Two days ago I got the mail and found a "Country Living" magazine. I don't subscribe to CL. Not that it is a bad magazine; I actually like it. But magazine subscriptions in general are something I don't pay for. The only 2 exceptions are Family Fun and Ebony. I figure anything else we can read at the library, or ask for from family for gifts. (incidently we get Down East, Readers Digest and National Geographic as gifts to the adults. Various kids get 2 varieties of Highlights, SI for Kids and Ranger Rick) Magazine deprived we are not.
So I figured the mail person just put the magazine in the wrong mailbox on the street. Especially when I looked at the name. Juju Kaka. I kid you not. Except that Juju apparently lives at our house on our street, in our city as all the other info was correct. I read the magazine since it was sitting there and sort of chuckled at the name.
Yesterday the bill for Juju's magazine arrived. Juju apparently LOVES Country Living because they subscribed for two full years. I went on line to check things out. Juju had an invalid email called email@email.com CL let me cancel Juju's subscription but I don't think I will tell Juju's alter ego that right away when he returns from camp. I will let him sweat a little because the bill is waiting for him. It will be very hard to keep a straight face though.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
I see a train and it is the. . .
potty train! Well okay so much for my attempts at humor. But seriously, Lissa seems to have decided to work on this. I am so often amazed by my children. They just know when they are ready for something. I try to be as child led as I can. I don't like screaming kids. I don't like stress. So if I can avoid some or both of those, it's all good to me. Which translates into the fact that we don't force potty training. KC started around 2.5 and regressed back when Lissa came home and then did it for real when he was a bit older than 3. Lissa just announced to us that she would use the toilet and did. Also, no kiddy potty for her. She is not amused by pint sized pots! Wants the real thing thank you very much and even used the toilet when we went to my mom's on Saturday. Today she wore training pants all day. No accidents. She is very proud . . . and so are we.
KC seems to have decided to take over as "big brother" while Rob is gone. He moved his stool to Robbie's part of the kitchen island and has fed the dog (Rob's job) ever since Rob went to camp. Without being asked, might I add. Did I mention my kids amaze me?
KC seems to have decided to take over as "big brother" while Rob is gone. He moved his stool to Robbie's part of the kitchen island and has fed the dog (Rob's job) ever since Rob went to camp. Without being asked, might I add. Did I mention my kids amaze me?
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Finding Dee
I think I wrote last September sometime about having a visit with Rob's bio brother Dee. He was adopted out of the sibling group before we ever met Rob, and lived with a paternal aunt. We only had one visit with him when a cousin from the other side of the family hosted him at her home for the weekend. Then they left the country and we did not hear from the family who adopted Dee again. Sadly he is again in the "system" through no fault of his own. We were contacted by a social worker last fall whose job was to help kids in foster care find family members that they have lost touch with through their multiple placements. We were very open to contact with Dee and wrote to him and sent pictures. Told the sw we were totally cool with visitation if transport could be arranged.
Dee is a really neat kid. He and I found a lot of common ground as he is a dancer. I come from a dance background and conversation was easier than I expected because of that common ground. We love the same dance show, we talked about who we were rooting for and why etc. The social worker agreed to bring him to our home for a visit. He lives a long way from us and I am so directionally impaired and so afraid to drive in a REALLY big city that this was necessary.
The visit went great. He and Rob were a bit awkward; it has been literally years since they saw each other. He enjoyed looking at Robbie's scrapbooks and catching up on what his brother has done via pictures and my captions. He liked KC and Elisabeth; the social worker liked me.
But she was not "the" social worker. As in the permanent person assigned to Dee. So once she had facilitated a visit and processed it with Dee (learning from him that he enjoyed himself and would like more contact) her job was to give this information to another person. That social worker was supposed to meet via phone or in person with both me and the foster family and work out a visitation plan. Which never happened.
I didn't know who to call. I am not even sure which DSS office has Dee's case. However, remember me joining Facebook? It occured to me the other night that i could maybe find him via Facebook! And I did. I sent him an email. I hope he writes back.
