The Revolution will not be danced!

 That was the title of the dance piece that my son choreographed taught to 11 other dancers and performed himself at college.  At  almost 12 minutes it was the  longest piece in the evening performances. They had asked that he shorten it to 10 minutes.  He refused and said that if he had to shorten it he might as well not perform it.  They looked at the outline of the piece and let him keep it at that.  The piece is about racial injustice and is very emotionally hard hitting--especially for a mom watching her son portray himself from the afterlife after being a victim of racial brutality.  Luckily, I knew what the theme of the piece was and what he was trying to get across.

What I did not expect was the maturity of what he created.  It's not just a proud momma here.  It was the best piece that night.  Both nights his was the piece that got a standing ovation.  His narrative was clear, the choreography was excellent as was his use of the stage.  He trained his dancers well--and boy his dancing has also reached new levels. He had mixed his own music, chosen the cues for the lighting tech team, and helped his team of dancers build props.   Is it weird to cry tears of joy while also knowing part of the tears are from the fear that I feel for all my kids when they are out in the world and I am not there with them?

His local dance teacher who started him on this journey at age 5 came to see it as did 4 other people from our city dance school.  My wife and I and his sister were there.  On the previous night good friends from church drove out to see it. 

He has been told by several instructors that he should enter the piece in several festivals that are upcoming.  He is thinking he may indeed do that. Today when I drove him back to school after a short home visit, he said that he has always known he wanted dance to be his career but wasn't sure what that could look like.  Now, at this moment, he said he wants to be a "dance storyteller."  I can see that in a lot of different scenarios.  For instance, working with kids and helping them dance out their traumas.  Creating dance stories for different life situations, dancing out news stories for social justice programs.  It could literally be anything, and of course right now, he does not have to pin that down.

He has been asked to teach a hip hop workshop this month at college for the dance club that is on campus. He has been hired to dance in another students division three project, truly he is growing so fast as a person and an artist that it is hard to keep up with it all. Our home schooler is thriving there.

Easter is the end of the month and while for our house hold that is not a religious holiday in the way it is for my Christian friends, we honor the rebirth of life and the onset of spring. I asked him to invite home any friends who might want to come for dinner.  So far we will have 5 friends plus the 6 of us plus my mom.  I am thinking a buffet style meal and have asked him to find out people's favorite foods so we can be sure that there is at least one thing everyone likes available to them!

What's important

 Last Monday was pretty ordinary til about 5 pm  I went to work.  I stopped in to see my Mom.  I picked my daughter up at the mall from her job at 5  But right as she left work a heavy rain storm moved in.  Driving home became treacherous as roads began to flood.  I tried alternate roads with no success and finally got us safely home.  I was so thankful; I had  water was coming through the floor boards of  my car during the last part of our journey.  

When we got to the house we could see that our back yard was flooded.  Not just a few inches, but feet. The water was racing across the yard up the slope to our home.  Our street became a raging torrent. It did not even look like a road.  Cars began to stall out.  I called my wife who was at work in the next town over and told her to check in with me before she tried to come home from work.  In the middle of that conversation we lost our phone and internet. I was cooking supper also while all this was going on--food is always a priority! LOL  As I was making supper my daughter Elisabeth said she could hear things bumping in our cellar.  I went outside and opened the bulkhead (we don't have an inside access) and discovered the cellar was flooded to the second stair from the top.

We have a gas heater which was not on. And a gas hot water heater which had been on.  I have alarms down cellar if gas is escaping but those also were now underwater and unlikely to be functional.  I have no sense of smell so I would not know if gas was escaping.  I called the Fire Dept and explained. They said they would put me on the list.  I could hear sirens all over the city and I knew others were very likely worse off.  Supper was done, I had not used gas to cook it (thank you Instant Pot) We ate while we watched out the windows as the water roared like a river down our street.  I texted my wife that we were all ok but she should stay where she was.  

Hours passed.  Water crept higher.  I called the fire dept again and they said they would bump us to priority status.  A few minutes later I saw an engine up the street.  I ran up to them and explained.  They agreed to check our gas for us.  They used a meter and could not detect escaping gas.  However they also could not shut off my gas as the shut off and the meter are inside the cellar.  Evacuation was suggested but not made mandatory.  Truly I had nowhere to go with 3 animals, a disabled adult and my daughter and myself.  I suggested we shelter in place with doors and windows open.  The fire folks could not of course say that was great but there was no compelling proof that we would not be safe, particularly if we did not use any gas.

I slept rather little that night.  My wife called about midnight and said she heard a dam might break and that the water could potentially head to us.  I tried to sound super calm because she was hysterical. I said no one had come to talk about evacuation and that they surely would if that was immenent.  I fell back asleep but woke when flashing lights were outside.  Worried that this might be the evac order, I got up but it was a crew trying to get a submerged car out of the street.  I texted my boss that I would not be at the quarterly manager's meeting and gave a brief overview of what was transpiring.  I dozed some more til about 6 when I got up to try and survey the damage.

The water had receded.  There is a benefit to a clay floor in the cellar.  But the devastation it left behind was pretty massive.  I could not walk safely down there initially.  My wife arrived home and I said the first thing was to call for a dumpster because they were going to get rented out quick with all the damage sustained by folks in our city. The second call was to the plumber so we  could at least get hot water and order a new heating system.  The last call was to our insurance company. 

It turned out we were the first people to rent a dumpster. A 10 yarder was delivered early that morning and I called out of work and started filling it. Friends came over the next day and they helped continue that effort.  We got fans going in the cellar to help the floor dry but getting out everything that was wet was key.  By the end of the week I had moved out enough belongings to fill the dumpster 3 times. Wash rinse repeat.  On Saturday my friends came back and helped me move out the 2 fridges, the washer and the chest freezer that had been destroyed. The water was so strong it had tipped over the fridges and the washer!

