Fledging kids and failing parents

 KC is loving this semester of college.  He loved last semester too, but there is a lot more actual dancing in these classes and he is totally loving it.  He danced a lot last semester but typically in opportunities beyond classes that he sought out for himself.  As predicted, the house is quieter (and cleaner!) 

I am feeling better and was back at my dance class this week.  But aging parents are also weighing on my spirit lately.  Both my mom and my FIL (who is Dad to me) are 90  Mom is beginning to feel either unable and/or unwilling to cook for herself.  She is looking into a meals on wheels type option and I have been bringing her food that I cook. (I chronically over cook anyway and usually freeze for the future or use for lunches so this is not hard for me.)  However seeing her slowing down is hard.

More worrisome is Dad.  Til now he has been robust, walking his small dog regularly, and while his vision and hearing are poor the rest of him was in good health.  Last week I got a call from Life Alert that he was in distress and that emergency services were dispatched.  Life Alert then called me back and said he was being transported to the hospital.  (side note: I can't say enough good things about this company! I set up his account when he fell a few years ago walking the dog and cut his head badly.  They have been nothing short of amazing to deal with and help my mind be at ease with him 40 minutes away)

It turned out that he had a bacterial infection in his bloodstream and he was hospitalized til Friday when they got that under control.  Now he is in rehab to try and build up his strength.  He presently has to use a rollator to walk and for him to return home, he has to be able to go upstairs for bed and for bathing. We talked on the phone today and he is in good spirits.  He is highly motivated for his PT as he wants above all else to get back home to famliar surroundings and his little dog.

But it has been a hard emotional hit watching the two seniors begin to falter.  K said Dad told her at Thanksgiving that he was ready to see her mom again.  (she passed many years ago)  I kind of freaked out when K told me as her Dad has always been there for me in all the ways you would hope a dad could or would be. I can't envision life without him.

Back to College!

 Bags are packed.  Laundry is done.  Lists are made and banking's done.  Tomorrow when I get home from work the house will be quieter.  It will be cleaner.  It will be emptier.  KC returns to college tomorrow morning.  I am excited for him.  This really is such a great fit for him. He has a great circle of friends. He has been able to focus on his dance in a way that no other college he toured would have been able to accommodate.  He goes back to school ready to work with 13 dancers that he has gathered to dance a 13 minute piece that he has choreographed and will also be dancing.  It is part of a dance program the end of February.  To hear him take calls with a lighting person, and discuss his needs and expectations so knowledgably is amazing.  Every time I see him, he has grown so much, as a man and as an artist.  I can't wait to watch his production.  I glowed with pride reading his evaluations from his professors.  It was wonderful to know that these people see the man I see.  The talent, the sensitivity, and the committment to art, and to social justice.  

His break has had lots of good things.  Time for him to eat lots of his favorite home cooked meals. Time for him to reconnect with friends here and to work at the store saving money for the next tuition.  Time to be part of our family holiday traditions and to go to the Big City to see a concert with his sister, a friend and me.  He passed his drivers exam and is a fully licensed driver. He visited my mom (his nana) twice and had long talks with her.  He visited his "home" dance studio and danced with them at local nursing homes bringing some joy to local seniors.  In fact he got so invested in talking to the seniors after the show that he is missing from the group photo of the dancers.  But that is KC in a nutshell, someone who more often than not works at bringing smiles and joy to others.

So it's all good, and I am only selfishly mourning the fact that he leaves tomorrow.  This is right and he is ready. As soon as I get over this crud that keeps me barking like a seal, I'll jump back into my workouts and my own dance class and I will find things to occupy my time.  I am always a little down in the dumps this time of year.  The unremitting cold wears on my spirit and my body, but the wheel will turn.  We are getting more daylight hours now than we had in November.  Spring will be here before I know it and he will be home and we will be celebrating his birthday with a trip to the Big Apple to see The Wiz!

This was the  one and only picture I got of the kids at the concert a couple weeks ago.  

Christmas break is ending

 KC has been home since the middle of December.  It has been such a joy to have him here again.  The house is louder when he is here. It is messier when he is here. But it is filled with laughter also.  He's had friends over and gone to other friends homes.  He has worked a lot of hours at the grocery store, saving diligently for college tuition bills. He has eaten favorite foods and shared stories about school. We have watched shows together and he, Elisabeth, their friend J and I went into Boston to attend a concert together.  He finished driving school and passed his RMV test.  It's been a break filled with fun, work and good memories.

