Saturday, September 9, 2017
I am increasingly aware that life is so very precious and that joy is often found most in the smallest of things. Like the gladioli in the picture above. We planted them last year and they did nothing. Literally. Nada. We forgot about them. And for whatever reason, a few of them decided to bloom this year. Well, two to be exact. But they are stunning. One is a deep fuschia and one is a paler softer pink. My grandmother loved glads. Looking at these two on our kitchen altar makes me smile and feel her spirit close to me again.
Yoga class renews my spirit weekly. I don't love yoga as much as I love zumba but at least it is an hour that I can give to my body. To stretch, to bend and to take an hours pause in our busy life.
Laughter. The silly jokes the kids make up these days. Some "cringy" as KC puts it; some surprisingly witty. I cherish the time together as a family. As the kids have gotten older and involved in a wide array of different activities, time for all of us to be together is even more cherished. I know that time comes ever closer when it will be just Chet, Kirsty and I again at the table. This is how it should be and I am proud of their confidence-their friendships and their passions.
Fiona has been struggling greatly lately. The outward symbol of her anger is my refusal to let her pierce her navel. The reality is that a peer left the house and this is the deepest cause of her unhappiness. To her it is another example of someone succeeding in a way she has not yet. It is hard to face that, so it is easier to find something to be angry about and someone to pin it on. I did not actually say no to the piercing, but I did say we needed an okay from her doctor. But it wasn't a "yes, jump in the car, we gotta do this NOW!" kind of answer so she became enraged.
This is always the hard part with Fi. She goes from happy to enraged in a nanosecond. She had literally had a wonderful time at home and called me when she got back to the group residence asking about the piercing. Fi is prediabetic which makes her more prone to infection. She has also some issues surrounding self care and is not reliable about keeping a wound clean. So the lack of a yes has been the catalyst to spiral her into a very angry state.
I am not sure how to best help her with this. She has decided that I am the root of all that is unsatisfactory in her life. I am not willing to wear that cloak and have told her so. Loving her and caring for her does not mean I can or will agree with everything she wants to do. She is entitled to her anger, entitled to her feelings of frustration. I get that. I am trying to give her some space and hope that at some point, she will be in a place where we can talk things through but so far, nothing close to that is happening.
So I will look at my glads, listen to music that I love and breathe deeply.