I did not watch the Oscars, and I do not tweet. So it took a bit of time for me to hear about the flap at this years event. To think that anyone would tweet anything so rude and crude about a 9 year old child staggers me. I was still heated about it when my wife got home from work last night. Literally, ranting about it, which if you knew me in real life, you would know is pretty unusual. I just don't go off very often.
But to me, it was a hugely race based situation. I can not picture that same comment being made if a 9 year old white actress was being tweeted about. As a parent, I hurt for that beautiful young girl. Today, ranting somewhat over, I think I am a teeny bit glad that it happened.
Not for the hurt that those words caused Ms. Wallis and her family. But because in the name of humor, someone sure showed America that racism is alive and well. This is important to us as parents of children of color. I have black friends who have said that one of the hard things nowadays is that many times racism is sneaky. The putdowns are less obvious, things are inferred as opposed to out-right said.
With a two term black president at the helm of our country, many white friends have told me that racism is dead in America. That we are truly a color blind society. Thanks Onion, for reminding all of us of the work yet to be done.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Let it Snow!
The snow has arrived. It is that heavy wet snow. I have a love/hate relationship with this kind of snow. It makes driving more treacherous in my opinion. BUT it is to me a harbinger of spring. Our true winter storms have lots of the dry fluffy stuff. When the water content is higher, spring and the maple sugar runs can't be too far off.
KC and I love to walk to the downtown Dunkin D*nuts when there is a storm. It is about a 1/4 of a mile each way but things are magical when the city is quiet. This time Lissa came with us. She did not find it quite so magical. Snow in her eyes. Snow in her boots. Skidding in slush grossed her out. Brown snow from the sand trucks grossed her out (as opposed to KC who thought it looked like when we put cinnamon in a baking mix) Ah me, the girl is going to be high maintenance.
They both enjoyed buying their bagels and coolatas though. I got a coffee and after about a 30 minute eating break we headed back. What a difference a half hour makes! Suddenly the city was alive with plows, shovellers and such. But it was fun, and with a little luck, maybe this is our last winter storm!
KC and I love to walk to the downtown Dunkin D*nuts when there is a storm. It is about a 1/4 of a mile each way but things are magical when the city is quiet. This time Lissa came with us. She did not find it quite so magical. Snow in her eyes. Snow in her boots. Skidding in slush grossed her out. Brown snow from the sand trucks grossed her out (as opposed to KC who thought it looked like when we put cinnamon in a baking mix) Ah me, the girl is going to be high maintenance.
They both enjoyed buying their bagels and coolatas though. I got a coffee and after about a 30 minute eating break we headed back. What a difference a half hour makes! Suddenly the city was alive with plows, shovellers and such. But it was fun, and with a little luck, maybe this is our last winter storm!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Maturing
You don't have to look far to find blogs where adoptive parents write of how difficult the onset of legal adulthood is for many adopted kids. So many choose to make separating from home a painful break--often though not always healed later.
I am hoping that we will have a more peaceful situation with Rob and frankly his actions and demeanor point to the positives. He is interested in a college in a nearby state that has a fine culinary program. I sent for info on the college today. He is still a year away from graduating but I am thinking that if we approach this gradually--Rob like most of my kids does not like change thrust upon him-- that things will be a bit easier for him.
As we drove to his girlfriends house today I asked him if he had thought about whether or not he wanted to commute to a college or if he wanted to live on campus. He had not thought about that and I could see a bit of the deer in the headlights look. I said that if he did go to the college he wanted info on, that it was close enough to commute if that was something he was interested in, and that he had lots of time to decide what he thought would work out best for him.
Though I did not say it to him, selfishly I sort of hope he wants to commute. But deep down, I want him to choose the path that will be best for him and help him grow in to the fine young man that I believe he can and will be.
