Youth Group Sunday

 It happens.  It sneaks up on us.  One night we are rocking our babies.  The next, they are on the cusp of "grown." That's where KC is now.  And I am so.not.ready.  This was hard with Rob too.  But Rob wanted to live at home and train in to school.  KC has an interest (dance and film) that make that not the best choice.  He has opted for a gap year to spend time sorting this out and will likely be applying to Hampshire College in the western part of our state next year.  It looks like it could be fabulous.  He tours the end of next month.  

In the day to day living, I lose track of how close to grown he is.  His shoes still clutter the entry way.  He still has to be reminded to do things like hang up clothes or do the wash.  Yet there is so much that shows how much he has grown and hints at the amazing young man he is becoming.  

Today was one such day.  Yearly our church Youth Group does a Sunday service.  They craft the service themselves and put on the whole thing.  It is their vision, their words, their day.  This year the group had trouble pulling a service together.  They decided on a theme but covid protocols threw meetings back on zoom right when they typically do this prep.  With zoom fatigue at an all time high, it was hard to pull people in.

KC did though.  He organized most of the service, playing to the individual strengths of the youth group members.  He got them to agree to dancing a prelude down the aisle of the church. (thankfully the surge passed and protocols allowed for masked gatherings) He taught them a dance that had everyone in the pews standing and clapping along.  There were fabulous readings, reflections written and shared by the graduating seniors, one of whom was my son.  He not only wrote something, which was read thoughtfully and powerfully, but he wrote an original dance and did that as part of it.

I was blown away at so many levels.  The dance was amazing.  But if you zoom in you will see that he is wearing a necklace with a ring on it.  I didn't notice it at first, caught up in the movement of the dance.  But there was a place where he stopped and held the ring and looked up.  And then I saw it.  It is his Grampa Ken's wedding ring, gifted to him when he was very young by my mom when Ken passed.   Ken was a minister in our faith.  He would have been so very proud of his grandson and what he shared and the young man he is becoming.

I am not ready, but I need to do the work to get ready, because KC is.  And I want to watch him stretch, and soar, and reach for all that he envisions.  

Fly Like an Eagle!

 This morning bright and early we helped Rob bring the last of his big belongings to his new apartment in the city.  I got to meet his roommate C who seems like a nice fellow and helped him carry in his dresser.  The room mate pitched in with the mattress and Rob grabbed the drawers.  It was done before i knew it and suddenly I was hugging my son on the sidewalk and driving away.

He is, as most young people are equal parts ready and not ready.  He is eager I am sure for the autonomy of living on his own and not having to worry about the needs of other family members around him.  We are a big family and so there are bathroom logistics and since I like to know that everyone is safe at  night I request that he let me know when he'll be home. I don't care where he is, i just don't want to wake up in the morning and find out he never arrived home.  In his own place, I can just pretend he is tucked in safe at midnight and call it a day. LOL

He has been moving things over most of the week, but there are a few smallish things left to do.  He does not want to stop his mail coming here and he wants to come home for Sunday dinners.  He is a funny kid in that to me, you NEVER need a reason to stop over here.  But I think by making those 2 commitments he feels he has a reason to come and that makes it okay for him.

But I know he is nervous too.  Years ago, when Rob first came home to us we had a wonderful cat named Wally.  Wally was the most unusual feline.  He was not noisy because his previous owner was deaf, so he had a whole different way to communicating.  He was big and strong and very affectionate.  Rob had a lot of night terrors in those days.  Wally helped comfort him.  And when we read The Kings Stilts at bedtime, Rob decided that Wally was a "patrol cat" like in the story.  And for years, Wally patrolled and Rob felt safer.  Sadly, Wally developed cancer and passed.  We had him cremated and brought his ashes home intending to have a burial ceremony in our back yard.

I thought that was important to give Rob closure on the loss. But he never wanted to bury Wally.  The lovely wooden box has stayed in our house all these years and he has never actually been ready to bury him.  He has with other pets, but not Wally.

Yesterday as he gathered kitchen implements and other items, he asked my wife if he could bring Wally with him.  Of course she said yes.  So the patrol cat is still on duty.

As we drove to the city a bald eagle flew over our car.  I take that as a sign that my boy is really ready to spread his wings.  We have given him the foundation, and the love and the drive to make whatever his dreams are become reality. But I am still weepy and emo as all get out.  Many parents ease into this because their kids go away to college. Rob commuted so this all feels equal parts raw and right.