Christmas Vacation 2023

 That old phrase about life is what happens other than your plans is so very true!  I planned a very different "vacation" from what actually happened this holiday.  But regardless, our family time together was amazing and wonderful and I am so very grateful. My company closed early for the holiday on December 22nd.  The doors closed at noon and I actually was able to wrap up my work and be out the door by 1:30 or so.  Those who know me well, know that is pretty unprecedented.  I usually work till near to our regular closure time but I was seriously excited for vacation!  I went to my mom's and got her shopping list, went straight to the grocery store and did her shopping and came home.

Meanwhile, my wife had taken Elisabeth to the podiatrist that day for a surgery on her foot. She had a growth which he thought was a wart but wasn't sure and wanted to operate on.  It wound up meaning that she had 5 stitches in the bottom of her foot days before Christmas.

Right after I got home with the groceries and got them unloaded, Chet came downstairs and was talking with my wife and I.  About a minute or two in and he began to say he was dizzy and very hot. We got him into a chair and seated and almost immediately he began to have a seizure.  I could brace him and make sure that he did not fall and my wife called 911.  It was only about 6 weeks since his previous serious seizure incident. The doctors had thought the seizure were due to his severe shingle outbreak and we had thought it was an isolated event.

Things worsened though and the EMTs decided he should be transported to the hospital.  Once there, they discovered he had dangerously low potassium levels (likely due to the violent voiding of his stomach after the seizures) They admitted him, put him on a potassium drip, and scheduled 2 MRI's, one without contrast and one with. My wife was with him for most of this; I was home taking care of Elisabeth and her stitched foot.

We were lucky that we were able to have him discharged before Christmas so we were all together, despite stitches and seizures.  Rob came down from Maine and spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I went and brought my Mom to the house to spend Christmas Day with us.  Despite the unexpected (which is what life is) we had a happy time and made wonderful memories.  

However my days off were filled with surgical follow ups, KC's annual physical, and Chet's drs appointments.  We are still waiting for a contrast MRI which will take place early next month.  The non contrast MRI showed some brain scarring and they therefore want a contrast.  He has started a low dose of anti seizure meds and thus far there have been no other seizures.  We have also practiced with him what to do if he feels like he might have a seizure as there are times when he is home alone.

What I didn't do on my vacation was work on beginning the repointing of our foundation. This was my hope but it was not to be.  But the foundation will still be there the next time I have a bit of time off!

My thoughts unmasked!

Since in pandemic times the renovations just.don't.end.  (because seriously what else is there to occupy my time and energies?)  My wife and I need to start making ginormous screens for our front porch. They will be about 7 foot by 8 foot.  We went to the orange big box store for supplies last night.  We had a question on if a staple gun or a brad nailer  would adequately fasten the mitered edges.  We asked an employee if this would work or if there should be some other type of stabilizing agent.

The employee looked at me and said (and I quote) "you mean a paper stapler?"  I'll give you I still had my work clothes on.  Picture older woman in office wear asking this question.  Still. . .  wouldn't the fact that I even used the term "mitered corners" have indicated I had at least a rudimentary knowledge of carpentry.  (or had binge watched 50 million home improvement videos during lockdown?)  Technically both statements are true.

I looked at the fellow and said "I'm a girl, not stupid!" and thankfully he had the good grace to appear abashed.  For the record, I can you the staple gun according to this fount of information.

The incident did not really annoy me as it was such a whacked out comment that I just responded in kind.  But it points to assumptions which are never good.  And in our society at present so many assumptions are being made in so many arenas of our lives, that I am mindful of how scary that is.

There are the people who are making the assumption that being asked to mask up in public is an infringement on their rights. It isn't.  If you don't like it,  please stay home.  Have a friend shop for you if it is impossible to mask up.  Order on line.  Use one of the burgeoning delivery services.  I respect your PTSD, your belief that you are dying of carbon dioxide poisoning, your COPD.  But realistically if you have COPD you are at such high risk of complications with Covid that frankly you should be staying home anyway.  Is being asked to wear shoes in a public building infringing on our rights?  Nope. Because we are a) used to it. b) puritanical about our bodies and c) we have learned that it is no fun to catch athletes foot fungus from walking around bare foot with lots of other folks in the same space.  I have spent the last month communicating with my sister long distance as she fought Covid. She lives in AZ which is a hot spot state. She has asthma.  She appears to have made it through okay but it has been 25 days of worry and she still has pneumonia. She caught it giving a co worker a ride home from work.  They were not masked up in her car. The coworker had no symptoms and did not cough or sneeze once in the vehicle.  So, seriously,  mask up folks!

Cards of Hope

Today I asked the kids to make cards and/or write letters to my mom. She lives two states away and is greatly feeling the impact of our inability to visit the way we usually do.  She is getting on in years and has some aches and pains that are not unusual for her, but which I think feel magnified in this period of anxious isolation. I write to her by email twice daily and call several times a week but it is not the same.  It is not filling her well with what she needs.

