Satisfying Parents

I thought that when one grew up parents sort of let youlive your life. I mean, by most yardsticks, I am a relatively successful person. I have a stable job which although not high paying provides a meaningful service. I am respected in my field. I have been with my wife since 1978. We love being parents and work hard to try and make sure that they have a childhood filled with the kind of magical experiences that will help them to grow into well grounded adults. (note: I am not talking Disney's magic here! I am talking about family outings to local places, playing in the rain, flashlight tag in power outages etc) But (insert big sigh here) none of this guarantees parental approval.

I wrote my daily email to her the other day. She likes to hear from me morning and evening and I oblige. I also try and let a lot roll off me because I know her husband is dying and the emotional toll that takes must be horrific. However, my mom is also one of those people who appears to be happy being unhappy. And who very much wants to keep up with the mythical Jones'.

In my chatty little email I mentioned that our back yard will likely not be reclaimed this year. Virtually a month of rain has left it so soggy there is still standing water in it so I can't even get it mowed. The weeding and trimming we had hoped to do to the spyrea and other perennial plantings are likely not to be completed due to time constraints. In 2 weeks we are away all weekend camping and when we return we will be at the tail end of July. My wife's work schedule just changed and she will soon be working on Sundays so that will also mean less hands on deck for yard work.

But mostly I was thinking of the kids when I wrote the post. We have not been swimming once yet. (unless you count KC falling in the ocean when we brought Rob to camp!) Weather just hasn't permitted it. You can bet that if our weather pattern becomes more typically summer I am not going to gyp the kids out of a day at the beach so that I can have decoratively trimmed spryia bushes.LOL

Anyway, my mom wrote back and said I needed to find balance! That surely I could do some of both. Well, maybe. If you didn't factor in our multiple jobs as well. And caring for the vegetable garden we planted at the community garden this spring. And canning and freezing our produce.

My mom wrote that when she was a child her parents didn't keep up this property (it has been in the family for multiple generations) and that she "suffered" for it. My mom grew up in the depression and likely many many people were not keep ing up their properties. I know from stories my mom told of her childhood that my grandmother was much like me. She could take a bit of tissue paper and create a fun time for a child. I always loved the stories of what she did for parties and such with very little money and I think it impacted my parenting style far more than perhaps my own mother. But it saddens me that she can't see the joy that we share together. That she is so worried over the dang bushes and the lawn that won't stay grassy because 4 children play soccer and baseball on it.

But I am going to try and put it out of my mind now. We are having our "a fifth of the fourth" BBQ today and I want to have fun. I want my kids to laugh and play with the godparents and make memories that have nothing to do with picture perfect yards.

Robbie's Home!

Safe and sound and having enjoyed a rainy week at camp. Really did enjoy it too. The counselors all said that the kids were not fazed by the weather. I am glad. I know he has looked forward to this all year.

KC and Elisabeth were sooooooo eager to get to the conference center and get him. KC made him a welcome home poster last night with some stick on letters we got at Michaels. It was really cute. Then he put a scratch art picture on the poster board as well that said "I heart Robbie. Love KC"

KC was also the first one to spy Rob when we arrived. Threw his arms around his brother and said he was the "most awsome-est brother in the world." Lissa gave big hugs too and Rob even hugged both K and I. He is not always comfortable with physical demonstrations of affection so it felt extra good.

We got home and I plowed through 5 loads of camp wash. Phew! Thanking the goddess for sun and a stiff breeze I hung 3 of the loads on the clothes line. Haven't had much ability to use our clothesline in this rainy season but today was gloriously beautiful. I also aired the sleeping bag and his pillow before putting them where they belong.

After supper we walked to a park 1/2 mile from our home. Not the tot park that we normally go to but the one near an elementary school. The kids all had a blast in the slightly different environment and ran and romped and tried out the new equipment that has just been installed there.

When we got home they made napkin rings and placemats for our BBQ tomorrow. It will be a 4th of July get together one day late with our friends who are also the kids god parents. The napkin rings are sections of paper towel tube painted silver. (painting by me) Then the kids glued patriotic ribbon on them and adorned them with red and blue foam stars. The place mats are large pieces of rectangular foam from Michaels with stickers appropriate to the holiday making a border. Easy for all ages but fun and quick, since they had to make 8 of them. It was a good way for Rob to integrate back in with the other kids though and they all seemed to enjoy it.

I am trying a new pasta salad dish that I read the recipe for on Pioneer Woman. I am hoping it tastes good. I have never liked pasta salad but think that is because it usually consisted of cold pasta with peas and catalina dressing dumped on it till it begged for mercy.

