Friday, November 29, 2013

Looking toward Yule

The kids woke early today despite later bed hours last night.  Today was the day we would remove all traces of Harvest and fall celebrations and begin to ready our home and hearts for Yule.  Except I sort of woke feeling like death.  My cold which has up to now been light, had decided to become this icky resident of my chest and has also pretty much robbed me of vocalization.  Seriously, not being able to talk is up there with prime torture methods for me.  Sheesh!

But by 7 I was up and they were breakfasted and we were all ready on the way to undecorating from fall.  My Mom and G were also due to come down at some unspecified time.  Mom always expects something nice to eat when she arrives. Not a problem if you know "when" that arrival will be.  I sort of had to wing it and started apple scones about 9:30.  They only had 4 more minutes left to bake when the grandparents pulled in, so I did pretty well.  They polished off scones, coffee and tea, chatted. (yup that was great for my larygitis. . . especially since G is hard of hearing and one must really project for him to hear you )  The kids were thrilled to see them.  My mom gets the kids special ornaments each year to put on the tree.  It was important to her that they be there today as she knew we put our tree up early.  I love her commitment to our kids and to making traditions and memories with them.

KC is especially enarmoured of all things Christmas.  He absolutely adores all aspects of the holiday.  The gift making. The giving. The singing. The dancing. The decorations.  He can not get enough of it.  Today while we were decorating our dining room, he said he was thinking of his birth mom Y.  I said that made sense to me and that maybe it was time for him to think about writing her a letter or card and deciding on some pictures that we would send.  I said that usually when I find myself thinking about someone, I find that it is when I need to reach out and let them know that they have been on my mind and in my heart. He seemed at ease from that.  I can literally see the tension in his body relax as the conversation progresses. So I will follow up with him this weekend to make sure he has what he needs to do this and see if he needs or wants any help from me.  However though the conversation went well, he was edgy and prone to arguing and crying over other things most of the day.  This wasn't solely due to thinking about Y. I know he was also exhausted. It has been a busy few days and he puts his heart and soul into entertaining.  Lissa sort of goes with the flow and just pulls back when she starts feeling tired.  KC doesn't do that and depletes his energies more.

 Things basically were okay till late in the day. Mom and G had gone, the majority of the decorating had happened, and he just became a pill.  The first squabble I said I thought he seemed very tired as we don't do thus and so. So I would help him by changing his bedtime to 7:15.  A few more tears were shed for effect and he stopped.  K and I were too tired to cook and decided to order Chinese food. Another fit ensued.  How could we pick such a horrid supper?  Drama.  Apparently at this point I again pointed out how tired he was and offered to help by changing his bedtime to 7 p.m.  The thing is, I don't really remember that.  But by evening I could barely talk and wasn't all there myself. So after supper when he socked Robbie, I went in, guns blazing.  He told me it was an accident.  I disagreed.  He apologized to his brother. I acknowledged that this was a great way to start mending things. . . and said that he must be very tired and needed to go to bed at 7.  At which point he turned to me with big teary eyes and said "you ALLREADY said 7, I have to go to bed at 6:45!!!"  And we both started laughing and talked about how I am tired and a little sick as well and gee, lets just get to bed and do tomorrow better. Because really, we are about caring for each other.  And we hugged and he went to bed. And I think, went right to sleep.  It is 9:30. I am probably not far from bed either!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

The Thanksgiving Wrap up

 Little Sis and Big Sis.  Lissa even wanted me to do her hair as close to Fi's as possible.  As I showered the wee miss tonight she told me today was the best day ever!
 KC adores watching the Macys parade with his Auntie Lynne.
 Rob worked hard in the kitchen peeling spuds and carrots, helping with myriad cooking duties.  However note in picture that follows that he looks spiffy in a suit coat! This guy has a natural sense of style.
 Part of the family.  Chet had a good time and held together pretty well, all things considered.  A bonus is that Lynne always brings him a bunch of magazines that he likes to read (People magazine and such that she subscribes to)  After the meal, he retires to his room to decompress but has the magazines so he never minds going up.
 Our table, pre-feast.  You can not tell in the picture, but KC made place cards for everyone this year.  He also decided to write the blessing.
 Side table gussied up with a cornucopia and fall themed things.
More of the family horsing around during the meal.

This was perhaps the least stressful Thanksgiving we have ever had.  This is largely in part because my wife liked the holiday for the first time this year.  She was fully present today and had a lot of fun.  It was a delicous meal and she was open to suggestions on ways to keep things warm etc.  Fiona loved everything and the warmth of family is a memory I'll hold long into winter's chill.