When I got home from work today all the cards had been made and they were all so beautiful. Cheery thoughtful loving messages that I know will help.  KC in particular had written a lovely letter that also gave insight into how he was feeling--always a plus for a mom of a teen!  He said that he thought she was feeling pretty lonely because this was hard on all of us and he felt that way too. But that he was trying to keep busy by staying connected with friends on line. And that he had been enjoying family dinners which he had really been missing. That he enjoyed games and movies with the family and that we would all get through this.  That he could pass on what I have been trying to create and model for them here, gives me hope that they are absorbing this.  I don't want them to be nervous and fretful.  I also don't want them to be reckless with their health or that of others.  But there has to be a middle ground where we live the life we have, the best way we can. Those cards give me hope that will happen.

Of Change and Covid-19

Life is different these days.  I never fully realized just how busy and involved our family is--how wide and rich our circle is, until it suddenly shrank. And shrank. And shrank some more.  Our church has made the difficult decision to suspend in person services and Religious Exploration classes.  We are utilizing technology to meet via zoom and remain connected.  It is of help, but we are all aware that it is not the same and that all may not participate in that manner.  My daughter Elisabeth's Coming of Age program is suspended until they can safely resume meetings and make their field trip to the Big City, have their retreat and the other important components that make up the Coming of Age year.  My kids dance school has closed for at least one week.  It is unclear whether the recital date will change and how this will impact practices for the lead characters in their production of Beauty and the Beast.  This is definately not how he expected his first year having a lead to unfold. 

My job is expected to continue in a rather unique fashion where we will report to work and work with the doors locked, interacting with tenants and prospective residents by phone and email and fax only.  I have yet to figure out how this translates to lease signings and the federal paperwork that make up my day but we will figure this out.

Schools are closed which also means that my daughters Scout troop is not meeting until some undetermined date. Her encampment event in April with the Scouts is also cancelled.  I had a gathering planned at a friends house to learn about a product she sells.  This has been postponed and she is posting info on line.  Our annual trip to Maine to the maple sugar festival has been cancelled.

I have told the kids that this is going to be our Walden time.  A time to hunker down and spend time as a family.  We will have time for reading and board games, family walks and movie nights.  Our pantry is well stocked--my legacy of food insecurity when I first moved out on my own translated to me always wanting a healthy pantry.  I may have a bit less than optimum papergoods, but we will not go hungry. There are all the staples and I love to cook so I have no worries in that regard.

There are things we can not plan for but we will trust that with perserverance, common sense and yankee ingenuity that we will all be fine and come through this.  May you all be safe and find solace in the love of family in these new and differant times.

I am a lousy patient!

Or perhaps I should have titled this the "impatient patient."  I am patient about a lot of things.  Traffic. Children. Relationship issues.  Taking time to heal?  Not so much. Last Thursday I had some surgery for removal of basal cell skin cancer. it was between my nose and eye.  I had it (ahem) about a year before I decided it was not eczema, or dry skin and yes, I probably should check it out.  A biopsy indicated that it was cancerous, but it was the "good" kind that moves very slowly.  The Dr assured me that i could even wait another 6 months for surgery if i wished to.  Instead, I opted for this October appointment, figuring that it gave me 4 days to recover and that i would be back at work on Monday.

As I lay there listening to him stitch me up (for the record that is the grossest sound I have ever heard!) he proceeded to tell me he wanted me to pretend I had the flu. . . for the next week.  His little vision was me lying abed watching TV.  For.A.Week.  I said that even when I have the flu I don't have the luxury of lying abed for a week. I have 4 kids at home with a variety of needs. I have a job. I actually have 2 jobs as I do piece work at home.  He was not amused.

I said I could compromise with 2 full days of rest Thursday and Friday (in part asI all ready went into this experience with a migraine and trust me the surgery didn't help that any) I would rest till 5 p.m. on Saturday but then was going to a birthday party with the kids at a dear friends house who I was not going to disappoint. And Sunday I could rest about 1/2 the day.

Angry surgeon scowl, but he finally agreed that since I sit behind a desk I probably was not going to die if I went back to work today.  I also promised not to do the grocery shopping as i am not supposed to lift anything heavy, and that I would empty the dishwasher by kneeling or squatting since I am not supposed to bend over.

So that is what I have done. I have an impressive black eye and  band aids galore covering the 3 inch incision but really, I am good.  Thursday the external stitches come out and then I probably can ditch the band aids.  Right now I tell people I am trying out different looks for Halloween!

I realize that not wanting to lie there is likely a problem with my personality.  But i have never been a lay around kind of gal.  I wasn't raised that way and I think it is way too late in life for me to learn that dubious skill.  As an example of my lack of lay-around ability, we are headed to Florida in November for 2 weeks.  My friend and I have planned a trip every day except for Thanksgiving. And that day we are hosting Thanksgiving for our 2 families and another family we know who will also be vacationing down there.  Doesn't everyone think dinner for 24 people sounds like fun?

