Thanksgiving 2023

 What a wonderful wonderful holiday.  We were blessed to have KC come home on Tuesday night and for Rob to come in for Thanksgiving Day and spend that night here with us as well.  He was also here to help decorate the house for Yule and that was so special.

The house rang with laughter.  I'm still not used to how quiet the house is with only two of the kids at home.  We are still very connected--thank goodness for texting--but we are moving into a different phase of our parenthood.  So I savor all the times we are able to be together, bask in their banter, and make everyone's favorite foods.

This Thanksgiving was also special because my mom and my FIL (who is Dad to me) were here, as well as my beloved SIL.  We had two friends who are usually with us and who had to bow out at the last minute because of illness.  Truthfully with 2 90 year olds at the table I am grateful that they did, though they were definately missed. But my mom has not been at Thanksgiving with us in many many years.  She lived out out state and neither her husband, or later her partner were able to make such a long trek to our home.  I could tell that even though she lives close by now, she too was tired when the festivities were done. One thing that was weird and hard for me was that Fiona was not with us. She has moved to a shared living residence much closer to first family members and the Big City.  I truly can not drive there.  I also thought her first family were getting her for the day but she spent it with the family of her shared living provider.  She seemed to have a good day and we Face Timed each other, but I missed her.  I am not her guardian any longer but she is always my daughter in my heart and we are still in touch a lot.  Again, thank goodness for the Internet!

There was food aplenty.  We had many pies, I made three batches of parker house rolls, we had giant turkey, I made mac and cheese and sauteed greens. There were mashed potatos, squash, carrots and corn. I also made rolled sugar cookies shaped and decorated like fall leaves.  No one left this house hungry or without a doggie bag!

Thanksgiving night, I took down a lot of the harvest decor, the kids put the living room back to rights (we have to move out all our furniture so that we have room for the tables) and we watched our first Christmas movie of the season together--Spirited.  

Friday we did almost all our indoor decorating.  KC and I watched a movie together that night as well.  We adore the movie Jingle Jangle but are the only 2 in the family who love it so it was just us.  Rob headed back home to Maine and we all went to bed early!

Saturday I made the cemetary boxes, and KC and I went to my mom's and helped her decorate her apartment and had lunch with her. We had lots of time for KC to talk one on one with her about his college experiences so far.  He used to text her daily before school began and they are both missing the fact that there is not time for that now. While KC and I were gone, Elisabeth did an amazing surprise for me.  I always decorate the tops of our upper kitchen cabinets.  She got red ribbon and bows and turned the door fronts into lovely packages.  It really looks amazing and I absolutely adore it.  It is extra special as Elisabeth has never been one to be super excited about decorating.  KC has always been the one for that (and Rob's special thing is the tree) So to have her plan this herself and do it for me, is a huge and special gift.  That night we all went to see the new MCU movie The Marvels.  The movie has really been panned but we loved it and I suppose I would have loved anything really as we were all together and having fun.

Saturday night Elisabeth had her two best friends sleep over and this morning, I had to drive KC back to school.  He won't be back for two weeks as he has rehearsal commitments at school.  But he will be back the weekend of December 9th and his gift this year to Chet and I is to go see Elf on the big screen!  We are both excited for that. Elf is one of our favorite movies.  Can you get a sense for how really big the holidays are here?

Tonight it is back to reality.  Elisabeth has Friendsgiving with the Youth Group tonight and while she is there, I'll be at work.  I took Wednesday off and we were closed the rest of the week so I have had a long luxurious break from the office.  But tomorrow it will be busy there and I have no office staff in that day except me, so it will be best to have this done ahead of time.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was what you needed and wanted at this moment in time, and that the coming weeks bring times of light, and joy.

Friends and Family Performance

 Last night we drove out to the college KC is attending.  It is friends and family weekend there.  Lots of families are spending the weekend with their college student. We only went last night because our guy would not have been able to spend any time with us.  He was performing in a project called SEEP which was a dance program that was envisioned, choreographed, learned and performed in the same day.  They started work at 10 a,m. and performed at 7:30  

I waited eagerly for him to appear on the studio floor with the two other members of his trio.  As always, he is so compelling to watch when he is dancing.  His role was the ocean and his moves were so fluid.  But I am a mom.  Yes, I was also a dancer, but I always wonder if I am looking through the lens of love and it is biased.