The meal has not happened.  The relatives have not yet arrived. But I am very thankful.

I am grateful for quiet moments like this, watching the two sisters quietly doing things together.  Lissa so looks up to Fiona and Fi is a great big sister to her.

I am thankful that my family has grown and widened. I am a part of my children's extended family and they are part of mine.  "Blurred Lines" to quote the title of a song are good things when your children are not of your blood and bone.  That we can all laugh together and enfold our children is important to me.  Our kids don't have to choose, there is hopefully never shame attached to their family of origin.  I respect them and enjoy their company.  They have not always made the choices I would make, but they were their choices and they did the best they could at the time.

I am thankful that we have built family tradtions and that many of them are simple--like helping sort the cranberries before I make the sauce.
I am thankful for home made pies--home made everything really. The taste of fresh produce, the savory dishes and the sweet finales, it is all good!

And I am thankful for my wife, who walks this journey with me.  

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Feeling Thankful

I am thankful, just brimming over thankful.  My daughter Fiona is in the living room watching TV and has been home since 1:30.  I went up to her new home to pick her up. She had her second visit there and it is so great to shoot 15 minutes up the highway, get her and bring her back home.  Lissa came with me too, wanting to see where big sis was going to be living in the near future.

Fiona has a new cell phone and Rob has been helping her program it.  We made pecan pie together, played games.  One of her friends called her.  It just felt . . . normal.  She sat in the kitchen and kept me company as I put supper together, chatting while I sauteed up the squash mushrooms and onions.  Talking about spices and a dish she created on her own that she wants to share some time when she comes out.

It has been a busy day.  Hosting our large family is definately a big job.  It means reconfiguring our house to fit everyone in.  I am not wedded to a "perfect" looking Thanksgiving gathering, but I do feel that some sort of specialness has to be there.  It is the natural foil to the joy of family coming together.  And it is a time for sharing family stories.  How our flatware came from Thailand and why.  Where K and I bought our china set.  The depression era glassware that we use for beverages is a legacy from my grandparents. . . All are part of the threads of connection, the warp and weft of our family weavings.

My only regret is that my mom and her companion can not be with us for health reasons. Her companion G had his pacemaker battery replaced and has now caught a cold that Mom had.  She had thrown hers off, G is needing a bit more rest to do so.  A bevy of people and the chaos of the day are not going to be restful so they are staying in Maine.  However Mom is driving down on Friday for a short visit. We plan to send her back with a "portable Thanksgiving basket" as I want them to enjoy the food in the tranquility of their apartment.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Smells like teen scam!

Yesterday at church my son's girlfriend came up to chat.  T is a sweet  girl and I truly love her.  I also feel for her as the family has a lot of stress right now and I think this is impacting her greatly.  However, that does not mean I will be a party to irresponsible choices so she is a sad young woman right now.  Her plan was that she and Rob would attend First Night in the city where we go to church. This is 30 minutes from our house.  When I pointed out that this meant someone would be on the road to bring Rob home at midnight and that I felt that was unsafe, she assured me that the First Night celebrations went till (wait for it.. ...) 6 a.m. when her father could conveniently run Rob home.

I could smell the teen scam a mile off but I also try to preserve teen dignity.  For all the bluster and know it all stuff that is often projected, I remember how insecure I really felt as a teen. And trust me, I was the most sarcastic know it all teen on the planet back in the day.  So instead of saying how insane that sounded, I said that the city usually had a website on the First Night and I would be happy to go look it up and check the events and the price of buttons.  Imagine my lack of surprise at finding that the city ends the event at midnight.  Who'd have thunk it?  So I facebooked her and told her what I had found and explained that it just did not look like they were running the event quite the way she thought they were. I said that I was really sorry but there was no way I would want her on the roads or that I myself wanted to be on the roads.  Getting nailed by a drunk driver is not the best way to ring in the new year.

I truly think that she knew the event went till midnight and thought that she could smuggle Rob into her house for the night.  And probably her parents would not notice right now, given what they are dealing with.  I don't think Rob is as upset about this as she is. I have tried to handle it all with kindness and respect but also with firmness.  Safety on the roads and ahem, with ones bodies, is of high import to me. I will try and make sure they get together either New Years Day or perhaps during the day on New Years Eve.  We will see how it shakes out.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Thankful for. . .