I am looking at this as a great opportunity.  An expensive one to be sure as surprise! Homeowners insurance does not cover this.  One apparently needs flood insurance even if you don't live in a flood plain and have never had this happen in the more than 90 years that your family has lived in this same house. (I am not that old, I am the fourth generation to live here!)

I plan on repointing the foundation over the winter because hey, I like a project. Once that is done there are walls that I will insulate with rock wool and we can put in some new led lighting and make a decent workshop. My grandfather had put up paneling (which I have had to rip out) and instead I will use a plastic product that I used in part of our bathroom reno.  It is water and mildew resistant and a better choice for a basement/cellar area in my opinion.

Others had it so much worse.  Someone I know had a sink hole destroy the foundation of their home.  It is condemned.  Another person had their car swept away when the driveway gave way. No less than five people I know personally had cars flooded and totalled. My neighbors house is being worked on but was declared unlivable at this time. 3 families have had to find temporary housing as a result. I may eventually remember to post some pictures of right after the flood and after I cleaned it up.  We will see.  For now, I am simply hyper aware of our good fortune and that what is important is not things, it is family.

Strikes and Subway!

 As our world opens up again (this would be the second go round at trying that!) gatherings have begun to occur.  We went to our second birthday party yesterday for a family friend.  The party was held at a bowling alley and was a lot of fun.  Partly because of the good friends, partly because I still enjoy bowling (and to my credit did get scores of 80 and 70 respectively)  I said I bowled older than my age so I was very happy.  LOL Elisabeth finally bowled for the first time ever and got a strike. She has never bowled because she deems bowling shoes ugly and that they should not be worn. So when I would take the boys when she was younger she always ate snacks and cheered but never bowled.  She still isn't a fan but had a good time because of who we were with.

While we were gone, K began tiling the wall in the bathroom that our sink is on.  When I got home I helped cut tile and it went much more quickly.  Then we decided on how we would finish the vanity that the sink sits on.  When I bought the vanity on line, it had a little bottom drawer and an open space above it with a door. (of course it was a vanity you had to build so it has been sitting with just the exterior built so that the sink could be on it for months. )  The challenge is that in this bathroom the plumbing to the sink comes up from the cellar not through the wall as it does in our upstairs bath.  Which meant we had to drill a hole in the bottom of the cabinet rendering a drawer impossible.

There were a number of options.  We could put a false front on where the drawer should go.  We though of attaching the drawer front with strong magnetic tape.  Then my wife thought of marrying the two together with small flat pieces of metal on the backs and treating it as one door.  It worked. . . except that our screws when we did this dimpled the front of the door in a few places.  This is not fine cabinetry folks. We are talking MDF here.  I'll give you that  you can't see the dimples unless you look for them.  But we know we WILL look at them, because we did this and we know they are there.

So here it is as it looks now.  We have ordered a waterproof peel and stick wallpaper piece that will go into the panel and a grey cabinet door knob.  The piece of baseboard on the left is not attached, but it is what will eventually go around the room.  It is as close as I could get to the baseboard in the rest of our home which is a very wide baseboard and has lots of curves and ridges.  This is smaller but has a very similar pattern and is made of plastic which is what I want for a bathroom. 

We have some drywall to work on on the other side of the bathroom so that is next up.  But we are done with all tile work except for a line of bull nose that will go on the front of the shower area after the floor is installed.  The areas we tiled used 2 full boxes of subway and 8 tiles (yes 8!) from the last box.  Since I can't return the box for credit we are giving this partial to our friends who have helped us on this renovation journey.  They are using the same tile in their bathroom project (though not the accent tiles)

The damas dress!

 It is bizarre to realize that I have blogged, though not consistantly, since 2008!  When I started, my kids were so little and life was so crazy. Now they are in various stages of "grown" and life is still crazy.  Today we went to a bridal shop because my daughter is a damas for her friends quince and we had to get the gown.  Egads that was a pricey endeavor!  I got out of it for under $500 which I guess was lucky.  However the dress looks absolutely stunning on her and it is a huge honor to be one of  L's damas.  It was fun to be there with L and her mom (who is a dear friend as well) and look through the scads and scads of amazing gowns.

I wasn't sure how this would go as Elisabeth does not really like dresses. She wore a gown to prom at youth group but that was the only time she has and she said she does not like gowns.  I explained to her when she was asked to be a damas that there are responsibilities if she said yes, so she definately understood that she had to do this in a certain manner.

The only restriction was that the dress be some shade of pink and that it be long.  She chose a subdued rose lace column dress with lacing up the back.  It was the only dress she tried on.  It fit perfectly. Back when I started blogging, she was probably about 2.  Now she is a lovely, outspoken 15 year old young woman.  Days of choosing matching outfits, and beading her hair are long gone. But today was fun, filled with laughter and conversation as our gaggle of girls and moms traipsed up and down the aisles of the bridal shop looking for "the" dress.

The next task is to find shoes.  This is harder as Elisabeth as you may gather from the picture is quite tall and her feet are sized to accommodate her height.  They are not so much sized for pretty footwear and she is very sensitive about what she calls "her stompers."   Stay tuned!

Progressing to Pex!

 My friend (who is also a construction whiz) is back from travelling for his job and on Saturday he and his wife came over at noon to help in the next phase of the bathroom reno project.  (cue scary music) The plumbing!  This was not all the plumbing, really just a tip of the plumbing iceberg.  We had to replumb for my washer and dryer in their new location.  We went into the dreaded crawl space armed with humor, a gas torch and rolls of pex piping.  (which is seriously the coolest stuff ever!)  

My crawl space is hideous.  I am about 5ft 7 and I have to kind of crab crawl around it.  Picture the golem looking for his Precious in Lord of the Rings.  Yup, that was me.  For 11 1/2 hours!  Luckily my friend is a good deal shorter than I and could most often mostly stand erect.

