New Years Eve is a lot of fun in our house. Because I have a deep loathing for the behaviors of overtired cranky kids (and mine waken at 6 regardless of when their heads hit the pillow) we don't typically stay up till midnight. Yet is can't be just like any old night. . . it is a chance to celebrate and I love celebrations and so do the kids. (and Kirsty is learning) {grin} Some years ago we began choosing a country and learning about it and making that country the theme of our New Years Eve. The year we did England we had a British tea for instance, and Robbie made this giant clock like Big Ben that hung in our dining room that night. Last year we did Australia and i was lucky enough to have an on line friend gift us with a bunch of Aussie treats which the kids adored. KC still talks about the chocolate she sent. (I am allergic so I couldn't eat it) But KC really doesn't like chocolate but loved that style. K said it was different from the chocolate here in the states, so there you go. We had a BBQ meal because it is summer in Oz when it is winter here and who doesn't like a BBQ?
This year Robbie chose Italy. We did some research and found that lentils are a popular new years eve food in Italy. The small coin shape represents a wish for good fortune. What a cool thing for a veggie family who loves lentils to find out! So we are having tonite---- cheese and cracker plate (probably not very Italian but none the less yummy) Then a small composed salad. Then a cup of lentil and pasta soup. This recipe is Italian; we found it on line. Then a main dish of Kirsty's delish home made pasta with marinara. Then for dessert, mini cannolis. I wish I could say I made them, but making cannoli looks really time consuming so we bought mini ones at the grocery store! There will be asti spumanti for the adults to drink and sparkling cider for the kiddos.
We found out that there are some fun traditions in Italy--wearing red underwear for good luck. Too bad none of us own red undies! LOL And at mid night throwing old belongings out the window to make way for the new year. We're passing on that too but we are playing a game of family bingo which is very similar to a game they play in Italy. Then all the kids get to jump on all the packing bubbles I have saved thru the m onth of December and we have our "fireworks"
Welcome 2009, we have been richly blessed this year and I feel grateful for friends, for family, and for the life we are building.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
New Music Class
Our park buddies told us of a music class that they have been participating in which is right down the street from us. One feels rather foolish to find you have been driving 20 miles to another city for music classes when there was one literally in your back yard. The fact that it is held in the church that i used to worship at for many many years adds to the general irony of it all.
Today was a free demo class so I took the 2 littles with Rob coming as my helper. I expected that KC would love the class. I think he will eventually. He liked components of the class but he is slow to warm up in new situations and there were more people in the class than he felt comfortable with.
Lissa on the other hand LOVED it. She did everything and where she is just 2 I was amazed to see her step away from me and be so very independent. Chose her instruments, helped put things away, danced and stomped and jumped. You name it, she did it. Except singing. The songs were new to her and she is less likely to try and vocalize something unfamiliar. But I could tell she adored the experience.
So now I have 2 classes to scrape money together for because they are both similar yet significantly different enough that they complement one another. KC wants to return to his familiar surroundings and "Miss Patty" Lissa tolerates Miss Patty's class but clearly adores this one more. I also think if KC saw Andre in his local class he would be more receptive. Andre was sick today so Holly had said he wouldn't be there. The other plus to me was there was a local adoptive family there who had a beautiful AA daughter a few years older than our Lissa. It is important to me that there be those components to experiences whenever possible.
Another cool facet of this class was that the teacher is a guy. Interestingly I noticed Rob was much more relaxed and participatory with a male instructor. So that makes this class important to me too. I want Robbie to see that "real guys" can like music! (grin) And even though the class isn't for him, he does assist as those extra pair of hands if a little tries to head for the high country or something.
So off to do some financial analysis!
Today was a free demo class so I took the 2 littles with Rob coming as my helper. I expected that KC would love the class. I think he will eventually. He liked components of the class but he is slow to warm up in new situations and there were more people in the class than he felt comfortable with.
Lissa on the other hand LOVED it. She did everything and where she is just 2 I was amazed to see her step away from me and be so very independent. Chose her instruments, helped put things away, danced and stomped and jumped. You name it, she did it. Except singing. The songs were new to her and she is less likely to try and vocalize something unfamiliar. But I could tell she adored the experience.