After the performance he was introducing us to his friends who had come to watch him perform as well.  A woman who was unknown to us came up and wanted to speak with KC.  She asked what division he was.  He explained he was Div 1 (how they indicate first year students.)  She was visibly shocked.  She said she was a Div 3 and was putting together an entire show and wanted him in it.  She asked about the styles of dance he is familiar with and he told her what he has studied. She asked if he could dance house.

My son who was once so afraid to step on stage at recital confidently said, "I can learn."  They exchanged contact information for a deeper discussion to be had later.  It was everything that i hoped college would offer him.  He's well known as a dancer in our city, but our city is not exactly a cultural hub.  To be able to shine in a bigger pond and to be willing to take risks makes me so happy for him.

What's important

 Last Monday was pretty ordinary til about 5 pm  I went to work.  I stopped in to see my Mom.  I picked my daughter up at the mall from her job at 5  But right as she left work a heavy rain storm moved in.  Driving home became treacherous as roads began to flood.  I tried alternate roads with no success and finally got us safely home.  I was so thankful; I had  water was coming through the floor boards of  my car during the last part of our journey.  

When we got to the house we could see that our back yard was flooded.  Not just a few inches, but feet. The water was racing across the yard up the slope to our home.  Our street became a raging torrent. It did not even look like a road.  Cars began to stall out.  I called my wife who was at work in the next town over and told her to check in with me before she tried to come home from work.  In the middle of that conversation we lost our phone and internet. I was cooking supper also while all this was going on--food is always a priority! LOL  As I was making supper my daughter Elisabeth said she could hear things bumping in our cellar.  I went outside and opened the bulkhead (we don't have an inside access) and discovered the cellar was flooded to the second stair from the top.

We have a gas heater which was not on. And a gas hot water heater which had been on.  I have alarms down cellar if gas is escaping but those also were now underwater and unlikely to be functional.  I have no sense of smell so I would not know if gas was escaping.  I called the Fire Dept and explained. They said they would put me on the list.  I could hear sirens all over the city and I knew others were very likely worse off.  Supper was done, I had not used gas to cook it (thank you Instant Pot) We ate while we watched out the windows as the water roared like a river down our street.  I texted my wife that we were all ok but she should stay where she was.  

Hours passed.  Water crept higher.  I called the fire dept again and they said they would bump us to priority status.  A few minutes later I saw an engine up the street.  I ran up to them and explained.  They agreed to check our gas for us.  They used a meter and could not detect escaping gas.  However they also could not shut off my gas as the shut off and the meter are inside the cellar.  Evacuation was suggested but not made mandatory.  Truly I had nowhere to go with 3 animals, a disabled adult and my daughter and myself.  I suggested we shelter in place with doors and windows open.  The fire folks could not of course say that was great but there was no compelling proof that we would not be safe, particularly if we did not use any gas.

I slept rather little that night.  My wife called about midnight and said she heard a dam might break and that the water could potentially head to us.  I tried to sound super calm because she was hysterical. I said no one had come to talk about evacuation and that they surely would if that was immenent.  I fell back asleep but woke when flashing lights were outside.  Worried that this might be the evac order, I got up but it was a crew trying to get a submerged car out of the street.  I texted my boss that I would not be at the quarterly manager's meeting and gave a brief overview of what was transpiring.  I dozed some more til about 6 when I got up to try and survey the damage.

The water had receded.  There is a benefit to a clay floor in the cellar.  But the devastation it left behind was pretty massive.  I could not walk safely down there initially.  My wife arrived home and I said the first thing was to call for a dumpster because they were going to get rented out quick with all the damage sustained by folks in our city. The second call was to the plumber so we  could at least get hot water and order a new heating system.  The last call was to our insurance company. 

