Girl Time

All right folks.  My tech skills are obviously a bit lacking tonight as for the life of me I can't make the picture anything but sideways.  And of course, we were not laying on our sides to take this picture.  Instead, my lovely Elisabeth and I had a girls afternoon at a hair care event in our city.  It was specifically for people of color and I was definately in the minority.  I didn't mind a bit.  It is important for Elisabeth, who is 11 now (and incidently HOW did my baby get to be 11?) to be surrounded by strong brown and black women. These women in addition to many owning their own businesses, know a lot about hair and self care.  People were friendly and easy to engage in conversation--course I am chatty by nature so you generally have to give me the cut direct for me to realize you don't want me hanging around!

They spoke knowledgeably about the dangers hidden in many of the cosmetics and hair products that are used.  They spoke on the importance of healthy diets and having a healthy self love.  There were free samples, free healthy food snacks and a time to talk and build connections.  She had a wonderful time and really enjoyed it.  She told me afterwards that it is usually hard to sit still so long but that this was interesting.  She is of an age where she has much more say (and often her own cash) involved in purchases and I feel that since she is such a fashion forward young woman, I want her to hopefully make smart choices that will enhance her beauty if that is what she wants, but not undermine her health.

We have had this gathering on our calendar for weeks but it was this weekend that a picture came through my Facebook feed of a TRA black child with a photo shoot in a cotton field with her white parents.  Seriously?  I have no words for the anger I feel at the insensitivity.  That lovely young lady could have been in a field of wildflowers if you were going for the nature look.  It did not have to be something associated with slavery and degradation of a people.

Do I think the parents intended it?  Nope, but I sure do think they were insensitive and that they need to do things like what we did today.  There have to be times my kids are not in the minority. Whether it is me being the only white face at a birth family reunion, or a gathering like this,  Adopting my children is not a case of them somehow becoming me with more melatonin.  It also means I have an obligation to honor and celebrate who they are and help them to feel positive about themselves.

Aside from all of that, it was just a "girl time" experience for Lissa and I. At 11 she is becoming a witty, sometimes sarcastic, but pretty clever and enjoyable companion.  It was a super fun experience.  I also came away with a contact for a photographer.  She was at the event and had a really calm demeanor.  We need to think about getting another family portrait done. The kids have changed so much since the last one.  Finding one that is a good fit for Chet can be a challenge but I really liked this woman's vibe.  We shall see.

Shea Moisture Products

While I am not a POC, I have 5 kids who are.  Thus, in order to be an informed parent and to help them learn to take care of their hair, I am pretty versed in hair products.  I loved the Shea Moisture products though they were not our only products of choice.  Shout out to Talijah Wajaad hair oil, plain old Suave coconut conditionar, AsIAm products, Proclaim products and the Cantu natural hair moisturizer. So clearly, in our "bathroom salon" Shea Moisturizer was not the only game in town.  But the reason there are a variety of things is because all my kids have different hair textures.  Their hair needs different care in the winter than in the summer.  When KC dyes his frohawk the colored parts need a different kind of love.

I also confess that I rarely watch ads. The SuperBowl might be the exception to that.  But in general, I am pretty legendary for not seeing "the" ad everyone is talking about.  My wife and I do piece work at night.  Ads are either muted so we can chat, or I am running to the kitchen to put the tea pot on or change a load of wash.  So I never saw the ad that Shea Moisture produced until I was on social media and a few family (some of whom are stylists) posted it.

I watched it dumbfounded.  First of all, to me, knowing what I know about my hair (straight thin white people hair) and my kids hair we have totally different hair needs.  In that list of products I mentioned earlier?  There is 1, exactly 1 product we can all use and it is NOT Shea Moisture products.  Nope, it is the old Suave coconut conditioner.  I can use about a dime sized amount of it on my hair twice a week.  Where they might use a ton to detangle or co-wash, I use literally a dime sized amount.  If I used any of the oil rich products that their hair loves and needs, I would look like a slimey headed person.  My hair is not as oily as in my youth but it is not dry by any stretch of the imagination.  I can't go more than a day without washing it or you can totally tell.

So with that information in mind, you would assume that people who actually MAKE hair products would understand that different hair needs different products. The blonde and the redhead in their ad?  They don't need the same product as a POC.  There is a single token POC in that ad.  If their products have expanded to include white folks, then in my opinion there should have been 3 POC and one white person, going "wow! they even have products for my hair!!"