And I won't forget to pack the sunscreen!

The Great Face Plant

Mostly I write about my kids.  Today I will write about me.  Two days ago I walked out of my office and slipped on the plastic Tr** decking and launched myself airborne down the stairs to the pavement.  I could not time things more badly if I tried.  10  minutes later my new upper level management boss was coming to the property to meet the site staff for the first time.  Her first impression of me consisted of a bloody face and a huge ice pack covering the rest of it.

It is not fun.  My face looks like hamburger but will heal.  Apparently I don't have that instinct most people do to put up their hands when they fall.  I literally face planted.  Not a mark on my hand!  In reality it was just all so fast there was no time to react.  I definately have a small concussion.  I have that mid day killer head ache thing going every day now.  I have had concussions in my long ago misspent youth.  I know that this will just take time to resolve and heal.  My mouth took some damage as one might expect.  It is hopefully not huge repairs. Several chipped teeth and I managed to dislodge a filling in this event! I also pushed back my front teeth somewhat, making it difficult to close my mouth. Kind of like giving myself instant braces. Fun times.  My dentist saw me right away and was able to file my bottom teeth slightly so that I could close my mouth better.  He feels that if I stay off solids for 2 weeks that he will be able to fix the rest of this pretty well.  So that is really good news. 

So I am trying to be positive and upbeat about this.  It could have been much much worse.  My company's workmans compensation seems like it will pay for any associated medical bills for the dental work.  I will likely lose a few pounds on my liquid diet.  (but oh I am missing my salads and fresh fruits fiercely)  It is a long weekend so I am having time to make some soups to put up for next week.  The long weekend may also mean that my face will look more presentable by the time I return to work on Tuesday.  (I was at work the day after the accident but had today all ready scheduled as a vacation day)

You know that song "I Believe I Can Fly?"  News flash.  I can't.

Strength in the hard times

It's been a hard week.  A hard week for our nation where results show how divided we truly are.  Results that gave hate talk and injustice a seeming legitimacy.  It has been a hard week as a parent, navigating this morass.  I believe in sharing reality with my children but I also believe that we can't lose hope.  We have to believe--I have to believe--that love can and will ultimately triumph.  This is not the final decision and there is much we can do to share and spread love. Much we can do to protect the vulnerable.  We must step up and do this work.  I believe that the best of people is usually revealed in the worst situations.

On a personal level I have had a migraine for 3 days which is wearing my body and patience rather thin.  At this time of year I do more driving in darkness and the headlights are a trigger for me.  It is exhausting and I was too yucky feeling last night to attend a party that I had been looking forward to for a month or more.  End of personal pity party.

Then there have been ongoing changes and concerns at my daughter's group home.  We meet today to discuss the pet issue that had been approved by the previously approved is apparently not approved now.  Last night at 10:30 I also received a call from Fiona and an employee of the home.  Fi has been saving money for the bunny needs and had a budget and now all but 60 of the money is missing.  The group home worker and I are furious because Fiona would always ask before she spent money if this was coming out of her "bunny fund."  Fi can't read a lot and can't do math well; her budgeting strategies are using envelopes to save for things she wants and needs. She has done this several times successfully in the past, most recently saving for a large screen TV for her room.  Part of today's meeting will involve my asking for a full accounting of her expenditures from her spending money for the past 3 months. I will expect receipts and a full explanation of why the plan was not followed.

I feel a huge breach of trust and I know that Fiona does too. There have been big goals that she has worked hard on for this.  She feels that she met these goals "for nothing".  I can't blame her.  I can't ask her to trust people that I no longer trust.

And then last night I learned that Leonard Cohen had passed away.  Hallelujah is my favorite song.  I listen to a zillion different versions of that, my most favorite being Leonard himself and artists who perform it acoustically or "stripped down."  Today I will listen to it and remember that we all have gifts to give.  Leonard gave the gift of music for over 50 years.  Today my gift must be that of advocacy and accountability.

Just witness

I have a friend at church who is fighting breast cancer.  She is a young mom, making a serious situation that much more serious and emotional.  She has just had her final infusion of chemo, with some form of surgery and radiation up next.

She has had an on line blog about her fight through a site called Caring Bridge.  I have read her posts and commented,as our paths don't cross that much in real life. (I go to church in a city rather distant from my home and she also lives in a different city from our church.)  So if she wasn't in church, I was not likely to see her.

She has been often in my thoughts, and I have struggled with what to right in the comments area of her blog. What to say when I do see her.  I am a "fixer" by nature.  I always have been.  If there is a problem, I'll map out a solution or a work around, something that makes things better.