It turned out we were the first people to rent a dumpster. A 10 yarder was delivered early that morning and I called out of work and started filling it. Friends came over the next day and they helped continue that effort.  We got fans going in the cellar to help the floor dry but getting out everything that was wet was key.  By the end of the week I had moved out enough belongings to fill the dumpster 3 times. Wash rinse repeat.  On Saturday my friends came back and helped me move out the 2 fridges, the washer and the chest freezer that had been destroyed. The water was so strong it had tipped over the fridges and the washer!

I am looking at this as a great opportunity.  An expensive one to be sure as surprise! Homeowners insurance does not cover this.  One apparently needs flood insurance even if you don't live in a flood plain and have never had this happen in the more than 90 years that your family has lived in this same house. (I am not that old, I am the fourth generation to live here!)

I plan on repointing the foundation over the winter because hey, I like a project. Once that is done there are walls that I will insulate with rock wool and we can put in some new led lighting and make a decent workshop. My grandfather had put up paneling (which I have had to rip out) and instead I will use a plastic product that I used in part of our bathroom reno.  It is water and mildew resistant and a better choice for a basement/cellar area in my opinion.

Others had it so much worse.  Someone I know had a sink hole destroy the foundation of their home.  It is condemned.  Another person had their car swept away when the driveway gave way. No less than five people I know personally had cars flooded and totalled. My neighbors house is being worked on but was declared unlivable at this time. 3 families have had to find temporary housing as a result. I may eventually remember to post some pictures of right after the flood and after I cleaned it up.  We will see.  For now, I am simply hyper aware of our good fortune and that what is important is not things, it is family.

The Nest

 I watched the female cardinal yesterday

     (the one who raised her young in our burning bush)

The babies fledged--they fly albeit haltingly

     Looking back to mama.

She seemed to be ignoring them until Val

     our lean black cat sauntered past.

Then her body was on high alert,

     watching, making sure the young were still safe.

I wonder if at night she stretches her wings in her nest

and if it suddenly feels too large.

The House of Tomorrow

 I actually wrote the previous post last Thursday but we got home so late that night that I forgot to finish and hit publish!  He has been at college now since 8/31  Move in went smoothly. They really have it down to a science.  I thought I would be carrying the furnishings and was a little worried as my wife's ankle is not good right now. But no!  They have a cadre of folks who help load stuff up and cart it to the room and all you have to do is put it away when you are there. Amazing! 

After the move in there was orientation and a lot of speakers and a delicous food truck supper.  Not going to lie though, driving away was hard.  Going to bed that night was hard.  And we have all missed him so much at so many times since he moved in.

But. . . he is supremely blissfully happy.  He is finding his tribe.  He has friends all ready.  He has plans and goals.  He is exactly where he needs to be at this point in his life. And incidently, yay for another successful homeschooler going to college!

And I am working on this new period in my life as well.  I have parented for almost 40 years.  I have forgotten how to NOT actively parent. LOL  Well, Elisabeth is still home but she too is so close to fledging and I am quite sure she will "adult" as soon as she is able.  

I have spent this weekend doing house projects with my wife.  Reorganizing spaces.  Building a new back step.  Repairing a back railing.  Taking down summer decor.  Putting away summer clothes and taking out the fall and cooler weather work duds.  Helping Chet wash the siding on the house. Hanging a new clothes line.  Cleaning our back storage room with Elisabeth. Bringing my mom her groceries and popping into work for a short bit on Saturday. Working on moving a ridiculous amount of pictures off my work phone onto my home computer one by one.

It's mostly all good, though I find I am somewhat lonely. It's okay.  As I told KC when he left, it is OK to be uncomfortable.  It's how we grow.  I will grow too.  I will gradually find new interests, people, experiences, that enrich my time.  I keep thinking of the poem by Gibran.  Our church uses this at child dedications:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I think til now I did not think of the house of tomorrow that I will not visit.  But I am always willing to be the stable bow.