It took so long because we discovered most of my existing copper piping was riddled with pinhole leaks.  Leaks I knew nothing about because the pipes were also wrapped in foam insulation.  Which was holding all that water inside.  Yup, right on top of the electric heater tapes that thankfully we didn't use this year.  The goddess was watching over us for sure!

But it meant a lot more replacement than we had expected.  And this does not address the moving of my sink, and toilet or putting in the 2 inch piping for the shower drain (which should be fairly straightforward but then again--this is my house where NOTHING is ever straight forward.)

I am truly blessed with good friends.  They stayed till 11:15 when we were as done as we could be with the job.  The washer and dryer work in their new location which is important. My wife has a cleaning business and we have a large family.  A washer and dryer gets lots of use in our home. 

In the crazy way of doing a project of this scope while living in the space, we will have to move the washer and dryer again when we are ready to lay the subflooring on that side.  Then we will put flooring down and move them back for good. (I hope)

I learned a lot, and it is actually fun using the crimping tool that fastens the pex plumbing.  My friend is a good and patient teacher and I am truly truly blessed with these folks in our lives.  I don't know too many couples who would still be laughing and joking with us when a job took as long as that did.  

Camping!

 Last weekend we went camping with friends.  Good friends and good coffee make for a grand weekend.  And I was lucky enough to have both.  I am a tent camper--which appears to be a declining form of camping as I saw RV's everywhere but very few tents (except those doing duty as overflow for the RV folks)  I find this interesting as to me, an RV feels like I am a hermit crab, carrying my house along with me.  I enjoy the freedom of choosing minimal essentials and making it work for the time we are there.  I usually forget something--the only thing that would ever cause panic would be the coffee pot!  The pot above has camped with me for more years than I dare to count.  It was falling apart til I had to lend it to my friend this weekend and he fixed it before returning it to me.  Clever guy can fix anything. But, I was able to fix their caffeine deprivation because I had an old fashioned perk pot and they had a Keurig and the electricity at the campground went out!  Old school to the rescue!

Between our two families we had 10 kids, ranging from 3 to 17  It was so much fun.  Evening campfires, games at the picnic tables, several communal meals.  Lissa got to night swim, which is always a big deal at 13.  I remember how special that was at that age.  There were smores, laughter and a birthday celebration for our friend's son who turned 14.

This will be our only campout this Summer of Covid.  But it was a most excellent one, with warm and wonderful memories that I will grasp as tightly as I do that coffee on a chilly camping morning!

More renovations

Early on in the pandemic we made a "to do" list for the house. My thought was that if we had something tangible to focus on it would keep our minds off the crazy.  It would help me think less about the fact that I have camped zero times this summer, hung out with friends zero times this summer been to the beach zero times this summer, seem my mother zero times this summer. . . You get the idea.

The biggest project we decided to tackle was our front porch.  I binge watched youtube vids and shared them to my wife, pumping up her enthusiasm (while she pretty much enjoys this journey now she was a lot less confident than I was that we could do these things.)  And initially, our project pretty much mirrored the helpful videos that we saw.  I got myself an orbital hand sander and got the beams sanded and we painted to a fair thee well.  I ripped up old flooring and sanded the floor.  We inspected said floor for damages.  And just like the videos there was a small section that needed repair.  

Armed with my boundless enthusiasm and said videos we pulled up the punky boards and discovered!  A missing joist.  Hmmm. Odd but this is an OLD porch on a 200 year old house.  Stranger things have been found working on this house.  We put in a new joist where there was not one, we married a new sturdy 2 x 4a to a less sturdy one and framed it in nicely.  Doesn't it look lovely?

Then we removed the last punky board and discovered that the support post to our porch was disintegrated.  As in, 40 years of hard living had turned it to dust.  I called a good friend in a panic.  He came over and looked and said well Sh### !  There was talk of jacking the house and contractors and all I could see were dollar signs.  And lets face it, while working on my home in the pandemic is fun--I am still very mindful of our money right now.  My wife is only recently back to most of her work. My middle son is not back yet.  And unemployment tanks next week unless there is a miracle. But back to the porch.

We called another friend.  He loves old housing and works for  a contractor.  One of my big worries was losing the fancy gingerbread trim if the whole post had to be replaced.  Yes, he agreed, nodding sagely, that would be horrible and very expensive to save.  However it was not clear if we would have to replace the whole post.  It was possible that this damage was caused by faulty gutters and moisture and that it only went part way up.

A glimmer of hope!  Back to youtube I went.  The next week armed with a 4 x 4 fence post that we got free from a job site my wife worked at, some 2 x 4s and a lot of prayers we went to town on the porch. We dug out all the punky wood.  We discovered good and bad things.  Bad.  There was no real footing for the porch post.  Good. The post was not a single entity.  At some point my grandfather had replaced the bottom half of the post with a couple of 2 x 4s joined together.  

We debated trying to make a nice footing for our post.  But as you can tell from the picture there was not a lot of room to dig.  I would have to use a hand trowel and I would likely still be there. LOL

In this picture you can see that I braced the porch with a 2 x 4 and inset my fence post.  We set the post on bricks which was the "footing" my grandfather had used. Why mess with what worked for 40 plus years?  We also had to take off that weird green stuff which was a thin, sort of papery backing board that he used before putting the finish boards over it.  My guess is it was all they could afford and it most definately was not rated for exterior work.  We took it off (but only in that section, I am not up for redoing the whole porch!) and put up exterior rated backing board.

Here's the exterior backing board we installed and you can also see that we had repaired the floor at this point as well.  It was starting to look like we would finish and that it was going to come out ok!

And it did!  Here is the repair with the new finish boards, ready for painting. (they have since been primed and I will paint this weekend.)  I will also paint that small area beside our repair where my paint was damaged by having to open the wall up. All in all it was about 8 hours of work and 5 trips to hardware stores as our efforts revealed new and different issues to address.  I should also mention that we don't own a power saw.  This stuff was hand cut, though we do have a drill and a few other small power tools.  I am beginning to dream about a small table saw set up!

