OK so clearly this isn't going to be the best week of my life! Things are crazy at work, turbo tax can't efile my federal return despite going through the "let's fix it" section of their program. I have printed out the return, dug out my copy of the paper showing Lissa's tax ID number is cancelled. I will photocopy her social security card. I will mail the return and play for the best.
Sigh. I have a pretty decent return coming back this year and am hoping to use a portion of it to purchase a new pellet stove since ours croaked mid winter. X your fingers for some IRS magic guys!
I got home from the park and my mom had left a message to call. She had a physical today and wanted to let me know that her mammogram which she had last week came back showing a 5 mm mass. So they are doing another mammogram in a week or so. I tried to reassure her that lots of time these things are not cancerous. However with her husband facing a terminal cancer situation and her own mother having died of breast cancer back when I was 9, I am not sure my reassurances were really heard. I know she had one of those new digital imaging mammograms as well, so the Dr said it is even likely that this mass has been there right along and only the new equipment was sensitive enough to pick it up.
I don't know what will be the right thing, the supportive thing, to say or to do. My mom is always hard to read and has not really had the typical parent/child relationship with me. Over the years it has often felt like those roles shifted. I don't want her to think I don't care. I do. But I am also not the kind of person who worries until the facts are in. Except for now, when I am spending my time worrying that I didn't say the right thing when I called her tonight. Talking semi-distractedly while I bathed Elisabeth, until I grasped the focus of her call. Multi tasking is not always a good thing.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Of taxing taxes
Yes, it is taxing. As in the whole dang experience drives me round the bend! I will admit that i have a more complicated tax situation than a number of my friends. My wife and I both have employment income. Wife also has home based business income which means the dreaded 1099 and keeping track of the expenses associated with the aforementioned business. But I am used to that. We have had that set up for 7 or 8 years now. Maybe nine. My brain is mush at present.
Then in 2004 our state allowed us to marry. OK cool. We did. We had been married in our own minds since 1978 anyway, but making it legal afforded a few important legal benefits to my wife. Plus it was very important to my kids. It served to make the tax season even more fun for me. You see, the federal government does not of course recognize our marriage so I have to do two single returns for the feds. The problem is that turbo tax would then merge that info into your state tax return. This is not possible now because it would list the wrong classification for us--single instead of married filing either separately or jointly. Soooooo I get to take all the tax stuff and do it AGAIN as a federal married return that I don't submit to the feds but then merge over and submit to the state. Isn't that just fun and special?
So I spent the morning doing that, and sent things over to the appropriate agencies via e-file. And a few hours later got back a message that my federal return was denied but my state return was accepted. I got this right as I was about to drive middle son to a values retreat so I couldn't delve into the joyful specifics till I returned from dropping him off. The reason is that the IRS is saying that one of my children (I think my youngest) Social Security number does not match the number of the adoption tax credit form. I suspect that this somehow ties to the fact that when we first adopted her we didn't have a SSN before it was time to do taxes in 2006. So I got a tax ID number for her. I filed. Life was good. The next year I had the SSN number. I filed taxes. I used the SSN number. Life was still good. This year I received notice that the tax ID number was being cancelled unless I requested that it be renewed. I didn't renew it because I have not been using it; I have used her SSN. But I suspect that somehow this is where the glitch is occuring. Fixing this should be a thrill a minute.
Then in 2004 our state allowed us to marry. OK cool. We did. We had been married in our own minds since 1978 anyway, but making it legal afforded a few important legal benefits to my wife. Plus it was very important to my kids. It served to make the tax season even more fun for me. You see, the federal government does not of course recognize our marriage so I have to do two single returns for the feds. The problem is that turbo tax would then merge that info into your state tax return. This is not possible now because it would list the wrong classification for us--single instead of married filing either separately or jointly. Soooooo I get to take all the tax stuff and do it AGAIN as a federal married return that I don't submit to the feds but then merge over and submit to the state. Isn't that just fun and special?