See, even though I don't watch ads, I know my kids do.  I want my kids to be proud of how they look, the hair and skin and beautiful long eyelashes that they have been gifted with in this life.  I found out not all that long ago that the reason KC used to draw himself in cartoon form with spikey hair was because he hated his curls.  Hated them?  The curls I loved to detangle and scritch with my fingers when we did hair?

Lissa for years wanted straight hair and we had so many talks about loving the hair she has and why straightening it would damage her hair.  She too had times of "hating" her hair, though eventually most of her dislike centered around the time involved in hair care rather than her hair itself.  She investigated locks and decided to grow those.

I want my children to see people like them using products designed for them.  There should be handsome young black men like my sons or smart pretty black girls like my daughters in those Shea Moisture ads. It wasn't just a marketing mistake. It was a slap in the face to black people.

Joy

I have been the recipient of the family plague.  Congestion, coughing, chills, lots of fun.  I am on week 2 and despite the note of whining you may detect in the above sentences, I am not deathly ill.  For the most part I have been able to totter  toddle along fairly well.  But the coughing thing is hard and annoying so I did something I almost never do, and asked for a substitute teacher for my RE class.  An hour and 15 minutes of nearly constant talking in a hot dry room would not work particularly well.  And when the parents arrived to hear me hacking like a TB patient in one of those old movies, they would also be likely to be annoyed.

So although today is a "lazy" day for me, the days up till today have not been.  Thursday was Fiona's team meeting for her annual review and planning.  Her worker from DDS was there, as was her house manager, her behavioral specialist, and others who help along the way.  It was by far the best meeting that we have had.  Fiona did an amazing job advocating for herself and articulating things that she would like to achieve.  The DDS worker and I helped Fiona to open up and explain what made her uncomfortable with the experience. This helped us to suggest changes to the process so that she might be able to achieve success.

The DDS worker also makes unannounced visits to the home that Fi lives in.  Apparently this is mandated so that she can make sure all is as it should be.  Unfortunately, partly due to the way the DDS worker presents herself and partly due to Fiona's own lack of understanding, Fiona hates this. She feels that DDS is putting "her business" out for the other peers in the home to be knowing.  Intensely private, this has caused Fi to have a full blown meltdown and numerous late night calls to me when these visits occured.  I brought it up, trying to frame it in a way that did not embarrass Fi, anger DDS etc.  I thankfully succeeded and there was a good explanation to Fi about what is really going on when DDS visits.  A plan was made on a place for Fiona to go and wait for the worker so that she was not sitting with peers and feeling anxious.  Fingers crossed that it works.

After the meeting, Fiona asked if she could take me to lunch and we went to a sub shop together and chatted some more and just relaxed.  It was really great to see her feeling positive about this and feeling like these were goals that she achieved.

Then yesterday, Cousin N came out to do the maintenance session for Lissa's locks. They are coming along beautifully and it was fun to hang out while she did Lissa's hair. Fiona was home for the visit and N brought her daughter C who hung out with KC and Fiona and Rob while Lissa got her hair done.  I cooked a big lunch for everyone and there was also an epic nerf gun battle.

Blending families, understanding where we all come from and what gifts and challenges we bring to relationships takes time.  N and I have a really blooming friendship.  Lissa considers her her "big cousin" and N is deeply touched and considers us family as well.  Just watching everyone interact together and listening to the laughter and sharing the dreams fills me  with joy.

It's a Loc!

Today Lissa got her long awaited locs!  This was such an emotional journey at so many levels.  One of  the things I am acutely aware of is the importance of hair within the black culture.  That well groomed hair signifies more than I think it does for "white folks."  Well groomed hair shows love, familial attention, and is really regarded as the girls crowning glory.  I won't even get into the "good" hair debate, but knowledge of proper hair care is hugely important.  Needless to say, I realized from the day we brought Lissa home that I would need to learn to do things with hair that were very different from what I did with mine.  (for the record that would consist of absently running a comb through my hair)  I learned hair types and moisturizers, co-washes and braiding. I learned twists and up-dos, protective styles and satin bonnets.  I saturated myself in as much knowledge as I could so that my baby would never feel that her hair did not look good or that she looked like no one in her family knew how to care for kinky coily hair.