So now I have 2 classes to scrape money together for because they are both similar yet significantly different enough that they complement one another. KC wants to return to his familiar surroundings and "Miss Patty" Lissa tolerates Miss Patty's class but clearly adores this one more. I also think if KC saw Andre in his local class he would be more receptive. Andre was sick today so Holly had said he wouldn't be there. The other plus to me was there was a local adoptive family there who had a beautiful AA daughter a few years older than our Lissa. It is important to me that there be those components to experiences whenever possible.
Another cool facet of this class was that the teacher is a guy. Interestingly I noticed Rob was much more relaxed and participatory with a male instructor. So that makes this class important to me too. I want Robbie to see that "real guys" can like music! (grin) And even though the class isn't for him, he does assist as those extra pair of hands if a little tries to head for the high country or something.
So off to do some financial analysis!
Monday, December 29, 2008
And Still More Christmas
My holly jolly spirit is fading fast here folks. Today we went to see my mom. We were going to Christmas with her and with her husband at the care facility that he is in. But he was too ill to make it wise to bring the children so she said to just visit with her.
We were really looking forward to the visit. We have always visited at least bi-monthly because we love them and because it is hugely important to K and I that the kids have relationships with their grandparents.
Mom had asked me for a table lantern to use during the famous power outages her region of the state has so very often. She was not specific, just didn't want to use candles any more as she felt unsafe with an open flame nowadays. Made sense to me. With less secure balance at 75 and a cat in the picture now, I 'd rather a table lantern for her to. With my typical zeal I researched such things on line and decided to purchase from LL Bean. A company dear to her heart whom she herself patronizes frequently. The reviews I read said this one particular kind was very good. It charged off the house current and then when used in an outage, would provide a minimum of nine hours of light. I thought I'd be saving her money on batteries and she would always have light when she needed it.
OK so Mom opens the gift. Stares at it like I have wrapped Medusa's head. "What's THIS?" she asks in a tone i know from my child hood does not mean good things. I explain it is a rechargable table lantern. I am then lectured on how she doesn't know where to put it. She doesn't have any unused electrical outlets (we could see 3 on quick perusal of the room we were in) and a caustic coup de grace that she had thought it would be just like her neighbors downstairs. Well hello, I don't know her neighbor and have never seen her flipping lantern. Which by the way she never mentioned in any specific detail. I give up trying to explain the features and finally say rather flatly she can return it to the store and exchange it for any lantern that she fancies.
I think at that point she realized that she had crossed a huge social gulf into the land of rude and unreasonable. She agreed to let K set it up and show her how it worked and professed to like it. My guess is she still hates it. I find that the more I ponder that, the less I feel like worrying about it.
I called her later tonite to find out how she was. She had a dental appointment after our visit and I was hoping all went well. She told me the details. Then she told me what a wonderful time she had. I wondered to myself what universe she had been on that her "wonderful time" was so cruel and painful to Kirsty and I.
Then she had to go on about how my daughter is so well behaved---"not like KC.
Hello????? I love my kids, they are all great. They ALL did amazingly well during that visit. Lissa was indeed very sweet and engaging. She played with her gifts. She interacted well. She chowed pizza. Yay team.
But KC was sweet too. He brought a special card that he made when he heard we could not visit his grampa. A card he took time to make himself. He brought a game from home that he hoped his Nana would play with him. He thanked her for each and every thing he received. If he was guilty of anything it was of childish excitement at seeing gifts under her tree. He is 4. He knows gifts. Lissa is 2. She doesn't quite get it yet. Sigh.
My Rob was great. He was polite and helpful and though quiet as is his wont, he was also sincere in his appreciation.
My Chet did well, for the most part holding things together at least until we left Nana's house. His social skills are the weakest of all the children despite his age. Autism is cruel in that regard. I know--or I believe--that there is a kinder more loving person there than we are allowed to see.
All the kids had thought long and hard about their gifts. Chet bought his but the other kids all made theirs. That is huge to me becuase it is an investment of time and caring for someone. Rob spent literally hours on the tile picture he made of a lighthouse. KC made soaps that he knew his Nana would love. Shaped like items from the sea and the natural world, they reflected her loves.