Aside from painting the repair our next part of the project is making screens.  Another new skill to learn.  And yesterday the gutters were replaced so hopefully the water issue will also be a thing of the past.

Reaching for the new normal

Most of the state I live in has cautiously re-opened.  There are differences though.  It is not a return to what we had before.  I am not sure it ever will be.  For instance my bank is still in person by appointment only.  Most transactions are by ATM or from a remote teller during the day.  They are still not open extended hours and my son has to use the night depository for his paychecks as a result.

My beloved yoga studio is opening for two months only with severely limited numbers in the class and a requirement to wear masks the whole time.  I have thought this over and I can not see me successfully doing yoga with a mask on. So I will revert to my home exercise program with Beachbody.  I can't do yoga successfully without someone really watchng my posture for me.  What feels straight to me is not, because I have scoliosis and am always slightly off kilter as a result. But I can do barre, I can do a lot of strength training, those things I can do without issue here so I have to resign myself to that being my only official exercise.

Today Elisabeth is at a social distance birthday party for a close friend. They are having dinner for 5 girls at a local restaurant. The restaurant has social distancing.  You wear a mask till the food arrives.  The wait staff are masked. The menus are disposable.  After the dinner they are returning to my friends home where they will sit on the patio and watch the present opening and have cake.  Is it perfect?  Probably not.  But I let her go because as worried as I am about Covid (and I do worry) I also worry about my kids emotional well being.  For Elisabeth particularly, the need for some in person socialization is very evident. And if this thing is going to be around for the long haul, my gut feeling is that hiding in our homes is not going to save us.

Today I decided to go raspberry picking.  I have always picked a lot of fruit. When the kids were little I had 2 helping me pick and one strapped on my back and one I dragged along beside me in a car seat type gizmo.  We would do strawberries, raspberries, blueberries peaches and apples.  This year our state did no pick your own strawberries, but they are doing raspberries.  Like everything, this is a familiar experience with unfamiliar guidelines.  We used to ride a wagon down to the fields, the benches filled with laughter and chatter as groups of us became acquainted and talked about our plans for the fruits of our labors.  We'd have cold water in water bottles with us because this is thirsty work and the sun is hot. We would wander through the rows of produce looking for the biggest berries or the juiciest ones.

Now you have to make a reservation to pick (unless you show up super early like I did!) You must wear a mask the whole time you are in the field.  There is a mandatory handwashing station.  You have to walk down to the fields, no more tractors pulling a wagon of eager pickers. And just like the grocery stores, the rows of fruit are one way rows with arrows to show which way to go.

It was definately not as pleasant--picking with no hydration in a mask will never be something that could be called comfortable when it is 85 degrees and humid.  But it felt like at least in some way I was doing something that I was able to do pre-Covid. There was something important about that for me--especially as I keep in contact with my sister in AZ who has the virus and is trying to get healthy.

(note: I actually picked four containers but didn't think to snap a pic until I had the first one flash freezing!)

Nearly 16!

In April, KC turns 16.  He is such a busy guy, embracing life fully and chasing his dreams.  In addition to homeschooling, he works part time at  a local market and at the dance school.  He volunteers in one of the classrooms at church fairly regularly and attends youth group weekly.  And he dances.  4 nights a week, and more as the march towards recital begins.  He has a leading role as The Beast in Beauty and the Beast and is extremely excited.

Since December I have been asking him how he sees himself celebrating 16  It's a milestone birthday and I would expect that he might want a bit more than a family birthday party.  He said he had been making a list of people he wanted to invite. He was up to 43 people.  Note to self:  Produce list of friends the next time someone makes that "socialization" comment about homeschoolers!  I said we could do that if we rent a hall (or the function room at church) and bring music and food.

So that was an option.  But I think he became a little concerned that he wasn't quite ready to host that much on his own.  (obviously we would be there but there is more involvement in making sure one's guests are having fun.)

I checked in again in January.  He had a couple of experience oriented venues that appealed to him but were far beyond our price point for the number of people he wanted to invite.  Today he came to me and said if he trimmed the list to 25 people could he do a dinner at a restaurant.  That feels "grown up" to him and he feels all his friends (who are diverse and who don't all know each other) would get along and enjoy a meal together.


So that is the plan---now to get him to pin down a date.  This requires checking rehearsal schedules with his dance school!

It Happened and Chet Rocked it!

Who would have thought it?  I took a 2 WEEK VACATION!  The world did not end (though candidly I have had to go in early every day last week and likely next week in order to catch up!)  However, it was worth whatever extra work I need to do now.  We all had a fabulous time.

And the best thing?  The friends we went with had a blast too. There was zero squabbles.  There were 6 of their kids, and 4 of ours and everyone just got along. We shared a giant house with its own pool.  I was most worried about Chet as large groups can be over stimulating. And we were spending a lot of time in the Magical Place.  Theme parks also can be over stimulating.  However we brought sound reducing head phones for him to wear when things started to be too much for him.  He was resistant at first to employing them but eventually could see that they really do help.

I remain amazed at how accommodating D^sney is.  I brought documentation of Chet's status with us as I was concerned about his ability to maintain in a long line.  It turns out that there was a program whereby we could check in at a ride and be given a return time, allowing us to move elsewhere about the park, get a bite to eat, etc and then just return at the scheduled time.  Our friends have two children on the spectrum as well so we were all in the same boat and received the same accommodation.

I knew the other kids would have a blast and they did, in all the "typical" and expected ways.  It was also magical because Rob was able to be with us for the second week and I know that he hopes to move to the West Coast in the next year or two so this may be the last big family vacation with him. But watching Chet succeed at this, laughing and having a truly wonderful time--that is my great gift.  You need to understand that when he was little we could not even go to a small theme park (think Santas Village in NH or Story Land in NH) without horrible meltdowns.  I remember him biting me all the way to the car when he was about 8 because he was so overstimulated.   I remember being black and blue from being kicked.  Admittedly we did not have the correct diagnosis then, but the pain of not being able to share in a beloved parent/child experience was an emotional wound.  Now those memories will forever be outshone by two weeks of him laughing and having fun in ways I never knew he could.