So I spent the morning doing that, and sent things over to the appropriate agencies via e-file. And a few hours later got back a message that my federal return was denied but my state return was accepted. I got this right as I was about to drive middle son to a values retreat so I couldn't delve into the joyful specifics till I returned from dropping him off. The reason is that the IRS is saying that one of my children (I think my youngest) Social Security number does not match the number of the adoption tax credit form. I suspect that this somehow ties to the fact that when we first adopted her we didn't have a SSN before it was time to do taxes in 2006. So I got a tax ID number for her. I filed. Life was good. The next year I had the SSN number. I filed taxes. I used the SSN number. Life was still good. This year I received notice that the tax ID number was being cancelled unless I requested that it be renewed. I didn't renew it because I have not been using it; I have used her SSN. But I suspect that somehow this is where the glitch is occuring. Fixing this should be a thrill a minute.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Today was a busy and fun day. The morning was as always given over to errands and food shopping, with a visit to Kirsty at her job thrown in as well. Oddly enough I like doing errands with the kids and by and large they don't seem to hate it. We have each week an average of 5 stops but there are weeks when it is only 3 and weeks it is as many as 7. Just depends! After that, we came home, unloaded the car and I made lunch. Then we piled back in the van and headed to our church for the recycle art afternoon.
It was really cool. There were 4 of those long banquet tables just filled with supplies. You name it and I swear it was there. Paper towel tubes, egg cartons, picture frames with no back, empty puzzle boards, jackets from books etc. Beads, sand art, sequins and paint. Glue, ribbon, tissue paper, pipe cleaners, boxes. My kids eyes lit up.
KC got right to work. His first project was just covering a box in paper and then slapping some paint on it. Lissa decided she was all about paint today and did a lot of painting as well. She did a lot of experimenting with colors and shades. She'd try light blue and then dark blue for instance.
KC also made a lot of other stuff. He did a beautiful sand art sculpture and really got how to poke the sand with a thin stick to make patterns. He made a picture of a cat for his grandmother and something else which escapes my tired brain.
But what excited me the most was Robbie. KC is my "art" guy. He will always gravitate towards artistic expressions, both musical and art of this nature. He is never without a pad of paper, and a crayon or pencil.
Rob on the other hand, didn't get a lot of opportunities to dabble in art till he came home to us at almost 6 years old. He was 5 but on the tail end of 5 so to speak. And this is one of those areas where I can see that missing out on the art explorations of the early years stunted his creativity so to speak. On the plus side of things, KC's love to drawing and painting and creating naturally involves Rob. He wants his big brother to draw or paint with him and Rob will usually oblige. I have noticed over the past year that in some ways his art takes its cue from KC and he has begun to develop a bit more risk taking so to speak in his art.
But today, he really shone. He spent the first 15 minutes we were there just wandering. I ignored that. I know it is very hard for Robbie to make a decision. Deep down he is always afraid he will make the wrong choice. KC in the innocence of 4 years old, is pretty confident that he lives in the land of do overs. Eventually, Rob stopped pacing and started creating. And he did some really cool stuff. He created a picture frame with the cover of one of his favorite books pasted in the center as art. He made a glitter covered tube, sand art and a pom pom covered pillow. Once he got going, it was literally like watching that little trickle of water oozing through a dam, turn into a raging river. He was so into what he was doing. I was over the moon with excitement for him. I hope that it was a turning point for him and art will become more accessible to him as a form of self expression.
It was really cool. There were 4 of those long banquet tables just filled with supplies. You name it and I swear it was there. Paper towel tubes, egg cartons, picture frames with no back, empty puzzle boards, jackets from books etc. Beads, sand art, sequins and paint. Glue, ribbon, tissue paper, pipe cleaners, boxes. My kids eyes lit up.
KC got right to work. His first project was just covering a box in paper and then slapping some paint on it. Lissa decided she was all about paint today and did a lot of painting as well. She did a lot of experimenting with colors and shades. She'd try light blue and then dark blue for instance.
KC also made a lot of other stuff. He did a beautiful sand art sculpture and really got how to poke the sand with a thin stick to make patterns. He made a picture of a cat for his grandmother and something else which escapes my tired brain.
But what excited me the most was Robbie. KC is my "art" guy. He will always gravitate towards artistic expressions, both musical and art of this nature. He is never without a pad of paper, and a crayon or pencil.
Rob on the other hand, didn't get a lot of opportunities to dabble in art till he came home to us at almost 6 years old. He was 5 but on the tail end of 5 so to speak. And this is one of those areas where I can see that missing out on the art explorations of the early years stunted his creativity so to speak. On the plus side of things, KC's love to drawing and painting and creating naturally involves Rob. He wants his big brother to draw or paint with him and Rob will usually oblige. I have noticed over the past year that in some ways his art takes its cue from KC and he has begun to develop a bit more risk taking so to speak in his art.