I found that I loved working with her hair.  It did things that my hair can't.  Namely it stayed where I  put it! It was fun accessorizing and learning new techniques. But my princess is also a very active diva and she also began to make it known to me that she didn't love weekly hair sessions.  She liked the one on one time, but the sitting? Not so much. More than a year ago she saw locs and told me she wanted them.

I confess that initially my heart stopped. There is much written about how white parents handle their black children's hair.  A number of parents have done locs because they didn't know/want to care for their children's hair and their perception is that this would be easier.  (which in some ways is I think true) I did not want anyone thinking that I was doing this for that reason because I wasn't.  I also was worried because Lissa might change her mind a year or two from now.  Which would necesitate what is commonly called "The Big Chop."  Now a hair cut is not the end of the world, but Lissa's has never been cut.  Ever.  When it is wet, it goes 1/2 way down her back.  Eeks.

Rob and Fiona's cousin N is a fantastic stylist.  Not only is she pleasant and gifted with hair but she makes house calls! She is a travelling stylist and I LOVE this!  We talked and she put my mind at ease so today was the day. Locing day!

She came at 10:30 and by 3:00 Lissa's head was done.  The locs were first put into bantu knots to give them a rest while they dried and the beautiful curl that you see in the picture.  And I have spent the evening thinking what a blessed and amazing experience this journey has been.  Lissa and I have been enfolded in familial and community love during this.  We gathered in our kitchen for the day, laughing, eating sharing stories and doing hair.  It was probably the most intensely female experience that I have ever had.  Interestingly the boys all stayed away.  They would come get food that I cooked but carried it off to other rooms to eat and do whatever manly things were on their minds (or tablets!) I really think there was just so much feminine energy in the kitchen that they didn't want to hang out there.

There was strengthening extended family ties.  N and i have become good friends over the years and genuinely enjoy being together.  Adoption is about such a wide circle and my kids are all blessed by how big that circle is and how much love is shared.

There was affirmation for Lissa on how beautiful her hair is.  This is of huge importance to me.  I want her to love her hair.  In our community many black women perm their hair.  Natural hair is less common--flat irons, blow outs and perms are a bit more the norm.  I want Lissa to see the beauty that her hair has and not feel compelled to try and mimic what her hair is not--namely straight caucasian style hair.

And lastly, there was validation for me.  N loved the products that I use on Lissa. She said what great condition Lissa's hair was in, how well hydrated it was (black hair needs to be fed lots of moisture) and that there was no damage. Truly, music to my ears!

The only sad part of the day was that Fiona had an incident at her group home and couldn't be here with us as we had planned.  However I tried to reassure Fi that this is not the only time N will come out and we will have time for us to all be together again soon.

Lissa's hair

Today was a busy day.  KC was tied up with a group from his dance school. They visited area assisted living facilities and performed for them.  He was so excited that he was old enough to be part of this at last.  He woke extra early this morning, breakfasting and getting dressed very early "just to be ready, Ooma."  He was tired but grinning when I picked him up at the end of the day, happy that he had brought joy to others, happy to have danced all day.

The rest of the gang and I went to church, I love that Rob has continued to want to go to church and that our church is so intentional about the young adult population being welcomed and affirmed in such healthy ways.

Back home there was as always, cleaning to do.  After fetching KC and cooking supper I needed to finish Lissa's hair.  I was putting it in medium sized braids until N comes out Saturday to put in her locs. I was thinking while I worked on her hair how much I love it.  Her hair is thick, really really thick.  It is very tightly coiled, but soft and healthy.  When it is wet it is really long. Even dry, if I braid it, it goes part way down her back.

I was petrified of "doing hair" when I first became a mom of black children.  I am well aware of the cultural importance of doing it "right" but I am equally aware of the fact as there are in any population, there are black folks who know how to do hair and black people who do not. Winnowing out the true knowledge from the folk lore was a time consuming mission for a few years.

Doing the hair of a very active on the go child was a challenge too.  Lissa till recently did not like to sit for more than 20 minutes.  So I had to create styles that looked cute that I added to each day for a period of days.  It sounds weird, but it did work.  And she has gotten easier as she got older.  Tonight she sat contentedly for the hour plus while I finished conditioning and detangling, and finally, braiding her hair.

I was thinking about how much I honestly love having my hands in her hair when I saw a picture on line of an elderly black woman having her hair braided.  And I thought about how lucky I am to have this opportunity for focussed time with my daughter.  It is just us and we chat or not, but are present only with each other for that time.