Yoga adjustments

I started going to yoga a couple winters ago with my friend.  She knew of a local hot yoga class.  It was a very cold winter and she said why not try it; I would at least be warm for an hour a week.  LOL  I did and I liked it.  The class was what was called Yoga Fit.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I am kind of  very competitive.  I love being pushed hard.  I love trying to beat a book time or my personal best when I hike.  I like to sweat.  So this yoga class was a good fit.  There was a lot of sweat. A lot of pushing.  A lot of core work.  And though my balance was awful my flexibility was awesome so I did well overall.  People were friendly and I kept going, long after my friend moved on to something different.

Life happens.  My yoga teacher's relationship ended. She decided to sell her house (where she had her studio) and bought a small condo. While she is actively looking for a new studio space, there have not been hot yoga classes this summer. 

Summer is also the time I usually take zumba classes at the dance school. But that teacher is on maternity leave so that was also not happening.  I do work out with an on line program but I am a social person.  I really look forward to these times for chatting and connecting with others. So I started looking around for classes.  None of the zumba classes fit the times I had available.  I still have to get kids to things even in the summer and my wife still works in the evenings, so there are specific date and time windows I can do something.  So I sadly crossed off zumba but found a yoga class literally down the street.  At a day and time that I could absolutely do.  Off I went.

Initially I was underwhelmed.  No one was friendly.  Seriously, NO ONE said hi when I walked in. They all kept talking and I had to wait 15 minutes before I could ask where to pay, introduce myself etc.  Not the greatest start.  And this was not a yoga fit class.  This was, what I sarcastically called "woo woo yoga" when I got home and told my wife about it that night.  It felt like everything was about breathing. 

Um, I know how to breathe. I've been doing it for 60 years.  I wanted to twist and bend and work my core til it trembled.  Instead we moved gently, stopped to breath.  Moved gently while we focussed on breathing.  Put our hand on our centers while we breathed. . . you get the picture I hope.  There was a song you were invited to sing at the beginning of class and the end of it. Except no one teaches it to you. 

But because there was no other class I could go to that fit my schedule, and because I am stubborn, I kept going.  I figured there is always something to get out of an experience and I was determined that this was going to happen. 

And it did.  Gradually over the course of the summer I have come to enjoy this class.  I still don't know the opening song (though I did learn the closing one) I have managed through my very persistant overly friendly nature, to get people to talk to me.  (I have no idea why that is so important to me but it is)

I have learned that being more gentle and focussing on breathing is not a bad thing.  While I don't have that burn I crave at the end of class, I usually do feel a lightness and a feeling I can not quite describe.  It has been worth it.  There is something to learn from every experience even when it is not the experience we thought we wanted.  My summer yoga sessions end next week because after that our fall schedule will make it impossible for me to come. But I am glad that I had this opportunity and I am glad I kept myself open to finding the worth within it.

Of cars and care

I am often mindful of how the universe has plans for us beyond our knowing.  I drove to church today and my newly repaired car began smoking just as I pulled into the church parking lot.  We worship in a city about 30 minutes from where we live so this was a cause for considerable alarm.  I have AAA but a tow would be to a place in the city I am in, not the city I am from and this would be a challenge.  I texted my wife that I might have a problem and asked that she pick KC up from work.  He had a morning shift at the market and I was going to pick him up at 12 on my way home from church.

However, the universe is amazing.  It turned out that one of our parishioners used to own his own auto repair shop.  Although now his focus is on hybrid vehicles and electric cars, he had a lot of knowledge to share, even about old Scion's!  He said he would check it out and low and behold my mechanic forgot to tighten down the oil cap after doing my oil change last week.  He declined my cash and went to an auto parts store  to get me an oil cap, cleaned the top of my engine where oil had probably sprayed out during the drive (hence the smoking I had seen!) 30 minutes later I was safely on the road home.

When  I pulled into the parking lot in my smoking car I was thinking to myself how this was such a problem--I was so far from home and it was another potential bill in a year that has besieged us financially.  Instead, grace smiled on us and we were helped with knowledge and kindness.  I am so lucky and will pay this blessing forward.

Happy Almost Birthday Elisabeth!

She is sassy and stylish, funny, with a quick wit and cutting sarcasm.  Fiercely loyal and yet not afraid to be herself and to stand by what she believes in. . . she is my youngest.  And in a matter of days she turns 12.  This past weekend we had her friend birthday party--a sleepover event with 5 of her friends. 

Elisabeth has really good friends.  The kind that I hope will all still be friends years from now.  The interesting thing is that they are from all walks of life.  Because we homeschool she has friends from the neighborhood, from Girl Scouts, from her time in basketball   and from her dance classes.  Yet they all mesh together well and they are really kind to each other.  They know her well, as evidenced by the shirt she was gifted with! 

As I watched them this weekend I was struck by how grown up she looks and acts.  Wasn't it just yesterday she wore a crown and hit her brother with her birthday wand?  LOL

Next year it will be her turn to go through our church's Coming of Age program, as if this mama didn't need more proof her babies are growing up fast!  But I am happy for  her and excited to see what the future holds for her.  Her actual birthday is this Sunday and she wants to spend Sunday afternoon helping to distribute gifts to foster kids.  She is deeply moved by the fact that she knows foster kids often lose treasured items because they leave their family home so quickly and/or move so often.  She knows that some of her siblings have been through foster care and she has chosen to help work with a friend's new nonprofit which will help 400 foster kids in our city have great Christmasses. I might mourn the loss of my "baby" but I sure love the heart and passion that she has for the world.

Sunday we will bring cupcakes to church and Monday we have her family party and she will at long last get her own phone. 

First Campout of 2018-- VERY Late post!

