The Revolution will not be danced!

 That was the title of the dance piece that my son choreographed taught to 11 other dancers and performed himself at college.  At  almost 12 minutes it was the  longest piece in the evening performances. They had asked that he shorten it to 10 minutes.  He refused and said that if he had to shorten it he might as well not perform it.  They looked at the outline of the piece and let him keep it at that.  The piece is about racial injustice and is very emotionally hard hitting--especially for a mom watching her son portray himself from the afterlife after being a victim of racial brutality.  Luckily, I knew what the theme of the piece was and what he was trying to get across.

What I did not expect was the maturity of what he created.  It's not just a proud momma here.  It was the best piece that night.  Both nights his was the piece that got a standing ovation.  His narrative was clear, the choreography was excellent as was his use of the stage.  He trained his dancers well--and boy his dancing has also reached new levels. He had mixed his own music, chosen the cues for the lighting tech team, and helped his team of dancers build props.   Is it weird to cry tears of joy while also knowing part of the tears are from the fear that I feel for all my kids when they are out in the world and I am not there with them?

His local dance teacher who started him on this journey at age 5 came to see it as did 4 other people from our city dance school.  My wife and I and his sister were there.  On the previous night good friends from church drove out to see it. 

He has been told by several instructors that he should enter the piece in several festivals that are upcoming.  He is thinking he may indeed do that. Today when I drove him back to school after a short home visit, he said that he has always known he wanted dance to be his career but wasn't sure what that could look like.  Now, at this moment, he said he wants to be a "dance storyteller."  I can see that in a lot of different scenarios.  For instance, working with kids and helping them dance out their traumas.  Creating dance stories for different life situations, dancing out news stories for social justice programs.  It could literally be anything, and of course right now, he does not have to pin that down.

He has been asked to teach a hip hop workshop this month at college for the dance club that is on campus. He has been hired to dance in another students division three project, truly he is growing so fast as a person and an artist that it is hard to keep up with it all. Our home schooler is thriving there.

Easter is the end of the month and while for our house hold that is not a religious holiday in the way it is for my Christian friends, we honor the rebirth of life and the onset of spring. I asked him to invite home any friends who might want to come for dinner.  So far we will have 5 friends plus the 6 of us plus my mom.  I am thinking a buffet style meal and have asked him to find out people's favorite foods so we can be sure that there is at least one thing everyone likes available to them!

Back to College!

 Bags are packed.  Laundry is done.  Lists are made and banking's done.  Tomorrow when I get home from work the house will be quieter.  It will be cleaner.  It will be emptier.  KC returns to college tomorrow morning.  I am excited for him.  This really is such a great fit for him. He has a great circle of friends. He has been able to focus on his dance in a way that no other college he toured would have been able to accommodate.  He goes back to school ready to work with 13 dancers that he has gathered to dance a 13 minute piece that he has choreographed and will also be dancing.  It is part of a dance program the end of February.  To hear him take calls with a lighting person, and discuss his needs and expectations so knowledgably is amazing.  Every time I see him, he has grown so much, as a man and as an artist.  I can't wait to watch his production.  I glowed with pride reading his evaluations from his professors.  It was wonderful to know that these people see the man I see.  The talent, the sensitivity, and the committment to art, and to social justice.  

His break has had lots of good things.  Time for him to eat lots of his favorite home cooked meals. Time for him to reconnect with friends here and to work at the store saving money for the next tuition.  Time to be part of our family holiday traditions and to go to the Big City to see a concert with his sister, a friend and me.  He passed his drivers exam and is a fully licensed driver. He visited my mom (his nana) twice and had long talks with her.  He visited his "home" dance studio and danced with them at local nursing homes bringing some joy to local seniors.  In fact he got so invested in talking to the seniors after the show that he is missing from the group photo of the dancers.  But that is KC in a nutshell, someone who more often than not works at bringing smiles and joy to others.

So it's all good, and I am only selfishly mourning the fact that he leaves tomorrow.  This is right and he is ready. As soon as I get over this crud that keeps me barking like a seal, I'll jump back into my workouts and my own dance class and I will find things to occupy my time.  I am always a little down in the dumps this time of year.  The unremitting cold wears on my spirit and my body, but the wheel will turn.  We are getting more daylight hours now than we had in November.  Spring will be here before I know it and he will be home and we will be celebrating his birthday with a trip to the Big Apple to see The Wiz!

This was the  one and only picture I got of the kids at the concert a couple weeks ago.  

