Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Elder Parents

Life is always about changes.  Recently, my mom who is in her early 80's has begun to feel less confident about living several states away from us. She has lived there for more than 25 years now and has strong roots.  But some of those friends that mean so much to her are becoming more frail.  She  feels less able to always do for herself and worries about what if she can't do for herself.

So she is thinking of returning to our state in the next couple of years.  Which in many respects would be wonderful.  We would love to have her closer and I worry about her driving these days.  I could more readily assist her and our communications would not be twice daily emails punctuated with monthly visits.  It would be much more connected.

The slightly scary part is that her first suggestion was that she move in with us.  Now I love my mom deeply but I can not envision her living happily here in our noisy chaotic home.  She likes to nap daily--and probably needs to nap daily.  Well in our house I can tell you from experience it is pretty darn hard to nap.  There is always someone coming and going, kids friends stopping by, or someone getting ready to leave for college, work or an activity.  And if the kids are quiet, the dog will bark! I am laughing as I write this but there is a BIG nugget of truth here.  This is just not a peaceful tranquil place.  Loving yes.  Peaceful, not so much.

I can't and won't tell my kids friends can't stop by.  Some of the friends have some mental health issues and may stop by because they need the support of just having a meal or a brief time to hang out in our home.  I can't and won't stop the epic air soft battles that punctuate winter evenings in our home.

So I have been trying to convince my mom that a senior housing apartment would be a better option.  She could be very close to us as there are a number in our city and she could spend as much time as she wanted with us.  She can be here for meals, come to church with us. I can take her shopping.  But she would have a sanctuary to go back to when the noise and bustle of our family life overwhelmed her.

She is not sure, but is considering.  Stay tuned!

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