I've been writing a thankful note on Facebook each day during November.  I like seeing others put forth their thanks as well.  It is easy to forget that we can be thankful for small things and that they can make a big difference.  Like say, successfully moving our couch out of our living room.

We are putting tables for dining in our living room for Thanksgiving.  It will allow us to seat 13 comfortablely and in the same room.  Our old Victorian is large but the rooms were never engineered for large gatherings.  So our dining room can mash about 10 people in with a shoe horn but more than that is not possible.

Today we had to move out the couch and all the other things so that my wife can steam clean the rugs and so we could try the table set up and make sure what looked perfect on paper could work in real life.  Things went pretty well till the couch got stuck in the doorway. . .  We figured out that we could take off the legs which helped.  Then we figured out that if we canted it on its side it helped even more.  It is a sleeper sofa so it is fairly heavy but Rob is a great mover.  Meanwhile, ever watchful for the cat who thought this was  a good time to twine between our legs, the dog who was having a breakdown over the removal of his sleeping spot, the kids who were running a remote control car on the floor in front of us. . . it got moved.  It is now in our work room till Friday.  Like I said, small things are worth gratitudes, aren't they?

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Sleepover Saturday!

Today was a lovely day!  Busy--flat out sometimes, but so much fun.  We got our shopping done in record time. This is pretty amazing. I figured the weekend before Thanksgiving that the store might be crowded even at 7 a.m. when we typically arrive.  Not so and we conquered our gigantic list in jig time.  It took two buggies to get things all out to the car but the bill was not as high as I expected.  I suspect that we are scratch cooks and not box cooks contributed to the blessedly lower bill.

Then it was home to unload and take the kids to the bank to deposit allowances.  We don't live in a small town but our bank is very friendly. They know our kids on a first name basis and are always so welcoming when we are there.  I love that, it sure helps the efforts to teach the importance of saving and planning.

From there it was off to dance where KC found out that he is the leader in one of the recital dances he is in this year. To say the boy is excited is a wee bit of an understatement.  That is a tap number and they are a marching band.  He is also a dalmation in a jazz number, and I have forgotten what the hip hop number is.

A visit to the library found that a winter book challenge is ready to start in a week or so.  More excitement as the more books one reads, the more chances you have to win a raffle prize.  We have a lot of holiday themed books that KC likes to read so he has plans to take this challenge by storm.

After that, it was time to come home and wrap a birthday gift for a friend and go to her party.  K is a sweet girl, turning 11.  Nowadays 11 seems so much more grown up than when I was a kid. . .

Late this afternoon, KC's friend W came to spend the night.  There has been pizza, and there are a plethora of snacks that KC shopped for himself this a.m.  There have been wii games and laughter, food and laughter, and most of all, laughter.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Disabled People and racial slurs

I have a really bad headache and I know that sometimes makes me more emotionally sensitive. Still, I think even sans migraine, I would be feeling a little bruised today.  I walked into work today to hear my boss and my co-workers talking about "those people".  The people who get SSI and could-should be working.  The people who of course have nothing wrong with them.  Why doesn't the government re-evaluate, they said to each other.

I stood there, stunned.  I had not even had time for a sip of coffee.  They do  re-evaluate I said.  Every 5 years.  And it is not automatic and easy to get SSI. Or to pass the re-evaluation for that matter.  And most people need it. The vast majority of them.  People don't always show their disabilities.  Just like my Chet does not seem disabled if you saw him on the street.  Talk to him for more than 10 minutes, and you know.  For a quick hello or checking out at a store, probably not.

Later today one of my co-workers bemoaned the fact that a local team has forfeited the rest of its football season due to allegations of racial bullying.  The fact that the seniors won't play on Thanksgiving day was of supreme importance.  Um, what about the "n word" written on the players house????  I am sorry for the teens who were not involved. But racism is evil and needs to stop. In my opinion this did not happen in a vacuum. Someone knew how this young man was being treated.  Maybe if people had stepped up and spoken out sooner, they would be playing ball on Thanksgiving Day.

To say I feel a bit disconnected from my work team at the moment is a bit of an understatment. I think the big picture is that we need to take care of each other. And not always assume the worst about people.  The vast majority of people are not scammers--that is why it is newsworthy when someone is caught.  Sigh.  Time for Advil!

Monday, November 18, 2013

KC, Fiona and looking for my therapists hat!

KC has been busy at night working on his sister Lissa's Christmas present. He has decided to make her her own calendar.  My kids love calendars.  I find this funny as I never liked them when I was a kid.  But they love crossing off days and keeping track of the pace of our lives.