Christmas break is ending

 KC has been home since the middle of December.  It has been such a joy to have him here again.  The house is louder when he is here. It is messier when he is here. But it is filled with laughter also.  He's had friends over and gone to other friends homes.  He has worked a lot of hours at the grocery store, saving diligently for college tuition bills. He has eaten favorite foods and shared stories about school. We have watched shows together and he, Elisabeth, their friend J and I went into Boston to attend a concert together.  He finished driving school and passed his RMV test.  It's been a break filled with fun, work and good memories.

He's starting to pack now as he leaves next Monday to go back to school.  His bedroom is starting to show signs of the pending departure and will soon be a lot emptier.  It's hard when he leaves.  Every one of my kids has their own place in my heart and the void when he is not physically present is pretty large.  After a few weeks I get used to it, but it takes a while. It was like that when Rob left too.

He's ready for the return. I can sense it.  In some ways, our city is too small for him right now.  He is eager for those new classes and dance experiences.  He has been working on the choreography for the piece he is creating for a winter show at the school.  It will be performed in February and he has 13 dancers that he is working with for this piece.  He had a phone conversation with the people who will do his lighting while he was home on break.  It is exciting to see him grow, stretch, and reach new heights in an art that means so very much to him.

Friends and Family Performance

 Last night we drove out to the college KC is attending.  It is friends and family weekend there.  Lots of families are spending the weekend with their college student. We only went last night because our guy would not have been able to spend any time with us.  He was performing in a project called SEEP which was a dance program that was envisioned, choreographed, learned and performed in the same day.  They started work at 10 a,m. and performed at 7:30  

I waited eagerly for him to appear on the studio floor with the two other members of his trio.  As always, he is so compelling to watch when he is dancing.  His role was the ocean and his moves were so fluid.  But I am a mom.  Yes, I was also a dancer, but I always wonder if I am looking through the lens of love and it is biased.

After the performance he was introducing us to his friends who had come to watch him perform as well.  A woman who was unknown to us came up and wanted to speak with KC.  She asked what division he was.  He explained he was Div 1 (how they indicate first year students.)  She was visibly shocked.  She said she was a Div 3 and was putting together an entire show and wanted him in it.  She asked about the styles of dance he is familiar with and he told her what he has studied. She asked if he could dance house.

My son who was once so afraid to step on stage at recital confidently said, "I can learn."  They exchanged contact information for a deeper discussion to be had later.  It was everything that i hoped college would offer him.  He's well known as a dancer in our city, but our city is not exactly a cultural hub.  To be able to shine in a bigger pond and to be willing to take risks makes me so happy for him.

Last Weekend before the college drop off!

 

It was a busy weekend.  The days and hours are fleeing quickly until that guy on the right gets dropped at college on Thursday.  I'm smiling but I am sort of a wreck.  So excited for him, so knowing how very very much I'll be missing him.  I'll miss calling out to him, hey look at the sunset.  I'll miss him calling out to me to come see the moon. But he needs this.

Sunday we drove two hours west of our city so that he and Elisabeth could take a hip hop class at Jacob's Pillow.  This is a cool experience because the participants are studying with instructors from companies that are touring.  This was a class led by Compangnie Kafig and it was extremely cool.  Both of my kids liked it (and rocked it!) The class was supposed to be an hour but ran 90 minutes.  This is them afterwards with the two instructors.  A fun side note, this pic is from Elisabeth's phone. She initiated them taking the picture!  A sure sign that she also enjoyed herself.

I did not get to see much of the class as this one was held in one of the Pillow's indoor spaces. The last time we went they were on an outdoor stage and I could observe the whole class.  I did get to peek in at the end though and it was so cool to watch.  KC is so fluid and just lights up when he dances, and Elisabeth was having a great time as well. 

I also have been overwhelmed with the kindness shown to KC as he readies himself.  A customer where he works gave him a brand new dorm fridge.  As in, still in the box!  A co worker gave him a brand new microwave. It is clear he is loved by many.  I have always said there can never be too many people loving your kids.  In today's turbulent times that is ever more true.  May he meet many more of those people in this next chapter of his life.

Count down to college

 

It is exactly a month tomorrow.  30 days until we drive this handsome man to his college, help load up his room, participate in the parent orientation. . .  and drive away.  This is HARD folks!  The gap year has flown by.  I am thrilled that he has been accepted at a learning institution where he can follow his duel passions of dance and film.  He lights up a stage.  He has such passion for what he does.