I am hurt that she showed such favoritism in her comment about only Lissa being well behaved. None of the kids broke anything, damaged anything, or were in any way rude. Trust me, I know rude! I have pondered how to handle this. It is hard to know what is part of her un-gentle aging and perhaps not feeling well (remembering the emergency dental visit) and what is just plain meanspiritedness. My mom can run really hot and cold. And the trouble is, I will not repeat NOT have any of my kids lauded over the other. They are all special. They are all loved. Or else!
So I have decided that i will try to handle this by writing my thank you to her tomorrow. I will comment on how she has always been such a wonderful Nana, seeing to the heart of each of my wee ones and seeing their specialness. Then i will name one such specialness of each child. We will see if that will make a change. Writing it will be more permanent. In some ways it is less confrontational. But this is not something I will debate. I am hoping that this is her chance to embrace those facets of my kids personalities or we will be saving a lot on gas because visits will be a lot fewer.
And tonite after supper KC asked if he could email his Nana to tell her what fun he had at her house today. Yup, what a horrid little boy. Sigh.
We were really looking forward to the visit. We have always visited at least bi-monthly because we love them and because it is hugely important to K and I that the kids have relationships with their grandparents.
Mom had asked me for a table lantern to use during the famous power outages her region of the state has so very often. She was not specific, just didn't want to use candles any more as she felt unsafe with an open flame nowadays. Made sense to me. With less secure balance at 75 and a cat in the picture now, I 'd rather a table lantern for her to. With my typical zeal I researched such things on line and decided to purchase from LL Bean. A company dear to her heart whom she herself patronizes frequently. The reviews I read said this one particular kind was very good. It charged off the house current and then when used in an outage, would provide a minimum of nine hours of light. I thought I'd be saving her money on batteries and she would always have light when she needed it.
OK so Mom opens the gift. Stares at it like I have wrapped Medusa's head. "What's THIS?" she asks in a tone i know from my child hood does not mean good things. I explain it is a rechargable table lantern. I am then lectured on how she doesn't know where to put it. She doesn't have any unused electrical outlets (we could see 3 on quick perusal of the room we were in) and a caustic coup de grace that she had thought it would be just like her neighbors downstairs. Well hello, I don't know her neighbor and have never seen her flipping lantern. Which by the way she never mentioned in any specific detail. I give up trying to explain the features and finally say rather flatly she can return it to the store and exchange it for any lantern that she fancies.
I think at that point she realized that she had crossed a huge social gulf into the land of rude and unreasonable. She agreed to let K set it up and show her how it worked and professed to like it. My guess is she still hates it. I find that the more I ponder that, the less I feel like worrying about it.
I called her later tonite to find out how she was. She had a dental appointment after our visit and I was hoping all went well. She told me the details. Then she told me what a wonderful time she had. I wondered to myself what universe she had been on that her "wonderful time" was so cruel and painful to Kirsty and I.
Then she had to go on about how my daughter is so well behaved---"not like KC.
Hello????? I love my kids, they are all great. They ALL did amazingly well during that visit. Lissa was indeed very sweet and engaging. She played with her gifts. She interacted well. She chowed pizza. Yay team.
But KC was sweet too. He brought a special card that he made when he heard we could not visit his grampa. A card he took time to make himself. He brought a game from home that he hoped his Nana would play with him. He thanked her for each and every thing he received. If he was guilty of anything it was of childish excitement at seeing gifts under her tree. He is 4. He knows gifts. Lissa is 2. She doesn't quite get it yet. Sigh.
My Rob was great. He was polite and helpful and though quiet as is his wont, he was also sincere in his appreciation.
My Chet did well, for the most part holding things together at least until we left Nana's house. His social skills are the weakest of all the children despite his age. Autism is cruel in that regard. I know--or I believe--that there is a kinder more loving person there than we are allowed to see.
All the kids had thought long and hard about their gifts. Chet bought his but the other kids all made theirs. That is huge to me becuase it is an investment of time and caring for someone. Rob spent literally hours on the tile picture he made of a lighthouse. KC made soaps that he knew his Nana would love. Shaped like items from the sea and the natural world, they reflected her loves.