As she has gotten older she has begun to learn a bit of what I do to keep her hair healthy and to have more input into style etc. We have talked about why we don't relax her hair. Why we don't color her hair, why her hair is long and lush and how we keep it that way. There is a special bond that comes with "hair time" and I think that it is somewhat unique to black hair.  I am privileged to have the opportunity to share that with Lissa.

Reindeer take the wheel!

KC and Lissa have a plethora of stuffed animals.  They call them "their kids" and they are very very real to them.  Certain kids like to go camping with them. Others are for sleeping with.  And then there are others that have the most amazing adentures.

Reindeer is a stuffed puppet that my mom got them two or three Christmasses ago. This was the conersation last night as I braided Lissa's hair.

"Ooma, you won't believe what happened!"

"What happened Lissa?" responds clueless Mom.

"Reindeer had a car accident . . . AGAIN!"

"Oh really?  That sounds bad.  I didn't know she was old enough to drive."

I am sure there was an eye roll here that the braiding hair mom could not see.
"Well yes, she is 20 you know. And it is her third accident, can you believe it?"

"Hmmm, but driving is a big responsibility. Maybe she is not quite ready for it yet?"

"Oh, she's ready all right.  It's just that she has these little hooves, you know.  And they slip off the wheel when she is driving because she can't really hold it.  I don't know what she's going to do know--I am NOT buying her another car!"

At this point it took all I had not to convulse in laughter.  And interested readers will be happy to know that a dangerous reindeer is no longer crashing along the highways and byways.  She has made a journey to the Arctic and enrolled in flying school!

Hair Thoughts on Lissa at 6

I've not written much in the recent months about my sweet Lissa's hair care.  In the early days of mothering a young African American girl I was obsessed with hair. I read about hair care. I blogged about hair care. I read other people's blogs about hair care and watched You Tube for hours.  Of course the hours could have been because my computer is so slow, but you catch my drift.

My angst was filled with a deep commitment to make sure that my baby girl was never in a position to feel out of place about her hair.  I wanted her to be connected to the black community and to wear her hair as other little black girls wore their hair. Under no circumstances did I want black friends or neighbors to look at her hair and think "oooooh a clueless white mommy messed with that head!"  I have a black friend whose step mom was white and who did not know how to handle her hair. She told me once about wearing puffs all the time because that was all her mom knew how to do.  Her older sister who is also black eventually took over the hair care.

I envisioned hair time to be this really happy bonding time for Lissa and I.  We would talk and goof around and I would happily do her hair. This was about the reality as much as The Donna Reed show accurately portrayed the American Family way back when.  It wasn't horrible, but there was a certain level of stress involved.  Especially lately as Lissa does not like to sit for hair care.  At all.  Anything longer than 10 to 15 minutes is really pushing the envelope of her patience. Games, songs, toys, TV.  Nothing made it easier for her to sit.  I know that I need to moisturize, to detangle slowly and carefully, to use protective styles, so it all made for a bit of a challenge.  I became adept at doing simple styles fast.  My days of box braids and mini twists were gone, giving way to french braids, flat twists, big twisted pony tails and buns.

Life went along pretty well.  Lissa tolerated the system. She knew the styles and how long they took. We had a schedule for hair time, and like all my kids, she is always better with a schedule. But it was still nothing she enjoyed.  I also have to confess here that it has never occurred to me to invite Lissa into helping with her hair care.  In part, because she is young and black hair is fragile.  Hers is in great condition but it needs TLC and a gentle hand.  Also, at least in our area, black kids don't "do" their own hair.  That is done by the women in their life--mom or auntie or a big sister.  It just isn't culturally the norm to do their own hair.  I realize that I am white,but I sort of absorbed that whole mindset from friends.

Tonight, as I detangled her hair and parted it for some medium twists, she asked if she could help. I thought back to a cool video that Cherish My Daughter put up.  It showed her having "hair school" with her kids.  I suspect that although she is gearing hair independence toward her older daughter, that the younger ones are eagerly absorbing the information as well.

And so I let go my preconceptions of the right thing to do.  I squirted conditioner in Lissa's hands and showed her how to smooth it through her shiny tresses.  I showed her how I wiggle my fingers through gently to loosen any tangles painlessly.  She copied me so carefully and then managed to twist two sections on her own.  I think we spent close to 35 minutes on her hair tonight (you know how things always take longer when you are sharing a skill that is new to someone)  But she was engaged, and happy. She admired how long her hair is, showed her brother the twist she had done.  It was the best hair night ever!