I am hoping that we will have a more peaceful situation with Rob and frankly his actions and demeanor point to the positives. He is interested in a college in a nearby state that has a fine culinary program. I sent for info on the college today. He is still a year away from graduating but I am thinking that if we approach this gradually--Rob like most of my kids does not like change thrust upon him-- that things will be a bit easier for him.
As we drove to his girlfriends house today I asked him if he had thought about whether or not he wanted to commute to a college or if he wanted to live on campus. He had not thought about that and I could see a bit of the deer in the headlights look. I said that if he did go to the college he wanted info on, that it was close enough to commute if that was something he was interested in, and that he had lots of time to decide what he thought would work out best for him.
Though I did not say it to him, selfishly I sort of hope he wants to commute. But deep down, I want him to choose the path that will be best for him and help him grow in to the fine young man that I believe he can and will be.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Hives
KC had his last dose of amoxycillan last night. . . and woke up with hives this morning! Sheesh! Could we catch a break here? Actually, I feel silly complaining about something that was fixed with a couple doses of liquid antihistimines.
A friend of ours, age 35 had a double mastectomy today. She has had a successful series of chemotherapy treatments, though the toll that type of "healing" has taken on her body and spirit has been huge. After the recovery from surgery, she faces radiation.
In the grand scheme of things, hives are pretty easy.
We are also looking at another round of wintry weather this weekend. If anyone sees the weather predicting ground hog, they should play "whack a mole" on him. Clearly his prognostication skills are weak to say the least. But in between the wintry weather I will take the younger kids bowling, the teen to his girlfriends, get the shopping, laundry, banking and postal duties done. And (cue scary music) start the taxes.
A friend of ours, age 35 had a double mastectomy today. She has had a successful series of chemotherapy treatments, though the toll that type of "healing" has taken on her body and spirit has been huge. After the recovery from surgery, she faces radiation.
In the grand scheme of things, hives are pretty easy.
We are also looking at another round of wintry weather this weekend. If anyone sees the weather predicting ground hog, they should play "whack a mole" on him. Clearly his prognostication skills are weak to say the least. But in between the wintry weather I will take the younger kids bowling, the teen to his girlfriends, get the shopping, laundry, banking and postal duties done. And (cue scary music) start the taxes.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Scrap Book Duty
Right now, I have had evenings freer than usual. Our piece work job is on hiatus till March some time. I have spent the evenings getting the kids scrap books caught up. They were only at July of last year. Yes, I know. I am hanging my head in shame. I really hate when this gets away from me. It is important to them to be able to page through and have memories rekindled. So I have caught them all up AND they look great. I don't just have 2012 done people, I have done right up through our trip into Disney on Ice this past Monday.
Trumpets sound! Angels are singing. OK, really all I am doing is bragging. But aside from the bragging, I love listening to the kids chatter as they look through the pages. There are more differences between the books as they have gotten older. Rob's has a page devoted to he and his girlfriend T. KC's has more of a dance focus. Lissa has some unique facets as well. The cool thing though is that despite the differences there is the thread of commonality and family that run through all the books. It affirms what we strive for--strong roots, and wings to spread and try experiences that speak to each of their spirits.
Trumpets sound! Angels are singing. OK, really all I am doing is bragging. But aside from the bragging, I love listening to the kids chatter as they look through the pages. There are more differences between the books as they have gotten older. Rob's has a page devoted to he and his girlfriend T. KC's has more of a dance focus. Lissa has some unique facets as well. The cool thing though is that despite the differences there is the thread of commonality and family that run through all the books. It affirms what we strive for--strong roots, and wings to spread and try experiences that speak to each of their spirits.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Sharing Histories
Fiona called last night and we had a good talk. She wanted to know if KC and Lissa ever asked about their birth mothers. I said that KC had been searching for Y, his first mother, and that we had sent a letter to her but unfortunately thus far heard nothing back. This is a similar situation to what Fiona has experienced with her birth mother and right now I am gleaning that Fiona is feeling very low about Mama J and her lack of response..