I am hurt that she showed such favoritism in her comment about only Lissa being well behaved. None of the kids broke anything, damaged anything, or were in any way rude. Trust me, I know rude! I have pondered how to handle this. It is hard to know what is part of her un-gentle aging and perhaps not feeling well (remembering the emergency dental visit) and what is just plain meanspiritedness. My mom can run really hot and cold. And the trouble is, I will not repeat NOT have any of my kids lauded over the other. They are all special. They are all loved. Or else!
So I have decided that i will try to handle this by writing my thank you to her tomorrow. I will comment on how she has always been such a wonderful Nana, seeing to the heart of each of my wee ones and seeing their specialness. Then i will name one such specialness of each child. We will see if that will make a change. Writing it will be more permanent. In some ways it is less confrontational. But this is not something I will debate. I am hoping that this is her chance to embrace those facets of my kids personalities or we will be saving a lot on gas because visits will be a lot fewer.
And tonite after supper KC asked if he could email his Nana to tell her what fun he had at her house today. Yup, what a horrid little boy. Sigh.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Relationships
Christmas made me think more than usual about relationships. This may have been because my sister and her ex husband came to Christmas dinner. I love my sister and in fact have no other siblings. But I absolutely, totally, do not really understand her. Maybe it is me. I think that relationships are important. And at some level, sacred. Particularly when you decide to cohabitate or to marry. Not in a fundamentalist way, but it is more than just deciding to hang out, have sex and get coffee. Sis left home at 16 and moved in with the man who would be hubby number one. They lived together for a long time and eventually married and had a daughter. He was an abusive man who had issues with alcohol and drugs. I think sis couldn't bring herself to just leave him, despite my asking her over and over to leave for her safety. So she had an affair, he went ballistic and she left in a big way, in a scary way. I laid a lot of that to her immaturity and young age. My parents split up when she was 16 and I was 19. She was very close to my father and I guess this hit her very hard. At the very least she chose for her first mate a man much much older than she with 2 children from a previous marriage. While it looks on the surface that she wanted to hold the relationship together, i don't really think she did. Because she stepped out on him and chose someone that it was just about guaranteed would tell her husband what had happened and when.
A few years go by. She meets the man who will become hubby number 2. He is everything hubby 1 wasn't. Pretty decent looking, great job, good prospects as they said in the old time movies. A bit of a stuffed shirt and I think also painfully shy, but not a bad man. They date, they marry with a big extravagent wedding and build a life together which includes 2 babies. After baby #2 she steps out on him with the man who would become hubby 3. The divorce is hurtful and her second ex has never re-married. Though we were never close i feel badly because I think her treatment of him hurt him very very deeply.
She and the man who will become hubby 3 then live together. We get lots of emails about how he is her soul mate. Eventually we meet him. He is a lot younger than she but a nice enough guy. Actually a very good conversationalist and not at all off put by the fact that we are lesbians. They build a life together but it is rocky almost from the get go. He too, has children from his first marriage. The blending is very tough and there appear to be mental health issues with his children. Neither my sister or her new husband are really involved parents and eventually things crest with his kids threatening her kids and they split up. And get back together. And split up. And come to Christmas dinner together. And I don't know where to put that!
My mother's answer is "well she takes after your father." Said father is on marriage number 3 himself. I don't even know where he lives. When he left the general vicinity that i live in, he never called to say goodbye. He moved in July years ago and notified me via Christmas card that same year in December. It would have been funny, but the fact that he travelled to see my sister and say goodbye to her and instructed her not to tell me sort of took the humor out of it for me.
I don't know why he and i can't have a relationship. We began butting heads when I was about 9 and it never really got better. I remember him picking arguments at pretty much every milestone. Making me cry at my dance recitals. Having a big blowout over putting lights on the tree. He never remembered my birthday, right down to thinking i was the wrong zodiac sign. Laughable now, but at 11 that was HUGE. Had another big fight the day I graduated. You can sort of see that my eyes are red and puffy in the photos. And then there was the year he decided to move out on my birthday. I don't know if he really didn't remember or just didn't care, but it put a damper on birthday joy for many years. I finally just decided to change the day I celebrate my birthday. When he lived nearby I tried to have a connection with him because I wanted my children to know their grandfather. But after a few visits he stopped returning phone calls, was never home etc. I'm a bit too uppity to beat on a closed door so I didn't continue to try with the same level of diligence. And then he moved.
