Fiona Self Advocates

Last night  I got another email from Jane.  She wanted me to know that she had received instructions from Fiona to ask her DCF social worker to "be more strict" with her birth family.  Fiona said it hurts her when they don't follow through. This is a huge step for my duaghter who is pretty much perpetually conflicted with regards to her first family.  I am so sad they put her in this position so regularly.  But I am so heartened that she has come to this on her own.  It is important her her mental health to know who she can count on in her life.  I think that her family members probably have lots of issues and demons they struggle iwth.  I think too that they feel that there is nothing wrong with Fiona and that requests for consistancy are just roadblocks being put up by "the system."  Knowing Fiona over the past 10 years, I feel pretty confident saying that these are not unreasonable requests.  If someone told me they were coming to visit and then did not show up and did not call, I would be pretty angry too.  For Fiona, the anger and sadness these incidents cause is very difficult for her to manage.  I hope DCF hears this for the honest request for help that my daughter is asking for.  And I hope her family hears what she needs and can get their acts together.

Having an autistic moment!

Today was our first Sunday back at church since the holiday.  We did not go to services on either Christmas Day or New Years Day.  On the way home, Chet told me that Mr. M. lost a tooth.  "Someone knocked it out," announced Chet.  "Honey I hope you didn't ask how he lost the tooth" I responded.  "Remmember that some people don't like personal questions like that." 
  "Oh don't worry, " Chet answered, "I just asked how he got that hole in his mouth when he smiled and said good morning."  Yup, I feel soooooo much better!

Catching Up!

My week at work was amazingly hectic.  I worked 7:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. every day.  I usually work 8 to 4.  Since I never take lunch it was flat out busy to say the least.  My co-worker is in sunny Florida for two weeks and our new manager does not start till the 17th so for most of the week I was doing alone what 3 people usually do.  At one point I had a call on the land line and a work call on my cell at the same time and it was totally surreal--seemed like a bad movie or something.  On the plus side, the days sure flew by.  And I got a ton of stuff done, though not nearly as much as I needed to, naturally.

The down side was I was home with the kids much less than usual and we all missed that.  We made up for it today with lots of fun together doing our usual Saturday things and ending our day with "dinner and a movie."  In our case, veggie burgers and fries while watching Mr. Poppers Penguins!  It was a great movie for all of us to enjoy.  Even Chet came down and shared in the fun with us. KC is going to be just like I was though--he gets very angry when  a movie deviates from what he read in a book.  He liked the movie but was really annoyed about the changes.

Tomorrow we have all day together too as my wife has her runaway day.  She was feeling her own levels of stress heighten from being alone with the kids more so she has Sunday all to herself.  And Monday night I have purchased her a spa treatment at a small local establishment. So hopefully that will keep her sane in the coming week which promises to be more of the same.

I also got a great email from Amazing Jane. It was a forwarded thread of conversation that Jane has had with Fiona's social worker regarding first family contact and future placement when at age 22 she ages out of the Great School in the City.  Jane has been very active and supportive of first family contact and has tried to facilitate a lot of positive things.  Unfortunately they often fall through because the family do not understand the need to keep their commitments to Fiona.  At this point the way things stand, the social worker is in agreement that should there be no significant change in the first family involvement and reliability she will advocate for Fiona to be placed in an adult setting as close as possible to us. 

I feel glad and sad about this.  Glad for us and the relationship that I have with my daughter. Sad because it is once again more proof that for whatever reason, a wide variety of people are not able to be there for someone who needs them.  The first family is huge--not like me who has only one sister and a couple of cousins.  There are legions of people and most of them live in the same general area.  I don't know their circumstances and I really really try not to judge.  But I know that as much as Fiona loves us, our constancy and presence also has the effect of reminding her that her blood  kin can't be counted on. That they say they will come and don't.  That they disappear without notice and without sharing why.  I know how this hurts her and I grieve for that.  But, that being said, at least if she can be nearer, she can be here on holidays, she can come for dinner she can hang out with us when we do our goofy family things.  It isn't all that she wants but it is love and support that she does value.

Chilly but Peaceful!

