K's sister is here to spend Thanksgiving with us. She comes out a day ahead and the kids have been so eager to see their Auntie. She didn't realize how much they were looking forward to it and was sort of relaxing when she got here. (30 minute drive from her house to ours) KC asked her to play a game and she said she would but kept chatting instead with the grown ups. KC asked again, holding the cards in his little hand. I even pointed out that he was ready to play a game.Again, she didn't clue in. I was also cooking as this was unfolding and I watched his shoulders slump and saw him quietly walk into our dining room. I followed him in and he cuddled up and cried softly into my shoulder. He so desperately wanted her to play with him, to spend time with him. My heart broke for him. There is not a real huge window that you get with kids. There will come a time when he is off doing his own thing, with his peers and he will likely not care one fig about hanging with his family in the way he does now.
I took a deep breath and went back into the kitchen and tried to gently tell Lynne she had let him down. KC has been counting the days till Lynne's visit. Don't tell my kids you are going to do something if you aren't. What she had really meant was "later." Say later. Better yet, say a time. But don't say something will happen and then have it not happen.
I know that we are the only folks on K's side of the family with kids. So that is probably part of it. If you are not around children, maybe you don't get what it entails. Auntie did apologize and later did play a game, so all is well in the world again!
Meanwhile, I have made the cranberry sauce and tonight will get together the crescent roll dough. K has made pies and the house has that Thanksgiving smell to it I am told. (I have no sense of smell and have to rely on others to inform me!)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
American Music Awards
I missed the American Music Awards and I wish I hadn't. Adam Lambert had a really controversial number,supposedly rife with sex. Gay sex. Gasp! First off, I confess I like Adam. I wanted him to win Idol cause I like his audacity and I think his voice and vocal ability is flat out amazing. That said, I wish I had seen the performance that everyone is going nuts about. By the time the idea occured to me to check You Tube, the video had all ready been taken down because of course, it was copy righted.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not really a big fan of in your face sex. That said, I think it is there all the time in music. In the videos, in the performaces. I remember Madonna videos causing all kinds of controversy. I remember being surprised at some that I saw more recently. Rhianna's "umbrella" video I seem to remember as being pretty sexualized. I think I remember some of R. Kelly's that were pretty intense. I am really bad with connecting names with specific videos because I am always doing something else when I watch, but I know there have been lots. The thing is, they might have caused some controversy but nothing to this level. Because at the end of the day, it was heterosexual sex that was being portrayed and that somehow made it okay. It is "OK" for back up dancers to grind up against a lead singer in a totally provocative way. Can anyone really believe they are not pantomiming a sex act? Doubt it!
But Adam dared to do the same 'envelope pushing' as a gay man. Kissing a man on stage (and I am guessing we are not talking a little peck by the furor that has ensued) and other dramatic dancing and acting that disturbed (to put it mildly) lots of viewers. Was it appropriate to the venue, with respect to time slot and the fact that lots of kids were likely watching? Maybe not. But is it more appropriate for a woman to wear a bustier and fishnets and grind on a guy in the same time block? My guess is that if my kids had seen it I would have had the same discussion about the time and place for intimate actions regardless of whether it was Adam or a female star who was acting out sex with a man. At the end of the day for me, that explanation needs to come from me. My kids will see the world in a variety of ways whether I want them to or not. Part of my job is to have a relationship that will allow us to process what they see, and to give them hopefully, a values set that will allow them to handle situations that may be outside their comfort zone. Now, are y'all glad that I didn't feel like writing about how we made place cards for our Thanksgiving table today?
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not really a big fan of in your face sex. That said, I think it is there all the time in music. In the videos, in the performaces. I remember Madonna videos causing all kinds of controversy. I remember being surprised at some that I saw more recently. Rhianna's "umbrella" video I seem to remember as being pretty sexualized. I think I remember some of R. Kelly's that were pretty intense. I am really bad with connecting names with specific videos because I am always doing something else when I watch, but I know there have been lots. The thing is, they might have caused some controversy but nothing to this level. Because at the end of the day, it was heterosexual sex that was being portrayed and that somehow made it okay. It is "OK" for back up dancers to grind up against a lead singer in a totally provocative way. Can anyone really believe they are not pantomiming a sex act? Doubt it!