Jane said that they could try again and reach out to Mama J but that sometimes when people feel a lot of strong emotions about choices that may not have been the best, it is hard for them to get past them and start over. Especially if they feel guilty or ashamed about a choice they made for or about their child.
I told Fi that KC was having a lot of trouble with the fact that Mama Y has not responded and that if it was OK with her, he might like knowing that he could talk to her about that.I explained that although I have always told all the kids I will help them connect with first families in any way I can (that is safe) I know that there are times when talking about the feelings of abandonment and adoption with me is not what they need. They need someone who can say with honesty "I get it; I feel that way too sometimes."I can say other supportive things. And I have the great disappearing dad in my life that gives me a sense of some of what my kids feel and I think lends credibilty for me with some of those tough conversations.
Jane was very supportive of the idea, and is also willing to be a resource and facilitate if the need arises. She sees as I do, that this is a place where Fiona gets to be the big sister in a really supportive fashion. And they both get to emotionally be there for each other. I don't think adoption pain is diminished by sharing it, but I do think as people we draw strength from being able to share our stories and from hearing the stories of others.
Interestingly my mom and I are somewhat at polar opposites on this issue. I think she is afraid that KC's search and yearning is going to prevent him from feeling all the love that we as a family have for him, as we do for all the kids. I may be Pollyanna again, but I don't see that as a problem. I think he loves us very very much and knows that he is loved. That knowledge doesn't negate the questions, the yearning and the pain. But I am having a hard time explaining that via email to a very doting gramma!
Jane said that they could try again and reach out to Mama J but that sometimes when people feel a lot of strong emotions about choices that may not have been the best, it is hard for them to get past them and start over. Especially if they feel guilty or ashamed about a choice they made for or about their child.
I told Fi that KC was having a lot of trouble with the fact that Mama Y has not responded and that if it was OK with her, he might like knowing that he could talk to her about that.I explained that although I have always told all the kids I will help them connect with first families in any way I can (that is safe) I know that there are times when talking about the feelings of abandonment and adoption with me is not what they need. They need someone who can say with honesty "I get it; I feel that way too sometimes."I can say other supportive things. And I have the great disappearing dad in my life that gives me a sense of some of what my kids feel and I think lends credibilty for me with some of those tough conversations.
Jane was very supportive of the idea, and is also willing to be a resource and facilitate if the need arises. She sees as I do, that this is a place where Fiona gets to be the big sister in a really supportive fashion. And they both get to emotionally be there for each other. I don't think adoption pain is diminished by sharing it, but I do think as people we draw strength from being able to share our stories and from hearing the stories of others.
Interestingly my mom and I are somewhat at polar opposites on this issue. I think she is afraid that KC's search and yearning is going to prevent him from feeling all the love that we as a family have for him, as we do for all the kids. I may be Pollyanna again, but I don't see that as a problem. I think he loves us very very much and knows that he is loved. That knowledge doesn't negate the questions, the yearning and the pain. But I am having a hard time explaining that via email to a very doting gramma!
Monday, February 18, 2013
A Disney kind of Day!
Today the kids and I trained in to the Big City to meet Fiona and Jane and see a performance of Disney on Ice. Thankfully KC and Lissa were both well enough to go. KC still has a really bad cough but is not contagious if indeed he had strep. I am now sort of having doubts about that as the rest of this is all acting really viral. But; I am not a doctor and don't even play one on TV. :-) Lissa had no temp this a.m. or at any point in the day so she was a shoe in to go.
Fiona was so excited. This is an event she has wanted to do with us and it was not possible to do it when she wanted to in November. It was important to me that we accomplish it, for a number of reasons. First off, she had shared a desire for something and I think one of our roles in families is to try and support such things and help them happen when possible. Secondly, it was a chance to show her that saying "not right now" is NOT the same as 'No, never uh uh, no way." When I told her not right now, she heard the latter and it was pretty ugly. Today after the show I reminded her of our conversation of November and we had a pretty good conversation on waiting, and keeping ones word etc.
