Weekend Recap

This has been a whirlwind weekend but it has been amazing and lots of fun.  Fiona left mid day on Saturday. She got to watch KC and Lissa's dance classes and enjoyed cuddling with them between sessions and chatting with me the rest of the time.  What I like the best was how normal things felt.  I will treasure that for a long time and hope that she will be able to come for more overnights very soon.

That afternoon our city had the annual Holiday Stroll and despite the weather not being too conducive to strolling, we went down.  It is one of my favorite activities in the city.  It is a weird thing but for the stroll, somehow we don't feel like a big city.  You literally can walk in the streets. The local businesses have festive activities for kids.  There are free samples of yummy foods available, free "reindeer" rides for the kids and more. And unlike the fall festival, it is not overwhelmingly noisy or filled with vendors trying to sell highly priced toys that will fall apart as soon as you get home. We spent nearly two hours there and then scooted home as Rob's guy friends were coming for a sleepover.  They showed up about 5ish and had a fun night together.

One thing I like about Rob's friends is that they are all kind to the little kids.  I have friends whose experience is not like that, so I feel truly blessed to see 3 teen guys showing my 2 littles the tricks of a video game, or talking sports with KC.  Said teens did not sleep and were rather slow to get moving this morning.  LOL  However the smell of home made muffins roused them and by 9:15 I had everyone out the door so we could stop at Dunkins and then head to church.

Rob will be a very tired camper because he volunteers at a children's museum today and then has youth group tonight, but he is young and will survive.  Meanwhile I face Monday with a very happy heart.

She's Here!

Fiona arrived  yesterday mid afternoon.  It was great timing as I had just gotten home from work about 10 minutes earlier.  We had a lovely afternoon and evening together.  Nothing too high powered or dramatic; I was trying to keep things low key for this, her first overnight home in more years than I can say.  Actually I could say, but that part hurts too much so we will leave it at "a long time."

She liked watching movies with the kids, seeing our Christmas decorations, and just hanging out.  She always notices how many pictures there are of her in our home.  Fi is very present in our thoughts even when she is not physically with us and I think the family galleries (yup, plural!) show that.

Lissa went up to bed and she got to play for a while with KC and Rob.  Then it was KC's turn to say goodnight and it was just she and Rob.  They wound up watching a show on Disney that she enjoys.  I know Rob would not choose it but he was great about it and I loved working in the other room and hearing the two of them laughing.

Long ago I was expressing my fears about keeping Rob safe and away from further trauma. Fi was raging a lot in our home and it was very scary to both Rob and to Chet.  The social worker I spoke with blithely told me that the kids just had to "write new stories" of their relationship together.  The problem was, if Fiona stayed in our home it wasn't a new story. It was the same old story of bullying raging and abuse.  Over and over.  There seemed to be no alternative but the residential placement.  To this day I don't know if there WAS another option had I been more informed or had I had more support.  There are regrets of how everything played out that I will live with every day of my life.

But what I don't regret is that in the end, I think those stories are being written.  Long years later, but written none the less.  Rob has had the years to come into himself, to mature and to feel both safe and physically strong.  He and Fi still have the bond of biological family but the dynamic of their relationship has shifted and Rob is more the protector and his easy going demeanor helps keep her on a more even keel.  Chet has had a harder time with a "new story."  His autism means that he tends to fixate on things and this is true of Fiona's rage in the past.  He was very fearful that she was going to "tear up the house, " on this visit even though she has been home many times and there have been no problems.  I am hopeful that this visit will help him to supplant some of the negative images he takes so to heart.

KC and Lissa know nothing of those early days and so they bring to the story of our lives a fresh and unfettered perspective. They see only a beautiful, artistic big sister who loves to play with them and who they admire and cherish.

It is our story.  All of it.  And  I am so lucky to be part of it.

Work Party

Last night I took the little kids to an indoor play arena where a fundraiser was being held to help small businesses and residents displaced by a large fire in our town.  We had a blast.  Rob wound up seeing a girl from our church Youth Group.  She greeted him immediately and he responded back with an ease that filled my heart with joy.  I remember how he used to look like a frozen figure when anyone greeted him.  For years.  It was not confined to just girls, it was anyone.  He is still quiet, but there is just a sense that he is comfortable in himself and in this time and place.  It is good.

We have also reached the time when I apparently am invisible to young women if my handsome teen son is with me.  This is the second occasion recently when we have bumped into a  young lady who knows both of us and the only one greeted (and rather um effusively!) is Rob.  LOL  Also good to see.

Today I have to bring fancy duds to work for a company holiday party that begins mid day.  I am not a party gal.  This is work in every sense of the word.  I am social, my wife will tell you I am a chatterbox.  But I like to socialize on my terms where and with whom I choose.  However, duty calls.  And off I will go with glittery nails (another thing I typically do not do!) and a party smile on my face.  New glittery shoes (that I might do anyway!!) and hope for the best.

What are teen boys reading these days?

Clearly I was so excited and overwhelmed last night that I made my weekend sound  less busy than it is!  We also have our city annual Holiday stroll and Rob is having a sleepover on Saturday night with 2 or 3 of his teen guy friends.  Testosterone will rule the downstairs. LOL  Actually the funny part about this sleep over is that one of his friends actually started the ball rolling.  He facebooked me and asked if they could have a sleepover here because his sister was having a bunch of girlfriends over that day and he wanted some place else to be.  I feel kind of honored that a teen who is not mine was comfortable asking me about all this.  The texts back and forth were very funny about it as D is sort of short on the details of things and I have to keep digging to try and get schedules.  (actually am still digging on that part!)