We will be grilling up some veggie and mushroom burgers, having chips and dip, potato salad and pound cake for dessert. The recipe for the latter comes from the Jan Karon Mitford cooking book and it is to die for delish. It should be called ton cake though as one would weigh that if one ate more than a piece or two! LOL

Oh and in the a.m. the kids and i will make fresh lemonade as well. I think in a lot of ways we will be celebrating more than the fourth. It will be more about the feeling of family and love and connections.

Morning glorious!

Words of wisdom from KC on our first sunny day since May.

"C'mon Ooma, let's go look at the morning glorious before we go shopping" (he meant our morning glory plants! LOL

Singing in the Rain!

Yup, raining again! Poured like crazy when I left for work. I park next door so I knew despite my rain coat I'd get drowned walking to the car. I was right! Locally some flooding; nothing serious but more a the level of annoyance. As in, the street the grocery store is on is flooded and I can't shop there. Not that we will starve; there are other options. But I like shopping in that store because I know where everything is. I don't really fall into the category of shopaholic. I am all about making trips to the store fast and efficient. Ah well.

I got home from work and the heavy rains had abated to the now familiar drizzle. We had supper and the kids clamored for the park. We opted instead for a neighborhood walk. Got them in boots and rain gear and we set out. We visited the ducks that live a few streets over from us. Ducks like this weather. They are very active. They also like the abundance of insects that are around thanks to this weather so if one is a duck, one is living large this summer. Can you tell we talked to the ducks' owner? LOL

Then we walked some side streets just poking and looking. We found a gigantic puddle to tap dance in--yes, really! I wish i had the cam corder. It was Gene Kelly's "Singin' in the rain" danced KC style. We looked at the ubiquetious mosses that have burgeoned in this season of unusual wet. We stroked their velvety softness, and admired the different shades of green. We compared mushrooms we found growing. We admired little rootlets beginning to grow o ut of the cracks and crannies of a stump we were jumping on. We played follow the leader doing silly things and having everyone copy their moves. Watching Lissa try to copy some of KC's moves was hysterical, but I suspect passersby thought the same watching me.

Tomorrow I have the day off. We have shopping and banking and the library to visit. Things that usually occupy our Saturdays but this Saturday we drive up to bring Robbie back from camp. I want to help the kids make some decorations for our 4th of July BBQ (which from all recent weather reports sounds like an indoor event this year) and I want to help them make a Welcome Home sign for Robbie. It will rain. Again. If we have time, we'll start on the ark!

Parenting Styles

Last night when we were puddle playing with our park friends it struck me how different our parenting styles are. About some things, we are very simpatico. Neither of us use corporal punishment for instance (duh!) We explain things to our kids. We give choices when possible. But there are some differences that seemed glaring to me last evening. Some of it may be that I am an older parent than my friend. Some of it may be that I am a control freak! LOL Some of it may be that I parent multiple children and she only one at present.

Anyway, we were walking to the pond. There is no sidewalk. Visibility was less than stellar with the rain and cars were coming up the road. Her 2.5 year old was running substantially ahead of her. Far enough to be out of her sight. Gave me the willies. I do this thing where we make a train and little kids get sandwiched between adults or more responsible older kids to make sure no one just darts toward that tantalizing puddle. Or I carry them. Or I pull them in a wagon. But they are never out of my sight.

Also, despite my love of water, I have to hold on to my children when we are near deep water. Especially when we are standing on slippery rocks. IMHO it only takes a second for a misstep to result in tragedy. So I loved the pond and seeing the heron, but I loved stomping in the puddles in the field more. The kids could stomp with abandon (which they did) and be safe about it. Then there was the waterfall. Actually it is an overflow area of the local reservoir. She and her son probably go there all the time so she thinks nothing of climbing over the guard rail and standing on more slippery rocks to float leaves. I am staring at the yawing mouth of the culvert which is where a child will wind up if they slip while doing this, a risk heightened with 3 littles eager to "float" their treasures.

I love doing that stuff at one level. Well, I loved that they had the chance to experience floating the twigs and see what a current does. But it didn't all feel safe to me so I was really REALLY glad when we trekked soggily back to her house for some indoor play.

Playing in the Rain. . . Again

Yes, it is still raining here. I hear they need it in Georgia. . . in Italy (where a family friend is talking of having to truck in water for olive trees). Can someone puleeze give the rain a GPS adjustment all ready?

Despite the perennial sogginess we had fun tonight. One of our "park friends" called and asked if I was up for a walk in the rain to a small pond. She and her had seen ducks and even a great blue heron there. The kids and I go out to play in the rain---otherwise we would have been housebound all of June--so of course I said yes.

