Satisfying Parents

I thought that when one grew up parents sort of let youlive your life. I mean, by most yardsticks, I am a relatively successful person. I have a stable job which although not high paying provides a meaningful service. I am respected in my field. I have been with my wife since 1978. We love being parents and work hard to try and make sure that they have a childhood filled with the kind of magical experiences that will help them to grow into well grounded adults. (note: I am not talking Disney's magic here! I am talking about family outings to local places, playing in the rain, flashlight tag in power outages etc) But (insert big sigh here) none of this guarantees parental approval.

I wrote my daily email to her the other day. She likes to hear from me morning and evening and I oblige. I also try and let a lot roll off me because I know her husband is dying and the emotional toll that takes must be horrific. However, my mom is also one of those people who appears to be happy being unhappy. And who very much wants to keep up with the mythical Jones'.

In my chatty little email I mentioned that our back yard will likely not be reclaimed this year. Virtually a month of rain has left it so soggy there is still standing water in it so I can't even get it mowed. The weeding and trimming we had hoped to do to the spyrea and other perennial plantings are likely not to be completed due to time constraints. In 2 weeks we are away all weekend camping and when we return we will be at the tail end of July. My wife's work schedule just changed and she will soon be working on Sundays so that will also mean less hands on deck for yard work.

But mostly I was thinking of the kids when I wrote the post. We have not been swimming once yet. (unless you count KC falling in the ocean when we brought Rob to camp!) Weather just hasn't permitted it. You can bet that if our weather pattern becomes more typically summer I am not going to gyp the kids out of a day at the beach so that I can have decoratively trimmed spryia bushes.LOL

Anyway, my mom wrote back and said I needed to find balance! That surely I could do some of both. Well, maybe. If you didn't factor in our multiple jobs as well. And caring for the vegetable garden we planted at the community garden this spring. And canning and freezing our produce.

My mom wrote that when she was a child her parents didn't keep up this property (it has been in the family for multiple generations) and that she "suffered" for it. My mom grew up in the depression and likely many many people were not keep ing up their properties. I know from stories my mom told of her childhood that my grandmother was much like me. She could take a bit of tissue paper and create a fun time for a child. I always loved the stories of what she did for parties and such with very little money and I think it impacted my parenting style far more than perhaps my own mother. But it saddens me that she can't see the joy that we share together. That she is so worried over the dang bushes and the lawn that won't stay grassy because 4 children play soccer and baseball on it.

But I am going to try and put it out of my mind now. We are having our "a fifth of the fourth" BBQ today and I want to have fun. I want my kids to laugh and play with the godparents and make memories that have nothing to do with picture perfect yards.