But the hole in our home life will be immense. He is the guy who always asks how my day was.  Who hugs me every night.  Who checks in often in so many random little ways.  The house will be cleaner.  The shoe rack will be tidy.  There won't be dishes (or not so many!) in weird places. But I won't hear show tunes belted from the bathroom, or come upon him counting out choreography in the dining room. Or having him run in and tell me to come look at the moonrise or a special sunset.

It feels like not at all long ago that he was always cuddled up with me, reading stories or singing.  Watching Kipper on TV. Taking nightly walks to the park. He has of all my kids, been slowest to step out on his own but now, he is ready.

This is all what should happen.  He is ready to fly and I want him to soar. But I suspect I will also spend this last month spontaneously crying at odd random times. Send kleenex.

More College Ramblings

 Yesterday we toured KC's top  choice school in Western Mass.  It is a very different college from what I am used to with two living buildings on campus, which is highly unusual.  What is a living building ?  Click the link for a more concise explanation than I could give!  Obviously there is a strong environmental focus at the college, but there is equally a passionate social justice program and a thriving arts program which seems a wonderful fit for KC.  The college is part of a 5 college consortium and he would be able to take classes at all colleges without extra tuition.  Dorm rooms are singles and that too is something that will help make his transition easier I think.  He is a guy who needs his space. He also needs sleep and if he was paired with someone who had different needs/schedules he would struggle.

He has all ready been accepted and offered a really great 4 year scholarship from the college.  But after we toured we were told he is being considered for a greater award which we won't know about till probably early April.  He still wants to tour the third choice college in 2 weeks but I am pretty sure he will accept this school's offer and be very happy there. His friend goes there and was able to meet up with us and join us on the tour and talked afterward about what his experience has been like this first year.  Those were helpful insights.

Endings and Beginnings

 It's been busy here.  A bit of reno but most of the busy has been my mom and my youngest son KC.  It's a story of endings and beginnings.  Mom is 90 and has lived two states away from us for more than 25 years.  Til recently it has not been a problem.  But as she ages it has become more of a concern to me. She lives on a second floor and has to also go to the basement down some very sketchy steps to do laundry.  If she needs help she is 2.5 hours from us. During Covid lock down we could not travel to her.  I began to realize that this was a situation that should change.  She did too, but it is hard for her.  

She has lived in this apartment for 20 or so years.  It holds memories and lots  of stuff.  Not in a hoarding way, but more than she needs and can realistically care for. It is a two bedroom so she has a room that is just a study with two desks and file cabinets.  Again, more than she needs but that is hard to say to someone.

About 8 months ago she did agree to apply at the high rise where I work.  Her name came up more quickly than anticipated and it looks like she will move in this month.  The process has produced some excitement for her---the idea of being close to the grandkids and my wife and I,the prospect of attending church with me have been happy thoughts for her.  The idea of an elevator so she does not have to do stairs has been a plus.  But there are also things that produce anxiety.  The very act of moving and realizing that all she owns will.not.fit.  She will be moving to a lovely one bedroom apartment.  There is a great view of a pond and she is close to two city parks and will be able to enjoy nature which is great.  But again, a one bedroom unit.  To try and alleviate the stress I have rented a storage unit.  We will store things she is unsure about and/or which don't fit in the new apartment there.  She can "audition" some of her furniture by doing this.  For instance the woman has two kitchen tables.  One she presently keeps in the front hall of the apartment building. She can't do that in the new place.  She can try one of them in the apartment and we will store the other one.  If she doesn't like the first one, we will swap them.  The one that ultimately is not chosen we can donate or put on marketplace.  It will be the same with the two desks, and other items that she feels unable to decide about.  This has helped calm her a bit.

She is realizing that she does not want to drive in a new city and is considering giving up her car.  At 90 I think that is a good thing.  She is close enough when she moved that I was planning on taking her shopping anyway.  She is grieving the loss of what she once had--the ability to walk at the oceans edge, gatherings with work and church friends ---many who have passed on now or who are less capable than she is.  It is good for her to move but also so hard.  It is a reminder that the wheel of life keeps turning and time on this plane is finite.  It is hard for me too, as she is obviously less capable these days and not the Mom or Nana of years past.

But this is also a season of beginnings.  KC has applied at three colleges.  His intent is to major in dance and minor in film.  He has been accepted all ready at two of the three.  His top choice school, which also offers an amazing financial award toward his tuition and his third choice school which offers a modest award toward tuition.  He has not heard from the second choice but interviews with them this week.  My gut is that he will go with the top choice school but he wants to tour all three and make his decision from that.  All the schools are in our state and within 90 minutes of our home.  He knows he does not want to be further than that from home as family is his touchstone in a very deep way.  February is not only a time of moving Mom to a new apartment but also filled with weekends of the college tours.  