Not so Old

I colored my hair last night.  I have dithered about this for weeks.  I only colored my hair one other time and had a horrible allergic reaction to the dye.  However my hair is sort of a blah mousey color. Very dull and boring. K sells A*on and  they are going to start selling hair color.  She was entitled to a FREE sample as a salesperson.  So we picked a color that was kind of close to my natural color and got that.  Last night we did it. I think it looks good and it didn't bother my scalp so that was a huge plus.

This morning I asked the kids if they liked it.  (except for Chet who won't see the difference as he is color blind) The littles nodded obligingly. Rob said yup, cause I didn't look so old.  Geez!  LOL That is a ringing endorsement!

Hair Time

I suspect there was a time when I would have never put these pictures on my blog.  Hair with a capital H is a big deal.  Not just to me but within the black community and I feel a huge responsibility for my daughter to have healthy hair, in attractive styles and to embrace her hair in its natural state.  Don't set small goals for myself do I?  Add to this mix the fact that I can't do diddley with my own hair, and you have a recipe for angst!

I spent untold hours on YouTube, reading blogs, and  researching natural hair products that would help Lissa's hair to be as healthy as possible.  And initially it was not all that hard. For some reason as a baby and toddler, she was easier about having hair done.  Sitting for an hour or so while I braided, twisted or styled was fine.  Lulled me into a false sense of security the wee wench did, because once she turned about 3.5 she started resisting hair time.  It wasn't that it hurt.  It was that it was time she had to SIT. And my daughter is not a "sitter."  She is a perpetual motion machine and asking the machine to remain in stasis for an hour or so--doesn't go over well.  Styles of necessity became simpler, because I really do not want hair time to be tears time.  And Lissa's hair is wonderfully thick and tightly kinky and coiled, so I likely will never be super fast at any style.  It is long too, when it is wet it stretches midway down her back.

I also learned that it was OK to embrace a little fuzzies with her hair.  Thank goodness for blogs like "Cherish my Daughter" who talks eloquently about not overworking her daughter's hair.  Which is why I was brave enough to post a picture of my daughter's hair style after she spent the afternoon frolicing in the back yard and rolling around on the living room floor.  Before church, this was  a cute little mix of side twists in the front, and a french braid in the back that went to a low puff.  After an active day?  Not so much.  But it was easy to smooth, finger detangle and band for sleep and will be easy to touch up for our trip into the big city today to spend the day with Fiona.

Running on empty

I'm not much for old music--totally a top 40 kind of gal--but Jackson Browne's old song describes me lately!  Work is crazy busy and everytime I think I am tap dancing fast enough the dance gets a little faster.  The pollyanna part of me says that eventually all this is going to work out but in the mean time, sheesh it is getting exhausting.

Realistically April is just also a crazy month for us.  KC's birthday and Easter only a week later is a lot, even for a family as steeped in celebration as ours.  Added to things, my wife has had to work every afternoon this week. That meant that I was up the creek for E. Bunny shopping.  I don't put a lot in Easter baskets (I did 5 baskets for $40.00) but they all love to hunt for them.  At our house the bunny leaves clues to minimize the dawn mayhem.  So today I left work 30 minutes early and got the shopping done.  It is in the back of my car and when the kids get to bed, I'll off load and hide it.

We also did Lissa's  Easter hair. She chose a hairband this year with a big fabric flower on it, so I wanted a soft style that would look good with a band. I took out all the box braids and conditioned everything super deeply.  We made a lot of little french braids that went back to just her crown and then two strand twisted them the rest of the way. This gives lots of bounce and swing to the style and it is also a style that is play friendly.  Hopefully it will hold up the next 2 days and she will look stylin' for Easter.

Now off to make a cup of tea.  Maybe caffeine will have me dancing again!

Hair Thoughts

So last weekend the boys had their first trips to a real barber.  This weekend it was time to re-style Lissa's hair.  She has had very small twists in her hair for about 3 or 4 weeks. They still really looked good, but I know that her hair really likes to loc and the ends fuse easily so I don't dare let her stay in this style too long.  Also, I have been reading about African threaded hair styles and seeing some cool vlogs about this technique and I am itching to try it on the wee miss. 

