Floor pictures

OK these are not really good pics because our digital camera is dying I think.  I actually got K another one just like this but I think she hid it from the kids.  Hence I had to use the old one and the flash is bad among other things.  However, it will sort of give an idea of things. The top one came out better, it is the bathroom floor.  It was hard to find a way to take the shot as our bathroom is so small (you basically see the whole width of the room in this shot)  I just didn't feel comfy putting a picture of the throne on the web. I like you all but sheesh! You can't really tell from the shot but there are embossed ferns in the greenish squares.

This is the picture that came out badly.  So you can't really tell it is a green floor. It looks sorta like a BLACK floor to be honest.  But it is green. Honest.  Now I have to find out what is leaking upstairs and staining my kitchen ceiling.  That would be the kitchen ceiling K and i spent a day replacing last year.  I am annoyed.  Very. Very. Annoyed!

A holiday weekend approaches

This weekend I will take pics of the new floor and post, I promise!  This weekend is a long holiday weekend and I am looking forward to it.  Tomorrow we have our usual Saturday stuff starting at 7 and then in the afternoon I plan on taking the tribe to a local apple orchard (didja know that the real Johnny Appleseed was baptised in the town I live in?)  Anyway the town owns this last remaining apple orchard and there is a big festival there every fall.  It is also the same location where we have our community garden plot.  Which is also something we need to take care of this weekend as we need to remove our plants, and our landscape cloth etc.  Another growing season gone.

Sunday will be church in the morning and then in the afternoon I have promised Chet I will take him to a store that he wants to go to for a "Shopping Trip."  Every time he suggests such an outing, I swear it always sounds like he is saying it is capital letters.  Cracks me up.  The store he wants to go to sells DVDS and CDs.  He has been waiting for a time when I could leave the littles home with K and take him so he has as much time as he wants and needs. It was cute though, he wanted to know if Rob could come along with him and I said sure. 

Monday we are readying the house for fall.  We are deep cleaning the living room. Essentially this means sorting out the kids toys and re-doing the pictures on the cubbies so that they can be more orderly about things.  The days are growing shorter and their outdoor time is becoming limited and the living room is showing the strain of that!  I also want to get some bulbs in for some of our gardens, clean up the stones at the cemetary and put away the last of the outdoor furniture at the house.  Don't want to accomplish much do I? Oh and I have an idea for creating a halloween scene in our front window and want to help the kids with that.

In between I want to bake some cinnamon bread for their breakfast on Sunday or Monday and maybe some apple scones.  I know we will have a ton of apples that we will pick when we are up at the orchard so it is time to dust off all my apple recipes, and maybe find some new ones!

The floor is getting fixed!

The floor is finally getting done.  Actually it is our kitchen floor, our teeny (4 x 4)  back hall floor and our equally teeny bathroom floor.  We are adding in the bathroom, the hall floor was considered part of the original quote.  The bath floor is 20 yrs old and we even all ready had purchased tile to re-do it.  About 3 yrs ago.  The boxes of tile have been living under our armoire in our front hall.  I just couldn't face pulling the toilet to do the floor.  Now I remember why.  6 people and only one bathroom which happens to be on the second floor.  Fun times, as they say.  LOL

But it is going to be gorgeous.  Yesterday they ripped out all the old flooring and installed about 1/2 of the kitchen.  They could have done more but found that the plywood was still damp in significant areas.  They cut out a piece of the plywood to test for mold growth or standing water between the older floor and the floor we are replacing. (our house was built in 1835) Thankfully that test was fine but the contractor recommended running 3 fans on the floor last night to dry it out and a dehumidifier.  So we did all those things and the wood feels dry this a.m.  So hopefully they finish. Then the toilet gets put back and life will resume its usual chaotic path! 

Actually, the kids have been really good about the house being changed up.  Most of the kitchen is in other rooms in the house so it can be hard to find things that we need.  Also we can't eat breakfast at the kitchen island so they have had to eat in the dining room. (which we do at supper but never breakfast!)  But all in all, we are coming along fine in the latest renovation.

First Family Contact

I think first family contact is very important for adopted children. We are all of us the sum of the many paths our lives have taken, a mosaic of both smooth and jagged pieces.  Hopefully, in the presence of enduring, patient love, it becomes beautiful and good and stronger than it would be if we walked our paths alone.

I have worked hard to make sure my middle son has as much contact with his first family as is safe and appropriate.  I have worked hard to try and help them see that I love him.  Deeply and completely and that I want us to be present in his life in positive ways.  I have worked hard to show that I care about his first family members and I am not being fake.  I do care.  Stuff happened.  Some of it was their bad.  Some very likely was a system breakdown beyond their control and things spiralled out of control.  But none of that was my doing either. I am not evil incarnate just because I was blessed with being his adoptive mom  My doing is the day to day parenting and loving of my wonderful, albeit occasionally challenging (!) 14 year old son.