I am so excited for him.  This is his dream and he is chasing it with vigor and purpose.  It is also hard.  Hard to imagine him not in the house every night.  Or here when I get home from work, asking how my day was.  Or dropping him off at dance.  He is so intensely woven into the fabric of family life, that this will be a big adjustment for us all here as well.  This is absolutely what every parent wants for their child, but oh I am still going to be crying into my pillow when he leaves.

Recital 2022!

 Yesterday was recital.  And prom.  A double header of emotional exhaustion and fun for our family.  This guy in the center played Aladdin in the recital production which is both theater and dance.  To say he shone would be an understatement. Yes, I am biased.  But he is so good at this.  It leaves me with my jaw hanging down.  The combination of theater and the dance.  It is so fun to watch and so so good.  This was a big year.  The school almost closed; a combination of the pandemic and a tragedy in the owners life.  But the love that KC and his class have for her was a big part of what made her hold on and try to rebuild.  They would literally do anything for her. He has danced there since he was 5 and he is now 18.  He dances all disciplines.  He taught a boys hip hop class-a first for the school.  He choreographed two duets for himself, one with the young woman who plays Jasmine and one with the young woman who played the genie.  They were fabulous and showed a lot of maturity in his craft.  The lovely young lady to the left in this shot is his sister Elisabeth. She too, has grown so much in her dance abilities this year. 

From the high of the performance it was home to scramble around and get ready for senior prom. Most readers know that we are homeschoolers.  Homeschoolers constantly get the question "but how do you socialize."  Well, fear not!  This guy was taken to prom by not one but TWO lovely young ladies.  I am not posting their picture as I don't have the ladies's permission but they looked amazing.  One wore white, one work black and KC wore both!  They have been friends for years and had a wonderful night together.  More dancing and he was exhausted when he got home.  

Today is a Youth Group party to say farewell to an Indonesian exchange student who has been part of the group this year.  To say this was an emotion packed weekend would be an understatement!

Youth Group Sunday

 It happens.  It sneaks up on us.  One night we are rocking our babies.  The next, they are on the cusp of "grown." That's where KC is now.  And I am so.not.ready.  This was hard with Rob too.  But Rob wanted to live at home and train in to school.  KC has an interest (dance and film) that make that not the best choice.  He has opted for a gap year to spend time sorting this out and will likely be applying to Hampshire College in the western part of our state next year.  It looks like it could be fabulous.  He tours the end of next month.  

In the day to day living, I lose track of how close to grown he is.  His shoes still clutter the entry way.  He still has to be reminded to do things like hang up clothes or do the wash.  Yet there is so much that shows how much he has grown and hints at the amazing young man he is becoming.  

Today was one such day.  Yearly our church Youth Group does a Sunday service.  They craft the service themselves and put on the whole thing.  It is their vision, their words, their day.  This year the group had trouble pulling a service together.  They decided on a theme but covid protocols threw meetings back on zoom right when they typically do this prep.  With zoom fatigue at an all time high, it was hard to pull people in.

KC did though.  He organized most of the service, playing to the individual strengths of the youth group members.  He got them to agree to dancing a prelude down the aisle of the church. (thankfully the surge passed and protocols allowed for masked gatherings) He taught them a dance that had everyone in the pews standing and clapping along.  There were fabulous readings, reflections written and shared by the graduating seniors, one of whom was my son.  He not only wrote something, which was read thoughtfully and powerfully, but he wrote an original dance and did that as part of it.

I was blown away at so many levels.  The dance was amazing.  But if you zoom in you will see that he is wearing a necklace with a ring on it.  I didn't notice it at first, caught up in the movement of the dance.  But there was a place where he stopped and held the ring and looked up.  And then I saw it.  It is his Grampa Ken's wedding ring, gifted to him when he was very young by my mom when Ken passed.   Ken was a minister in our faith.  He would have been so very proud of his grandson and what he shared and the young man he is becoming.

I am not ready, but I need to do the work to get ready, because KC is.  And I want to watch him stretch, and soar, and reach for all that he envisions.  

KC is nearly 16

This guy is almost 16 and the party planning has had to be severely adapted.  This was the year he was going to have the "big friend party"  Either a restaurant gathering or a big gathering in the back yard with a lot of catered food, a bonfire and musical theater karaoke.  Except of course, we can't  He is good about the family birthday party and we will find ways to make his day feel special and for him to be enfolded in our love.