Except that of course, I can't with this.  And it has left me feeling awkward and useless.  At which point I get furious with myself because clearly this situation should  not  be about Lee.  Come on!  My friend has cancer.  This is about her. Really, it is, and I truly get that.  But I felt like I wasn't being a good enough friend.  That the occasional cards, the hugs at church and the blog comments were not enough. There should be something more I could do.

Till I read her most recent post.  And she thanked us all, for being with her, for being present and a "witness" as she put it to this journey. I have been thinking of her words ever since.  I will have to work at reframing my concept of "helping."  Clearly you don't always need to bring the perfect gift basket, or find the perfect card, or know the perfect thing to do.  You just need to be there.  It was enough. I was enough, as were her other friends.

I need to really take this lesson to heart because my sense is that it translates to many aspects of my life.  It is good to fix. It is good to plan. It is also good to be present and do neither of those things.  I hope I can remember that.

Christmas Eve with my mom

Heart disease runs strongly on both sides of my family tree.    Both of my grandfathers died of massive coronaries.  My mom and my dad and my sister have all had high cholesterol since forever.  It is the primary reason I became a vegetarian over 25 years ago.

About a month ago, my mom had what was later found to be a heart attack.  There has been testing on going since then and the final decision is that there is a clot but the location of the clot is in a vein that is so small that a stint would likely do more damage than help. It is being treated with medication and she is very upbeat about this.

However, this  active woman has been experiencing shortness of breath, and has to occasionally use the chair lift to get up the stairs to her apartment.  For the first time in years, she felt unable to make the drive down to spend Christmas with us.

We will bring Christmas to her, and to her friend G on Christmas Eve day.  The kids are excited to be travelling up to see her ..  I am too.  I am mindful that this heart attack was a reminder that time is fast and fleeting and that someday there will be Christmasses when we are farther apart that a drive can solve.

However I am not dwelling on that.  Life is also for living and I am of the opinion that if I waste the time we have worrying about when I won't have her, it is like losing my mom now.  And since once of my kids is anxiety prone,I have always tried to teach him to live in the moment and that is what we will do.  We will laugh, and joke and admire gifts and make memories.  Because good memories are what can help us when there are darker times

Of Teeth and Eclipses

KC is my anxious guy.  And he is looking at some dental surgery tomorrow.  One of his adult teeth is growing sideways and if left unchecked it will apparently grow into his sinus cavity.  Frankly that is a revolting image to me.

The fact that my most anxiety prone child is looking at surgery is making life, well a bit more interesting than usual.  He typically ramps himself up in the late evening, just before bed.  I have yet to find a really good solution for helping him to find calm.

I have not minimized any of his concerns.  Ones that we could actually call and he could ask a question about to get answers we have done so.  (for instance "Can I accidently swallow the scalpel while I am asleep?!")

I have helped him with calming breathes.  I have helped him with visualizations.  I have gone over The Plan so that he has in his mind where I will be and such for the day.  (I can't go into the surgical room with him but can wait for him in recovery.)

We have sung. We have listened to quiet music. We have done art.We have done affirmations and visualizations.   Next up I am trying some aroma therapy and some pressure point massage that he can do to himself. At this point, I think I just so need this to be done as much as he does.  He is a bundle of nerves and the rawness of his fears is palpable to me.

At least this weekend was busy and full of fun and that helped take his mind off things a bit.  Saturday we went to our city's harvest festival. Which was a lot bigger than usual because our city is also celebrating their 100th birthday as a city.  The dance school performed and he danced in the street.  We looked at vendors, did some activities and then walked home.  Lissa had a birthday party to attend that afternoon so we dropped her off and then KC my wife and I went to a black smith festival in the next town. This is a laid back event that I used to take the kids to a lot when they were younger.  Think quiet folk music,way less vendors and interesting metal work all set along the banks of a river.  It was a fun place to spend a few hours and we also met up with our friend and the kids godmother who was vending there.  The night ended with a special fireworks display that our city had in honor of the birthday festivities.

Yesterday was the start of the new religious education year at church. The kids were chomping at the bit to do and to see their friends again.  We did go but we had to leave 15 minutes before the end of things in order to go home.  Lissa is a Brownie Scout and they were marching in our city's birthday parade yesterday.  I had to have her at the starting place at 12:15.  Our church is 30 minutes away from our home, so the logistics of getting home, getting her lunch and into her uniform and to the start were interesting.  Also, Fiona came down for the day so she could see the parade and hang out with us.

Lissa did so well marching.  She used to get scared and scowl in situations where she could see lots of people around her, but she was helping to hold the banner and smiling.  I took pictures like a crazy woman.  Lots of Liss but also lots of the parade itself which was enormous and very fun to watch.