Dee is a really neat kid. He and I found a lot of common ground as he is a dancer. I come from a dance background and conversation was easier than I expected because of that common ground. We love the same dance show, we talked about who we were rooting for and why etc. The social worker agreed to bring him to our home for a visit. He lives a long way from us and I am so directionally impaired and so afraid to drive in a REALLY big city that this was necessary.
The visit went great. He and Rob were a bit awkward; it has been literally years since they saw each other. He enjoyed looking at Robbie's scrapbooks and catching up on what his brother has done via pictures and my captions. He liked KC and Elisabeth; the social worker liked me.
But she was not "the" social worker. As in the permanent person assigned to Dee. So once she had facilitated a visit and processed it with Dee (learning from him that he enjoyed himself and would like more contact) her job was to give this information to another person. That social worker was supposed to meet via phone or in person with both me and the foster family and work out a visitation plan. Which never happened.
I didn't know who to call. I am not even sure which DSS office has Dee's case. However, remember me joining Facebook? It occured to me the other night that i could maybe find him via Facebook! And I did. I sent him an email. I hope he writes back.
Rob's at camp
Yesterday we brought Rob up to camp and he will be there for a week. I know he was looking forward to it. And it is a place where I think he grows and spreads his wings a bit. That is something that at his core he is the most reluctant of all my kids to do. Whether it is a fear that loved ones won't be there when you falter, or just that teen boy fear of looking dorky, he is the least likely to challenge himself. This is a safe environment to do that and he seems to really thrive there. Some of the counselors are the same as last year and remembered him which made him a bit more at ease as we checked him in.
We had begun the day by visiting with my mom who lives in the same state. We had about a 2 hour visit with her but left right after lunch because she had plans to go to an art festival. Mom is funny. We regularly drive 2.5 hours to visit her, but our visits must never exceed 2 hours. I am used to it; and I truly do think it is funny. But the gap from leaving her to the time we were allowed to check Rob in was fairly substantial--2 hours.
The good thing is that this camp/conferance center is a place we are all familiar with. Our church camps there for a weekend every September. Chet went to conferences with K and I when we used to run religious ed programs in our former church. So we hung out there, playing on the playground, KC and Rob shooting hoops, and then I took KC and Lissa down to the beach to play.
Kirsty is not a lover of sand. She likes to swim but hates sand. I grew up summering at a lake. We swam constantly in the lake, boated on the marsh and were sandy from dawn to dusk. Just part of summer for me. I also lifeguarded for a large part of my teen years and don't feel uncomfortable watching my kids in water. I think K does feel a bit more anxious when they are around the water. I am watchful but not anxious. So we left her to nap in the van and went and had fun.
I hadn't bothered with swim suits as the weather has been so weird I figured it would probably rain. It didn't while we were there though (saved a gigantic 90 minute thunderstorm for when we got home!) and we had so much fun. We ran on the beach and the tide was coming in and we would run down and let it chase us up the beach. KC is just a water bug and has been from the very first time he ever went to the beach. He just stood there with his arms spread wide and this huge grin splitting his face letting the water "catch him." From then it was but a hop skip and a jump to HIM chasing the waves and eventually becoming totally drenched by falling in face first. He wasn't frightened, just wet, and I was right beside him and pulled him up immediately. Lissa dipped her toes in and liked the sensation of wet sand under foot. However eventually the vastness of the ocean overwhelmed her and I just carried her. I love the way she cuddles in my arms now. She likes to link her arms around my neck. We watched gulls and then headed back to change clothes and dry off. While I had not packed bathing suits I always pack an extra change of clothes for the kids whenever we day trip. I have learned you just never know!
Best of all, the little kids had a good leave taking this year. Last year KC cried the first 30 minutes of the 2.5 hour drive home. This year he did run back for an extra hug from Rob and his lip was quivering as he said "I will miss you SO much Robbie," but he didn't cry. I think perhaps the fact that Lissa is older and more able to play with him is making that transition easier this time around.
We had begun the day by visiting with my mom who lives in the same state. We had about a 2 hour visit with her but left right after lunch because she had plans to go to an art festival. Mom is funny. We regularly drive 2.5 hours to visit her, but our visits must never exceed 2 hours. I am used to it; and I truly do think it is funny. But the gap from leaving her to the time we were allowed to check Rob in was fairly substantial--2 hours.