We donned our rain wear and drove up to their house. The walk to the pond was not too far away and the kids had a blast splashing in the puddles on the way. I felt a little hypervigilent. The pond was deep, the banking steep, the banking covered with moss which made footing tricky. I am not edgy about water as a general rule, but I absolutely watch closely. The ducks were unwilling to come visit us at first, but eventually Lissa and our friends 2 y/o stepped back a bit and entered into a splashing contest in a puddle. KC was more able to stand quietly and the duck came over. And we saw the great blue heron. It was amazingly close to us and it was amazing to see.

From there we went to a nearby waterfall and sailed leaves and small sticks over the edge, watching them race and tumble in the ferocity of the stream. By this time, all the kids were soaked. KC had run and jumped into a puddle and lost his footing and landed on his butt in about 8 inches of water. Lissa and our friends son had puddle stomped so much that both of them were saturated as well. We walked back to their house, borrowed some dry clothing and played inside in their finished basement for about 40 minutes. It was a great energy burning adventure for KC and Lissa who at this point in the week are starting to miss Robbie and are starting to be sick of only playing with me!

Neil deGrasse Tyson

I watched a really cool interview last night on our local PBS station. African American astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson was being interviewed. First off, I find science fascinating. Not as fascinating perhaps as my wife (though I should probably strike that comment; I think we are just interested most in different disciplines). In high school I was not on an academic track that gave me a lot of science classes. I thought the classes sounded cool (and routinely helped one of my friends cram for her chem class) but I was afraid of the math required. Math came hard to me when I was young. Partly this was due to severe illness keeping me out of school for vast periods of time when I was in elementary school. I was tutored but there were significant gaps in the building blocks needed for a solid math education. Part of it also was a result of our family moving to the western part of our state where the school I attended approached the subject totally differently, leaving me at sea as numbers seemed to float past meaninglessly.

My mom's response was to tell me I was just like her and she was always horrible at math. It was easy to buy into that. Easy because I loved her. Easy because it meant I didn't have to try and work hard and learn this stuff; I was genetically predisposed not to. That decision (which I thankfully reversed in college) shut me off from several of the higher level science courses that required more than Algebra II as a prereq.

Still, I was reading anything written by Carl Sagan in my free time and watched science oriented shows on PBS. I adored Carl Sagan. He made science understandable to people like me who had a passion but not a lot of scientific training. I adored him even more after listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson's interview last night.

At 9, this man decided he wanted to be an astrophysicist. That boggles my mind. At 9 I had no clue what I wanted to do the next day, let alone the rest of my life. He spoke of how visits to the Haydn Planetarium opened his mind and soul to the night sky and the wonders of the universe. At 17 he was accepted to Cornell University but wasn't sure that he wanted to go. Carl Sagan wrote to him personally and invited him to tour the school. He did, and had a tour of the school with Sagan and it was Sagan's personal attention to him that was a primary force in his decision to attend that school.

Like Sagan, deGrasse Tyson is a passionate scientist with a real gift for making the subject fascinating and understandable to folks like me. Unlike Sagan, he is also African American. Yet he doesn't consider himself a "premier African American astrophysicist". He considers himself a premier astrophysicist who also happens to be African American. He made the distinction abundantly clear in the interview and it made sense. There is not a different way that scientists who are black look at their discoveries as opposed to their caucasian counterparts.

Yet he also addressed racism and the subtle ways racism is evident in society. He felt pressure to follow a sports ability instead of his scientific leanings. Though he developed a talent for wrestling, he was ambivilent about whether this was just something he did almost to conform to a societal pressure. It did seem to allow him to walk with relative comfort in both worlds, as he described himself as a jock nerd. LOL Those terms seem so mutually exclusive to me and I wonder if that is my "white" perspective showing.

He noted he never was stopped by a security guard when he went to the gym late at night but was if he had been entering his office. I get the impression the gym and office were in the same building. He spoke of white colleagues who had to rationalize in converation with him about his findings; essentially saying they could have come to a particular conclusion themselves if they had wanted to. There was a clear undercurrent to him that the mindset that black people are dumb and athletic and white people are smart was driving their responses.

It was heartening to me that he isn't bitter. He is phenomenally successful. And, he feels that things have improved greatly in the last ten years. I hope he is right because I want my kids to have opportunities to follow their passions whatever they are. I admire deGrasse's ability to push past subtle negativity and racism and follow his dreams. And I want to give my kids the strength to do that if and when they need to.