But Adam dared to do the same 'envelope pushing' as a gay man. Kissing a man on stage (and I am guessing we are not talking a little peck by the furor that has ensued) and other dramatic dancing and acting that disturbed (to put it mildly) lots of viewers. Was it appropriate to the venue, with respect to time slot and the fact that lots of kids were likely watching? Maybe not. But is it more appropriate for a woman to wear a bustier and fishnets and grind on a guy in the same time block? My guess is that if my kids had seen it I would have had the same discussion about the time and place for intimate actions regardless of whether it was Adam or a female star who was acting out sex with a man. At the end of the day for me, that explanation needs to come from me. My kids will see the world in a variety of ways whether I want them to or not. Part of my job is to have a relationship that will allow us to process what they see, and to give them hopefully, a values set that will allow them to handle situations that may be outside their comfort zone. Now, are y'all glad that I didn't feel like writing about how we made place cards for our Thanksgiving table today?
Monday, November 23, 2009
Television does "finding family"
I usually don't watch ads. I am legendary for it. So why this one permeated my consciousness is amazing to me. I was working and watching Dancing With the Stars. I come from a family of dancers, what can I say? And then there was this ad for a new show premiering right after DWTS. The premise is it helps first families and their adopted off spring find each other.
It chills me. Not because I don't think that birth mothers and birth fathers shouldn't find their children who were given up for adoption. Not because I think it is disloyal for adopted children to want to look. But because I am afraid this show will glamourize the results. TV is all about happy ever after. Is it going to show a reunion that doesn't work because one party or the other has issues that need time, therapy ,and more than 60 minutes of prime time to solve? Is it going to show the pain of not finding the person you are looking for? And is Fiona going to see this and think that because of this she can find her birth mother? I know that is her deepest wish. It has been from Day 1. And for a child with the emotional and psychological issues that she has, for someone who has some cognitive delays, this is so going to look like --HEY! It could happen to me!
And the reality is it is unlikely that it will happen to her. And the last thing I want for her is more pain and more confusion. She all ready has way too much. I have to go to bed now or I will sit here and rant and worry and rant and worry some more.
It chills me. Not because I don't think that birth mothers and birth fathers shouldn't find their children who were given up for adoption. Not because I think it is disloyal for adopted children to want to look. But because I am afraid this show will glamourize the results. TV is all about happy ever after. Is it going to show a reunion that doesn't work because one party or the other has issues that need time, therapy ,and more than 60 minutes of prime time to solve? Is it going to show the pain of not finding the person you are looking for? And is Fiona going to see this and think that because of this she can find her birth mother? I know that is her deepest wish. It has been from Day 1. And for a child with the emotional and psychological issues that she has, for someone who has some cognitive delays, this is so going to look like --HEY! It could happen to me!
And the reality is it is unlikely that it will happen to her. And the last thing I want for her is more pain and more confusion. She all ready has way too much. I have to go to bed now or I will sit here and rant and worry and rant and worry some more.
There is a lot I like about Thanksgiving. I love setting a pretty table. It is important to me that the setting look beautiful and allow us time to gather as a family around a meal, filled with love and laughter. I love the fact that our table reflects so many different facets of our lives. There is the beautiful flatware that was my mother in laws. She and Dad got it in Thailand when he was stationed there and upon her passing, it was gifted to Kirsty and I. Every year I polish it up for the Thanksgiving table. The pattern is very unique and its wam golden color is perfect for a harvest celebration. There are the silver candlesticks that I grew up seeing on the table. There are various glasses in a wildly mismatched group that were my grandparents and great grand parents. I would be hard pressed to find more than two alike but all our beautiful---glass itself was so thin and gorgeous back then! The actual plates are a set that Kirsty and I bought when we began hosting the holiday dinner. The only set we had large enough for all to eat off of prior to that was a set of Haviland that has been in my family for generations. But the menfolk were reluctant to eat thanksgiving dinner off of a plate with roses on it! LOL So I bought plain white plates with a simple silver banding around the edges. They are perfect and don't clash with anything. We do some type of handmade centerpiece that runs down the center of the table--our table is very long with both leaves in it. You can seat 12 around it and that is almost the number we have each year. The kids help me make place cards for everyone--that project starts tonight at our house.