Yesterday was also the day that my lack of techie savvy came back to bite me.  I was at work and checked my home email on lunch.  I saw a notice from Amazon thanking me for my order.  I checked to see what the order was as I did not recall anything. . .  .  and found that "I" had ordered a pictoral book about very VERY well endowed women.   Here is the kicker--this is a KINDLE book.  This was going to my Kindle.  OK, you can stop laughing now.  The time stamp on the Amazon notice was just about 15 minutes prior.

I called my wife and sure enough, the teen in our house was on the computer.  I asked her to tell him he was locked off the computer until he and I had a discussion and explained why.  She also checked my kindle and there were several such books in an archive.  I didn't know about archives on the Kindle.  (that is the part about the tech stuff coming back to bite me.)  All the kids know more about technology than I do.  Heck turning on the the TV for me is a major achievement.  So it isn't quite as in your face as it sounds, for him to download these to my Kindle.  I have been sharing the Kindle with him because I download books for our English class.  We just finished The Scarlet Letter and he had chosen the book about Lincoln that the new movie is based on for his next reading assignment.

When I talked w/ him about it, Rob said it was an accident.  I said no, it was a choice, what it was was bad judgement and there is a world of difference between the two!  The conversation went on from there but for now, his computer time will only be when K or I are in the room.  Which probably means that I have to learn my next techie thing and learn how to create a password to start UP the computer and shut it down each night.  Parenting. . . it is a journey!! :-)

Fiona is coming for an overnight!!!!

I got an email at work this afternoon that said Fiona had done it! She had earned an overnight at home.  I am super excited and so is she. So are the kids. So is the cat.  And the dog.  Well, you get the picture!  I want to be clear that the Great School has in no way with held this from Fi or from us.  It really took knowing that Fiona could stay safe in our home for this to happen.  So the agreement for this was that she would have 4 weeks of safe behavior. Safe behavior being defined as no acts of violence toward staff or self, no running away and no destruction of others properties. It took her a year to make this dream a reality. But it is on the horizon.

When I got the email from Jane she wanted to know when Fiona could come. I fired back an email but in the meantime she had called my wife.  K looked at our calendar which looks like everyone elses December calendar--in other words you can't see the days for the writing of things--and said how about next Friday.   I was afraid that this was too long for Fiona to wait.  She literally has almost zero concept of time.  I think when you work that hard and that long to make some deep seated behavior changes, you need a pretty fast reward.

So because I believe that and because I am a crazy person, this is what the tail end of my week looks like:
Wednesday  Take kids to fundraiser at indoor play area in our city.  There was a bad fire downtown last week and the proceeds benefit the 7 small business owners and the families displaced when a historic blg was destroyed.
Thursday:  mandatory company holiday party.  Tis the season to spread enforced joy!  LOL
Friday:  Leave work 1 1/2 hrs early.  Fi is due to arrive at 3 PM  Planning on some arts and crafts, some wii games and a movie.  She will sleep in my bed, I am relegating myself to an air mattress.
Saturday Staff will pick Fi up in the morning (time TBD)  Then I take the tribe to dance class.
Sunday-Church and then shopping.  I despise shopping on Sundays but it can not be helped this week.  I will now go take a vitamin!

Singing and Dancing and Shopping

Last night my wife decided that we should go out and get decorations for my office.  I am in a new and larger space this year and the company has no decorations for it.  The decorations the site had all went to the two offices out front, one of which was mine this time last year.

It was late to be taking out the little kids, quarter to 6 and Lissa is usually showering by 6:00 p.m. but it went amazingly well. We looked at holiday lights both on the way over to the discount store and on the way back. The store had recently had a huge sale on artificial trees and there was a large open space in the middle between the two aisles.  My two immediately began developing holiday dance routines to the music playing in the store.  I think the store clerks were so charmed by them that they did not mind the great hunt for a blue artificial tree for Lissa.  They could not find one and wound up selling us the small floor model for $12.00

I did get the decorations for my office as well, so this week things will look more festive back there, but the greatest memory that i will take away from the experience is the "elf dance" in the store.  Priceless!

Stylin!

Last night was the first formal dance that Rob escorted his girlfriend to.  They spent about 10 days coordinating their outfits.  The photo is predictably low quality but he looked very sharp.  For all that he is all about skinny jeans most of the time (with the accompanying annoying amount of boxers hanging out above them) he knows how to dress up when an occasion warrants and doesn't balk at it.  This gives me hope that someday I won't be looking at his boxers on a regular basis. LOL

I realize that among other parents that I interact with I am in the minority. My wife thinks I should "do something" about the boxer/skinny jeans thing.  I have friends who clearly feel the same, judging from Facebook posts and such.

My take is that if  a kid has the capacity to understand that different dress is required for different situations, then fighting about clothes is a waste of time.  And potentially damaging to our relationship.  If I am going to put my foot down, it has to be about something that I deem important.  Not harming yourself or others, not engaging in lawbreaking activities, truth telling, those are my "line in the sand" type of issues. Clothes?  Not so much, since I remember hiding a whole different outfit in my purse to change into when I got to school.

It is a bit odd in our house as I have one child who can not understand appropriate dress due to his disability.  Additionally he has the further advantage of being color deficient. So for Chet, the dress code is different. I have had to clearly delineate "home clothes" and "go out to church/dinner/visit relatives clothing.  This way I can refer him to the type of clothing and he is more likely to choose something acceptable to the situation.

At any rate, for last night at least, I had no glimpse of boxers and rumor has it that the well dressed chap even danced!