He's starting to pack now as he leaves next Monday to go back to school.  His bedroom is starting to show signs of the pending departure and will soon be a lot emptier.  It's hard when he leaves.  Every one of my kids has their own place in my heart and the void when he is not physically present is pretty large.  After a few weeks I get used to it, but it takes a while. It was like that when Rob left too.

He's ready for the return. I can sense it.  In some ways, our city is too small for him right now.  He is eager for those new classes and dance experiences.  He has been working on the choreography for the piece he is creating for a winter show at the school.  It will be performed in February and he has 13 dancers that he is working with for this piece.  He had a phone conversation with the people who will do his lighting while he was home on break.  It is exciting to see him grow, stretch, and reach new heights in an art that means so very much to him.

Christmas Vacation 2023

 That old phrase about life is what happens other than your plans is so very true!  I planned a very different "vacation" from what actually happened this holiday.  But regardless, our family time together was amazing and wonderful and I am so very grateful. My company closed early for the holiday on December 22nd.  The doors closed at noon and I actually was able to wrap up my work and be out the door by 1:30 or so.  Those who know me well, know that is pretty unprecedented.  I usually work till near to our regular closure time but I was seriously excited for vacation!  I went to my mom's and got her shopping list, went straight to the grocery store and did her shopping and came home.

Meanwhile, my wife had taken Elisabeth to the podiatrist that day for a surgery on her foot. She had a growth which he thought was a wart but wasn't sure and wanted to operate on.  It wound up meaning that she had 5 stitches in the bottom of her foot days before Christmas.

Right after I got home with the groceries and got them unloaded, Chet came downstairs and was talking with my wife and I.  About a minute or two in and he began to say he was dizzy and very hot. We got him into a chair and seated and almost immediately he began to have a seizure.  I could brace him and make sure that he did not fall and my wife called 911.  It was only about 6 weeks since his previous serious seizure incident. The doctors had thought the seizure were due to his severe shingle outbreak and we had thought it was an isolated event.

Things worsened though and the EMTs decided he should be transported to the hospital.  Once there, they discovered he had dangerously low potassium levels (likely due to the violent voiding of his stomach after the seizures) They admitted him, put him on a potassium drip, and scheduled 2 MRI's, one without contrast and one with. My wife was with him for most of this; I was home taking care of Elisabeth and her stitched foot.

We were lucky that we were able to have him discharged before Christmas so we were all together, despite stitches and seizures.  Rob came down from Maine and spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I went and brought my Mom to the house to spend Christmas Day with us.  Despite the unexpected (which is what life is) we had a happy time and made wonderful memories.  

However my days off were filled with surgical follow ups, KC's annual physical, and Chet's drs appointments.  We are still waiting for a contrast MRI which will take place early next month.  The non contrast MRI showed some brain scarring and they therefore want a contrast.  He has started a low dose of anti seizure meds and thus far there have been no other seizures.  We have also practiced with him what to do if he feels like he might have a seizure as there are times when he is home alone.

What I didn't do on my vacation was work on beginning the repointing of our foundation. This was my hope but it was not to be.  But the foundation will still be there the next time I have a bit of time off!

Thanksgiving 2023

 What a wonderful wonderful holiday.  We were blessed to have KC come home on Tuesday night and for Rob to come in for Thanksgiving Day and spend that night here with us as well.  He was also here to help decorate the house for Yule and that was so special.

The house rang with laughter.  I'm still not used to how quiet the house is with only two of the kids at home.  We are still very connected--thank goodness for texting--but we are moving into a different phase of our parenthood.  So I savor all the times we are able to be together, bask in their banter, and make everyone's favorite foods.

This Thanksgiving was also special because my mom and my FIL (who is Dad to me) were here, as well as my beloved SIL.  We had two friends who are usually with us and who had to bow out at the last minute because of illness.  Truthfully with 2 90 year olds at the table I am grateful that they did, though they were definately missed. But my mom has not been at Thanksgiving with us in many many years.  She lived out out state and neither her husband, or later her partner were able to make such a long trek to our home.  I could tell that even though she lives close by now, she too was tired when the festivities were done. One thing that was weird and hard for me was that Fiona was not with us. She has moved to a shared living residence much closer to first family members and the Big City.  I truly can not drive there.  I also thought her first family were getting her for the day but she spent it with the family of her shared living provider.  She seemed to have a good day and we Face Timed each other, but I missed her.  I am not her guardian any longer but she is always my daughter in my heart and we are still in touch a lot.  Again, thank goodness for the Internet!