But it will wait for another day.  It took all of bath time to get all the twists out (plus a short stint where I did the first part of the back before supper).  I don't mind any of that but what horrified me is how her hair was so dry.  I have to admit that I have been very proud of the fact that her hair has always felt so good.  Supple, soft, not coarse, never brittle or rough.  Well you know they say pride goes before a fall!  LOL  And what I clearly didn't realize is that her hair is dense enough that when I was spraying conditioner on her hair twice daily (yes TWICE daily people) it likely was not soaking through those twists into the hair below.  Truly her hair felt so dry that I didn't want to totally de-tangle it for fear of damage. I may be over-reacting, but I would rather err on the side of caution.

So I wet it down, conditioned the holy heck out of it and finger de-tangled.  Then I lightly paddle brushed the top to smooth it, and put it in two banded ponytails on the side of her head.  We will see how it is in the morning and take it from there.

When Irish Eyes are Smiling!

Here's a picture of the rainbow that is presently decorating our dining room wall!  You can't see it because the room is so small that it is hard to shoot the wall, but there is a leprecaun at the bottom with a "pot" of gold. It was a lot of fun doing it, easy and relatively low mess.  I sent a copy of the picture of it to Fiona today so that she could see how it came out.

Today I took the boys to a barbershop to get their hair cut.  We usually do this ourselves but that is easier in the summer when it is  warm and they can sit or stand outside.  They came out looking great and very proud of themselves.  It is funny to me how opposite KC and Rob's hair patterns are.  KC has this really high forehead and his hair line starts way far back.  Rob's hair grows low onto his forehead and really needs to be clipped back to open up his handsome face.  Course you can't even mostly see the haircut as these days his fashion statement is wearing those skater caps all the time!

Lissa's hair

I haven't written much about Lissa's hair in the past few months.  We seem, with my singular lack of facility with corn rowing, to have a good system.  We do a "protective" style of small to medium braids for about 3 to 3 1/2 weeks. Sometimes with beads, then we take it out and I do simpler styles that are changed up weekly for a couple weeks.  Typically twists, french braids, piggy back braids (large) and puffs. 

What I do find I spend the most time thinking about lately is what I call the "transition" stage. For instance, she had about 30 little braids in her hair in December with festive colored beads.  It took about 6 hours with lots of play breaks, for Kirsty to do the style and it lasted beautifully. (when you consider that Lissa is still very much one who scrubs her head on everything and also studies gymnastics, it amazes me when ANYTHING lasts!)  lol 

Anyway, when it came time to get rid of the tiny braids, I knew I would have to do it in stages. This is something that is very different with black hair than with my limp, fine caucasian hair.  I don't have so much hair that I need to transition anything.  I just can do it all quickly and easily.  Or if not easily, quickly.  But Lissa's hair is wonderfully thick and tightly tightly coiled.  I am sure if she was older I could have done it all at once, but even I am too eager to move around to envision that.  So thus, "transition styles."

  First I just took out all the beads. That was one night (and i got bonus points cause I put them all away in their appropriate storage gizmo the same night too!)  Then I super conditioned the braids, gave her a shower, put on her sleep cap and called it a night. The next day they went nicely into a low pony in the back of her head that I secured with a headband used like a scrunchie.

The next night I began the process of taking out the braids.  I could do this a lot quicker I am sure, but I take extreme care to cause minimal "ouchies" while I work.  I would rather go more slowly and not have my daughter dread a hair session.  I found that because I hadto do this at night when she is not at her most patient, I could at a maximum get 3 to 4 braids loosened, conditioned and combed out.  So I developed a series of transition styles to keep the princess looking appropriately diva gorgeous  as we went through the week.  But did I remember to take pictures as I went along?  Nope, I did not.

Day 1.  Left all the tiny braids in the back and part of one side and all of the left side.  Took out enough braids to make a nice fat side twist and used lots of multi colored terry stretch bands on it.

Day 2.  Made another fat twist on the other side of her head the same way.

Day 3.  Made a second twist on the right and then twisted it together with the first fat twist.  Again, lots of terry stretchies for color and hold.  This looks super cute and had the added benefit of keeping her twists away from her face.  Lissa hates hair in her face.

Day 4.  Made the other side match the right side.

We are now at the point where I only need to deal with the back. But for gymnastics tomorrow the hair will stay nicely out of her face and I can gather the mini back braids into a low pony with a ribbon and she will still look super cute. By the weekend I will be able to get all the mini braids out because I will be able to work on this at times of the day when she is more amenable to sitting.