Maybe he doesn't like the fact that I am a lesbian. Maybe he just doesn't like me. I'll never know because he can't or won't call me. I tell myself that it is his loss. My father in law is awesome and is the dad I would have wished for if you could pick one out. He calls and emails and is there on holidays. He knows my kids and loves them, even the ones he doesn't understand.
And the funny thing is, I am the one in a committed long term relationship. I met my beloved in high school, though we were not a couple until a few years later. But we began by being close friends and I think that is the very best foundation for a relationship. It grew and flourished and we began living together when we were 19. We didn't call ourselves anything but "roommates" for years. Her dad, my father in law, is retired Air Force and I couldn't picture telling him that we were a couple. It wasn't until 2004 that it was legal for us to marry in our state. By that time we had long considered ourselves married. We had exhanged rings and vows of commitment to one another privately. Because I all ready "felt" married, we only had a small civil ceremony in 2004, but it proclaimed legally what we all ready felt in our hearts. Essentially we have lived together 31 years. Her brother and sister remain unmarried, mine has had multiple unions, and neither of my parents marriages have had that level of duration.
I'm not bragging about it. It is what it is, as Kirsty would say. But I think the difference is that we both feel that level of sacredness in our relationship. It is a strong glue that binds us together in the tough times and allows us to celebrate the good ones. It gives us the determination and the perseverance to be the best parents we can be and not feel that our relationship is diminished or short changed. I am so very lucky.
A few years go by. She meets the man who will become hubby number 2. He is everything hubby 1 wasn't. Pretty decent looking, great job, good prospects as they said in the old time movies. A bit of a stuffed shirt and I think also painfully shy, but not a bad man. They date, they marry with a big extravagent wedding and build a life together which includes 2 babies. After baby #2 she steps out on him with the man who would become hubby 3. The divorce is hurtful and her second ex has never re-married. Though we were never close i feel badly because I think her treatment of him hurt him very very deeply.
She and the man who will become hubby 3 then live together. We get lots of emails about how he is her soul mate. Eventually we meet him. He is a lot younger than she but a nice enough guy. Actually a very good conversationalist and not at all off put by the fact that we are lesbians. They build a life together but it is rocky almost from the get go. He too, has children from his first marriage. The blending is very tough and there appear to be mental health issues with his children. Neither my sister or her new husband are really involved parents and eventually things crest with his kids threatening her kids and they split up. And get back together. And split up. And come to Christmas dinner together. And I don't know where to put that!
My mother's answer is "well she takes after your father." Said father is on marriage number 3 himself. I don't even know where he lives. When he left the general vicinity that i live in, he never called to say goodbye. He moved in July years ago and notified me via Christmas card that same year in December. It would have been funny, but the fact that he travelled to see my sister and say goodbye to her and instructed her not to tell me sort of took the humor out of it for me.
I don't know why he and i can't have a relationship. We began butting heads when I was about 9 and it never really got better. I remember him picking arguments at pretty much every milestone. Making me cry at my dance recitals. Having a big blowout over putting lights on the tree. He never remembered my birthday, right down to thinking i was the wrong zodiac sign. Laughable now, but at 11 that was HUGE. Had another big fight the day I graduated. You can sort of see that my eyes are red and puffy in the photos. And then there was the year he decided to move out on my birthday. I don't know if he really didn't remember or just didn't care, but it put a damper on birthday joy for many years. I finally just decided to change the day I celebrate my birthday. When he lived nearby I tried to have a connection with him because I wanted my children to know their grandfather. But after a few visits he stopped returning phone calls, was never home etc. I'm a bit too uppity to beat on a closed door so I didn't continue to try with the same level of diligence. And then he moved.
Maybe he doesn't like the fact that I am a lesbian. Maybe he just doesn't like me. I'll never know because he can't or won't call me. I tell myself that it is his loss. My father in law is awesome and is the dad I would have wished for if you could pick one out. He calls and emails and is there on holidays. He knows my kids and loves them, even the ones he doesn't understand.
