There is always all kinds of excitement leading up to a visit to see Fiona. (or 'my big sissy') as Lissa puts it. Tonight will be busy as I have to pack some crafts for us to do together, snacks for the kids on the train ride there and back, and the gifts I bought for Fi. I replenished her hair care supplies and found sugar free candy to make her a Halloween treat bag. All the kids worked together on decorating the bag and it is really cute.
Today is also exciting because it will be Lissa's first class in the new gymnastics class. She got promoted to a more advanced group and this also means a new coach so although she is excited, I think she is also a bit anxious.
Busy times!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Elisabeth's First Mom wants pictures
None of my children have open adoptions. This is not something that I engineered, it is just how their particular situations evolved. Chet was abandoned in another country and we don't even know what his name was at birth.
Rob has first family connections but not with his first mother. With siblings, cousins, and aunts.
When we did the adoption plans for our two youngest we actually said we were willing to have open adoptions but in both cases, due to circumstances in their personal lives, the parents decided on closed adoptions. Despite those choices, every year I send a letter to those mom's in care of the adoption agency. I also send a bunch of pictures of the kids. I try to make the letter as newsy as I can without sounding braggy, if you know what I mean. I talk about what they like to do, facets of their personalities that have developed, experiences they like, gestures or phrases they use etc.
Yesterday, the agency called the house. I was at work. The director said that Elisabeth's mom had contacted the agency and wanted pictures. I have no problem with that. I just finished printing out an entire collage of pictures for her. I also printed off the letter I usually send in December to the agency for her mom to get with the pictures.
What annoys me is that my wife got the impression from the phone call that the agency didn't keep those pictures I have been sending on file. That makes me livid, as some part of me always hoped that those women would come forward and that at a minimum, my letters and pictures would be there to help them know their children are doing well and are loved.
I also wrote in my letter to her that I would be happy to send enlargements of any picture(s) that she especially likes and that we would really really love it if she would be comfortable sending a picture of herself . I have a picture of KC's mom in his first scrapbook. Rob has pictures of relatives, though I was never able to get a picture of his mom. I think it will be very important for Lissa to be able to have that picture and I hope her mom knows I really spoke from a place of honestly and respect.
Rob has first family connections but not with his first mother. With siblings, cousins, and aunts.
When we did the adoption plans for our two youngest we actually said we were willing to have open adoptions but in both cases, due to circumstances in their personal lives, the parents decided on closed adoptions. Despite those choices, every year I send a letter to those mom's in care of the adoption agency. I also send a bunch of pictures of the kids. I try to make the letter as newsy as I can without sounding braggy, if you know what I mean. I talk about what they like to do, facets of their personalities that have developed, experiences they like, gestures or phrases they use etc.
Yesterday, the agency called the house. I was at work. The director said that Elisabeth's mom had contacted the agency and wanted pictures. I have no problem with that. I just finished printing out an entire collage of pictures for her. I also printed off the letter I usually send in December to the agency for her mom to get with the pictures.
What annoys me is that my wife got the impression from the phone call that the agency didn't keep those pictures I have been sending on file. That makes me livid, as some part of me always hoped that those women would come forward and that at a minimum, my letters and pictures would be there to help them know their children are doing well and are loved.
I also wrote in my letter to her that I would be happy to send enlargements of any picture(s) that she especially likes and that we would really really love it if she would be comfortable sending a picture of herself . I have a picture of KC's mom in his first scrapbook. Rob has pictures of relatives, though I was never able to get a picture of his mom. I think it will be very important for Lissa to be able to have that picture and I hope her mom knows I really spoke from a place of honestly and respect.
It is November
If I didn't know the date today, I would still know that it is November in New England. The skies are leaden and rain is falling. Cold icky rain, not the rain that holds the promise of new shoots popping up to delight us with veggies or blossoms. The leaves are almost all down off the trees and two weeks ago, my last "morning glorious" died and I had to rip out the vines for compost.
It is November in my heart today as well. I don't like rain. Truth to tell if I lived in a state that had almost no rain, I'd love it. I could probably even deal with cold to get the high sun factor. But I also believe in blooming where I am planted and my roots go deep down into the rocky ground here in N.E.