Lots of holiday music and movies make much of the "peace" of the season.  There is some peace but usually in our family, they are snippits--little teeny weeny moments that are sandwiched in by lots of hubbub, noise and barely controllled chaos.  Don't get me wrong--there really isn't anything I would change--a certain amount of chaos is good for the soul.  LOL But too much is like adding too much spice to a dish.  In our post holiday January I see a settling in our house.  The absence of all the glitz and glimmer of the Yule decorations has helped to bring a more serene atmosphere back to our home.  Last night I asked Kirsty what she put in their suppers as they were all playinig quietly in our living room.  Lissa was busy with her dollhouse.  KC was lying on th couch reading a Magic Treehouse book.  Rob was drumming.  (our drums are electornic so this is essentially quiet) It was a little surreal as we are typically a noisy tribe.  But I think the kids spirits need a pause, a little respite.  I am sure that they will be back to dancing in the front hall and singing and all the other louder pastimes that often occupy them soon.  But for now, in the chill of winter, we are pausing peacefully.

Ready to Spread his Wings!

Every year Rob goes away to camp for a week.  He loves it.  In some ways, it is a comfort zone.  The venue is familiar. Many of the counselors return year after year.  But he does not always know who is going to be there with him.  Sometimes he has roomed with a best friend.  Other years, he has gone solo and made new best friends.  He is very adaptable in that way, much more so than most other kids I know.  I suspect that part of it is a legacy from foster care.  He learned how to adapt.  He learned that being friendly worked better than other options and thankfully, this has been a more positive coping strategy for him to carry forward into his life.

I received notification from a friend about an organization where kids can work in national parks for 3, 5 or 8 week stints.  It is volunteer.  It is living in wilderness settings  The kids have teams of about 8 youth and 2 leaders.  They do things like build trails, and "guy" stuff that appeals to my Rob.  We spent the evening filling out the application together.  I was able to convince Rob that it might be best to start with a 3 week stint on our coastline somewhere.  I was pretty honest that it was all about me not having him on the other side of the country at just barely 16 years old! LOL  I said if he gets in and likes it, I am open to him being farther away next year but I  need to build up to it.  I do hope he gets to try this.  I think it will be an amazing opportunity for him.  I know the summer I spent living in a tent teaching at a Scouting camp was one of the best that I ever had.  I figure if he has a lot of volunteer opportunities he will get to try out a lot of different things and rub shoulders with lots of different people from all walks of life.  That to me should make it easier when inevitably he has to really decide what he thinks he might like to do for a career. 

All good things come to an end. . .

Vacation is nearly over and tomorrow I am back at work.  I have so loved this time with my family.  The kids and I have had a blast together. They are all a bit morose over the end of "ooma Time."  What I am glad about though, is that we made our time together count.  We made memories.  We laughed. (some of us cried but it wasn't the temper fit  extravaganza that sometimes happens. )   Today we took down our tree and though they did not want to do it, the kids got into talking about the ornaments as we packed things away.  Somehow it took the curse off the proof that Yule is really over for them.  WE also were able to buy KC his jazz shoes.  The store has been closed for the holidays and he really wanted to get his shoes before classes start again this Saturday.  He is so happy!  We also did some biking and scootering as this is the last day that the temperatures will be nice.  Boy can Lissa fly on a scooter!  KC is hoping to be training wheel free this year so he wants to practice a lot as well. 

Holding Family Close

We have been blessed with a rare gift this January.  Temperatures today are in the 50's.  Tomorrow it will be in the teens.  Only in New England, I guess. But for today, we are revelling in the unexpected, most unusual warmth. We went for a New Years Day walk and when we came home, we took down our outdoor decorations.  Why wait till fingers and noses get numb with the cold to do it?  We really need to take down our tree but the littles negotiated one more day.  They have really enjoyed the tree this year and KC said he has to take lots more pictures of it before we can take it down.  We had a lot of stories before bed sitting or actually sprawling, on blankets in front of the tree this year.  Part of me is loathe to put it away as well, those memories are still so shining and special.

I always feel blessed  to have my family, but at this moment in time, more so.  Dear friends of mine far away in TX are facing the unspeakable tragedy of a beloved wife and mother dying far too soon and very unexpectedly.  The fact that they just moved to the state makes it all the harder.  There is nothing we can do and those of us who are their friends can only send emails of hugs and energies.  But as one of us said when I bemoaned the distance and lack of ability to do something concrete--we can do something. We can remember to hold our one loved ones a bit more tightly, to be a bit more patient, and to live each day as fully as we can.  In some ways that feels trite. In some ways, that feels comforting.  I know the wheel turns as it will, but I am a 'fixer' by nature. And not being able to 'fix' something always grates on me. But for today, I am holding my loved ones close and holding my friends close in my heart.