We are back from our first camp out of the summer and it was so much fun!  Hikes, theme parks, board games with friends.  We could see stars and the milky way clearly at night and I slept soundly tucked into my sleeping bag in our tent.

This year we brought another girl with us as well.  I don't really know her parents well; I have met them twice actually.  But I know her through our camping friends and my kids knew her as well.  She very much wanted to come on a camping vacation and her parents would not go. So her parents messaged me and wanted to know if I would take their daughter camping.

I was fine with it and she was very easy to bring.  I actually felt bad because everything we did was so new and exciting to her. She is 16 and clearly hasn't had a lot of experiences offered her in life. So making pancakes on the griddle outdoors was amazing.  Making "walking tacos" was thrilling. Going to Storyland had her over the moon taking pictures with characters.  Hiking up some waterfalls?  The absolute bomb.

I felt lucky to be able to offer those experiences to her.  I guess I hadn't really realized that there are lots of kids who don't get exposures in life.  My friends and i have camped together since 2012.  Our kids have grown up together camping and enjoying all that such vacations offer. This young lady's mom doesn't like warm weather and doesn't like to go out of the house and leave her a/c  Her dad thinks that kids don't need to go anywhere.

But they do.  The world is large and wide and in order to learn how to navigate in it, they need to get out in it.  They have to learn to make decisions (trying to decide what to order at a diner was torture for her) They have to learn to help (everyone helps police our site to keep it boring for bears as we camp in bear country) Everyone helps set up and everyone helps break camp but in between there is lots of fun. 

I am also a pretty laid back camper in that I tend to go with the flow--weather often dictates what can happen.  But kids choose a lot of the activities locations and experiences.  It was super super fun.  I can't wait for the next campout!

***Edited to note that I wrote this in July and forgot to post it!

Another trip around the sun for KC

This guy is 14 tomorrow!  The celebrating began this weekend with a trip north where we celebrated with my mom and her companion.  I feel so lucky that not only were they part of the festivities, but that this is what KC requested we do.  His connection to family is real and deeply felt.  It was a really fun visit and he was, as you can see, very happy.

There are odd little family traditions with a trip to see Nana.  There is my wife rolling down the windows and greeting the Saco River as we drive over it.  No matter the weather, no matter what.  Every.single.time.  The kids and I laugh about it if we go up alone as this is not something that any of the rest of us do.

There is KC's love of a specific brand of orange juice that can't be found down here.  He has to buy three bottles of it every time we visit.  And my wife loves a specific 1 1/2 per cent milk that she only finds in Maine.  We all have to eat Amato's pizza because it is the best pizza ever and isn't found here in Mass.  None of the above are the reason for a visit, yet they are woven into the weft of the fabric of our journeys there; part of the memories that my kids will take forward into the world as adults.  It is the littlest of things we often remember most clearly.

KC is an amazing young man.  He is artistic and creative with a strong sense of what is fair and just.    I love that he is open and able to talk with me about the things in his heart, whether it is chatter about dance, his friends, or deeper issues of concerns about racism or questions about adoption. 

Over the past year he has matured so much.  Physically he is much more a young man--taller now than anyone else in our family, and getting his first razor just a month or so back!  He is also just a very gentle guy; so kind with younger kids.

He has volunteered this year with our library for the boys bookc lub.  He creates a game each month for the boys to play based on the book.  He puts a lot of time and thought into this. And although time management is NOT one of his great gifts (which means a lot of 11th hour scrambles to complete his vision) he still manages to come up with some great ideas.  He has made bingos and jeopardy games, a board game and this month a riff on the game of Headb*ndz.  He sets the room up for the meeting and puts the room away afterwards as well.  The boys really look up to him.  He is a "cool" looking young guy and yet stays approachable as well.

Tomorrow we have a small celebratory family supper planned and later at the end of the month a group of his friends have planned a rather extensive celebration for him.  A movie outing, a sleep over and allegedly an epic lip synch and dance off battle.  One of his friends is making a cake, we are providing snacks and other foods but mostly it is being done by friends for him.  At first I was a bit put off by this.  After all, I LOVE to plan a party. I would totally be down with doing this.

Then I stopped and told myself to shut up.  How wonderful is it that he has such a group of friends?  That is such a good friend that they want to do this for him?  How amazing is that? He is, as are all my kids, that which I am most grateful for always.  A greater gift I can not imagine

Falling into Easter

Easter with my troops.  The top picture was a good couple years ago.   Rob wasn't working full time then and was able to go to church with us.  Now that he is full time at the restaurant his skills are needed for Easter brunch which runs from 9-3. So he was not able to be with us except for a short bit this morning before he headed to work and we got in the car to head out to church. (our church is a goodly drive from our house.) He wasn't wanting to be in the picture initially.  Not duded up, in his work clothes, I said I'd stick him in the back if he wanted but that him being in the shot was way more important than what he was wearing.  And he is wearing his beautiful smile which is all I need to see anyway.

It was a wonderful weekend.  Fiona has not been home for an overnight in a long time.  Not from my choosing but because she said it made her feel too sad when she went back to her group home. But she was eager to spend the night when I talked to her and I arranged to pick her up Saturday.  She and Lissa wanted to see the movie A Wrinkle in Time so we planned to do that Saturday afternoon, and color our eggs after supper on Saturday.

The "wrinkle" in our time together was that on Friday night while roller skating I fell and did something to my right wrist and arm.  I actually did not know that i did anything at the time. It hurt but not excessively.  (in fairness, I do have a really high pain level and once performed a gymnastics floor routine with a broken finger) I kept skating, Lissa and I had fun (it was a birthday party for a friend.) 

I didn't know anything was amiss till Saturday morning when I went to go grocery shopping and could not press down to shift my car into reverse.  (I still drive standard).  However I have an abhorrance of hospitals, and the one in our city in particular.  On a number of occasions I have had less than stellar care for myself or my family.  Also I am a bit parsimonious and my insurance has a $200 co-pay for an ER visit.  I decided I would wait till Monday and call my dr then and our weekend would proceed as planned.

