking uncontrollably. LOL
Lissa said her favorite part was running to the water and screaming. That is pretty much my Lissa. A chance to scream is so up her alley. Ear piercing screams. But she had fun.
Rob endured the day. He likes to watch the water but not to really be in it. However he is also a helpful big brother and would hold Lissa's hand while she ran to the water to scream etc. Chet ran in and out of the water and looked for shells. He had a really good time but was quickly overstimulated by the sound and sensation of the water. When he gets over stimulated the first thing that happens is that he starts to forget to swallow and we have to keep reminding him not to drool all over the place. Usually the ocean is a place where he is more regulated instead of less, so this was disturbing, but at least he had a good time.
My wife went in the water some, but had to be careful of her newly healed ankle and spent the rest of the time in a beach chair relaxing and watching us all. When the kids had their sand castle contest, she and I could sit and chat.
There were plenty of snacks and lunches packed but the beach trip is not the same without a trip for icecream on the way home. Sadly, ice cream (smalls) for the 6 of us cost about as much as 5 or 6 gallons of ice cream. Yikes! But it was fun to sit on a picnic table out side the stand and eat our cones and joke around.
This will be a busy week with both some extra work responsibilities and the kids upcoming summer party which needs some final preparations. The beach day was the perfect way to rejuvenate before this weeks mad race of responsibilities!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Summer Party Plans
Next Saturday is KC and Lissa's summer party. Pray for good weather as this really needs an outside venue! LOL Last night the kids helped figure out the games and what would go where in the back yard. We drew a sketch of their plans on the dry erase board. The games will be made over the next couple of days--they are fairly simple. The only game we are actually purchasing is Twister.
KC decided that since this is a rock star theme that there should be a "DJ" booth. So he created a sign last night and has plans to cover a small table with craft paper and make it look like speakers or something. Then he will bring down his favorite CDs and spin tunes while the party is in progress. The two of them have decided on the food and we will buy the non perishables today and the rest of the paper goods.
I love that the party is highly kid driven and has been right from the beginning. They do the guest list, the theme, pick out the crafts and games, help make the games and decide on the menu. It is not just fun but also a skill, sandwiched in there as well.
KC decided that since this is a rock star theme that there should be a "DJ" booth. So he created a sign last night and has plans to cover a small table with craft paper and make it look like speakers or something. Then he will bring down his favorite CDs and spin tunes while the party is in progress. The two of them have decided on the food and we will buy the non perishables today and the rest of the paper goods.
I love that the party is highly kid driven and has been right from the beginning. They do the guest list, the theme, pick out the crafts and games, help make the games and decide on the menu. It is not just fun but also a skill, sandwiched in there as well.
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