What is tearing him up though is the lack of dance.  This picture was from last years recital. It was his lyrical dance which was one of my favorites.  This year I don't even know if there will be  a recital, and this year he earned the lead in the production. Costumes were chosen and purchased.  It is a disaster.  Is it as bad as being hospitalized with Covid?  Of course not, and I am grateful beyond measure that thus far we all remain healthy as do my extended family.

But it is huge for him and for all the other dancers.  For KC this is literally what he wants to do for his career.  And at the moment everything that has meaning to him is on pause.  16 is a hard time to press pause.  Your life is just launching in so many ways. We await a newsletter from the dance school that will let us know the direction that they are taking with regard to recital.  I have my fingers crossed but I know he is very worried.

K and I asked him to choreograph short dances for he and his sister and perform them for us last night.  He complained.  Not much room to dance (true) But mostly I think it was the depression.  We insisted and they did the dances last night and I could see how much it lifted his spirit.  He becomes one with the music when he dances and all his feelings just poured out.

Today, shopping with a mask on and maintaining social distance I found myself silently invoking the goddess for our families continued safety.  I do believe we will come out of this okay--I am an optimist by nature.  But the worry is there.  Such is life in the time of Covid.

Of Change and Covid-19

Life is different these days.  I never fully realized just how busy and involved our family is--how wide and rich our circle is, until it suddenly shrank. And shrank. And shrank some more.  Our church has made the difficult decision to suspend in person services and Religious Exploration classes.  We are utilizing technology to meet via zoom and remain connected.  It is of help, but we are all aware that it is not the same and that all may not participate in that manner.  My daughter Elisabeth's Coming of Age program is suspended until they can safely resume meetings and make their field trip to the Big City, have their retreat and the other important components that make up the Coming of Age year.  My kids dance school has closed for at least one week.  It is unclear whether the recital date will change and how this will impact practices for the lead characters in their production of Beauty and the Beast.  This is definately not how he expected his first year having a lead to unfold. 

My job is expected to continue in a rather unique fashion where we will report to work and work with the doors locked, interacting with tenants and prospective residents by phone and email and fax only.  I have yet to figure out how this translates to lease signings and the federal paperwork that make up my day but we will figure this out.

Schools are closed which also means that my daughters Scout troop is not meeting until some undetermined date. Her encampment event in April with the Scouts is also cancelled.  I had a gathering planned at a friends house to learn about a product she sells.  This has been postponed and she is posting info on line.  Our annual trip to Maine to the maple sugar festival has been cancelled.

I have told the kids that this is going to be our Walden time.  A time to hunker down and spend time as a family.  We will have time for reading and board games, family walks and movie nights.  Our pantry is well stocked--my legacy of food insecurity when I first moved out on my own translated to me always wanting a healthy pantry.  I may have a bit less than optimum papergoods, but we will not go hungry. There are all the staples and I love to cook so I have no worries in that regard.

There are things we can not plan for but we will trust that with perserverance, common sense and yankee ingenuity that we will all be fine and come through this.  May you all be safe and find solace in the love of family in these new and differant times.

KC decorates!

KC has been working hard on the decor for his room.  It has honestly been a couple years now that he was mulling over color palettes and styles. Creating pinterest boards and wish lists on A*mazon.  He informed me that his room would have a feel of Broadway with his personality shining through.  he was right.   He chose a deep gray, nearly black, for the bottom half of the walls. This is actually old panelling.  The top 1/2 of the walls he chose an off white with a touch of creamy yellow. Actually maybe only a hint of yellow.  It is not a combination I would have chosen because I like really intense colors, but it is really stunning.  He has a two windows and an open doorway which have burgundy black out curtains. 

So the wall repairs have been done. The ceiling repairs done. The paint applied.  And KC has begun to purchase the items that will help make the space most truly his.  He chose some floating shelves and this engendered a great deal of conversation.  Our upper walls are all lathe and plaster so floating shelves don't have tons of support despite using mollys or toggle bolts.  However he was clear that nothing heavy would be on the shelves so we put them up.  I did not know exactly what he wanted to display.  KC is my guy who has always saved momentos from all manner of things.  Here is one shelf;
I asked him about the shelves.  He told me a story about them.  One is a tiny Wiggles car that was on his birthday cake for his wiggles birthday party.  I think he might have been 4 that year.  He has one of his Robeez baby shoes, his favorite bath toy from when he was tiny (a frog that squirted water) and his grandfather's compass.  In KC's words, it shows his progression from infancy to guiding him into his future.  Sheesh.  I didn't think about thinkgs like that for my room when I was 15 I assure you!