I love the fact that we are all together around the table. It is very important to me we all sit together and not with the kids relagated to some side table somewhere. I probably wouldn't care if there were lots of other cousins and such, but in our family and my extended family, we have mostly all the kids! Plus, I work hard to teach my kids proper meal etiquette and they need a chance to use fancy china and show their relatives that they know the napkin goes in their lap etc.
I love the bustle of the kitchen on Thanksgiving day. I have memories of this from way back when I was little. My grandfather always prepared the root vegetables, my grandmother did the turkey, my mom did sides and I think everyone did pies. There is always a LOT of food and definately more than is needed for that one meal. But we send home leftover dead bird with the meat eaters and I am a whiz at finding recipes that use up everything else. Soups, vegetarian pot pie, sweet potato meadow muffins and the cranberry coffee cake are pretty much givens but there have been others. Nothing better than home made cranberry coffee cake for breakfast the next morning!
I wish we had a bit more say in the foods themselves. There is no flexibility to try a new recipe ever, because my in laws are not adventurous eaters. I love trying new recipes. Like I would adore making pioneer woman's roasted carrots for the meal. But the world as we know it would end,so i will save that for a time when it is just us. Also we are not allowed to use spices. They like their food bland. Very very bland. We can add salt and pepper at the table but I am a real spicy food kind of woman so it is a bit blah for me in that regard. But I just remind myself that probably why it is so easy to figure out ways to recycle the leftovers into new recipes is that they are veyr bland and won't compete with whatever I decide to do with them the next day! :-)
I like watching my kids snuggle up on the couch with their aunt to see the Thanksgiving parade. Myself, I have never been into parades--my grandparents were never successful in cultivating any kind of interest in that in me. My kids love it though and I love the fact that KC looks forward to that time with his aunt every year.
Most of all I am thankful that we are together, that we have this moment in time to enjoy one another and to make memories together.
I love the fact that we are all together around the table. It is very important to me we all sit together and not with the kids relagated to some side table somewhere. I probably wouldn't care if there were lots of other cousins and such, but in our family and my extended family, we have mostly all the kids! Plus, I work hard to teach my kids proper meal etiquette and they need a chance to use fancy china and show their relatives that they know the napkin goes in their lap etc.
I love the bustle of the kitchen on Thanksgiving day. I have memories of this from way back when I was little. My grandfather always prepared the root vegetables, my grandmother did the turkey, my mom did sides and I think everyone did pies. There is always a LOT of food and definately more than is needed for that one meal. But we send home leftover dead bird with the meat eaters and I am a whiz at finding recipes that use up everything else. Soups, vegetarian pot pie, sweet potato meadow muffins and the cranberry coffee cake are pretty much givens but there have been others. Nothing better than home made cranberry coffee cake for breakfast the next morning!
I wish we had a bit more say in the foods themselves. There is no flexibility to try a new recipe ever, because my in laws are not adventurous eaters. I love trying new recipes. Like I would adore making pioneer woman's roasted carrots for the meal. But the world as we know it would end,so i will save that for a time when it is just us. Also we are not allowed to use spices. They like their food bland. Very very bland. We can add salt and pepper at the table but I am a real spicy food kind of woman so it is a bit blah for me in that regard. But I just remind myself that probably why it is so easy to figure out ways to recycle the leftovers into new recipes is that they are veyr bland and won't compete with whatever I decide to do with them the next day! :-)
I like watching my kids snuggle up on the couch with their aunt to see the Thanksgiving parade. Myself, I have never been into parades--my grandparents were never successful in cultivating any kind of interest in that in me. My kids love it though and I love the fact that KC looks forward to that time with his aunt every year.
Most of all I am thankful that we are together, that we have this moment in time to enjoy one another and to make memories together.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Potluck Success!
Well Marthanity moments aside, the potluck went really well. Chet and Rob were amazingly helpful getting all the tables and chairs up and the tables set. Lissa and KC put out the salt and pepper shakers with considerable ceremony and minimal spillage. The color scheme looked appropriately harvesty if I do say so myself.