He has used my scrapbook program, importing pictures we took over the year, and adding graphics from the program. Then he draws and embellishes with stickers, stamping etc.  As he put it, it is a mixed media gift.  His art teacher and dear friend J is a very gifted mixed media artist.  She was just featured in some craft mag recently and if I could remember the name I would give a shout out!  Some pitch woman I am!  At any rate, the point is that he has worked on this dilegently night after night when his sister goes to bed.  It is about 3/4 done and it is really cute.

He also has a story he has written that I have to help him import into the scrapbook program so he can illustrate. Then we are going to print a color copy bring it to the copy center and have it bound for gifts for relatives.  He and Lissa have also been working on something for me at night.  Periodically I am told that i can't go in the living room or the kitchen, whereever they have set up shop.  I love the creativity!

Fiona was supposed to call tonight but was busy and did not.  Jane called me though.and we had a long talk.  I told her how excited I am about Fi's placement and my hopes that it will go well.  She shared with me that Krystle who has long lived in the south is back up north and living with their first mother.  Krystle is a lovely young lady but she has stopped calling her sister because she is afraid if Fiona finds out she is living with Mom J that things will not go well with her and for her.

Jane is concerned because she has done so much to reunite family and now things have stalled out, with very few family members keeping contact with Fiona.  Jane thinks it likely is because they are all concerned about what do they say if Fi asks a question that led to answering about her birth mom.  The reality is, Fiona wants to see her first mother and we all know this.  At some point,l I think it has to happen. For her. And probably for her first mom.  They need a chance to try and get to know each other as adults, and hopefully work beyond the pain and trauma of the early years.  Sadly, Jane will not be allowed to facilitate this and so she is forwarding Mom J's contact info to me.  I am not a therapist and I worry greatly that i will botch things hideously but once Fiona is placed and settled I am reaching out to Mom J.  I also have to deal w/ having a talk with Rob about all this but these hard conversations are part of being an adoptive family. It is my hope that my constant secure presence and my love will help give both of them strength to deal with this. I don't know if Rob wants to meet mom J. I am fine if he does.  I know for Fi this is a deep visceral need.  It is beyond a want. It is a hole that has been left in her spirit since she was 7.

Friday, November 15, 2013

A visit to Fiona's new home

Today I left work early to meet Fiona for lunch at the new home where she will be living . The date of the move is still up in the air but it is close enough that the transition has to start, so that Fi is as prepared as possible for the change.

The home is about 20 minutes tops from our house.  It is hard for me to know exactly how far as I got lost the first time!  But once I know where I am going, i greatly suspect it will be a quick little commute.   It is a lovely home, with 5 spacious bedrooms. Each resident has their own room.  The rooms are big enough for double beds, so when I say spacious, they are probably 2 1/2 times the size of her room now.  This may be great and may not be.  She has a hard time keeping her space ordered, but she loved the double bed (which really did look inviting and comfy.

The plusses that I see are:  all the occupants are female. Fiona has some issues around men and although she wants a boyfriend at some point, she is also frightened by anything she deems inappropriate from a male.  Fright for her leads to disregulation and PTSD so it is something I am looking to avoid.

There is lots of space in this house. The program intentionally planned this way so that the residents could get away from each other and take space when the need arose.

The program agrees that Fiona does best with a high level of structure and their plan is to have her enrolled in a structured day program that focuses on lots of crafts as well as job skill stuff Monday through Fridays. The other plus to this is then she is around an even wider circle of people and may make additional friends among the other people there.

Family are welcome to visit almost anytime. Fiona is welcome to come  here to visit almost any time.

There is a focus on teaching Fiona that she is an adult now and as such, has a responsibility and privilege of making some decisions on her own.  This is good.  Fi truly is very unable to handle unstructured time at all at present.  It would be good to work toward a level of comfort for her around that.  Also for feeling comfortable advocating for what she likes to do.

There is a gorgeous deck for cookouts.

There is not much around if she managed to get past the locked door in a raging episode.

The residents can decorate their rooms as they wish.

One of the 5 residents is black as is the program director.

Fiona seemed to make positive  early friendship connections with two of the residents in the home.  One was H, the young black girl. They started talking about ways to do hair and seem to want to do each others hair.

Some things that concern me:

There is no time out space.  Typically Fiona does best in a space that has no stimulation where she can roll around, punch bean bags and pillows and scream out her anger.  They apparently used to have one and want to make it into a craft room.