I don't have a picture yet of his second floating shelf but he devoted that one to his Coming of Age experience and church and his Youth Group experiences.  It too looks amazing.

Theater is a big part of his life.  He loves musical theater and while he has not starred in any yet, i expect at some point he may explore this. He has many friends in theater and he found this cool and inexpensive grid to hang playbills and favorite pictures:


Then he decided that he wanted pictures of his roles in the dance recitals.  He had a character role last year and will have one for the next 3 years so he found inexpensive frames at IKEA and created this:
                                            If you can't read the  wooden sign it says "I hope you dance" and he bought it on a mission trip last year.  The top left frame is filled all ready; it has his picture of his role as Don Lino in the school's recital.

There is more to come--he has ordered a rug in burgundy with gold accents.  He has also gotten a bookshelf that I'll write about some other time when I regale you all with our maiden voyage to the land of IKEA! For now I am just smiling at the fact that my son seems to know himself so well and has such a vision of what needs to be in his space to give him joy.

Jacob's Pillow

Anyone who reads my blog knows my kids dance.  KC is especially passionate about dance.  He wants to dance on Broadway, and have his own dance studio.  On July 4th instead of having our traditional BBQ we instead travelled to the western part of our state to a unique venue for dance.  Both kids were able to take a class from Kyle Marshall Choreography.  This was meaningful in a multitude of ways.

It is important for KC especially to get the experience of different teaching styles as he has been at the same school since he was 5.  The class was led by a black man which is also important.  I like my kids to see who they are reflected in the things they care about.  Most of the troupe were black, and although our local school is diverse, it is not as profoundly diverse as that.

The class was open to anyone 12 and older.  My two were definately the only ones under 18 and maybe under 20, but they held their own.  Elisabeth got a little swamped with the speed with which choreography was taught out but KC was definately in his element. 

And of course, I forgot to write about the experience because I woke with one of the worst migraines I have had in a long time and struggled through the day in sun glasses and eating next to nothing so as not to embarrass myself in public.  We stayed to watch the troupe perform after the class was over but bailed before the question and answer period because we had a longish drive back and by this time it was harder to hide how utterly miserable I was feeling.

The next day I "friended" the instructor on FB and send a private message just thanking him for the experience my kids had.  They literally talked about it all the way home and KC talked about it for days.  I expected nothing in response.  I just think that when cool things happen and your life is touched in a positive way it is nice to let folks know that happened. 

This morning when I opened FB there was a private message from the instructor, saying he remembered the kids and that they did well and he was glad they enjoyed it so much.  I showed it to them when I got home from work as during the summer they are still in bed when I go to work.  Both of them were excited all over again.  KC wants to do a summer intensive at the pillow, not next year but probably the year after.  It would mean living there for a month but would offer him a chance to see 15 performances in a variety of styles, take a vast amount of classes, perform there and peruse the dance archives which he desperately wants to see.

Sometimes I am still so shocked by his drive and the fact that he feels so keenly that this is what he was meant to do.  I didn't feel that way at 15.  Heck I didn't feel that way EVER until I became a parent.  That felt like the big thing I was supposed to do.  But career wise, I am still working toward my managership goal, but not with the passion that exudes from every pore of his being.  I admire the heck out of that!

 Picture is us setting out for the trek west!  Lipstick shades and ball cap to hide the fact that I look like the walking dead! LOL  The Pillow does not allow picture taking during performances or classes so I got none of the kids while they were rocking the outdoor stage. 

Recital's Done!

Recital 2019 is in the books!  This pic is actually from the Thursday night dress rehearsal.  KC is wearing his character costume.  He was Don Lino in Shark Tale and this was the first year that he auditioned for an acting role.  Elisabeth is wearing my favorite of her costumes in this picture.  She wore this for a tap number and it looked amazing!

There are lots of better pictures of my kids out there on the internet because lots of friends with mad camera skills took them. But they also have lots of other people's kids in them and it feels wrong to put that on my personal blog.  So you are stuck with this one folks!

But it really isn't about the pretty costumes anyway.  It is about how proud I am of the way these two have grown as people and dancers this year.  KC was dancing with the high school kids this year.  Much bigger expectations of him dance wise and maturity wise and he delivered in spades.  Dance is truly his passion and we are all ready experiencing the sadness of the 3 week nights that he won't be dancing.