There was food aplenty.  We had many pies, I made three batches of parker house rolls, we had giant turkey, I made mac and cheese and sauteed greens. There were mashed potatos, squash, carrots and corn. I also made rolled sugar cookies shaped and decorated like fall leaves.  No one left this house hungry or without a doggie bag!

Thanksgiving night, I took down a lot of the harvest decor, the kids put the living room back to rights (we have to move out all our furniture so that we have room for the tables) and we watched our first Christmas movie of the season together--Spirited.  

Friday we did almost all our indoor decorating.  KC and I watched a movie together that night as well.  We adore the movie Jingle Jangle but are the only 2 in the family who love it so it was just us.  Rob headed back home to Maine and we all went to bed early!

Saturday I made the cemetary boxes, and KC and I went to my mom's and helped her decorate her apartment and had lunch with her. We had lots of time for KC to talk one on one with her about his college experiences so far.  He used to text her daily before school began and they are both missing the fact that there is not time for that now. While KC and I were gone, Elisabeth did an amazing surprise for me.  I always decorate the tops of our upper kitchen cabinets.  She got red ribbon and bows and turned the door fronts into lovely packages.  It really looks amazing and I absolutely adore it.  It is extra special as Elisabeth has never been one to be super excited about decorating.  KC has always been the one for that (and Rob's special thing is the tree) So to have her plan this herself and do it for me, is a huge and special gift.  That night we all went to see the new MCU movie The Marvels.  The movie has really been panned but we loved it and I suppose I would have loved anything really as we were all together and having fun.

Saturday night Elisabeth had her two best friends sleep over and this morning, I had to drive KC back to school.  He won't be back for two weeks as he has rehearsal commitments at school.  But he will be back the weekend of December 9th and his gift this year to Chet and I is to go see Elf on the big screen!  We are both excited for that. Elf is one of our favorite movies.  Can you get a sense for how really big the holidays are here?

Tonight it is back to reality.  Elisabeth has Friendsgiving with the Youth Group tonight and while she is there, I'll be at work.  I took Wednesday off and we were closed the rest of the week so I have had a long luxurious break from the office.  But tomorrow it will be busy there and I have no office staff in that day except me, so it will be best to have this done ahead of time.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was what you needed and wanted at this moment in time, and that the coming weeks bring times of light, and joy.

Friends and Family Performance

 Last night we drove out to the college KC is attending.  It is friends and family weekend there.  Lots of families are spending the weekend with their college student. We only went last night because our guy would not have been able to spend any time with us.  He was performing in a project called SEEP which was a dance program that was envisioned, choreographed, learned and performed in the same day.  They started work at 10 a,m. and performed at 7:30  

I waited eagerly for him to appear on the studio floor with the two other members of his trio.  As always, he is so compelling to watch when he is dancing.  His role was the ocean and his moves were so fluid.  But I am a mom.  Yes, I was also a dancer, but I always wonder if I am looking through the lens of love and it is biased.

After the performance he was introducing us to his friends who had come to watch him perform as well.  A woman who was unknown to us came up and wanted to speak with KC.  She asked what division he was.  He explained he was Div 1 (how they indicate first year students.)  She was visibly shocked.  She said she was a Div 3 and was putting together an entire show and wanted him in it.  She asked about the styles of dance he is familiar with and he told her what he has studied. She asked if he could dance house.

My son who was once so afraid to step on stage at recital confidently said, "I can learn."  They exchanged contact information for a deeper discussion to be had later.  It was everything that i hoped college would offer him.  He's well known as a dancer in our city, but our city is not exactly a cultural hub.  To be able to shine in a bigger pond and to be willing to take risks makes me so happy for him.

What's important

 Last Monday was pretty ordinary til about 5 pm  I went to work.  I stopped in to see my Mom.  I picked my daughter up at the mall from her job at 5  But right as she left work a heavy rain storm moved in.  Driving home became treacherous as roads began to flood.  I tried alternate roads with no success and finally got us safely home.  I was so thankful; I had  water was coming through the floor boards of  my car during the last part of our journey.  