And the funny thing is, I am the one in a committed long term relationship. I met my beloved in high school, though we were not a couple until a few years later. But we began by being close friends and I think that is the very best foundation for a relationship. It grew and flourished and we began living together when we were 19. We didn't call ourselves anything but "roommates" for years. Her dad, my father in law, is retired Air Force and I couldn't picture telling him that we were a couple. It wasn't until 2004 that it was legal for us to marry in our state. By that time we had long considered ourselves married. We had exhanged rings and vows of commitment to one another privately. Because I all ready "felt" married, we only had a small civil ceremony in 2004, but it proclaimed legally what we all ready felt in our hearts. Essentially we have lived together 31 years. Her brother and sister remain unmarried, mine has had multiple unions, and neither of my parents marriages have had that level of duration.
I'm not bragging about it. It is what it is, as Kirsty would say. But I think the difference is that we both feel that level of sacredness in our relationship. It is a strong glue that binds us together in the tough times and allows us to celebrate the good ones. It gives us the determination and the perseverance to be the best parents we can be and not feel that our relationship is diminished or short changed. I am so very lucky.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Post Christmas
No, not a Christmas post, as in after Christmas. I got up with the kids at 6:15 this a.m. (sleeping in at our house!!) and when I accidently knocked Robbie's pillow (I was holding Lissa and a bit off balance) it made an odd noise. Pillows by nature aren't supposed to make noise. So I investigated and found that he had hidden his Nintendo DS and two new games in his pillow and been playing them at night. For all I know, ALL night judging by his heavy lidded gaze. I asked him why he snuck them upstairs as he knows bedrooms are for sleeping only. My kids have no toys in their bedrooms otherwise they simply don't sleep. He answered that since he hadn't had time yesterday he did this. Given that he chose to spend the day messing around with his new MP3 player and watching a new movie he and Chet got for Christmas, his lack of time for video games wasn't my worry.
So I now have a Nintendo DS in my closet for a few days and I told him he was mine for the day. I find that for Robbie time outs are useless. Writing about the issue is sometimes helpful but more often than not equally useless. Charging him monetary penalties works in certain circumstances but let's face it. It is the day after Christmas and the kid has everything he wants, with the prospect of two more giftings with extended family to fill in any and every item that might not be in his possesion yet. So he was my enforced "buddy" today with breaks only to play with KC and Elisabeth. He did lots of cleaning, but I was cleaning with him. I don't want him to perceive that he is my slave. His foster family had foster kids do gross chores. Things like cleaning dog poop when he was 5. I am sorry that is just gross. Feed the dog at 5. Water the dog at 5. Grownups do the poop when a kid is 5. So today he helped me clean the kitchen within an inch of its life. He did the recycling. He folded and put away laundry. You get the drift. Anytime he looked just about done, I had something else for him to help with. They weren't all onerous. He helped me make banana bread bites. I know he likes to cook and cooking is a skill I want all my kids to have to I actively foster this. But I made him wash all the dishes from the cooking; usually I happily take on this task.
So by tonite I predict that a very tired 12 year old will fall into bed rueing the fact that he couldn't wait 12 hours to play a video game. . . at least I hope so!
So I now have a Nintendo DS in my closet for a few days and I told him he was mine for the day. I find that for Robbie time outs are useless. Writing about the issue is sometimes helpful but more often than not equally useless. Charging him monetary penalties works in certain circumstances but let's face it. It is the day after Christmas and the kid has everything he wants, with the prospect of two more giftings with extended family to fill in any and every item that might not be in his possesion yet. So he was my enforced "buddy" today with breaks only to play with KC and Elisabeth. He did lots of cleaning, but I was cleaning with him. I don't want him to perceive that he is my slave. His foster family had foster kids do gross chores. Things like cleaning dog poop when he was 5. I am sorry that is just gross. Feed the dog at 5. Water the dog at 5. Grownups do the poop when a kid is 5. So today he helped me clean the kitchen within an inch of its life. He did the recycling. He folded and put away laundry. You get the drift. Anytime he looked just about done, I had something else for him to help with. They weren't all onerous. He helped me make banana bread bites. I know he likes to cook and cooking is a skill I want all my kids to have to I actively foster this. But I made him wash all the dishes from the cooking; usually I happily take on this task.