I have so many styles always swirling in my head that I want to try on her.  But I have to mostly go with something relatively tried and true because at this age, if I mess up and have to start over--well, it is just not a good thing.  But you know, she's only 4!  I think I have a lot of years yet to try out lots of styles.

Ethnic Hair

I had a conversation yesterday with one of the residents where I work.  She is  a stylist and she was talking about how she might move from our large suburban city to a really big metro city. Her reason was that she specializes in ethnic hair and she does not feel it is easy to get a large clientele here. 

I was surprised as demographically we are pretty diverse.  But I also have lots of black friends who either do each others hair or do trek into a big city a few times each year to get something special done.  I said something about the fact that I didn't know she was trained in black hair and that I had met very few stylists who were so it seemed like she'd have a good potential market if she got the word out.  I was just ready to suggest that she consider tapping into adoptive family groups and foster care groups for potential clients, when she happily chirped. . .

"oh yeah, I know all about extensions, and relaxers."

Can you hear the brakes screeching in my mind???  LOL I am all about natural hair for my daughters.  Fiona's hair has been relaxed so much it will never recover and I have no control over that, but Lissa is another story.  I said something about really liking to keep their hair natural.

"oh," she answered, "well we could just do a texturizer then."

OK now the brakes have stopped screeching  in my mind and the train is chugging like h##l in the opposite direction.  I smiled and said I just wanted to learn how to do corn rows.  (I have learned so many things from you tube videos but this one thing just doesn't translate into my brain via video.  I think I will have to actually see a person in front of me do it in order to learn.)

In all reality, my tenant is a very nice person and probably very gifted in those arenas that she mentioned.  And there is a significant segment of the black community that WANT those services and I hope they find her so she can provide them.  But it does sadden me to realize that the natural hair experience is still not front and center as a healthy and attractive option to celebrate with our black daughters.

Shamelessly Entering Another Contest!

OK I am sure I am pushing my cosmic luck since I have this year all ready won more things than I ever won in my whole life.  (for the record, that means I won a Dunkin Donuts gift card from Corey at Watching the Waters and I won a Nudred hair system from Keep Me Curly)  I realize that two winnings in a life time may not seem excessive to some but it sure rocked my world!  LOL

Now I read about another cool give away.  Happy Girl Hair has a contest to win a satin lined winter hat from Curly Zebra.  These are awesome winter hats which are satin lined to be gentle on our AA kids hair. Regular hats suck away the moisture their hair needs in order to stay healthy and to prevent breakage. (not to mention the fact that regular hats tend to destroy the styles we put in Lissa's hair) 

I get an entry into the contest for talking about it on my blog, but in reality I have this site bookmarked and if I don't win I know I am buying one anyway.  I put an entry in as much to publicize that this great product is out there, as to hope for winning for myself.  I know when I started the journey as a parent of black children it was kind of hard to find the right products and the best ways to help them look good and feel good about themselves.  The internet widens our world so much and now there are so many sources for good hair products, learning styles, and also of course, stylish winter hats for their beautiful hair.  If you have children of color, check out Curly Zebra.  They really look awesome!

A year in hair

 
The top picture was taken the end of last December when we were up doing Christmas at my mom's.  Lissa's hair was braided and although I had gathered the top few braids together with a ballie that she liked, you can see that the braid length was just above her shoulders.

The bottom pic was taken after K spent 6 hours doing her hair today!  Yup, 6 hours.   Our wee miss's hair is much longer and thicker nearly a year later.  It is healthy and shiny and I love to feel it as I work with it.  BUT, I am not good at parting.  Part of this is likely that i am just less adept.  Part of it is that I have a hard time making Lissa sit for any length of time.  K somehow accomplishes that.  (for the record there were breaks through out the day of hair, it wasn't 6 hours straight).  Also, I tend to have to do her hair at night (usually Saturday nights) and even if I give her an early bath, it is not a prime time to try to do anything with a 3 year old. So I have of late stuck with a lot of twists, bantu knots, partial twists with free hair pulled into a pony tail etc.  This style should last us, the goddess willing, through the holidays.  And it is parted so well that I can pull it into two side pig tails for gymnastics. It looks festive and I was so amazed at the proof of how much her hair has grown.  It can be hard to really notice how much black hair grows.  There is a lot of shrinkage when the hair dries and/or is loose.  But when it is braided and/or beaded, the length is very noticable.