This actually worked pretty well.  I am able to do a ton of things left handed--the benefits of having my eldest be a lefty is that I learned how to do things that way too.  Our weekend was filled with fun and laughter and lots of love.  I wrapped my arm so I would not have to look at it but when my fingers started getting discolored my wife had me take the bandage off.  LOL

Monday the doctors office was closed so I actually did not see anyone till Tuesday.  By that time I had developed a truly technicolor lower arm, wrist and thumb. It remains purple green and blue. So very attractive.  However an x ray said no break.  Which may or may not be true.  An x ray said that when my daughter broke her hip so my faith in traditional medical things is somewhat weak. 

It is improving, though more slowly than I would like.  I can drive stick again, after almost a full week of having to use the van which is an automatic.  I went to yoga Saturday and had to be careful but there were lots of things I could do.  I can open doors again, but not first thing in the morning.  And I can't twist jar lids or swing anything heavy around.  But mostly, I can function well and I am grateful for that.    My most helpful thing was purchasing arnica gel and using that pretty regularly.  It helps with the discomfort and some of the swelling and bruising.  The poor nurse practitioner just didn't know quite what to do with me.

"Are you icing it?"  she asked. Nope.  I have reynauds and my hands are cold all the time. Icing is super painful to me.  "Are you taking ibuprofin for pain and swelling?"  Nope.  It hurts but less than a migraine so I didn't bother.  "Are you wrapping it?"  Only tried once.  I whipped out my arnica gel and she stared at me like I had three heads.  I tried to explain the benefits of arnica (I have used it before; this is not the first time.)  But it is such an alien concept to western medical providers I might as well have said something in another language.  Thank goodness I didn't  tell her that I just breathe through the pain when it wakes me up at night. (apparently I have an annoying habit of rolling over on it while I am sleeping.) I think for regular doctors I am a horrible patient.  I think mostly my body will heal itself, I do just want to hurry it up so I can open a spaghetti sauce jar with my right hand!

Vacation Week

I was lucky this year and it was my turn to take some time off after Christmas. This is on a rotation schedule at work and every 3 to 5 years it is my turn for the lions share of the days off.  I have been off since 12/22 and it has been glorious.  I don't typically take large chunks of time off (in fact the irony of all this is that it is exactly 4.5 work days!!) but when I am blessed to have the time I notice that suddenly my body stills.

I normally waken early every morning.  I don't set an alarm clock, I just wake up at 5:30  Apparently after a couple of days my body knows I am not on my usual routine and I am waking up at 6:30! It is bitterly cold here right now and that is physically difficult for me.  I confess to going to be early and reading till late into the night just so that I can stay warm.  I also don't have to be up before the heat comes on in the house and that too has been a treat.

There have been wonderful family times during this week together.  We went to Maine to spend Christmas Eve day with my mom and Griff.  They were so glad to see us and so happy with everything we brought.  Christmas Day was just my wife and i here with the kids.  Fiona was in the Big City with other family members but came here on Wednesday.  We had another festive family gathering and had a really good time together.

Yesterday I took the kids to the movies so we could see The Greatest Showman.  Great movie but not an accurate telling regarding Barnum's racism.  It sort of skirts around that.  But KC wanted to go because he loves musicals so that is why we went.

Today my wife and I are going on an actual lunch date.  This is something that happens very rarely as our time off schedules rarely come close to coinciding.  But this afternoon she is free and we are taking advantage of a gift certificate she got from a client for a restaurant.  I am really looking forward to this!

The year is speeding to a close and sometimes i wonder where all the time went.  But really when I look back, 2017 was filled with a lot of  great and exciting things.  I am lucky to have not just my family but a strong group of friends in a variety of walks in my life. This life I live would be so much harder if I did not have their wisdom, their laughter and their support.

The pause before the. .

It is Wednesday night.  The house is cleaned (relatively) the numerous pies are baked.  The shells are made. The turkey is thawed. The cranberry sauce is made.  Tomorrow there will be more to do but by 1:30 or 2:00 p.m. the living room will be full of food, family and laughter.  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times of the year. This year is a smaller gathering than most have been. My mom is staying in Maine; her partner is presently in the hospital and though improving, he will benefit from her presence. The kids godparents are visiting family in Texas this year and Fiona has opted to go to the Big City to have Thanksgiving with her cousin's family. So it is us and my in laws this year.  10 seems so small compared to our usual crowds, but I'll take it!

I love the way the kids pitch in. The living room has to be emptied of furniture to make room for tables.  There is vacuuming and baking and dip making and baking and flatware to polish and baking. . .  Truly we started at 8 a.m. and the last item for today was finished about 6 p.m. I don't often wish for a double oven but today it would have been pretty cool!

I love being enfolded in family.  Ironically Thanksgiving was not a favorite holiday when I was growing up.  It felt like a grownups gathering where I could not find a place for myself.  My family thought I should watch the Macy's parade, which I despised.  Ironically, KC adores the parade and that truly is his tradition of choice, every year. I love the way the things we cook remind me of experiences or people I love.  I love the way polishing my mother in laws flatware from Thailand makes me feel close to her, even though she died many years ago.  I love mixing my family's silver candlesticks into the decor and the things K and I have bought together over the years.  I love to arrange my black angel holding the harvest basket near our cornucopia.  Somehow we have quilted together an amazing tapestry of family, friends and we are held together by love.

This weekend launches the season of festive craziness.  Tomorrow night I am Black Friday shopping with friends.  We are gathering at 11 p.m. so hopefully i have time to nap for a couple hours before we head out but we shall see.  Then on Friday we decorate our house for Christmas.  Rob does not have to go into work till 2 and this is the only day we will ALL be home together until--well, probably Christmas.  So it is important to me that we decorate together that day.  Rob is the guy who always gets our tree up and put together just so.  And Chet will help decant the 11 totes of decor from the attic so we can get festive.  After that I hope to nap a bit as that evening the kids and my wife and I are going to see the play The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.  My wife really wanted to see this and I love theater so I was easily talked into it. It is the only night my wife has off, so that is why this to will jam up that time period.  But Saturday I can relax a bit and there is always coffee.  And Christmas music. 