But today, he really shone. He spent the first 15 minutes we were there just wandering. I ignored that. I know it is very hard for Robbie to make a decision. Deep down he is always afraid he will make the wrong choice. KC in the innocence of 4 years old, is pretty confident that he lives in the land of do overs. Eventually, Rob stopped pacing and started creating. And he did some really cool stuff. He created a picture frame with the cover of one of his favorite books pasted in the center as art. He made a glitter covered tube, sand art and a pom pom covered pillow. Once he got going, it was literally like watching that little trickle of water oozing through a dam, turn into a raging river. He was so into what he was doing. I was over the moon with excitement for him. I hope that it was a turning point for him and art will become more accessible to him as a form of self expression.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Weeks End
This has been a wearing sort of week. I am a pretty high energy person but my spirit energy is low tonight. Partly because work rotted this week. There has been work stress; partly from my superior and co-workers, partly from construction that is going on in the building.
There has been home stress. Ken's final illness has been much in my mind and I have worked out a day (next Thursday) for us to all visit with him. My mom consulted with the doctor and he said that at this point, Ken is not suffering any more pain than his normal arthritis and that there is no telling when that could change. I want this to be a good visit. A set of good memories for the kids to take with them into the future, and for Ken to take with him into the next phase of his journey.
Although he was never a father to me, he has been a truly wonderful grandfather to all my children. In so many quiet ways, he has been a huge part of their lives, despite the fact that his body's strength was all ready failing from the first times that he entered our lives.
Tonight our next door neighbor caught my wife outside. It seems that the director of the preschool my eldest attended has inoperable brain cancer. I haven't seen Pam in many years but she was a wonderful educator. Vibrant. Creative. Compassionate. Her preschool was pretty much the best public educational experience Chet had. I knew that she had sold her business recently but thought she had moved on to other endeavors.
In an odd twist of fate, the young man who lives next door with his fiancee and young son was also an alumni of this same pre-school. One of the former teachers of said school provides day care for his little boy. The former teachers are getting together a memory book for Pam and our neighbor had a letter for us asking for our contribution. I am a bit fuzzy on how our neighbors figured out that we were alumni of the school. But somehow the connections were made and I am grateful for that. I do remember writing Pam a thank you note when Chet moved from her preschool into kindergarten, but I firmly believe that you can never have too many opportunities to thank someone for the good they have done.
In some ways although it is sad to think of Ken's passing--my primary worry is that his passing be as painless as possible. He has had a rich and full life, as a minister, and as a beloved member of a large family. To think of Pam's passing is surreal. She is so much younger, and should have so much more life ahead of her.
I am glad to have a bit of family time to center myself a bit. Not that I spend time on mats doing yoga meditations! Saturday will be filled with family duties in the morning and in the afternoon I am taking the kids to our church to a recycled art activity/program. Lots of different artistic mediums to mess with and it should be lots of fun.
Sunday I have to take the day and do our taxes. Now there's active meditation for you! But all of this is the business of living, of family, of being that microcosm of the world. In a way that I can not describe that is healing and restorative.
There has been home stress. Ken's final illness has been much in my mind and I have worked out a day (next Thursday) for us to all visit with him. My mom consulted with the doctor and he said that at this point, Ken is not suffering any more pain than his normal arthritis and that there is no telling when that could change. I want this to be a good visit. A set of good memories for the kids to take with them into the future, and for Ken to take with him into the next phase of his journey.
Although he was never a father to me, he has been a truly wonderful grandfather to all my children. In so many quiet ways, he has been a huge part of their lives, despite the fact that his body's strength was all ready failing from the first times that he entered our lives.
Tonight our next door neighbor caught my wife outside. It seems that the director of the preschool my eldest attended has inoperable brain cancer. I haven't seen Pam in many years but she was a wonderful educator. Vibrant. Creative. Compassionate. Her preschool was pretty much the best public educational experience Chet had. I knew that she had sold her business recently but thought she had moved on to other endeavors.