By the time evening came the littles were exhausted so I did not keep them up to watch the eclipse.  My wife and i enjoyed it though.  I also loved the fact that so many people got out and watched it.  We are a society of screens.  Computer screens. Phone screens. TV screens. Tablet screens. But for a few hours last night we all looked skyward.  It was as if something primitive and deep within us called us all outside.  You could hear people talking softly on porches all around us.  This morning when I walked there were lots of houses where people had moved their lawn furniture to the sidewalks, obviously for better viewing.  The skies were clear. The view was amazing.  I kept wondering what early humans would have thought watching it. The next eclipse is in 17 years I think.  I was also wondering what my life will be like then.  My kids will be grown.  I will be retired most likely.  Where will I be in life and will I still be looking skyward in awe?

Struggles and Extractions

It was Patriots Day weekend, a long weekend for me with no work yesterday. This is a holiday that not all states celebrate, but ours does.  It was a low key weekend for me, though my wife says that is purely because I don't know how to relax.  She is right about that.  I hate sitting around.  I love to be doing.  I don't want to waste a minute of this precious life I have been given. Yet I know that actively appreciating can lead to frenetic racing, so I work constantly to try and balance my own high energy with "pauses" for the rest of the family.

I did a lot of swapping of closets this weekend.  Us folks in the Northeast have a deep abiding urge to shed the winter woolies. So since Saturday weather was warm, I did this. I knew it was going to get cold again later in the weekend, but I am sailing my ship with positivity and believing the warmer temps will be back sooner rather than later.

I got a lot of outgrown clothes either to the consignment shop or to the pod where one can donate usable goods for free.  I even sorted some of my shoes (my one real vanity) and consigned those that I have not worn and will not wear again. Once you are in the um, 50's , some styles just look down right silly on you!

Sunday was church and that is always a touch stone for my week.  Our minister spoke on genocide and there is much for me to mull over in the week to come.  I tried to write my piece to read tomorrow at Amazing Jane's retirement party. It is a work in progress.  There is so much I want to say, but I want to be respectful of Fiona's privacy as well at the gathering.

Fiona has been struggling and I have spent a lot of time on the phone with her. When she is disregulated she alternately pulls me close and pushes me away, blaming me for all the injustices both real and perceived in her life.  She refused to go to the new day program that I have been working months on because her hair was not done in extensions.  She did not ask for extensions until late the night before when it was not possible to even get clip ins to skate by on.  I am not sure if she is afraid and did this subconsiously to avoid going or if it is the fact that she has a total inability to plan ahead.  At any rate, that night she totally lost control attacking staff and another resident and requiring a hold and one on one presence for the next 24 hours. She would call me and rage at me, saying she didn't want me to be my guardian any more.  I tried to just let her vent and then we would hang up.  I would call back a few hours to say that I loved her and that I would always be there no matter what she felt she needed to say, she would cry and calm down, only to wash rinse repeat hours later.   Yesterday was the first day she sounded more herself and I am hoping the worst is over with as I want to bring her to Jane's farewell party tomorrow.

Yesterday morning I had a tooth extracted.  Apparently I am such a weirdo that I did not know I had an abcessed tooth.  There was no pain. It was found during my regular cleaning last week.  I had the tooth out in the morning and all is well.  They gave me a pain med which I did not need or even bother to fill. I took Ad*il yesterday, but today I don't think I will need anything.  The only annoying thing is that I won't be eating many salads this week. OK any salads this week!  I need to eat softer foods while I heal and salads are my favorite lunch.  I made them every morning and love throwing different add ins--egg, edamame, tiny bits of roasted veggies, salsa, you name it, into the regular base of greens.  My wife hates salads and thinks I am nuts.  So today it is pumpkin raviolis instead, but I really can't complain as all went so well.

All day long my wife kept telling me to go lie down and I kept saying "why?"  LOL  So we got the camping gear out of storage and organized instead as it is only 5 weeks till I take the kids for the first camp out. Now THAT makes me smile!

Dance Drama

Monday night I brought KC and Lissa to the dance school as usual.  There is a class of really little kids that dance right before KC has his jazz class.  The class came out and the mothers gathered their chicks (literally, these kids are chicks in the upcoming recital)  One mom has a little girl who dances in that class and 2 other children with her, a young boy and an older girl.  Her oldest, probably around 9 or so, is autistic and she and I had talked a few weeks ago about the difficulties in obtaining services and how proud we were of various achievements our kids had done.

Tragedy struck as this family left the dance studio.  S, much like my Chet, often wears headphones to diminish the hubub of sensory noise in the world around here.  Sadly on Monday this meant she did not hear her mom calling her and she ran out into traffic and was hit by a car in front of the studio.  She will be all right, though she was quite badly hurt.  Ambulances arrived, the police cordoned off almost the entire street as they sorted out what happened, and rides were arranged to get the two younger sibs home while Mom rode in the ambulance. It was very hard to tell at the time how bad things were, but it certainly did not look good.

I sort of freaked out inside because i know that mom and she is a good parent.  I have also walked her shoes, trying to help my autistic son have safety awareness.  Chet was oblivious to traffic and i have had many close calls with him.  I have been lucky.  This mom wasn't.