The show was fantastic. I am a kid at heart so I was as captivated as anyone with the lights, the skating and the music. It was too cool. The prices on souveniers however was insane. I gave each of the 3 kids that are at home with me the opportunity to bring money from their bank accounts. they each brought $20.00 I explained that anything they wanted at the show would come from that $20.00 Rob didn't want anything, so he came home with his. I think he wanted extra money for his trip with the teens tomorrow. Lissa spent her entire $20.00 on a slushy in a commemorative cup and a bag of cotton candy with a foam commemorative hat. KC spent only $12.00 of his money on a commemorative statue of Mickey the Mouse for his bedroom shelf. I bought Fiona her commemorative program which came to $20.00 and also came with a rose. She had no spending money (due in large part to the fact that she is still paying restitution for the damages she caused to the schools entertainment system in December) I understand the need for restitution, but I also feel that she probably doesn't remember much about the event or frame it intellectually in a context that makes rational sense. At any rate, I would never have all my kids but one get spending money so she had the same.
After the show, we hung out at the venue which is also where we wait to take our train home from the city. It is a large station that the kids and I know well and the kids enjoyed showing Jane and Fi all around. The best eateries, where the bathrooms are, where you get your subway pass or commuter ticket etc. We told her about the silly game we play of guessing which track our train will leave from and some of our other little odd habits. It is good as now she will have a better mental picture of what we are doing when we leave after a visit.
Tomorrow is back to the work world for me. Tonight, Rob is at a friends and tomorrow he goes to the Big City again with a group of friends from church. Spreading his wings, standing at the edge of the nest, my Rob!
Fiona was so excited. This is an event she has wanted to do with us and it was not possible to do it when she wanted to in November. It was important to me that we accomplish it, for a number of reasons. First off, she had shared a desire for something and I think one of our roles in families is to try and support such things and help them happen when possible. Secondly, it was a chance to show her that saying "not right now" is NOT the same as 'No, never uh uh, no way." When I told her not right now, she heard the latter and it was pretty ugly. Today after the show I reminded her of our conversation of November and we had a pretty good conversation on waiting, and keeping ones word etc.
The show was fantastic. I am a kid at heart so I was as captivated as anyone with the lights, the skating and the music. It was too cool. The prices on souveniers however was insane. I gave each of the 3 kids that are at home with me the opportunity to bring money from their bank accounts. they each brought $20.00 I explained that anything they wanted at the show would come from that $20.00 Rob didn't want anything, so he came home with his. I think he wanted extra money for his trip with the teens tomorrow. Lissa spent her entire $20.00 on a slushy in a commemorative cup and a bag of cotton candy with a foam commemorative hat. KC spent only $12.00 of his money on a commemorative statue of Mickey the Mouse for his bedroom shelf. I bought Fiona her commemorative program which came to $20.00 and also came with a rose. She had no spending money (due in large part to the fact that she is still paying restitution for the damages she caused to the schools entertainment system in December) I understand the need for restitution, but I also feel that she probably doesn't remember much about the event or frame it intellectually in a context that makes rational sense. At any rate, I would never have all my kids but one get spending money so she had the same.
After the show, we hung out at the venue which is also where we wait to take our train home from the city. It is a large station that the kids and I know well and the kids enjoyed showing Jane and Fi all around. The best eateries, where the bathrooms are, where you get your subway pass or commuter ticket etc. We told her about the silly game we play of guessing which track our train will leave from and some of our other little odd habits. It is good as now she will have a better mental picture of what we are doing when we leave after a visit.
Tomorrow is back to the work world for me. Tonight, Rob is at a friends and tomorrow he goes to the Big City again with a group of friends from church. Spreading his wings, standing at the edge of the nest, my Rob!
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