So by tonite I predict that a very tired 12 year old will fall into bed rueing the fact that he couldn't wait 12 hours to play a video game. . . at least I hope so!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas 2008
It is over. The presents unwrapped, the toys assembled, the cinnamon buns fresh from the oven devoured. I love this holiday. I love the joy of the season in general, but this year I had a special gift.
My beloved enjoyed it too. 12 years ago her mother received a terminal diagnosis on December 1st and it has been a long haul for her to get past the truly painful memories that the date would bring. Time does heal, but it heals at a different pace for everyone. It was a slow journey back to her for a joyful season. Not that she was dour to us necessarily, but for me, who knows her well, I knew that some of the happiness was faked. I also carried much of the responsibility of the seasonal expectations, trying to make it easy for her to back off when she needed or wanted to. And in fairness, some of this may not have been due to her mother. 2 years ago we adopted Lissa and when we got home for Christmas that year it was to arrive on 12/23 after driving 20 straight hours from Chicago. So she was exhausted that year and because the call from the agency was unexpected we hadn't finished all the holiday prep before we left for Chicago in mid December. The next Christmas Lissa was just a year and had only slept through the night twice up to that point. So she was sleep deprived that holiday season as well.
I did the holiday cards and the annual photo shoot of the kids. I did the ordering of gifts, and the wrapping and hiding of same. I did the stocking stuffing. I loaded it all under the tree. She helped with holiday baking and some of the decorating, but even there, for many years it was largely something I orchestrated.
This year it was a team effort and it was even more fun. I even loved the holiday doing a disporportionate amount of the work, so imagine how I enjoyed it when she was able to help. When she took the holiday pic with our digital camera so I could send out our cards. When she didn't crab about the amount of cookies we needed to make to give to friends and merchants in the area. When she wrapped gifts with me. We hid gifts together, we baked cookies together. Did I say it was fun? So her joy was one of my biggest gifts this holiday season. I am all about holidays and making memories and this year we made some great ones.
The kids did some amazing gifts for me and for Kirsty and for each other. Robbie's gift to me was a beautiful knotted and beaded necklace. I am wearing it now and have been fingering it off and on all day. It is special to me not just because it is from him, but because it is a gift i can tell he had to work hard at. He learned a skill and perfected it to make something of beauty for me. It makes my heart sing to look at it and wear it. KC made me soaps. They are beautiful with a soft scent of vanilla and I hoped he would do these again for me this year. I don't know what they are made of but I know they keep my skin moist in the dry winter air. Lissa gave me gloves and the girl has fashion sense! I am not kidding; this one is going to drive me round the bend with fashion when she is older; I can tell. They are beautiful and warm and unlike my pair that i have been wearing, they have no holes at all in them! Chet gave me a gift that made me smile as well. He gave a donation in my honor to a charity. I work hard to help my kids see that part of being in this world is giving in ways that we can to help make everyone's time here better. With an autistic person it is hard to get these things across sometimes. He has no real ability to understand emotions, they are either illogical or scary to him and he backs away from examining them. But somehow, he did get this, and I am so glad.
My sister and her ex husband came to dinner and while that reads weirdly, it went well. They are friends and lovers, just not able to be partners I guess. And while I have been in my relationship since 1978 and can't totally understand what seems to be lack of commitment, they are both fun to be with and good company. That leads to other musings on relationships but I'll save that for another day!
KC got a guitar from Santa and it turns out that Matt plays guitar and could help tune the instrument and show KC some basics. I don't know what he took in, he is only 4 but he is also a very musical little spirit and really was attentive to Matt. But their time here was pleasant, the conversation happy and spirited and that too was a gift. My sister and i have a hard time connecting. We love one another but we don't understand one another. This seems all the more sad to me because there is only the two of us in our family, and we don't have lots of cousins or extended family either. Yet we are day and night and our life choices, our dreams and virtually everything about us is so profoundly different it is sometimes hard to find a meeting place between our worlds. Today, in a bit of Christmas magic, that meeting place was there and it added to the wellspring of joy.
