Thankful Thursday

My company might be sold. That is not what I am thankful for incidently! LOL  For a long time (more than 6 yrs) we have known this was a possibility.  However things have never really seemed to be moving forward for us, though we have seen other apartment complexes owned by our company gradually be sold.  There are a lot of weird reasons why selling the property I manage is more difficult and then when the enonomy tanked it really looked like it was not going to happen.

I have been pretty philosophical about things.  It is nothing I can change one way or the other.  There is certainly a level of stress.  There will be a lot of new procedures and policies to absorb.  i will be working with people who don't really know me, whereas the upper management team I presently report to have known me over 30 years.  My regional manager actually used to work at this property and back in 1978, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, she trained me as a leasing agent.  Later I received more training and became an assistant manager.

But people that have known you that long have a good handle on your integrity. They know that I am not like my immediate supervisor and that I can be trusted.  I am grateful for that.  I am grateful for the amount of time and money they have invested in keeping my training current (even though some of said trainings could also double as cures for insomnia!)  I am grateful that when I have a policy question, there is someone there that really answers it and doesn't leave me hanging out there trying to follow all the myriad complex government regs on my own.

I sure hope if we ARE sold, that my new employer will be as fair and pleasant to deal with.  There are not a lot of people nowadays who can say they have worked 32 years for the same company.  See I told you I was a dinosaur!

Wishing

When we were in a taxi in the Big City on Saturday, KC decided he wanted to talk about princesses with Elisabeth.  Now mind you, neither one of them has really seen the Disney movies, just ads and the toys.  We tried Princess and the Frog--Lissa got scared.  We tried Sleeping Beauty--KC got scared.  That was enough for me.

However inexplicably, KC thinks he knows "everything" about princesses and was chatting up Lissa. 

KC:  "Sissy, what princess do you like the best?"
Lissa "Cinderwella"
KC:  "I like the one in Aldin."
ME:  "KC do you mean Aladdin?
KC:  "Yup, that's what I said."
ME:  "So you like Jasmine."
KC:  "Nope, I like the genie. He's funny. What would you wish for if you met a genie?"
Lissa:  "Candy."
ME:    "No more war. What would you wish for KC?"
KC:    "I would wish for an electric guitar that came with ear muffs for you to wear when I played it!"

ROFL

We really haven't come that far

It is scary to raise black boys.  On the one hand I teach them to respect authority, to be polite, to never sass a police officer.  But I know that these lessons won't necessarily keep them safe.  A police officer overwhelmed by a situation may allow unknown prejudices to govern his actions in a crisis.  My sweet son(s) could misunderstand a directive and their action could result in a fatal shooting.

I know in theory that could happen to anyone.  The reality is it statistically happens far more to teen and adult black males.  Ask the family of Danroy Henry. 

Watching Robbie Emerge

I think that when kids have suffered a huge amount of trauma and loss they spend varying amounts of time (depending on kid and circumstances) in cocoons. These are protection against the hard and awful things they have experienced and the things they don't understand.  The hard thing is that there comes a time to break through the cocoon and emerge to fly. 

Breaking through a cocoon takes strength. And courage.  And no one can do it for them.  At least that is my take on it.  I have done the nurturing part, the talking and walking the talk part. But ultimately,I can support and nurture, but then I have to wait.  And hope.  Rob's cocoon is a watchful silence, a retreat to media instead of interaction, and maintaining invisibility in social situation.

It has felt like I have done a lot of waiting and hoping.  But I think the cocoon is starting to crack.  Things that make me privately dance a jig these days:

--watching Rob crack up at the goofiness that defines a family meal at our house
--listening to him argue with me when I dis Randy Moss
--watching him ever so gently sass back one of us.  Nothing rude, nothing major, an oh so gentle testing of the waters of teen one liners
--watching his body language appear relaxed and happy after a Youth Group meeting

I'll wait as long as it takes but I can't wait to see him fly free and proud and strong!

November visit with Fiona

Fiona is growing and changing so much.  She calls me "mom" pretty consistantly now.  It wasn't always like that.  I was "mom Lee" sometimes.  Sometimes I was Lee.  Sometimes I was "Robbie's adopted mom"  Sometimes I was un-named by her in a group setting.  It isn't even like there was a logical chronology to any of that. It was all over the map, depending on her emotional state at the time.  Initially it was pretty painful to go from one week being embraced as mom to being looked at as the Evil Imposter, but I got over it.  Because I realized that even if that was the most I would or could ever be to my daughter, I wanted to be the best, most consistant Evil Imposter she had ever known.

That and the wonderful work that the Great School in the Big City is doing, are combining to really help her.  She has invited us to celebrate her birthday with her.  That is huge.  Historically, October through early January are her trauma anniversary times and the fact that her birthday is on Christmas doesn't help much either.  I talked to Jane on Saturday and am planning to go in with the tribe and birthday supplies on the 23rd.  It will be hopefully just early enough to make the celebration do-able for her and for the younger kids who will also be getting wound into fever pitch. (I have a 6 year old writing KC loves Mr. S.C. and drawing pictures of holiday scenes all ready!!!)

We had a successful jaunt off site, walking for nearly an hour through beautiful parks hidden in the Big City.  Who'd have thunk such beautiful nature was so assessible in that busy, hectic hubbub? 

I don't know what her future can or will be and I am at a point now where I am glad.  I used to obscess about this all the time.  She is 18 and until recently could grasp the flow of time even using a calendar.  Now she can.  Limitedly and with cues but still she.gets.it.  So what else could be possible?  I feel like it's wide open and I'm so blessed to be along for the ride.

I won a Nudred!

Me!  Me who never wins anything (except the occasional bench audit at tax time!)  I won a Nudred over at Keep Me Curly!  I should be blogging about the great visit we had with Fiona but I am so so stoked over winning this that all I can do is go I WON!  LOL 

Now I need to go cut out 50 3 inch foot prints for church tomorrow for posters we are making for our Religious Education theme which is Standing on the Side of Love.  More on Fiona when my brain stops chanting "I won!"

Keep Me Curly and the Nudred

Like many adoptive moms I spend a lot of time educating myself on my kids hair.  (for the record I have pretty much thrown in the towel on my own!!! LOL) There is a really cool new product out called the Nudred that I am dying to try on Rob and KC.  It will make little twists out of their hair in about 12 minutes as opposed to the hour or more. Frankly I know I can't get them to commit to the time I need to twist their hair.  BUT at Keep Me Curly they are running a contest and some lucky winner will get a Nudred!  Maybe it will be me, because I get an extra entry for linking their site in my blog. (grin)  I hope so, but even if I don't win I am happy to spread the word about their site.  As adoptive parents we all have a special responsibility to care for our AA kids hair in a healthy and culturally appropriate way.  The ladies at this site are really a remarkable resource for those of us on this particular journey.