On the plus side, KC has art class tonight and he is always so bubbly and jazzed when he returns that I can't wait to hear the focus. And Lissa and I will make french toast for supper!
It is November in my heart today as well. I don't like rain. Truth to tell if I lived in a state that had almost no rain, I'd love it. I could probably even deal with cold to get the high sun factor. But I also believe in blooming where I am planted and my roots go deep down into the rocky ground here in N.E.
On the plus side, KC has art class tonight and he is always so bubbly and jazzed when he returns that I can't wait to hear the focus. And Lissa and I will make french toast for supper!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Fiona and the holidays
We had a great call with Fiona last night. She actually is getting quite clever about things which cracks me up. It is kind of the normal manipulation that kids usually do and that frankly she has never been able to do. So oddly enough it is for me, something to celebrate. For instance, she is supposed to work out a phone plan with Jane before they call and I gather that they did this. (important disclaimer: the phone plan is in no way something that I have requested; it is a school thing and they use it to help her process things and to help her learn to choose words and topics appropriately)
Anyway, Jane, Fiona and i were on the phone and Fiona says "Oh, Mom I wanted to ask you about something. Jane, I forgot to include this in my plan but this seems like a good time to discuss it!" ROFL I think Jane was okay with it too as thankfully she let it happen.
Fiona wanted to talk about her birthday. Which falls on Christmas. This is always a really tough trauma time for her. Usually she is not capable even at this point in the calendar year of having a positive, happy conversation. So the fact that she could is more cause for joy. She wants us there to celebrate her birthday. She knew that we would have to come on a different day rather than Christmas. Can you see me beaming? This is SO much growth and change for my daughter. It is beyond huge.
I am going to email Jane today and see if we could come in the afternoon on 12/23 It will mean I will need to work late a couple nights before that in order to get the year end stuff done, but I think that would be close enough to her birthday to feel that we were "really" celebrating and yet not so close to the day that there is a heightened chance for her melting down and not enjoying herself. If we went to see her on Christmas Eve for instance, I am not sure she is going to be emotionally able to have as much fun. It sounds silly since there is only a days difference betweeen what I am suggesting for the visits but I think that it will make a difference. I can't wait to see if the 23rd will be okay with Jane!
Anyway, Jane, Fiona and i were on the phone and Fiona says "Oh, Mom I wanted to ask you about something. Jane, I forgot to include this in my plan but this seems like a good time to discuss it!" ROFL I think Jane was okay with it too as thankfully she let it happen.
Fiona wanted to talk about her birthday. Which falls on Christmas. This is always a really tough trauma time for her. Usually she is not capable even at this point in the calendar year of having a positive, happy conversation. So the fact that she could is more cause for joy. She wants us there to celebrate her birthday. She knew that we would have to come on a different day rather than Christmas. Can you see me beaming? This is SO much growth and change for my daughter. It is beyond huge.
I am going to email Jane today and see if we could come in the afternoon on 12/23 It will mean I will need to work late a couple nights before that in order to get the year end stuff done, but I think that would be close enough to her birthday to feel that we were "really" celebrating and yet not so close to the day that there is a heightened chance for her melting down and not enjoying herself. If we went to see her on Christmas Eve for instance, I am not sure she is going to be emotionally able to have as much fun. It sounds silly since there is only a days difference betweeen what I am suggesting for the visits but I think that it will make a difference. I can't wait to see if the 23rd will be okay with Jane!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Finally a costume picture!
We have taken all the copious Halloween decorations down in the house though, leaving only the things that just bespeak harvest. It helps things get back to normal after the sort of excitement that has been the past few days around here!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Zoom Zoom Zumba!
A long time ago I used to go out to a fitness center at least 5 nights a week. I am weird in that I really like working out. Then I started studying karate and for 12 yrs I logged a lot of dojo hours working my way up the rankings to nidan. (second degree black) But expanding our family meant a couple of things. Obviously, less free cash. But more importantly, younger kids that needed me there at bed time.