And best of all, a BUNCH of people came! Probably 60 to 80 folks all told And they had fun! I didn't plan activities for the kids which was a bit of a concern. I am personally of the opinion that while there are many times I will do special things for my kids, that also being in a social setting with other kids and adults is fun in and of itself. Many folks think I am nuts about that , but oddly it works! The kids had fun and adults who didn't have kids came too and they had fun as well. That is huge as our church tends to divide into camps at functions--the things that "families" do and the ones for all the other folks! I really really am passionate about blurring those lines a bit more than they currently are. There is much to be gained by my kids having loving and respectful relationships with a wide variety of people and it is not significant to me that those people be someone in their classes mom or dad.
But by 6:45 Lissa had pretty much hit the wall. She was doing well and all of a sudden the sound that I assume terranadons made in their time period echoed piercingly. Yup, my baby girl was getting a tad anti social. I was able to get her interested in helping me wipe down a counter and then I gathered the troops and beat feet for the car, worrying that if my children started making people's ear drums bleed that they might not want to come to another such function put on by my committee. However that meant leaving 45 minutes before it was over--it was a relief to find out that clean up actually finished ahead of schedule and that everyone was happy!
Today the kids were so tired they slept till 7 a.m. You have no idea how truly late that is in our house. I lay in bed with my eyes wide open, used to being up at quarter to 6 but afraid to move for fearing of waking a little person or two!
This week ahead promises lots of hustle and bustle as we ready for the onslaught known as loving family who come to eat Thanksgiving dinner!
And best of all, a BUNCH of people came! Probably 60 to 80 folks all told And they had fun! I didn't plan activities for the kids which was a bit of a concern. I am personally of the opinion that while there are many times I will do special things for my kids, that also being in a social setting with other kids and adults is fun in and of itself. Many folks think I am nuts about that , but oddly it works! The kids had fun and adults who didn't have kids came too and they had fun as well. That is huge as our church tends to divide into camps at functions--the things that "families" do and the ones for all the other folks! I really really am passionate about blurring those lines a bit more than they currently are. There is much to be gained by my kids having loving and respectful relationships with a wide variety of people and it is not significant to me that those people be someone in their classes mom or dad.
But by 6:45 Lissa had pretty much hit the wall. She was doing well and all of a sudden the sound that I assume terranadons made in their time period echoed piercingly. Yup, my baby girl was getting a tad anti social. I was able to get her interested in helping me wipe down a counter and then I gathered the troops and beat feet for the car, worrying that if my children started making people's ear drums bleed that they might not want to come to another such function put on by my committee. However that meant leaving 45 minutes before it was over--it was a relief to find out that clean up actually finished ahead of schedule and that everyone was happy!
Today the kids were so tired they slept till 7 a.m. You have no idea how truly late that is in our house. I lay in bed with my eyes wide open, used to being up at quarter to 6 but afraid to move for fearing of waking a little person or two!
This week ahead promises lots of hustle and bustle as we ready for the onslaught known as loving family who come to eat Thanksgiving dinner!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Marthanity and potlucks
I am on the Religious Education committee at the UU church where we worship. This year somehow I got made co-chair of the committee which was really okay with me. Then I found out the director of our religious educatioin program who is an amazing director, will be on sabbatical this spring. Also 2 more months next year. Hmmmm, can we say the bite we took to chew got a wee bit bigger?
Everyone on the committee also takes on a subcommittee. I have been diligent over the years in this. I did the really icky task of recruitment once, helping to round up unsuspecting folks to implement the program each Sunday. Our church and church school is large, with 2 services so we need a lot of bodies for these kids teachers and assistants. From that um, interesting experience I moved for some weird reason to the budget committee. Yup that was WAY more fun than harrassing people (oh, I mean inviting people) to assist with the program.
I was on the social action committee for a while and that was a lot of fun but then the focus of the committee changed and I was less enthused. Sometimes I am as flighty as my kids in my interests! So this year when the sub-com sign ups went out, I signed up for the FUN committee. Yup, that is its name. Doesn't that sound cool? Who doesn't want to have fun? OK turns out my fun committee is responsible for creating a couple of events for families and other church folk to come to and enjoy one anothers company. We came up with the idea of a pot luck dinner just before Thanksgiving. People might not have a place to go for the holidays and perhaps a relaxed dinner with friends would brighten the week.