In an odd twist of fate, the young man who lives next door with his fiancee and young son was also an alumni of this same pre-school. One of the former teachers of said school provides day care for his little boy. The former teachers are getting together a memory book for Pam and our neighbor had a letter for us asking for our contribution. I am a bit fuzzy on how our neighbors figured out that we were alumni of the school. But somehow the connections were made and I am grateful for that. I do remember writing Pam a thank you note when Chet moved from her preschool into kindergarten, but I firmly believe that you can never have too many opportunities to thank someone for the good they have done.
In some ways although it is sad to think of Ken's passing--my primary worry is that his passing be as painless as possible. He has had a rich and full life, as a minister, and as a beloved member of a large family. To think of Pam's passing is surreal. She is so much younger, and should have so much more life ahead of her.
I am glad to have a bit of family time to center myself a bit. Not that I spend time on mats doing yoga meditations! Saturday will be filled with family duties in the morning and in the afternoon I am taking the kids to our church to a recycled art activity/program. Lots of different artistic mediums to mess with and it should be lots of fun.
Sunday I have to take the day and do our taxes. Now there's active meditation for you! But all of this is the business of living, of family, of being that microcosm of the world. In a way that I can not describe that is healing and restorative.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Good news Bad News
In that yin/yang thing of life, yesterday was a good news, bad news kind of day. On the huge plus side, Rob's ocular pressure is holding steady and he doesn't need to return till July. I am very pleased. I joined a glaucoma list when he was first diagnosed and by and large the parents on that list are dealing with situations much much more severe than his seems to be at present. But when you read about some of the meds, the surgeries that may become necessary, well it is good fretting fodder. Also I had Kirsty ask the Dr about the use of allergy meds. Rob has seasonal allergies and there are occasions during the year when it would be helpful to give him something for the congestion. I used to with no qualms until last year when I looked at the box and it had this big honking glaucoma warning all over it. Same with cold meds. So I essentially have not given him those meds. His allergies are so sporadic that I kept forgetting to have K check with his MD and see if there was an option. What I did to help alleviate symptoms was simply saline spray and a shower right off if we had been outside. Not ideal but got us by. And unlike K and I, his allergies are only a week here and there and occasionally a grass sensitivity if we have been in a field in high summer. (hence the shower when we would get home) So that is all good.
The bad news concerned my mom's husband. Ken is 95 and we have all known that obviously his time is coming. He has been in a nursing home facility for a number of years now when his needs became too much for Mum to handle at home. Recently due to some new health concerns he had some type of testing done and it reveals a cancerous tumor on the pancreas. He is too frail for surgery and the dr said chemo would kill him so the end is likely a bit quicker than we thought.
I need to figure out getting the kids (and us of course) up to see him again asap. We planned to visit a couple of months ago and then the nursing home was filled with a stomach bug and Ken himself was ill with it. After that was done, then various ills started through our house making it impossible to visit. Who brings sickness with them when they visit the elderly?
I am also trying to figure out the best way to talk about this with the kids. Before we see Ken the last time? After we see Ken? I am leaning toward the latter--I would want their visit to be happy (both for their sakes and for Ken). I know my KC will be taking this very hard. Every since he was a tiny baby he has had a very special bond with Grampa. They share the same name (though that is a bit of a coincidence because Kenneth was my grandfathers name and the impetus for KC's name) Also the nickname of KC was Ken's when he was a child. Another thing I never knew because I met him late in life and by then he was not at the nickname stage of his life! :-)
Mostly I just want Ken's passing to be as painfree as possible and for his family and my mom to manage to get along while and after this happens. They all seem to clash rather often and I know stress can make those type of situations even more volatile.
The bad news concerned my mom's husband. Ken is 95 and we have all known that obviously his time is coming. He has been in a nursing home facility for a number of years now when his needs became too much for Mum to handle at home. Recently due to some new health concerns he had some type of testing done and it reveals a cancerous tumor on the pancreas. He is too frail for surgery and the dr said chemo would kill him so the end is likely a bit quicker than we thought.
I need to figure out getting the kids (and us of course) up to see him again asap. We planned to visit a couple of months ago and then the nursing home was filled with a stomach bug and Ken himself was ill with it. After that was done, then various ills started through our house making it impossible to visit. Who brings sickness with them when they visit the elderly?