The reward system they have in place is a bit complex and I suspect I may find myself advocating for modifications as Fiona has a very limited ability for retention of such things and really no ability at all to think into the future.

There does not seem to be a nurse in residence.  I am not sure whether that is something I should worry about or not. Fi takes some powerful meds. However obviously I administer them when she is here. I guess if staff are trained to make sure that the timing is not messed with, it is fine.

 That's it for concerns--the plusses thus far totally outweigh my worries.  And what mom doesn't always find a few things to worry about?

For now, she seems happy at the idea of the move. That changes daily as change itself is a huge de-stabilizer for  her.  But she will visit again the day before thanksgiving and then I will pick her up and bring her back home for the holiday.  I am hoping that also when she sees that she is so physically close to us that this too will help her.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

What are you grateful for?

KC decided that this Thanksgiving he would ask everyone in the family what they are grateful for. Then he would draw a little picture on an index card that reflected that, put on the person's name and voila! Our place cards!  I typically do these but I am touched by his creativity and the fact that he thought of taking this on himself.  I can stow away my craft supplies for another gathering.  In a family our size it won't be long!  LOL

We emailed my mom and her companion, Grandpa G.  They wrote back with what they were thankful for and KC decided to do Grampa G's first. He is thankful for 2 families, his and becoming part of ours, and for living in a free country.  KC drew a flag and two little hearts with legs and arms and labelled them Grampa G and Nana!  I can't wait to see how they all come out.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Party like a rock star!

Fiona was out for the day yesterday.  KC was not around too much for this visit as he had two special events on his calendar.  A published author was visiting his writing club and he was invited to his first "boys only" birthday party for a friend.  He was excited but very sad he was missing most of Fi's visit. She felt likewise.

Although his absence gave us an opportunity to go to the movies and see "Free Birds" I am glad they missed each other so much.  I think it shows that even when Rob is not geographically near us, she is connected enough to the rest of rhe family that she will still feel loved and want to be here.

When KC and K got home (bringing Chinese food, which is a rare treat at our house) we all had supper and shared our days.  Rob, Lissa, Fi and I had made some seasonal crafts in addition to going to the movies. Chet had come with us to the movies and had a lot of fun there.  He adores animated films and thankfully there look to be a small rush of them in the pipeline right now.

While I cleaned up after supper the two littles and Fiona went in the living room and pretended they were rock stars. Hence the above picture.  Rob could not be convinced that he should join the band!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Teen Times

Sunday night was not really pretty at our house.  Rob had permission to spend the afternoon with his girlfriend.  The agreement was that they were supposed to go our our church's Soulful Sundown Vesper service at 6 as they both had parts in the service and then Rob was staying for Youth Group.

Girl friend is feeling disconnected from youth group this year. I think it is partly due to her spotty attendance there--friendships can only deepen when you are present to work on them-- and partly due to the fact that she has a lot on her plate in other areas of her life.  But whatever the reason, she has had dramatic emotional incidents a couple times at youth group and only been consoled by Rob standing outside holding her and talking to her.

We have made it clear to Rob that this is not a dynamic that we feel comfortable with.  He loves youth group and has lots of friends there. This is also his last year as part of that group and there is a certain amount of "senior year" stuff  that goes with being the oldest members of this large and active group. I also feel if T is that upset, that others need to be involved in allaying her concerns.(and the concerns change weekly).  However, it is very hard for a young man in love to get that or to ignore that powerful feeling that one is protecting and aiding your one true love.

Hence, T convinced him to bag youth group Sunday night and return to her house.  She dropped him back at church a few minutes before youth group was over and before my wife arrived to pick him  up. The initial conversation when K and Rob returned home was not ever going to win us Parents of the Year.  My wife had her Viking temper going in full force, which was understandable, but a bit counter productive to trying to talk with a teen.  A teen who was sure that we were being unfair to the love of his life, that she desperately needed him, etc etc. Eventually, I convinced K to go make a cup of tea and when she came back things were calmer.

I explained to Rob that despite how much T may or may not have needed him, they had a responsibility to a) be where we had agreed people would be, and b) communicate with us if there was an emergency.  I pointed out that if we  had a family emergency we would have raced to church to get him--only to find he was not there.

That was the point when I saw the anger go out of his eyes and remorse instead.  Teens, especially teens in the throes of first love, are so self absorbed. And much of this age is about breaking away and asserting oneself. But it had never occured to him that family could need him and not be able to find him.