I host Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I have a kabillion things to do to get ready for that. And I thought this potluck idea up. Yup, clearly brains are not a big requirement for the Fun Committee. So all week I have been visiting iparty getting table cloths (orange, cream and yellow for those interested in our color scheme). I have a giant cut out of corn stalks and small table decorations. I have coordinating napkins and russet colored dessert plates. My wife kindly baked her killer apple pie and made a pot of arroz con gandules to bring. (we call this spanish rice at our house but it is really rice with pidgeon peas). I will pick up copious quantities of apple cider for our beverage.
And today while K works I have to get the troops to our church and set up for this so that when the doors open at 5 it is welcoming and we are ready. My other committee member informed me at the 11th hour that she couldn't be there till 15 minutes before things start. So I gave her clean up! How's that for putting the fun in the Fun Committee! LOL
Everyone on the committee also takes on a subcommittee. I have been diligent over the years in this. I did the really icky task of recruitment once, helping to round up unsuspecting folks to implement the program each Sunday. Our church and church school is large, with 2 services so we need a lot of bodies for these kids teachers and assistants. From that um, interesting experience I moved for some weird reason to the budget committee. Yup that was WAY more fun than harrassing people (oh, I mean inviting people) to assist with the program.
I was on the social action committee for a while and that was a lot of fun but then the focus of the committee changed and I was less enthused. Sometimes I am as flighty as my kids in my interests! So this year when the sub-com sign ups went out, I signed up for the FUN committee. Yup, that is its name. Doesn't that sound cool? Who doesn't want to have fun? OK turns out my fun committee is responsible for creating a couple of events for families and other church folk to come to and enjoy one anothers company. We came up with the idea of a pot luck dinner just before Thanksgiving. People might not have a place to go for the holidays and perhaps a relaxed dinner with friends would brighten the week.
I host Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I have a kabillion things to do to get ready for that. And I thought this potluck idea up. Yup, clearly brains are not a big requirement for the Fun Committee. So all week I have been visiting iparty getting table cloths (orange, cream and yellow for those interested in our color scheme). I have a giant cut out of corn stalks and small table decorations. I have coordinating napkins and russet colored dessert plates. My wife kindly baked her killer apple pie and made a pot of arroz con gandules to bring. (we call this spanish rice at our house but it is really rice with pidgeon peas). I will pick up copious quantities of apple cider for our beverage.
And today while K works I have to get the troops to our church and set up for this so that when the doors open at 5 it is welcoming and we are ready. My other committee member informed me at the 11th hour that she couldn't be there till 15 minutes before things start. So I gave her clean up! How's that for putting the fun in the Fun Committee! LOL
Friday, November 20, 2009
Technology baffles me sometimes!
Actually that sould read that technology USUALLY baffles me. I belong in a little cabin, off grid, heating my house with wood. I know wood. I even know how to cook some things on a wood cook fire. I am far less facile with so much modern technology.
The examples of my ineptness are fairly legion. When I was given a cell phone from a resident, I had to have my boss figure out how to look for the phone number and show me um , how to turn it on. Yup, I couldn't do much more than keep it in "paperweight mode" there for a while.
Then there was this morning. I opened up my blog and noticed I had one more follower than before. Always exciting to think someone would want to read what I write. Who could this new follower be? So I click---and find I am following myself. Yup. I am following me. I suspect it happened when I was trying to follow someone elses blog but it so succinctly sums up both my life of late and my challenges with technology!
The examples of my ineptness are fairly legion. When I was given a cell phone from a resident, I had to have my boss figure out how to look for the phone number and show me um , how to turn it on. Yup, I couldn't do much more than keep it in "paperweight mode" there for a while.
Then there was this morning. I opened up my blog and noticed I had one more follower than before. Always exciting to think someone would want to read what I write. Who could this new follower be? So I click---and find I am following myself. Yup. I am following me. I suspect it happened when I was trying to follow someone elses blog but it so succinctly sums up both my life of late and my challenges with technology!
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