Changing before my eyes

KC is an artist at heart but also has significant stage fright issues.  He had to decide by this weekend if he would be in the recital this year.  He put off the decision  all week  and woke yesterday all in a dither over it. "Oh this is the worst day of my life," he declared dramatically.  "Heart Attack!  Horror!"  Seriously, this was a quote. Ate least I know his vocabulary is good.  LOL

I said that he did not have to be in the recital. But that he had to understand that Lissa WANTS to be and he could not ruin the experience for her.  Also he would not be able to hang out back stage with me, but he could absolutely enjoy watching the show with the family members who would be in the audience.  He went away, deep in thought and an hour later told Miss Heidi at dance class that he would be performing.

Today at church I was purchasing tickets to the youth group coffee house this coming Friday.  The sign up sheet for the acts was on the poster next to me.  I saw KC writing something but truly did not know what he was doing as I was more focussed on writing my check.  When I asked what he was up to I got a withering look and a "duh, signing up for the coffee house of course!"  He apparently plans to play the recorder on Friday and allegedly will practice in front of all of us during the week so that he won't be feeling anxious!  Go figure.

This and That

KC decided he wants a blog and he has posted a few times.  I do the scribing for him as his thoughts vastly outpace his abilty to keyboard at that speed.  What impresses me though are the depth of his thoughts and the way he organizes them.  Tonight when he came to me, he informed me that he wanted to do a series of posts about his family.  First the girls, then the boys, and I would have to wait to see what the next part is! LOL  Sometimes that kid cracks me up.

Lissa is on a high right now. Her class at church has fellowship duties and she gets to help in the kitchen.  KC's class did this last month and her nose was oh so out of joint that big brother got to the kitchen before she did.

The older boys will spend tomorrow morning helping K with the leaves that have deigned to fall from the trees. Truly this is the weirdest fall I have ever seen.  November and there are lots of trees still leaved?  Really?  In New England?  More than passing strange I will tell you!

It felt good to center and have family time today. The work week is so high paced.  I consciously take three deep breaths in my car before I drive off the site, endeavoring to leave any lingering angst or tensions there and not bring them home.  But the blackberry keeps me in constant contact and I tend to work on it off and on throughout the evening.  Mostly this is when everyone else is abed so at one level it is not a problem, at another level it does mean I never really put my job to bed.  Which I suppose I should.

On the plus side, my tax refund finally arrived in my bank account today.  So I will order Yule gifts asap. I also will be able to order our pellets and I splurged and got Lissa a new mattress and box spring to get her out of the toddler bed that she is way too big for, and a new sofa for our living room. It will arrive on Thursday.  It is not fancy.  I have 4 kids who think furniture is gym equipment. LOL  But it will be new and it also has a sleeper thing inside for company.  And it is not 20 years old and falling apart like what we have now! 

Pity Party is Over

Well truthfully it was over after about 2 hours yesterday.  I can't really spend hours being morose over something like a promotion.  I wanted it a lot.  I felt qualified and excited about the challenge and changes I could envision.  But it isn't happening.  I had a shower, cried, and then wrote an email to the 3 people who met with me. I thanked them for taking the time to speak with me. Said that clearly I saw things differently but I respected their position and looked forward to continuing my professional growth.   I almost immediately got a very nice email back from one of them.  He said that he was very sorry  about the delay (and he stressed delay, not denial) of the promotion. He has promised to support my professional growth and pointed to the fact that 3 other people under him have been promoted up. He said he believes in promoting from within and feels confident it will be in my future, just not right now.  I don't know if it was salve or truth. I am operating on the latter because I really believe in trying always for the best and though I know humanity means I will miss the mark, I will always be better for having tried my hardest.

Happy Un-Halloween!

 Our city finally allowed trick or treating tonight so we went out for some spooky fun!  The top photo is Chet, all dressed up as his version of Capt. Hook.  He stands on the porch making "spooky" noises or tonight, hollering "Ahoy maties, come get your Halloween booty!"  LOL  It works pretty well as we had a record high of 67 goblins visit him.  I love that we have found a way for him to participate in the holiday and enjoy it.

 Here we have Black Zeus of Black Zeus Painting.  I think it is the expressive eyes and smile that will get him the job.  If I looked at the clothes that particular painter is wearing I might think he wasn't too attentive to detail!  Rob came out with the littles and I.  It is nice how many people give him candy as we walk.  I think others see how kind he is being to the littles.