Over the past couple days he has been very attentive to the littles and extra helpful around the house.  I can tell that this is his way of showing he is sorry for the incident.  

Dancinig around the world

Yesterday there was a program of Balinese dancers at the school where my wife works at night. She was told she could watch the program and bring the kids if she wanted to.  I could not go as it fell during working hours, but I had glowing reports from all who attended.  I love kids getting exposed to other cultures and this was a fantastic way to do that.  Also found out later that this same dance troupe will be performing in the Big City tomorrow night to standing room only crowds at a very prestigious venue.  And my family saw them for free!  What a gift that is!

It is also observation week at the kids dance school.  Most weeks the curtains are firmly shut, preventing students from mugging for parents and parents from interfering with class.  But once every 6 to 8 weeks the curtains open and we parents glimpse what  our kids have been working on.  Well, sometimes.  Sometimes there is so much goofing around going on in there I just say a prayer for Miss Heidi the teacher! Last night I watched Lissa's ballet and tap class.  Lissa has gorgeous posture and a lithe lean frame.  She is not an innate ballet or tap dancer the way her brother is. But she has definately improved and absolutely loves it.  The absolutely loves it is the key thing for me anyway. She has a lot of friends there and it is a great energy burn to boot. She eats and enormous supper when we get home and trots off to bed willingly.  Another win!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Serenity on Saturday

It's been a real peaceful--and for us--real quiet day here today. We slept late, both KC and I waking up at 6:40, sitting bolt upright in our respective beds, shocked that we had overslept.  I never use an alarm clock--maybe I should start?  Probably not, though.  I hate waking up to those things.  Maybe because when I was in college I was also working 3 part time gigs.  I was so sleep deprived I had 3 alarm clocks set around the house so that I would not fall back asleep and miss a work duty or class.

But back to our day. . . Somehow we all were in a peppy enough mood to get our shopping done before dance class. Usually we are out the door for shopping by 7 so leaving at 7:15 was pretty good when you consider when we all woke.  I had written my list the night before after Rob and I inventoried the pantries and cleaned the fridge. That helped too.  Came home and unloaded, setting aside the donations for our church food pantry.  I read on the news that food stamps are being cut.  I have a hard time with our food bill and we are not pricey eaters--I just have a boatload of hungry kids.  How can our country take away something as basic as food for families?  I know our food pantry at our church serves 60 to 100 families every month.  I greatly suspect this number will rise.  I will attempt to stop this particular rant now and will save my vitriol for another blog post. LOL

After dance class we headed to the library and then came home.  Made lunches and got laundry out on the line to dry.  It was a glorious day here weather wise, and we took full advantage of it.  The littles played outside most of the day. They asked about watching a movie at one point and I just gave them "the look."  We don't waste good weather days.  No discussion!  The older boys did leaf blowing and bagging.  I made banana bread for fellowship at church tomorrow as Lissa's class is in charge of that.  Also made pumpkin cinnamon breakfast rolls for tomorrow morning. Those are cold rising in the pantry.

Cleaned the house, took down the rest of the Halloween decorations, made cookies to have with tonites supper.   While I cleaned up the littles and my wife planted tulips and daffodils in our front garden. I'll dream about those all winter long.

Friday, November 1, 2013

The Giver

Last night  I went in the dining room to say the candy trade had to end and bedtime had to commence. There was a sweet (pardon the pun) encounter with KC.  All the kids had these great stacks of candy that they were putting back into their loot buckets.  But he had also set aside these 3 separate smaller piles.  One was a pile of 3 Musketeers bars and whopper candies.  He told me those are for K because he knows she loves those so much.  The second pile was of all the Butterfingers he collected.  Those are going to church so he can give them to his former art teacher on Sunday.  Those are apparently her fave.  The last pile was for my co-worker who loves a certain kind of m and ms.  "I'm such a giver" he announced happily as he trotted off to brush his teeth.

It made me laugh, but it is true.  He is the most giving child I have ever met. There are frequently little notes or poems left for me on my computer table or my nightstand from him.  He has two events to go to the next time Fiona comes out so he won't be here with her much.  Although he loves his writing club and is excited about being invited to his friends birthday at a lazer tag place, he was very concerned that he would not have much time with Fiona. He thought about Fi before agreeing to the party invite.

I think all my kids are giving and compassionate.  KC just demonstrates it a bit more often, and seems to feel emotional things a bit more keenly than the others.  But I am grateful for all my little "givers."  We need a lot of compassion and giving if we  are to offer the best of ourselves to the world.