Merry Christmas
My beloved enjoyed it too. 12 years ago her mother received a terminal diagnosis on December 1st and it has been a long haul for her to get past the truly painful memories that the date would bring. Time does heal, but it heals at a different pace for everyone. It was a slow journey back to her for a joyful season. Not that she was dour to us necessarily, but for me, who knows her well, I knew that some of the happiness was faked. I also carried much of the responsibility of the seasonal expectations, trying to make it easy for her to back off when she needed or wanted to. And in fairness, some of this may not have been due to her mother. 2 years ago we adopted Lissa and when we got home for Christmas that year it was to arrive on 12/23 after driving 20 straight hours from Chicago. So she was exhausted that year and because the call from the agency was unexpected we hadn't finished all the holiday prep before we left for Chicago in mid December. The next Christmas Lissa was just a year and had only slept through the night twice up to that point. So she was sleep deprived that holiday season as well.
I did the holiday cards and the annual photo shoot of the kids. I did the ordering of gifts, and the wrapping and hiding of same. I did the stocking stuffing. I loaded it all under the tree. She helped with holiday baking and some of the decorating, but even there, for many years it was largely something I orchestrated.
This year it was a team effort and it was even more fun. I even loved the holiday doing a disporportionate amount of the work, so imagine how I enjoyed it when she was able to help. When she took the holiday pic with our digital camera so I could send out our cards. When she didn't crab about the amount of cookies we needed to make to give to friends and merchants in the area. When she wrapped gifts with me. We hid gifts together, we baked cookies together. Did I say it was fun? So her joy was one of my biggest gifts this holiday season. I am all about holidays and making memories and this year we made some great ones.
The kids did some amazing gifts for me and for Kirsty and for each other. Robbie's gift to me was a beautiful knotted and beaded necklace. I am wearing it now and have been fingering it off and on all day. It is special to me not just because it is from him, but because it is a gift i can tell he had to work hard at. He learned a skill and perfected it to make something of beauty for me. It makes my heart sing to look at it and wear it. KC made me soaps. They are beautiful with a soft scent of vanilla and I hoped he would do these again for me this year. I don't know what they are made of but I know they keep my skin moist in the dry winter air. Lissa gave me gloves and the girl has fashion sense! I am not kidding; this one is going to drive me round the bend with fashion when she is older; I can tell. They are beautiful and warm and unlike my pair that i have been wearing, they have no holes at all in them! Chet gave me a gift that made me smile as well. He gave a donation in my honor to a charity. I work hard to help my kids see that part of being in this world is giving in ways that we can to help make everyone's time here better. With an autistic person it is hard to get these things across sometimes. He has no real ability to understand emotions, they are either illogical or scary to him and he backs away from examining them. But somehow, he did get this, and I am so glad.
My sister and her ex husband came to dinner and while that reads weirdly, it went well. They are friends and lovers, just not able to be partners I guess. And while I have been in my relationship since 1978 and can't totally understand what seems to be lack of commitment, they are both fun to be with and good company. That leads to other musings on relationships but I'll save that for another day!
KC got a guitar from Santa and it turns out that Matt plays guitar and could help tune the instrument and show KC some basics. I don't know what he took in, he is only 4 but he is also a very musical little spirit and really was attentive to Matt. But their time here was pleasant, the conversation happy and spirited and that too was a gift. My sister and i have a hard time connecting. We love one another but we don't understand one another. This seems all the more sad to me because there is only the two of us in our family, and we don't have lots of cousins or extended family either. Yet we are day and night and our life choices, our dreams and virtually everything about us is so profoundly different it is sometimes hard to find a meeting place between our worlds. Today, in a bit of Christmas magic, that meeting place was there and it added to the wellspring of joy.
Merry Christmas
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve
The joy of coming home from work early to family can not be quantified. It is a deep upswelling of happiness within me. I helped KC finish his gifts. He made chocolate candy and lollipops for his siblings and a wall decoration for Kirsty. He wrapped everything with great care and made his own tags for each gift. I wrapped all Kirsty's gifts and the last two stocking stuffers for Robbie. Somewhere in the house I have lost the very cool Red Sox activity book that I bought for him months ago. Someone's child was doing a fund raiser and it was in it. It was different and I thought it good for winter hours. Which it would be if I knew where the heck I hid it!
And there ARE truly Christmas miracles. . . KC's much wished for guitar arrived by parcel post this a.m.
And there ARE truly Christmas miracles. . . KC's much wished for guitar arrived by parcel post this a.m.
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