Moving Day

 

It's move in day!  The car is packed.  Mini fridge, microwave, clothes, dance gear, pillows, bedding, stuffed animals, food and cooking supplies.  It's there.  We leave in about an hour.  He stripped his bed and the sheets are in the wash.  The bed that won't need to be remade tonight.  

I took this photo at the Jacob's Pillow center when we were there last week for the hip hop class.  Martha  Graham was one of the founders of the Pillow (along with Ted Shawn) and the quote actually refers to dance.  But it is also so true about parenting.  It's about helping our kids find their wings and take those first, sometimes halting flights to independence.  Not pushing out of the nest, but guiding them to the edge with encouragement.  Lifting up when the down drafts try and grab them helping them flap the wings just a bit harder.

It will be hard tonight when I go up to bed and I don't hear him in his room--music playing, or chatting with friends. I'm not sure what I'll do  then but I too will find my way.  This is a new place in parenting.  With a big family I have never even come close to empty nesting.  I need to be intentional about finding my new wings too.  I'm taking a dance class this fall.  That is one thing.  I'll find others as well.

Last Weekend before the college drop off!

 

It was a busy weekend.  The days and hours are fleeing quickly until that guy on the right gets dropped at college on Thursday.  I'm smiling but I am sort of a wreck.  So excited for him, so knowing how very very much I'll be missing him.  I'll miss calling out to him, hey look at the sunset.  I'll miss him calling out to me to come see the moon. But he needs this.

Sunday we drove two hours west of our city so that he and Elisabeth could take a hip hop class at Jacob's Pillow.  This is a cool experience because the participants are studying with instructors from companies that are touring.  This was a class led by Compangnie Kafig and it was extremely cool.  Both of my kids liked it (and rocked it!) The class was supposed to be an hour but ran 90 minutes.  This is them afterwards with the two instructors.  A fun side note, this pic is from Elisabeth's phone. She initiated them taking the picture!  A sure sign that she also enjoyed herself.

I did not get to see much of the class as this one was held in one of the Pillow's indoor spaces. The last time we went they were on an outdoor stage and I could observe the whole class.  I did get to peek in at the end though and it was so cool to watch.  KC is so fluid and just lights up when he dances, and Elisabeth was having a great time as well. 

I also have been overwhelmed with the kindness shown to KC as he readies himself.  A customer where he works gave him a brand new dorm fridge.  As in, still in the box!  A co worker gave him a brand new microwave. It is clear he is loved by many.  I have always said there can never be too many people loving your kids.  In today's turbulent times that is ever more true.  May he meet many more of those people in this next chapter of his life.

Count down to college

 

It is exactly a month tomorrow.  30 days until we drive this handsome man to his college, help load up his room, participate in the parent orientation. . .  and drive away.  This is HARD folks!  The gap year has flown by.  I am thrilled that he has been accepted at a learning institution where he can follow his duel passions of dance and film.  He lights up a stage.  He has such passion for what he does.

But the hole in our home life will be immense. He is the guy who always asks how my day was.  Who hugs me every night.  Who checks in often in so many random little ways.  The house will be cleaner.  The shoe rack will be tidy.  There won't be dishes (or not so many!) in weird places. But I won't hear show tunes belted from the bathroom, or come upon him counting out choreography in the dining room. Or having him run in and tell me to come look at the moonrise or a special sunset.

It feels like not at all long ago that he was always cuddled up with me, reading stories or singing.  Watching Kipper on TV. Taking nightly walks to the park. He has of all my kids, been slowest to step out on his own but now, he is ready.

This is all what should happen.  He is ready to fly and I want him to soar. But I suspect I will also spend this last month spontaneously crying at odd random times. Send kleenex.

More College Ramblings

 Yesterday we toured KC's top  choice school in Western Mass.  It is a very different college from what I am used to with two living buildings on campus, which is highly unusual.  What is a living building ?  Click the link for a more concise explanation than I could give!  Obviously there is a strong environmental focus at the college, but there is equally a passionate social justice program and a thriving arts program which seems a wonderful fit for KC.  The college is part of a 5 college consortium and he would be able to take classes at all colleges without extra tuition.  Dorm rooms are singles and that too is something that will help make his transition easier I think.  He is a guy who needs his space. He also needs sleep and if he was paired with someone who had different needs/schedules he would struggle.

