Endings and Beginnings

 It's been busy here.  A bit of reno but most of the busy has been my mom and my youngest son KC.  It's a story of endings and beginnings.  Mom is 90 and has lived two states away from us for more than 25 years.  Til recently it has not been a problem.  But as she ages it has become more of a concern to me. She lives on a second floor and has to also go to the basement down some very sketchy steps to do laundry.  If she needs help she is 2.5 hours from us. During Covid lock down we could not travel to her.  I began to realize that this was a situation that should change.  She did too, but it is hard for her.  

She has lived in this apartment for 20 or so years.  It holds memories and lots  of stuff.  Not in a hoarding way, but more than she needs and can realistically care for. It is a two bedroom so she has a room that is just a study with two desks and file cabinets.  Again, more than she needs but that is hard to say to someone.

About 8 months ago she did agree to apply at the high rise where I work.  Her name came up more quickly than anticipated and it looks like she will move in this month.  The process has produced some excitement for her---the idea of being close to the grandkids and my wife and I,the prospect of attending church with me have been happy thoughts for her.  The idea of an elevator so she does not have to do stairs has been a plus.  But there are also things that produce anxiety.  The very act of moving and realizing that all she owns will.not.fit.  She will be moving to a lovely one bedroom apartment.  There is a great view of a pond and she is close to two city parks and will be able to enjoy nature which is great.  But again, a one bedroom unit.  To try and alleviate the stress I have rented a storage unit.  We will store things she is unsure about and/or which don't fit in the new apartment there.  She can "audition" some of her furniture by doing this.  For instance the woman has two kitchen tables.  One she presently keeps in the front hall of the apartment building. She can't do that in the new place.  She can try one of them in the apartment and we will store the other one.  If she doesn't like the first one, we will swap them.  The one that ultimately is not chosen we can donate or put on marketplace.  It will be the same with the two desks, and other items that she feels unable to decide about.  This has helped calm her a bit.

She is realizing that she does not want to drive in a new city and is considering giving up her car.  At 90 I think that is a good thing.  She is close enough when she moved that I was planning on taking her shopping anyway.  She is grieving the loss of what she once had--the ability to walk at the oceans edge, gatherings with work and church friends ---many who have passed on now or who are less capable than she is.  It is good for her to move but also so hard.  It is a reminder that the wheel of life keeps turning and time on this plane is finite.  It is hard for me too, as she is obviously less capable these days and not the Mom or Nana of years past.

But this is also a season of beginnings.  KC has applied at three colleges.  His intent is to major in dance and minor in film.  He has been accepted all ready at two of the three.  His top choice school, which also offers an amazing financial award toward his tuition and his third choice school which offers a modest award toward tuition.  He has not heard from the second choice but interviews with them this week.  My gut is that he will go with the top choice school but he wants to tour all three and make his decision from that.  All the schools are in our state and within 90 minutes of our home.  He knows he does not want to be further than that from home as family is his touchstone in a very deep way.  February is not only a time of moving Mom to a new apartment but also filled with weekends of the college tours.  

I am so excited for him.  This is his dream and he is chasing it with vigor and purpose.  It is also hard.  Hard to imagine him not in the house every night.  Or here when I get home from work, asking how my day was.  Or dropping him off at dance.  He is so intensely woven into the fabric of family life, that this will be a big adjustment for us all here as well.  This is absolutely what every parent wants for their child, but oh I am still going to be crying into my pillow when he leaves.