The good thing is that this camp/conferance center is a place we are all familiar with. Our church camps there for a weekend every September. Chet went to conferences with K and I when we used to run religious ed programs in our former church. So we hung out there, playing on the playground, KC and Rob shooting hoops, and then I took KC and Lissa down to the beach to play.
Kirsty is not a lover of sand. She likes to swim but hates sand. I grew up summering at a lake. We swam constantly in the lake, boated on the marsh and were sandy from dawn to dusk. Just part of summer for me. I also lifeguarded for a large part of my teen years and don't feel uncomfortable watching my kids in water. I think K does feel a bit more anxious when they are around the water. I am watchful but not anxious. So we left her to nap in the van and went and had fun.
I hadn't bothered with swim suits as the weather has been so weird I figured it would probably rain. It didn't while we were there though (saved a gigantic 90 minute thunderstorm for when we got home!) and we had so much fun. We ran on the beach and the tide was coming in and we would run down and let it chase us up the beach. KC is just a water bug and has been from the very first time he ever went to the beach. He just stood there with his arms spread wide and this huge grin splitting his face letting the water "catch him." From then it was but a hop skip and a jump to HIM chasing the waves and eventually becoming totally drenched by falling in face first. He wasn't frightened, just wet, and I was right beside him and pulled him up immediately. Lissa dipped her toes in and liked the sensation of wet sand under foot. However eventually the vastness of the ocean overwhelmed her and I just carried her. I love the way she cuddles in my arms now. She likes to link her arms around my neck. We watched gulls and then headed back to change clothes and dry off. While I had not packed bathing suits I always pack an extra change of clothes for the kids whenever we day trip. I have learned you just never know!
Best of all, the little kids had a good leave taking this year. Last year KC cried the first 30 minutes of the 2.5 hour drive home. This year he did run back for an extra hug from Rob and his lip was quivering as he said "I will miss you SO much Robbie," but he didn't cry. I think perhaps the fact that Lissa is older and more able to play with him is making that transition easier this time around.
Friday, June 26, 2009
mud and miscommunication
Yesterday Kirsty decided to drive up to the community garden and check our garden plot. She took the van, loaded with 3 of the 4 kids and a bunch of work she had picked up from the factory for our home business. And drove out into the field. There is an access road in said field, but we have had 23 or 24 days of rain, as readers of my blog have put up with me whining about. Said rain caused the car to become well and truly stuck in the mud. And said mud caused her to slide the van across a fence causing significant body damage. There is a dent, it isn't just a light scratch someone can buff out. Sigh.
I do give her credit for keeping the troops calm and making the 4 mile walk home for them enjoyable. FYI, KC walked 3 of the 4 miles so when I tell you my kids have boundless energy, you know i am not exaggerating! LOL Luckily we have an umbrella stroller in the car at all times, so Lissa could ride.
K called me at work and told me the car was stuck there. I was seriously angry. We are trying to save up for a new pellet stove to replace the one that died this past winter. It is something we really need. Car repairs will significantly impact that savings effort. Also, I am used to people looking to me for a solution. My whole life everyone has always looked to me for answers and solutions. My mom has done that since I was nine, when my grandmother died. My sister and K's sister still do it as well. I freely confess that I had no idea that Kirsty was scared. I figured she would be as angry with herself as I was with her. Scared didn't enter into the equation for me. Can you sort of see where this is going? Massive miscommunication. I was not kind, nurturing and loving. I asked why she hadn't called Triple A instead of me. I was stuck at work, with a car too small to fit everyone in anyway. Let's just leave it that things didn't go well! :-)
Calling Triple A didn't help. If you don't break down within 100 yards of the road, they can't help you. I guess not to many people choose to mire themselves in the middle of a field! Also the adjacent orchard started spraying and we couldn't be in the area anyway till after 5:30 when they finished. The farm and orchard folk were kind enough to tell Kirsty that they would send someone with a tractor to haul her out after the spraying was done. Kind but sort of scary to me. Dodge Caravans are known for wonky transmissions and the last thing we need to do is to have to replace said tranny. But there was not much to do but wait.