When we got to the house we could see that our back yard was flooded.  Not just a few inches, but feet. The water was racing across the yard up the slope to our home.  Our street became a raging torrent. It did not even look like a road.  Cars began to stall out.  I called my wife who was at work in the next town over and told her to check in with me before she tried to come home from work.  In the middle of that conversation we lost our phone and internet. I was cooking supper also while all this was going on--food is always a priority! LOL  As I was making supper my daughter Elisabeth said she could hear things bumping in our cellar.  I went outside and opened the bulkhead (we don't have an inside access) and discovered the cellar was flooded to the second stair from the top.

We have a gas heater which was not on. And a gas hot water heater which had been on.  I have alarms down cellar if gas is escaping but those also were now underwater and unlikely to be functional.  I have no sense of smell so I would not know if gas was escaping.  I called the Fire Dept and explained. They said they would put me on the list.  I could hear sirens all over the city and I knew others were very likely worse off.  Supper was done, I had not used gas to cook it (thank you Instant Pot) We ate while we watched out the windows as the water roared like a river down our street.  I texted my wife that we were all ok but she should stay where she was.  

Hours passed.  Water crept higher.  I called the fire dept again and they said they would bump us to priority status.  A few minutes later I saw an engine up the street.  I ran up to them and explained.  They agreed to check our gas for us.  They used a meter and could not detect escaping gas.  However they also could not shut off my gas as the shut off and the meter are inside the cellar.  Evacuation was suggested but not made mandatory.  Truly I had nowhere to go with 3 animals, a disabled adult and my daughter and myself.  I suggested we shelter in place with doors and windows open.  The fire folks could not of course say that was great but there was no compelling proof that we would not be safe, particularly if we did not use any gas.

I slept rather little that night.  My wife called about midnight and said she heard a dam might break and that the water could potentially head to us.  I tried to sound super calm because she was hysterical. I said no one had come to talk about evacuation and that they surely would if that was immenent.  I fell back asleep but woke when flashing lights were outside.  Worried that this might be the evac order, I got up but it was a crew trying to get a submerged car out of the street.  I texted my boss that I would not be at the quarterly manager's meeting and gave a brief overview of what was transpiring.  I dozed some more til about 6 when I got up to try and survey the damage.

The water had receded.  There is a benefit to a clay floor in the cellar.  But the devastation it left behind was pretty massive.  I could not walk safely down there initially.  My wife arrived home and I said the first thing was to call for a dumpster because they were going to get rented out quick with all the damage sustained by folks in our city. The second call was to the plumber so we  could at least get hot water and order a new heating system.  The last call was to our insurance company. 

It turned out we were the first people to rent a dumpster. A 10 yarder was delivered early that morning and I called out of work and started filling it. Friends came over the next day and they helped continue that effort.  We got fans going in the cellar to help the floor dry but getting out everything that was wet was key.  By the end of the week I had moved out enough belongings to fill the dumpster 3 times. Wash rinse repeat.  On Saturday my friends came back and helped me move out the 2 fridges, the washer and the chest freezer that had been destroyed. The water was so strong it had tipped over the fridges and the washer!

I am looking at this as a great opportunity.  An expensive one to be sure as surprise! Homeowners insurance does not cover this.  One apparently needs flood insurance even if you don't live in a flood plain and have never had this happen in the more than 90 years that your family has lived in this same house. (I am not that old, I am the fourth generation to live here!)

I plan on repointing the foundation over the winter because hey, I like a project. Once that is done there are walls that I will insulate with rock wool and we can put in some new led lighting and make a decent workshop. My grandfather had put up paneling (which I have had to rip out) and instead I will use a plastic product that I used in part of our bathroom reno.  It is water and mildew resistant and a better choice for a basement/cellar area in my opinion.

Others had it so much worse.  Someone I know had a sink hole destroy the foundation of their home.  It is condemned.  Another person had their car swept away when the driveway gave way. No less than five people I know personally had cars flooded and totalled. My neighbors house is being worked on but was declared unlivable at this time. 3 families have had to find temporary housing as a result. I may eventually remember to post some pictures of right after the flood and after I cleaned it up.  We will see.  For now, I am simply hyper aware of our good fortune and that what is important is not things, it is family.