Elisabeth also has made huge leaps in her dancing abilities.  More than that, she has deepened her friendships within the group of girls she dances with.  They all met for ice cream after the first show and it was great to see her take off with them.  My kids are social by nature but Elisabeth has had some of the "mean girls" experiences this year in other aspects of her life.  It could have caused her to isolate herself and for a while it looked like she was trying to do that. But dance and the friendships forged by years at the barre prevailed.

Both had at least 5 numbers they danced in--I kind of lost count after awhile honestly as with the acting bits added it, one or the other of them was always changing and heading to the wings.  I am grateful too that friends from all walks of their lives came to see them.  They had 8 friends and family watching on Saturday and 11 on Sunday.  The support meant everything to them.  Now, the costumes are packed away and suppers are more leisurely and life is very boring  calm!

KC is 15 Late Post

So my tech skills are still weak.  It is my youngest man-ling's 15th birthday today.  I can't quite wrap my head around this.  That middle pic?  Pretend it is the first one in the series.  That was probably when he was about 5 months old.  He was a preemie and so so tiny.  In that picture the newborn clothes were still big on him, but at least we had made it out of the doll clothes section!  I remember how utterly petrified we were bringing him home.  This young, precious life was entrusted to us and we.were.not.ready.  No one ever is.  I think you can read 50 billion books, take classes, read blogs, and baby sit your heart out, but it is not the same.  KC was not our first child, but he was our first infant and as such there were many firsts with parenting him that we had not experienced with the other kids.  Thank the goddess that he was an easy and forgiving baby!

The picture on the far right is of KC after dance recital last year.  Ever since he was 2 he has wanted to dance.  He would flit around the house waving my wives sparkly fabric bits and create shows in our front hall where he did his version of tap dancing.  It took till he was 4 to find a studio that was boy friendly and a non competition studio, but once we did, he has never left it.  He has added to his dance classes year by year, increasing in knowledge and ability. 

The first picture in the series.  That is KC today.  A strong 15 year old with goals, dreams and the drive to succeed.  He works part time at a local market. He helps teach at the dance school.  He volunteers in a classroom at church and helps at the library.  He is funny, loves word play, graceful, emotional and we are so very very blessed that he is our son.

I wanted this birthday to be special for him and in true J-E Team fashion it was special in ways we did NOT expect.  I had purchased tickets to Tap Dogs. They are a cool dance troupe he wanted to see.  They had medical issues and the night before our performance they cancelled.  Our tickets were refunded but they are not touring in our area the rest of the year.  KC took it with better grace than I did.  We've been sitting on these tix for about 2 1/2 months!  I was bursting with excitement for him.  He reminded me that such things happen with live performances, which is very mature and very true.

Then KC got sick.  Very sick.  Wound up on an antibiotic and missed a whole week of work and basically had the most low key birthday one could imagine.  He even had us cut the birthday pie he had requested without him blowing out the candles because he was coughing so much he was afraid of contaminating the rest of the family.

But for all that there were still presents and laughter, and even a birthday that went so far south from what was planned will be part of the memory montage for a son we love so dearly.

Dancing Along

Dance has resumed from winter break and not a moment too soon for my two impatient young dancers.  Most especially, KC misses the classes during any hiatus.  After a couple days of rest (literally) I hear "I miss dance so much."

Last night he came out of his ballet class literally on cloud 9. He felt he had made great strides on his tour jete, and chatted about it all the way home.  He also assists with teaching a class on Wednesdays and was telling me all about how well his students were doing and how they were nearly ready for the winter show.  He was glowing with pride as he told me and I am so filled with gratitude that he has this opportunity.  Not just the opportunity to grow in his dancing skills but the chance to learn how to share that passion with others and inspire them.

Stepping forward

This guy here?  The one with the two legs, not the four.  It seems like not long ago that he was so little, so anxious about the wider world.  I remember that despite his love of dance, he would tremble back stage, clutching my hand, nearly breaking the teeny bones in my hand because he squeezed so tightly.  

I've never been one to push my kids. They only squeeze your hands for a moment in time.  And then you turn around and they are a teen.  Going off on mission trips and helping others.  Chatting with friends and planning outings that only occasionally involve me getting him at least part way to the destination. This year he has two part time jobs---one at the dance school and one at the local grocery store.  He's saving up for a cooler phone than what his mom will buy him.   And the little guy who was afraid to go on stage?  That guy decided to try out for one of the acting roles in recital.  This studio does theater as well as dance.  He auditioned and got a part.  He will be the godfather in the dance school version of Shark Tale!  