For KC and his class, the accident seemed to have the most impact. The younger kids just knew they were hanging longer at the school. (none of us could move our cars while the accident reconstruction went on.)  But KC and his group are between 9 and 11 years old. They are at the age where mortality is known to them and death is suddenly both real and scary. They were very much impacted.

After class, I walked one of KC's friends down past the cordon to her mom.  I hadn't been able to reach her by phone and as she drops D off, I knew she would freak when she turned onto the street and saw all the flashing blue lights.  She did but saw D and KC and i walking towards her so all was well.  However we walked past the bloody street and that unnerved all of us a bit.

KC had a hard time processing and judging by the phone calls flying to and from his friends, I think the rest of the class did as well.  KC decided that he wanted to do something for S, the girl who was struck.  I have chatted with her mom and found she loves art so this is going to be an easy friendship care basket for KC to create.  From one artist to another!  It will be good for S to have something as she recovers. She is hopefully going to be discharged from the hospital by Friday at the latest but the healing will take some time. It will be good for KC to do this,not just because i want my kids to be compassionate, but because it will help him as well.  In my experience, doing something always helps.  There is less feeling of swirling about in a tide of chaos or fear if you can do  something, even something small.

So Saturday we will shop for a small basket of fun and easy art supplies. And we will all heal a bit together.

Teeth, coughs and pneumonia oh my!

Rob seems to have come through the wisdom teeth extraction well.  He was hard to wake after the surgery, but I explained to the nurse that this is a boy who can't hear an alarm clock when he is asleep.   He has always been the heaviest sleeper I have ever known.  I think in part it was a learned PTSD response, but part of it is just how he is as well.  Anyway, thankfully she could see that I have virtually no voice and for sure wasn't going to be shouting in his ear to waken him.  So she got some oxygen and put that on him and it helped bring him round.  He was a little unsteady and a whole lot loopy but he is a great patient.  I've brought him soft eggs and oatmeal, italian ices and favorite bevorages. I am up and down with the ice packs.  I don't really want him going up and down the stairs till tomorrow as he was just off his game enough for me to worry that he might get dizzy and fall down the stairs instead of walk down them.

Got home from that and KC had a drs appointment in the early afternoon as he has my cold.  Or what I thought was my cold.  Which is um, (hanging head sheepishly) my pneumonia.  Egad.  How does one really have that slip by you??? KC thankfully only has bronchitis.  We both have antibiotics now so I expect the corner will be turned quickly.

It was kind of funny though as Dr. B asked if I had been tired lately.  I said well maybe a little, there was the time change and so I had laid it to that.  I have needed the alarm clock to wake me where usually I wake up before it. . .  He just shook his head.

So now it is time to rastle the wee folks into bed and then I am going to shower and get going on our piece work for the night.  My poor wife is doing her cleaning contracts alone tonight as Rob who usually helps is not available this week.

No Time!

I am sick and I have.no.time.for.sick.  My body apparently doesn't get that!  The 3 day migraine of the end of last week left, leaving in its wake a weird throat and cough that I thought were allergies. Wrong.  It has since grown still more unpleasant and in addition to feeling like death, I am annoyed!  I would be happy to schedule a small sickness break in about 51 weeks!  What is wrong with that?

No it is happening when Rob has his wisdom teeth out tomorrow. When today I do the dance run shuttle service for my kids and those of friends.  When my job is doing performance reviews and I have work up the wazoo.

OK whine over.  It isn't going to change anything.  On a positive side we have had some significant melting and ice and snow coming off rooves (ours and others) .  The upper part of our driveway long vanished under the unusual amount of snow, is starting to resurface.  It is daylight longer and the kids play out after math class more in the evenings.

And last week they went to a pottery place and the littles made themselves travel mugs. They picked them up yesterday and they are really cute.  It turned out that my wife made a beautiful mug for me too.  It is a spring scene. So now, no matter what the weather, I can always see spring!  I love that.

Wisdom tooth #1

Fiona had her wisdom teeth out yesterday.  Or rather ONE of the teeth.  I am so steamed.  I didn't feel that I could do anything about this because there have been so many delays and the error by the group home lost us the far more local dentist.  This procedure now takes place at a dental school of medicine in the Big City. That is more than an hour away from my home and another 15 or so for the home Fiona lives in. There are many constraints due to Fiona's type of insurance so the group home's error was not one that could easily be resolved.  The commute alone worried me.  We have had uncooperative winter weather and I worried that they would not get to a pharmacy and get pain meds filled in time before the locals wore off.

I was right about that because they got stuck in traffic after the visit.  But it got even worse. The dentist did not expect her jaw bone to be so strong (she is only 22 why would her jaw not be strong?) And the lower tooth cracked coming out and took longer. So they only extracted one tooth and she has to go back next week for more.