I got home from work at 4 and we had supper. The kids wanted to go to the park and enjoy our first sunny day and we had to explain that we couldn't because we had to wait for the call to go to get the van. KC sagely pronounced that Mom should not have done this. Um yeah, but I dutifully explained that Mom hadn't done this on purpose. It was a mistake, like what happens sometimes with everyone. And that maybe we would get to the park after we got the car.
Except we never did because the tractor guy never called. We drove up out of desperation at quarter to 7 and K discovered that the mud had dried enough for her to drive the van out. When I saw the side I wanted to cry. Body work doesn't come cheaply.
I feel badly that my response let down my beloved. It wasn't my intent, but it is what happened. I need to try and remember to check in with her emotions first before I say anything after a big event has happened. It isn't that I am not emotional but definately not in the same way that she is. We are so in synch in so very many ways that it is always jarring when something crops up, even after all these years, that shows --I don't know? An area to bridge? A piece of our life to work on? Perhaps more than anything it shows the differences of our upbringings. And I guess to make this adoption related, I should use this to understand why even after all these years, there are still these odd things that crop up with Robbie. Learned behaviors are very hard to unlearn.
I do give her credit for keeping the troops calm and making the 4 mile walk home for them enjoyable. FYI, KC walked 3 of the 4 miles so when I tell you my kids have boundless energy, you know i am not exaggerating! LOL Luckily we have an umbrella stroller in the car at all times, so Lissa could ride.
K called me at work and told me the car was stuck there. I was seriously angry. We are trying to save up for a new pellet stove to replace the one that died this past winter. It is something we really need. Car repairs will significantly impact that savings effort. Also, I am used to people looking to me for a solution. My whole life everyone has always looked to me for answers and solutions. My mom has done that since I was nine, when my grandmother died. My sister and K's sister still do it as well. I freely confess that I had no idea that Kirsty was scared. I figured she would be as angry with herself as I was with her. Scared didn't enter into the equation for me. Can you sort of see where this is going? Massive miscommunication. I was not kind, nurturing and loving. I asked why she hadn't called Triple A instead of me. I was stuck at work, with a car too small to fit everyone in anyway. Let's just leave it that things didn't go well! :-)
Calling Triple A didn't help. If you don't break down within 100 yards of the road, they can't help you. I guess not to many people choose to mire themselves in the middle of a field! Also the adjacent orchard started spraying and we couldn't be in the area anyway till after 5:30 when they finished. The farm and orchard folk were kind enough to tell Kirsty that they would send someone with a tractor to haul her out after the spraying was done. Kind but sort of scary to me. Dodge Caravans are known for wonky transmissions and the last thing we need to do is to have to replace said tranny. But there was not much to do but wait.
I got home from work at 4 and we had supper. The kids wanted to go to the park and enjoy our first sunny day and we had to explain that we couldn't because we had to wait for the call to go to get the van. KC sagely pronounced that Mom should not have done this. Um yeah, but I dutifully explained that Mom hadn't done this on purpose. It was a mistake, like what happens sometimes with everyone. And that maybe we would get to the park after we got the car.
Except we never did because the tractor guy never called. We drove up out of desperation at quarter to 7 and K discovered that the mud had dried enough for her to drive the van out. When I saw the side I wanted to cry. Body work doesn't come cheaply.
I feel badly that my response let down my beloved. It wasn't my intent, but it is what happened. I need to try and remember to check in with her emotions first before I say anything after a big event has happened. It isn't that I am not emotional but definately not in the same way that she is. We are so in synch in so very many ways that it is always jarring when something crops up, even after all these years, that shows --I don't know? An area to bridge? A piece of our life to work on? Perhaps more than anything it shows the differences of our upbringings. And I guess to make this adoption related, I should use this to understand why even after all these years, there are still these odd things that crop up with Robbie. Learned behaviors are very hard to unlearn.
KC lost his first tooth!
Well technically he had an abcessed molar yanked when he was 2, but this is a normal lost tooth. He has been wiggling it for days and yesterday he pulled it out. I have got to get a picture of the gap toothed smile; it is priceless! The "tooth fairy" visited last night and left him a dollar; he feels very wealthy at the moment.
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