Sunday, week three of Covid

I am here to sit with myself again.  Virtual church will start in about 20 minutes.  I have sterilized all the knobs and switches in our house. I have dusted. I have put away laundry and done dishes from breakfast.  After church I will clean and sterilize the island and counters in the kitchen and deep clean the bathrooms.  In reality a lot of these things are normal tasks that I do routinely in our home.  But in the time of Covid-19 there is a heightened sense of urgency to remain a clean space that no germ would want to hang around in. 

Increasingly I feel the loneliness and isolation of this experience.  I have my family and I am blessed beyond measure in that regard.  But even at work we are isolated, safely having staff meetings by phone trying to not be in the same room with one another.  As a highly people oriented person, I find myself feeling down quite frequently.  Not depths of despair, just lonely.  I am grateful for technology but media does not feel the same as face to face.  Not being able to plan a party for my son's 16th birthday party not meeting friends for coffee or a quick chat outside the market etc.  I never realized how important things like this are to me.  I suppose the upside is that i will never ever take such experiences for granted again.

Meanwhile in far more serious matters, the number of cases in our state continues to rise. I am grateful and blessed that we all remain healthy and that we have been able to meet our financial obligations.  Hoping everyone stays safe!

Sitting With Myself

I am an extrovert by nature.  I love people. I love being in community.  I am highly social in every sense of the word.  Being with people feeds my spirit and gives me energy.  I am respecting the social distance protocols. I am finding new ways to accomplish my work for a marginalized population in times of social distancing. I am using all reasonable care.

I am grateful during this time for technology.  I am not really tech savvy myself.  (writing a blog is about as high tech as this gal gets!)  i am however blessed with a very tech savvy company and church community.  So work meetings continue via our computers and phones.  And today, we had a church service that was highly attended virtually.  (funny aside:  my work laptop does not have a camera, my home computer does.  Boy was I glad I had combed my hair this a.m. when I realized that everyone  at virtual church could see me!)

However it was sitting in service that i realized that i had not taken time to think of how I feel during this time of pandemic.  I have been very busy at work.  I have been busy at home helping my wife to handle her anxiety and stay calm.  I have been finding things to occupy the kids who are used to such a busy life.  i have been trying to calm a teen who may not have a recital the first year he landed a lead role. I have been checking in with my sister in law who is receiving chemo and has a highly compromised immune system.  I have been trying to reassure my mother who is very anxious and flashing back to WW2 and depression era memories due to the lack of resources available.  I have been working at planning creative meals around the things we have been able to purchase during the shortages.  And somehow in there, I lost sight of looking more deeply into my own feelings.  A week or so ago I told my kids all about how this time would be our "Walden" our chance to be more fully present with ourselves.  And I haven't been.

Today was a chance to do that.  It wasn't exactly comfortable. These are scary times and I was forced to admit that I am scared.  I am an older parent (even though I would like to believe I don't look it!) While I have no underlying health conditions, that does put a certain level of risk in the equation.

I am a planner.  I am feeling at sixes and sevens because I can't really plan right now.  I don't know what the world will look like in July so I have not made reservations for camping as I intended to.  If our state locks down and I need to use all my vacation time to keep paychecks coming into the house, we may not be able to take that time.

I also realized when we were virtually in community at church today just how much I emotionally need others.  I need to see faces, hear voices, and share stories.  This morning's service went a long way toward filling a void I did not really know I had.

And yet, thus far I am really blessed.  My immediate family is all healthy.  My mother and my FIL and SIL remain healthy.  I have heard that my sister who lives across the country has the virus but is recovering at home and has not required hospitalization.  We will get through this and though the world will be changed irrevocably by this experience, I have to believe that the resiliance of our human spirit will see us through.

Of Change and Covid-19

Life is different these days.  I never fully realized just how busy and involved our family is--how wide and rich our circle is, until it suddenly shrank. And shrank. And shrank some more.  Our church has made the difficult decision to suspend in person services and Religious Exploration classes.  We are utilizing technology to meet via zoom and remain connected.  It is of help, but we are all aware that it is not the same and that all may not participate in that manner.  My daughter Elisabeth's Coming of Age program is suspended until they can safely resume meetings and make their field trip to the Big City, have their retreat and the other important components that make up the Coming of Age year.  My kids dance school has closed for at least one week.  It is unclear whether the recital date will change and how this will impact practices for the lead characters in their production of Beauty and the Beast.  This is definately not how he expected his first year having a lead to unfold. 

My job is expected to continue in a rather unique fashion where we will report to work and work with the doors locked, interacting with tenants and prospective residents by phone and email and fax only.  I have yet to figure out how this translates to lease signings and the federal paperwork that make up my day but we will figure this out.

Schools are closed which also means that my daughters Scout troop is not meeting until some undetermined date. Her encampment event in April with the Scouts is also cancelled.  I had a gathering planned at a friends house to learn about a product she sells.  This has been postponed and she is posting info on line.  Our annual trip to Maine to the maple sugar festival has been cancelled.

I have told the kids that this is going to be our Walden time.  A time to hunker down and spend time as a family.  We will have time for reading and board games, family walks and movie nights.  Our pantry is well stocked--my legacy of food insecurity when I first moved out on my own translated to me always wanting a healthy pantry.  I may have a bit less than optimum papergoods, but we will not go hungry. There are all the staples and I love to cook so I have no worries in that regard.

There are things we can not plan for but we will trust that with perserverance, common sense and yankee ingenuity that we will all be fine and come through this.  May you all be safe and find solace in the love of family in these new and differant times.