Take a knee, white America

I stand with the protestors.  I stand, or would kneel with those players who are trying to quietly and respectfully say to White America--"Wake Up!  Check your privilege.  Black Lives Matter."  As a mom of children of color I worry for my kids when they are out.  I worry about the young teen who loves hoodies now and is sooooo into the color black.  I worry for my 21 year old who is sure he knows it all and is often walking home from a late shift at the restaurant.  I worry that my young 10 year old daughter will be accused of "asking for it"   Her lovely pre-teen body looks older than her years.  Black girls want it, don't you know?

I am appalled that our country is even in this place.  I am still trying to figure out how we got here--or worse, if we were always here and I was so privileged I didn't know it.  I am so scared by the fact that there seems to be no way to even talk about this issue.  People either support BLM or they don't.  Those that don't, at least in my experience don't want to talk.  From the few I have managed to engage in dialogue this is what I got:

*no one owns slaves these days so this is a non issue. Everyone has the same opportunities.
*football players make millions of dollars and have no right to express their views on the field. aka they are naughty employees
*taking a knee is disrespectful to our flag and our country.  (I find this one particularly interesting as kneeling is a common posture in prayer. Also it is somewhat subservient (such as swearing fealty to a lord or king long ago.)
*if they want to protest they should do it off the field (but they should not block traffic, they should not shout, they should not use violence, they should not. . . the list is endless)
*it should be All Lives Matter
*if they did what the police told them, if they obeyed the laws of our great country, there would be no problems.

The problem is in my eyes, that for there to be a solution, white America has to be prepared to be uncomfortable.  We have to own that we are the problem.  The fact that my extended family can't see that and quietly unfriend me on social media for my views is emblematic of how divisive this is--of how unwilling the empassioned are to hear another view.  The people who did this love my kids, but they see them as somehow "other."  As in, my kids would never get shot by the police because I raised them right.

I hope to all the gods people pray to that the folks who say that are right.  But statistics show that they may not be. And is it even reasonable to assume that EVERY single unarmed black person who was shot was not raised correctly.  It just surpasses the bounds of reason.

I won't let my 13 year old son play outside with a cosplay decorated water gun.  I won't let him wear a Halloween costume that looks threatening and is dark colors.  Being seen by traffic is only part of it.  He could also be seen by a nervous home owner, or a rookie police officer who views the world through a skewed lens.  He will be out with friends on his own for the first time.  What if they do something silly?  They are 13 and I didn't always make the best choice at that age.  But I didn't worry about getting killed either. My son will go as a vampire rabbit.  His choice when I nixed all the others and it is funny.  It is white. It is safe.

But that situation is part of the dialogue of life for black America.  How to stay safe.  How to be heard. May we somehow hear what is really being said.

Food packing day

It has been a busy weekend in many ways.  Yesterday KC and a lot of the members of the dance school that they participates in performed shows at the area assisted living facilities.  They were very warmly received in all venues.  He was in 3 of the numbers this year and the shows were about 45 minutes in length.  They did 4 shows in all and devoted the larger part of yesterday to giving joy in this way to the seniors of our city.  He was proud and excited to be doing this.  Last year he was only in 2 numbers, this year he was in 3.  He stressed a lot about whether or not he would slip when he did his solo in the tap number, whether he would get tired doing the lift etc etc.  He did great though.

Lissa spent from 2 to 6 yesterday outside a local big box store with her Girl Scout troop. She was helping with the cookie booth and despite the very chilly temperatures the girls did well on their sales. Lissa and I worked together on finding recipes on the net that use Girl Scout cookies and folks who bought more than 4 boxes got a free recipe book.  It was a cute little sales aid and Lissa enjoyed doing it.  I helped at the booth the last 2 hours of the day, having completed taxi duties associated with the winter show performances.  Holy handwarmers it was cold!  Lissa was fine as I had her wear her really warm winter gear--snow boots, snow pants, parka etc.  Dressed like we were doing a winter hike.  However our troop is not wealthy and many of the kids working were very lightly dressed for being outside so long.  When I came I brought extra gloves and chemical handwarmers and just left them on the end of the table so people could borrow gloves, and use the handwarmers.  They were gone in a flash.  It is one of those things you don't realize at first. In a lot of social situations it is easy to disguise the fact that there is a real fine line between having enough and just barely getting by nowadays.  But sometimes it shows.  Kids who say they only wear hoodies because of "fashion" sometimes really only wear hoodies for other reasons.

Today Lissa has a "hang out" (we have apparently reached the age where we are too cool to have a play date) with her friend L.  I'll pick her up at 3:30 and she and KC and i will head to the food packing center.  Both kids were initially thrilled to do this.  Today not so much; primarily because KC is a bit tired from yesterday and because it made for a shorter time for Lissa and her friend to be together today.  However I have been impervious to their half hearted suggestions that we not go.

First of all, I believe in showing up when you say you will and I did check with them before I signed up our team. Secondly, I think the energy of the event will come through to them.  I have done the United Day of Caring with my work team and you can't help but get energized because to be in community with so many people excited to help others---well, it is pretty cool.  But most importantly, I think it is important to find a variety of ways to help others.  This is a way to give of service and I am convinced that service needs to be a component in creating a more fair and just world.  It isn't just about writing a check or dropping off a donation.  Those are fine. They are needed and there are times when I have contributed in that way as well. But we also need to be willing to work for a better world, and a fairer distribution of that which we all need in order to live.  So I hope today will help my two youngest see that and I'm more than willing to plan another "hang out" time for Lissa and her friend!