 Then we have Peter Pan.  Ready to fly!  He is in love with how shiny his tunic is and the soft feel of the pants.

And we have Tinkerbelle.  Lissa picked out the fabric for her costume herself.  I think the wee princess has a good color eye.  She felt the gold and green underskirt reminded people of the pixie dust!

We spent a good hour or so traipsing around. It was more dangerous this year as although there are no live wires down, the limbs of trees and such are all over the sidewalks and roadsides.  Far more often than I would like we had to be walking in the road.  But it was still fun and I was grateful Rob was there to hold either Lissa's or KC's hands (we kept switiching) because I felt they needed that extra help with the hazards.

Then we came home and the littles did the great candy swap.  KC hates chocolate and gives all that to his siblings.  In return, they give him any skittles, lollipops or starbursts.  It is all very ritualized and different candy is worth more than another type of candy.  I crack up listening to the haggling that ensues.  It reminds me somehow of wizened old traders at a bazaar somewhere or something.

Job News

Well in case anyone was waiting with bated breath, I will not be receiving a promotion any time soon.  I had a great training session with a bunch of other people from other sites.  It was helpful and even kind of fun.  Then at 2:30 they pulled me out of the training for what I thought was my interview.

Only it was really so that they could, as kindly as they could, explain that there was no way in hades that they were promoting me.  I do not have sufficient experience logged with the new company for them to feel confident in my skill set.  They are happy that I want a promotion (????) and are in fact willing to allow me to continue taking trainings for this position.  I did have to explain that due to my migraines I was really applying for this particular site. The site which has been my work passion and which is so close to my home that if I have a headache I know I will get home at the end of the day without killing someone on the road.  They did not know I had migraines--which I guess is a testament to my work ethic.  They understood, but it also means that if whoever they hire loves being a manager at this site that I am SOL.

I am sad, but am trying to look at this optimistically.  I am not worse off than I was before.  It is sad that they have so little faith in me but all I can do is be who I am and do what I do to the best of my ability. And I have a job when so many people don't.

But all that aside, it sucks.

Wish me Luck!

I got a call from our corporate office after I got home from work today.  I am at a training tomorrow and they have decided that after the training they will speak with me about my interest in the managers position where I work.  Gulp.  I am glad that I will at least have the chance to interview.  I hope they see potential in me. 

This was not the greatest of days at work.  We were not told of a key policy of our new company and now, a mere 10 months later, it comes to light.  Sheesh.  When I said that no one had told us of this policy the response was "well I will just start treating you like a child."  Yup. That inspires lots of confidence and faith in my abilities being recognized!

On the plus side (you know me, Pollyanna to the end!) I was told later on good authority that another superior (lots of chiefs in my line of work!) came to my defense, and I was also told that this was just one of those mis-speakings and not a sign of displeasure on the part of the person that said it. That they meant, they should remember to look at me as a neophyte in the company instead of automatically assuming that due to my years in the industry I would automatically know how this firm operates.  I don't know if that is collossal cover up or not, but I am choosing to believe it.  I want to have lots of positive energies and vibes going into tomorrows meeting and that won't happen if I don't believe in myself.

When should I push my kids?

As anyone who knows my family or reads my blog, probably knows, my KC is a performer that is somewhat unique.  He loves to perform but gets the most AWFUL stage fright.  He has gotten through 2 recitals successfully though and has always been very proud of himself when he has accomplished this.  Yet every fall when he asks to go back to dance, it is with the caveat that there will be no recital.  Last year was pretty easy as his teacher did not want any costume money till January. So he had a longer span of time to find and groove there and ultimately to change his mind. This year however, his teacher needs the costume deposit this coming Saturday.

Lissa totally wants to be in the recital.  KC is still adament that he does not.  I truly am always at 6's and 7's about this kind of situation.  I want my kids to stretch but I also don't want them to do something just because I want them to.  I know in my heart that he is a good dancer who really enjoys the experience. (otherwise he would not be asking if we can try to add jazz to his repertoire of tap and ballet!) I worry that if I push him that he will decide not to take lessons because then he is not faced with this dilemma and that would be horrible.  This is a kid who literally dances down deserted aisles of the grocery store every Saturday morning!

So what does a confused parent do?  I explained it to the dance teacher and asked if she would talk with him next Saturday!  LOL Can we all say cop out?