I am also trying to figure out the best way to talk about this with the kids. Before we see Ken the last time? After we see Ken? I am leaning toward the latter--I would want their visit to be happy (both for their sakes and for Ken). I know my KC will be taking this very hard. Every since he was a tiny baby he has had a very special bond with Grampa. They share the same name (though that is a bit of a coincidence because Kenneth was my grandfathers name and the impetus for KC's name) Also the nickname of KC was Ken's when he was a child. Another thing I never knew because I met him late in life and by then he was not at the nickname stage of his life! :-)
Mostly I just want Ken's passing to be as painfree as possible and for his family and my mom to manage to get along while and after this happens. They all seem to clash rather often and I know stress can make those type of situations even more volatile.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Home with the kiddos
It always feels a bit odd to me when I am home with the kids on a work day. Not if I am on vacation but that odd--only here cause of someone having an appointment--kind of day. I can't really totally relax, partly because i know tomorrow is back to work. Partly also because I had to get Chet off to work by 7:15 or so. But don't get me wrong, feeling slightly odd and all it has still been nice.
Lissa and KC and I made a giant Easter bunny to decorate our front picture window. He is standing there painting an egg and there are a lot of tissue paper eggs and tissue paper grass underneath him. We went outside briefly and admired him; it is very brisk today. I am sick of brisk aka winter cold, but I know March is an up and down kind of month weather wise. It also wouldn't be quite so bad but the wind is whipping so much sand from winter storms around that I feel like I am in the Mojave desert or something. I worry about sand in the kids eyes too, so we are not taking a walk today or anything like that.
I had time to play with Lissa's hair a bit. We still haven't tried out all the new hair bobs we got! I also think I'll scoot over to youtube and see if I can find some info on straw sets. I read about it and it sounds like it would work for her hair but I can't quite visualize it from reading.
Lissa and KC and I made a giant Easter bunny to decorate our front picture window. He is standing there painting an egg and there are a lot of tissue paper eggs and tissue paper grass underneath him. We went outside briefly and admired him; it is very brisk today. I am sick of brisk aka winter cold, but I know March is an up and down kind of month weather wise. It also wouldn't be quite so bad but the wind is whipping so much sand from winter storms around that I feel like I am in the Mojave desert or something. I worry about sand in the kids eyes too, so we are not taking a walk today or anything like that.
I had time to play with Lissa's hair a bit. We still haven't tried out all the new hair bobs we got! I also think I'll scoot over to youtube and see if I can find some info on straw sets. I read about it and it sounds like it would work for her hair but I can't quite visualize it from reading.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Pressure Check
Tomorrow is a pressure check for Robbie. Ocular pressure to make sure that his glaucoma is under control. I will stay home from work and hang out with KC and Lissa so that Kirsty doesn't have to try and entertain active little people while spending considerable time at the specialists office. Or maybe not considerable time. We never really know. A lot depends on how his ocular pressure is maintaining. If the reading is good, as it was previously, then it might be a short appointment and they will be home in a few hours. If the pressure has risen then it is likely that they will do further dilation and check to see if there has been peripheral vision loss.
I always have his eyes in the back of my mind, I find. I am glad he didn't want to play baseball this year. Even though I think at one level it might have been good for him to push himself a bit, at another, he is right. There is a greater chance of getting nailed by a ball. A friend of mine has a son who played baseball and got hit in the face. There was some fairly serious injury to the orbital area. How that might play out when glaucoma is added to the mix might be trickier. I didn't share that with Rob. I tend to act rather matter of fact about things; the only thing I have said to him is that successful treatment of this illness is 99 per cent following the doctors orders precisely. If they say 2x a day 12 hours apart for the drops, that is what they mean. Since he isn't the greatest about remembering things, I tend to do the remembering for him. I hope for it being routine by the time he is on his own.
But in the dark of the night, before a pressure check, I always worry.
I always have his eyes in the back of my mind, I find. I am glad he didn't want to play baseball this year. Even though I think at one level it might have been good for him to push himself a bit, at another, he is right. There is a greater chance of getting nailed by a ball. A friend of mine has a son who played baseball and got hit in the face. There was some fairly serious injury to the orbital area. How that might play out when glaucoma is added to the mix might be trickier. I didn't share that with Rob. I tend to act rather matter of fact about things; the only thing I have said to him is that successful treatment of this illness is 99 per cent following the doctors orders precisely. If they say 2x a day 12 hours apart for the drops, that is what they mean. Since he isn't the greatest about remembering things, I tend to do the remembering for him. I hope for it being routine by the time he is on his own.
But in the dark of the night, before a pressure check, I always worry.
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