Monday, August 3, 2015

Why I am glad I didn't jump to conclusions

So last week Rob had to go into the Big City to get his transportation pass  for school. While he was there he planned on seeing his skateboard buddy that he met a college last year and also his brother D and sister K.  I was over the moon happy that the 3 sibs were getting together.  Sometimes  I have felt like I was maybe pushing Rob too hard in my efforts to maintain connections with his first family.  He didn't seem particularly to want this but he didn't come out and say he didn't want it either. So I kept on.  I have been Facebook friends with as many family as I could safely and reasonably connect with.  It has been a long, many years journey with lots of rough patches. But I think we navigated the journey pretty well.

Last year when D and A had their baby shower, we were all there.  More fences were mended, more bridges strengthened.  So it was totally in character for me to write a happy little post on Facebook saying how happy I was that Rob was in town spending time with D and K that day.

Today I got a private message from D saying that he and K did not appreciate being tagged in my happy little post and that although I considered Rob my son, they were siblings and were trying to rebuild that relationship in a way that was not over the top for Rob.

I wrote back right away that I absolutely respect their sibling ties and never intended my words to make that relationship difficult or undermining in any way. I promised not to write anything in the future and said that I would apologize to Rob as well if he was upset by my words--though I also said that he is pretty used to my bragging on him and all the other kids.  I am just a pretty open person.  What you see/read/here is what you get. Anyway, I wrote a careful and thoughtful post back and hoped for the best.

When I got home I had another post from D.  He said above all he did not want me to think I had anything to apologize over. He and K just wanted to be with their brother without all the rest of the first family asking why they had not been included and why they had not brought Rob by etc.  Which made total sense and was something that (obviously) had not occured to me at all.  So we have talked more on line and he and K are hoping to come out this way and visit as well.  I am excited. I am also mindful that if my response had been different, the outcome could have well been really sad.  Instead, I am filled with hope that the journey continues and that these kids solidify their relationships with each other.

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