I know this needs to be done and I know that people are human and make mistakes. Goddess knows I make my share, but knowing my girl is hurting and feeling in my core that there was a better way just kills me.

I could not talk to her last night because they got home so late and she had the meds at last. I am calling today to see how she is doing.

Saturday for the sickie

Ugh!  I came home from work ill yesterday.  This rarely happens.  I am pretty healthy (knock wood) by nature. Even sick children routinely gravitating to my bed during their punk times does not usually infect me.  Alas, the dreaded stomach bug found me yesterday.  KC had this over a week ago so I am pretty sure I didn't get it from him.  More likely from one of my coworkers as we were all sharing holiday goodies in the office together the past several days.

By noon I was home, tucked in bed and most of the day and the evening are a blur.  Rob did a first rate job stepping up and helping with the littles. Cooked them supper right on schedule, got Lissa her shower.  Truly it was amazing.  In the midst of it all, feeling dizzy and fuzzyheaded, the phone rang and it was the program director for Fiona's new home.  She is working together a plan for Fiona and needed my input.

Despite the fact that it was hard to focus, this was a good conversation.  It appears that due to Fi's level of chronic instability she is recommending a risk meeting which I will be able to attend as part of the team.  Robin is concerned that contact with extended family members would best be done with thereputic supports and I am fine with that.  (cousin N who has been a regular in Fiona's life is excepted from this, as are myself and my family)  But Mom J and her Krystal  and Dee  who have had very limited contacts are whom she is speaking of.

I stressed that it is important to make sure the contacts happen and that it not be a somewhere in the distant  future kind of deal.  Nor tied to behaviors and such as Fiona has no sense of time but does feel a very intense need (and rightly so) to be in contact with her family members and her friends that she has built up over the years at the great school.  Robin seemed to get that and assured me the risk meeting would happen soon after her moving in.

A potential fly in the ointment seems to be a general unwillingness to let former staff and Jane have contact with Fiona.  Robin cited Hippa and I am having a hard time understanding how making a friendly phone call as a friend violates that. I'll do some research when I am clearer minded and be prepared.  To me, it smacks more of the general rule that agencies seem to have had for Fi which was when she moved from a foster home or a facility it was "fresh start." Which sounds good in theory but what is the purpose of making connections and emotional supports if one can not take them forward through your life. Seems to me that a fresh start does not need to negate the good that has happened in one's past.

Meanwhile I am at least ambulatory today.  I have had a couple cups of tea, and about half a rice cake.  I brought the kids to the library and though that was not a lot, it was a good step forward in getting my strength back for the hustle and bustle of the holidays. And today is winter solstice, which is a special night at our house.  The shortest night of the year, but the night that holds the promise of returning light and warmth.  We eat by candle light.

Sickness and Snow

This was sunrise the other morning.  I treasure sights such as this because this is a hard time of year for me physically. The cold and the dark tax my body and my spirit.We are approaching Solstice and the shortest day of the year.  Soon the wheel will move again towards light.   I will celebrate each second of light that comes back to us.

I am also very tired today as KC was sick last night. There has been a stomach bug making the rounds and apparently he fell victim to it.  After being sick to his stomach he felt he could only sleep in my bed so we moved him in there. It was actually easier for me to tend him during the night when he had episodes of illness.  However as the night wore on, and he began to feel a bit better he became chatty.  Son, I love you but I don't feel like chatting at 2:00 a.m. LOL

So today I am very sleepy and am powering through the day by drinking my son Rob's ultra strong coffee with a caramel machiatto added to it.  Normally I am all about straight black hot coffee but today I confess I need the sugar boost to amp the caffeine.

Lissa and I have gotten the shopping done for our church Shoe Box Project.  The idea is you buy gifts for a specific gender and approximate aged child and fill a shoe box with the gifts.  We got a teen girl and so we got nail polish, body and hand lotion, lip balm,home made fingerless gloves,a small glitzy purse, a home made hat, a small zip drive thingy for computer use,pens and cool markers, a small notebook for school or journaling  and a WalM*rt gift card.  The location that will receive the boxes has a WalM*rt near it.
It is fun filling the box and important to me that the kids help choose the things that will go in it.

Later Rob and I went to the library and did a small bit of grocery shopping.  It was weird to not be following our usual plan of early shop and dance class.  We have all been a bit off with our schedule being askew today.

There is snow just starting now; and it is forecast to be a big storm. I hope it does not cancel church tomorrow. The teen wants to see his girl, the littles miss their friends, and Chet is supposed to have a meeting with the lady who helps him at service.

Thinking about health choices

I have been thinking a lot about Angelina Jolie's recent information regarding her preventative double mastectomy.  The response to her editorial regarding this has been surprising to me.  Here's what I expected:
"Wow. That was pretty extreme. I don't know if I would do that."  Here is what I heard:
"Now doctors will do more unnecessary surgeries and woman will be clamoring for them."