Fiona is in the hospital and I need to write about that, but my heart is still coming to terms with that.

Nudred Love!

The Nudred that I won arrived yesterday afternoon so tonight after supper I tried it out on the boys.  I wanted to get a feel for how long it would take and how they would like the style.  My pictures are not as good as I would like because I don't have a zoon on this camera.  It came with one but I think it hit the floor once too often! LOL  The sad results of fostering youthful photography I guess!  Anyway, it took way less than 12 minutes to do each one, although I am probably more free flowing about it than some might be.  Neither boy said it hurt.  KC's defined almost instantly.  His hair is thinner than Rob's and more curly than kinky. In fact the picture doesn't do the definition justice.  It is very very cool to look at and he likes it.

  Rob's hair is thicker and more like Katie's Mr.C in her video.  His hair  took more "muscle" to twist but it did twist up pretty quickly.  Unlike Katie I stayed section by section till I felt each was twisted sufficiently.  KC really likes the look. Rob totally hates it.  Says it is "weird."  I pointed out that lots of sports stars wear dreads and you can start dreads this way if you choose.  I think he was ready to go get the razor and have me skin him down. LOL  Course this is a boy who thinks a fade is weird so fashion is a very um interesting experience with him.  Orange jeans and definately no twists!    I can only get Blogger to upload KC' s  pic right now but when it decides to let me, I will up load Robbie's pic as well. 

I won a Nudred!

Me!  Me who never wins anything (except the occasional bench audit at tax time!)  I won a Nudred over at Keep Me Curly!  I should be blogging about the great visit we had with Fiona but I am so so stoked over winning this that all I can do is go I WON!  LOL 

Now I need to go cut out 50 3 inch foot prints for church tomorrow for posters we are making for our Religious Education theme which is Standing on the Side of Love.  More on Fiona when my brain stops chanting "I won!"

Keep Me Curly and the Nudred

Like many adoptive moms I spend a lot of time educating myself on my kids hair.  (for the record I have pretty much thrown in the towel on my own!!! LOL) There is a really cool new product out called the Nudred that I am dying to try on Rob and KC.  It will make little twists out of their hair in about 12 minutes as opposed to the hour or more. Frankly I know I can't get them to commit to the time I need to twist their hair.  BUT at Keep Me Curly they are running a contest and some lucky winner will get a Nudred!  Maybe it will be me, because I get an extra entry for linking their site in my blog. (grin)  I hope so, but even if I don't win I am happy to spread the word about their site.  As adoptive parents we all have a special responsibility to care for our AA kids hair in a healthy and culturally appropriate way.  The ladies at this site are really a remarkable resource for those of us on this particular journey.

Quiet Saturday!

I am lying--they are NEVER quiet Saturdays!  LOL  Up at 6 and shopping with the kids for groceries by 7:30.  Got tulip plants while we were out--one for my mom which K will bring up tomorrow and one for the elderly couple that live next door to us. They are sweet to our kids and the wife has alzheimers and mobility issues so I thought the bright yellow blooms would brighten their day.

Then off to the post office to mail some things out to Fiona and my tax return.  And then the library and dance class.  We are home now and enjoying the glorious weather.  In between dashing out to bask in the unseasonably warm sun and temperate breezes, I have cleaned the kitchen, including my former computer area and put on dough for making sweet bunny buns for tomorrows breakfast.  Eggs are boiling for dying later, dessert for tonights supper is chillin' in the fridge.  Things are chugging right along at their 'slow' pace!  LOL

K re-did Lissa's braids yesterday and used some new, larger pony beads that I got at http://www.snapaholics.com/   Steph has the most amazing collection of beads and my girl probably has way more beads than she needs because I am always finding a cute color or style to add to our stash.  With these slightly larger beads though we didn't need to do millions of tiny braids and the whole style process was literally cut in half.  Lissa sits well for this, but she very much appreciated the quicker turn around time for her "do."

One of the moms at KC's dance class just had a baby. That, coupled with our next door neighbors just having another have given me baby fever.  However I am the only one with baby fever.  I keep hinting at K that 'maybe just one more" and she keeps looking at me like I am demented.  Which I probably am.  But oh my goodness I love having a larger family.  And cuddling babies.  Like I pretty much never put them down.  I wear them often but put them down?  Not often.

Off to soak up more vitamin D!