This spring he will turn 15 and I know the pace of changes and separation and working towards newly defined dreams will only intensify.  So for now I am grateful for the fact that he still gives hugs warmly and willingly.  That he asks each day when I come home how my day was and that he enjoys movie nights with his doddering parents.  I am blessed.

A special gift

My wife's birthday is in early February; KC's is in April.  Last week he came in to my work room staring at his phone.  "I'm so upset," he said.  "I just can't believe it."

I asked what was up and he said that Travis Wall and his dance company Shaping Sound were coming to a city near us for one performance only on January 29th.  Travis Wall is an amazing dancer and choreographer.  Our whole family is pretty well enarmored of his work and the amazing ways he thinks of helping to tell a story through dance.

I looked on line and knew that there was no way I could buy tickets for all of us.  The money tree in the back yard is dead, people!  (laughing)  It has been a hard winter financially, capping off a hard YEAR financially. Hey 2018 has to be better right? Please goddess? Anyway, I called my wife and suggested that I pay for she and KC to go together as birthday presents to them both. (the other part of KC's gift is a dinner out with 4 friends)  She was thrilled and they are both looking forward to this so much.

I am glad that I could gift them both with this.  For KC it isn't just about the dance which is his deep and abiding passion, but it is so important for him to see successful male dancers in the styles that he enjoys dancing in.  He adores contemporary and jazz and I know he will see a performance that will inspire him.  If you are curious, here is a Youtube link to a performance from the show.  You know I"ll be youtubing all I can to get a bit of its flavor here at home.  Shaping Sound  And while dance is not everyone's cup of tea--art in some form is so important for our kids; for all of us.  We need ways to express that which is deep within us and sometimes there is no way to release those emotions without dance, or song or another form of art.  I hope we all have ways to shape our sounds, and tell our truths.

Food packing day

It has been a busy weekend in many ways.  Yesterday KC and a lot of the members of the dance school that they participates in performed shows at the area assisted living facilities.  They were very warmly received in all venues.  He was in 3 of the numbers this year and the shows were about 45 minutes in length.  They did 4 shows in all and devoted the larger part of yesterday to giving joy in this way to the seniors of our city.  He was proud and excited to be doing this.  Last year he was only in 2 numbers, this year he was in 3.  He stressed a lot about whether or not he would slip when he did his solo in the tap number, whether he would get tired doing the lift etc etc.  He did great though.

Lissa spent from 2 to 6 yesterday outside a local big box store with her Girl Scout troop. She was helping with the cookie booth and despite the very chilly temperatures the girls did well on their sales. Lissa and I worked together on finding recipes on the net that use Girl Scout cookies and folks who bought more than 4 boxes got a free recipe book.  It was a cute little sales aid and Lissa enjoyed doing it.  I helped at the booth the last 2 hours of the day, having completed taxi duties associated with the winter show performances.  Holy handwarmers it was cold!  Lissa was fine as I had her wear her really warm winter gear--snow boots, snow pants, parka etc.  Dressed like we were doing a winter hike.  However our troop is not wealthy and many of the kids working were very lightly dressed for being outside so long.  When I came I brought extra gloves and chemical handwarmers and just left them on the end of the table so people could borrow gloves, and use the handwarmers.  They were gone in a flash.  It is one of those things you don't realize at first. In a lot of social situations it is easy to disguise the fact that there is a real fine line between having enough and just barely getting by nowadays.  But sometimes it shows.  Kids who say they only wear hoodies because of "fashion" sometimes really only wear hoodies for other reasons.

Today Lissa has a "hang out" (we have apparently reached the age where we are too cool to have a play date) with her friend L.  I'll pick her up at 3:30 and she and KC and i will head to the food packing center.  Both kids were initially thrilled to do this.  Today not so much; primarily because KC is a bit tired from yesterday and because it made for a shorter time for Lissa and her friend to be together today.  However I have been impervious to their half hearted suggestions that we not go.

First of all, I believe in showing up when you say you will and I did check with them before I signed up our team. Secondly, I think the energy of the event will come through to them.  I have done the United Day of Caring with my work team and you can't help but get energized because to be in community with so many people excited to help others---well, it is pretty cool.  But most importantly, I think it is important to find a variety of ways to help others.  This is a way to give of service and I am convinced that service needs to be a component in creating a more fair and just world.  It isn't just about writing a check or dropping off a donation.  Those are fine. They are needed and there are times when I have contributed in that way as well. But we also need to be willing to work for a better world, and a fairer distribution of that which we all need in order to live.  So I hope today will help my two youngest see that and I'm more than willing to plan another "hang out" time for Lissa and her friend!