First of all, I know of a number of people who have had hysterectomies preventatively.  There were indications that there could be something significant awry and it was deemed safer for the woman's overall health, to simply remove the organs in question.  No one that I knew thought anything negative about their choice to do this.  Everyone thought it was better to remove immediately than "wait and see."

So why is Jolie's case so different?  I would suggest that it is because breasts define our womanhood in society.  They shout out to the world our femininity and one of our roles, that of nurturing children. To be sure, not all women conceive, not all women breast feed, but culturally it is still a part of who we are.

A dear friend of mine had  a post on Facebook recently that said something about migraine sufferers would not cut off their heads, why should women cut off their breasts.  I respect his right to post that; his wife is a breast cancer survivor.  And a bit of me agrees with his theory.  I am personally much more in the camp of healthy eating, healthy living, and a much more Eastern philosophy of mind/body health is my personal path.  Though as a chronic migraine sufferer, part of me wanted to tell him there are lots of times when I wanted to cut my head off! LOL

However, here is what is important.  What to do about a genetic predisposition to cancer should be each individual's choice.  I have another friend whose family has been devastated by breast cancer. It is clearly a genetic issue. Mom , cousin, and sister all with the same devastating cancer.  If there is a way to prevent that, and I  had watched three members of my family pass away from it, I think I would want to consider this more radical solution.

What is good about the Angelina Jolie issue is that a stunning, successful young woman has made a difficult choice and been willing to share her rationale with the world.  Her partner has also spoken out in a supportive and loving manner about  her decision.  That is a healthy role model for all of us.  

Reflections

I have been thinking lately on the relationships between parents and kids.  I somewhat obsessively check in on my own relationship with my kids.  I don't want to become distant, or self absorbed, or find myself trying to mold them into my vision of what they would/should/could be.

I am lucky as I learned to let go of the molding thing with Chet.  This is a gift from my differently abled child who could not be like neurotypical kids.  There was grief for me. A lot of it. Some of my grief was for me the parent. For the things we could not help him to experience. For the opportunities and milestones that he would miss.  For the things we could not even do together as a family because it overwhelmed him.

Some of my grief was for him.  He was and is aware enough to know what he was missing.  He knows he never went to prom. He knows he can not drive a car.  He knows that he has been unable to maintain a job. I have learned to  point his strengths out to him when he is down on himself.  To remind him of his cheerfulness to all, to remind him that his helpful nature is noticed and that he is loved.

And that has taught me to let go of my grief and my expectations and to focus on the positive more.  There are many challenging times, don't get me wrong.  It is particularly challenging that there is never an issue that is "solved"  If it is a non NT behavior response it will return.  You can count on it.  Parenting Chet is sometimes like that movie Groundhog Day.  Lots of do-overs whether you want them or not.

But that has taught me something else. To enjoy other people's  kids the same way.  I have friends right now who are struggling because they have a set of expectations for one of their children that the child can not achieve.  The child's apparent unwillingness is I think not something the child can control. There is a deeper issue there and I see in the child, many aspects of my Chet.  But you don't walk up to someone and say "gee I think your kid is on the spectrum." I would have clocked anyone who did that to me!

So I just said how much we enjoy their child's presence in our home (true) and that they are welcome here anytime.  The parents said they might take us up on that as there are "more bad days than good lately".  My house is different, with a structure born of different  cognitive processing being front and center in our lives. If this works for them, and gives a chance to breathe and re-group, I am happy to do that.

Cheese and Whine

Well, just whine really.  I have a sore face.  As in it feels like someone clocked the right side of my face.  I have been dealing with this for about 4 weeks and it is slowly getting worse.  I even abandoned my typical "wait and see" attitude and sought out the dentist a week ago. He saw nothing, but we also did not take an x-ray.  So today, as the pain reached new lovely heights, I went and had an x-ray, sure than my 10 year abstinence from the things would reveal an abcess or something vile lurking.  Only it didn't.  And he has no clue why I have this pain.  It hurt so much after I got home from taking the kids to the park tonight that I had to find an empty room and just lie there for a minute and breathe.  I don't have a lot of time in my life to lay around and breathe while simultaneously wishing 1/2 my face would fall off.

The dentist suggests I see my primary.  Which seems silly and a waste of $25.00 co-pay.  On the other hand, my primary might fall down with the shock of seeing me as a patient so it might be entertaining.  LOL  I strongly suspect that the primary will find nothing--about all that the dentist thought he might check for would be an ear infection.  Which I do not have and have not had anything congestion related in months.

Now that I have whined, I will share a funny KC and Lissa story.  Lissa wakens early in the morning.  She has been waking KC who really needs sleep  more than she does.  I told her she could not lie in bed and holler for her brother.  She agreed.  Instead they decided apparently that she would lie in bed and call "meoux meoux" and if KC was awake he would answer "woof woof."  Needless to say he is still being awakened too early but it was so funny that I couldn't do anything about it at all.