So why did my stomach clench when I read Jane's email this a.m. telling me that she had received a letter from Rob and Fiona's mom?  Apparently the cousin who is writing to Fiona now suggested to their mom that she might want to write and so she did.  Jane has not given the letter to Fiona at this point. She said it is disjointed and rambly and apologetic and that when contact happens it needs to be in a therapeutic manner.  My first thought was that I wanted this for Fiona for so long.  Years and years ago one of her many therapists thought she might heal and be able to attach to us if she was given permission by her first mother to do so.  That she would stop feeling that living and loving in another relationship was a betrayal.  At the time, we could not find her first mother.  And eventually, her behavior deteriorated still more and the idea was taken off the table by the therapy team at the time.

Now, if this can happen in a way  that will help Fiona, I am really glad.  She is 18 now.  Technically an adult, though in many ways trapped as a child in ways similar to my Chet.  But she deserves that apology.  She deserves to know that her mother loves her.  The key of course, is to do this in a manner that is healing.

And there is Rob to consider to.  Like many teen boys he is loathe to talk deeply and I know that if Fiona gets a letter from their mom that she will want--and need-- to share this with her brother.  This is right and proper.  But I need to figure out what to say to Rob and how best to help him navigate these waters too.  His feelings may well be different.  He may not remember her clearly and feel upset about that.  He may be angry or confused as to why Fiona got a letter and he didn't. And for both of them there is the fact that mom has since had another child, around my Lissa's age. To the best of my knowledge she is parenting that child.

Luckily for me I guess, Jane is not passing on this letter as is.  She feels that this particular letter will inadvertantly cause more harm than good and that she will focus on the relationship building with Cousin first and then work with mom on a way to communicate that will be healthier. So I have more time to process and think, and plan--I think!

Sundays highs and lows

In some houses Sundays are sort of laid back.  And there are some houses where the belief system dictates a day of "rest".  Not ours.  LOL  That is okay with me.  I like busy.  I am kind of hardwired for that.  Even when I was a kid our lives were busy.  A vacation meant painting the house or something!

So today,  I was up at 6 (which truthfully is sleeping in) and got the bathroom cleaned cause I forgot it on Saturday, did a load of wash and unloaded the dishwasher.  Had a leisurely breakfast before the kids woke (late for them at 20 of 7) and got everyone fed and dressed for church.  Noticed wife was still asleep.  Hmmmm.  She has been recently diagnosed as potentially having blood pressure issues.  She also has a heavy cold.  What to do?  I did the ironing.  It was now 7:30.  I crept up to her room.  I could hear snoring.  Knowing she was alive I crept away and she emerged at a bit before 8.  Amazingly, she came to church with us (we leave at 8:20)

After church I did a few more chores, cooked lunch and then the little kids and I walked downtown to enjoy a childrens festival at our local library.  I left Rob home to enjoy an afternoon of football.  Even though the Pats were not playing, I knew he would enjoy a few hours to just veg and watch the games.  The littles and I had a blast.  There was music, food, balloon art, face painting, glitter tatoos, crafts, and magic shows.  We were there for hours and the time just flew by.  And it was all FREE! 

I was so pumped when we got home and the minute I walked in my wife said I had to call the security officer where I work.  Severe emotional pain caused one of my residents to make a choice that I can't even contemplate.  I talked to this person 3 days ago.  And now -- they are gone. I dread talking to the family tomorrow.  And I wish I had known  and could have helped.

Of friends and Facebook

Anyone who has read my blog for a while knows that I have no relationship with my father.  Most times I am rather philosophical--it is what it is.  My sister has a relationship with him and while I know that, most times I don't even think about it.

But the other day when I facebooked her, I saw that one of her activities was that she had written something on my fathers wall.  Like a spectator drawn to watch a car wreck I found myself clicking over to his FB page.  Which of course I could not access because I am not his friend.  But I could see that he has 4 friends and who they are.  My sister and the two children from his second marriage and one other person.

I am not sure what is sadder--the fact that I was not comfortable sending a "friend request" or the fact that the guy has only 4 friends.

Floor, Wreaths and Attitudes oh my!

Our new VCT floor tile is in and our floor guy thinks he will start the job on Tuesday.  I will unload the hutch in the kitchen tomorrow and move it out into the dining room and refill it with the china we use for feast days.  (it is not spectacularly beautiful but it is enough to serve 12)  It won't really take me long to do this and my days tend to start early so I should have plenty of time.

Except that I have also planned Halloween crafts with the kids.  We went for a walk tonight and collected acorns which we then boiled to kill insect larva that is usually inside them.  I figure the kids can paint them silver and gold and we can use them as accents in a fall swag we can make.  I WISH I could find milk weed pods to use as they look totally awesome. But nowadays in the times of overbuilding, there are not the fields that our city used to have and the only stands of them I know of are in a protected area.

KC has been testing his power lately with K.  Tends to back talk a bit, which is a very new character trait for him.  He will sort of do it with me but I tend to offer more choices (albeit of the spinach or creamed spinach variety, it still LOOKS like a choice!)  K is less about that.  She comes from a military family that sort of had to "jump to it" when they were told to.  It didn't work all that well with me suggesting that she try another style, but when she read a parenting website, she felt differently.  Based on the parenting website, his behavior is pretty typical and one of the strategies suggested is giving choices.  LOL