I don't know what bedtimes are like at my friends houses but I sense that they are probably a bit less structured than ours are. Some of my kids have disabilities that mean structure and sameness helps them to settle. Some of my kids come from trauma and need that as well to feel safe. Some are just wild indians. (laughing) It runs the gamut but I have a system and it works really well. (patting self on back). As I know, because my wife will flat out refuse to put the tribe to bed. LOL
But that has meant that there really isn't time to go somewhere and work out. I have a Soloflex in our cellar but it is sorta damp and icky down there and I strongly suspect that it is not the healthiest environment for working out. But I had to move it down cellar because a Soloflex was way too enticing for the kids.
Anyway, KC's dance studio had a sign up on Saturday. They are starting something called a Zumba class. It is on Friday nights from 5:30 to 6:30. This is a really do-able time slot for me. It means Lissa goes to bed 30 minutes later than usual but that is not horrible. And K is away all day Saturday at work, so if I need to structure in some quiet time Saturday afternoon because she is tired, I can easily do it.
The funny thing is that I had no clue what Zumba is. The woman who googles everything had never ever heard of Zumba. All I knew was the poster said it had latin music which is something I adore so I thought an hour of exercise to good music sounded like fun. Also it said it did interval training which I also adore.But when I emailed my 77 year old mother, she knew all about zumba. Go figure!
The only hard part of the time slot is that from 3 to 3:30 Rob has piano lessons. From 4:00 to 4:50 Lissa has her gymnastics (new time slot as she just got bumped up a level). So that means after I get back from her gym class, I would essentially just go out the door to my class. I am okay with that as long as my wife is okay with it. And at this moment in time, she seems to be!
The class doesn't start for a couple of weeks, but I am kind of excited. It sort of beats calling my shower "my time!" LOL
I don't know what bedtimes are like at my friends houses but I sense that they are probably a bit less structured than ours are. Some of my kids have disabilities that mean structure and sameness helps them to settle. Some of my kids come from trauma and need that as well to feel safe. Some are just wild indians. (laughing) It runs the gamut but I have a system and it works really well. (patting self on back). As I know, because my wife will flat out refuse to put the tribe to bed. LOL
But that has meant that there really isn't time to go somewhere and work out. I have a Soloflex in our cellar but it is sorta damp and icky down there and I strongly suspect that it is not the healthiest environment for working out. But I had to move it down cellar because a Soloflex was way too enticing for the kids.
Anyway, KC's dance studio had a sign up on Saturday. They are starting something called a Zumba class. It is on Friday nights from 5:30 to 6:30. This is a really do-able time slot for me. It means Lissa goes to bed 30 minutes later than usual but that is not horrible. And K is away all day Saturday at work, so if I need to structure in some quiet time Saturday afternoon because she is tired, I can easily do it.
The funny thing is that I had no clue what Zumba is. The woman who googles everything had never ever heard of Zumba. All I knew was the poster said it had latin music which is something I adore so I thought an hour of exercise to good music sounded like fun. Also it said it did interval training which I also adore.But when I emailed my 77 year old mother, she knew all about zumba. Go figure!
The only hard part of the time slot is that from 3 to 3:30 Rob has piano lessons. From 4:00 to 4:50 Lissa has her gymnastics (new time slot as she just got bumped up a level). So that means after I get back from her gym class, I would essentially just go out the door to my class. I am okay with that as long as my wife is okay with it. And at this moment in time, she seems to be!
The class doesn't start for a couple of weeks, but I am kind of excited. It sort of beats calling my shower "my time!" LOL
Pumpkin Collection
This is the collection of pumpkins that adorned the end of our table on Halloween night! I love that they are from years ago to the present. The really pale orange one in the middle is one that belonged to my mom when she was a little girl. I don't even know what the material is that it is manufactured from. It almost feels like paper machie but not quite. The teeny weeny pumpkin on the top of the orange pumpkin in the middle left is made of wax. When I was very little, probably Lissa's age, we used to have a set of these. My mom would put birthday candles in them and for a brief flickering moment, our table would look magical on Halloween supper night. There are a bunch of small plastic ones that Chet got growing up displayed there. The one with the witch on it, K made this year (she is so way clever) and the bigger funkins are the ones the kids did this year as well. So we have pumpkins through the ages here at our house! LOL
It was a great Halloween and we had so much fun. I will try and put up a post later with the kids in their costume. Blogger was arguing with me about uploading pics this a.m. so I only managed to get the pumpkin shot up.
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