He has all ready been accepted and offered a really great 4 year scholarship from the college.  But after we toured we were told he is being considered for a greater award which we won't know about till probably early April.  He still wants to tour the third choice college in 2 weeks but I am pretty sure he will accept this school's offer and be very happy there. His friend goes there and was able to meet up with us and join us on the tour and talked afterward about what his experience has been like this first year.  Those were helpful insights.

Endings and Beginnings

 It's been busy here.  A bit of reno but most of the busy has been my mom and my youngest son KC.  It's a story of endings and beginnings.  Mom is 90 and has lived two states away from us for more than 25 years.  Til recently it has not been a problem.  But as she ages it has become more of a concern to me. She lives on a second floor and has to also go to the basement down some very sketchy steps to do laundry.  If she needs help she is 2.5 hours from us. During Covid lock down we could not travel to her.  I began to realize that this was a situation that should change.  She did too, but it is hard for her.  

She has lived in this apartment for 20 or so years.  It holds memories and lots  of stuff.  Not in a hoarding way, but more than she needs and can realistically care for. It is a two bedroom so she has a room that is just a study with two desks and file cabinets.  Again, more than she needs but that is hard to say to someone.

About 8 months ago she did agree to apply at the high rise where I work.  Her name came up more quickly than anticipated and it looks like she will move in this month.  The process has produced some excitement for her---the idea of being close to the grandkids and my wife and I,the prospect of attending church with me have been happy thoughts for her.  The idea of an elevator so she does not have to do stairs has been a plus.  But there are also things that produce anxiety.  The very act of moving and realizing that all she owns will.not.fit.  She will be moving to a lovely one bedroom apartment.  There is a great view of a pond and she is close to two city parks and will be able to enjoy nature which is great.  But again, a one bedroom unit.  To try and alleviate the stress I have rented a storage unit.  We will store things she is unsure about and/or which don't fit in the new apartment there.  She can "audition" some of her furniture by doing this.  For instance the woman has two kitchen tables.  One she presently keeps in the front hall of the apartment building. She can't do that in the new place.  She can try one of them in the apartment and we will store the other one.  If she doesn't like the first one, we will swap them.  The one that ultimately is not chosen we can donate or put on marketplace.  It will be the same with the two desks, and other items that she feels unable to decide about.  This has helped calm her a bit.

She is realizing that she does not want to drive in a new city and is considering giving up her car.  At 90 I think that is a good thing.  She is close enough when she moved that I was planning on taking her shopping anyway.  She is grieving the loss of what she once had--the ability to walk at the oceans edge, gatherings with work and church friends ---many who have passed on now or who are less capable than she is.  It is good for her to move but also so hard.  It is a reminder that the wheel of life keeps turning and time on this plane is finite.  It is hard for me too, as she is obviously less capable these days and not the Mom or Nana of years past.

But this is also a season of beginnings.  KC has applied at three colleges.  His intent is to major in dance and minor in film.  He has been accepted all ready at two of the three.  His top choice school, which also offers an amazing financial award toward his tuition and his third choice school which offers a modest award toward tuition.  He has not heard from the second choice but interviews with them this week.  My gut is that he will go with the top choice school but he wants to tour all three and make his decision from that.  All the schools are in our state and within 90 minutes of our home.  He knows he does not want to be further than that from home as family is his touchstone in a very deep way.  February is not only a time of moving Mom to a new apartment but also filled with weekends of the college tours.  

I am so excited for him.  This is his dream and he is chasing it with vigor and purpose.  It is also hard.  Hard to imagine him not in the house every night.  Or here when I get home from work, asking how my day was.  Or dropping him off at dance.  He is so intensely woven into the fabric of family life, that this will be a big adjustment for us all here as well.  This is absolutely what every parent wants for their child, but oh I am still going to be crying into my pillow when he leaves.

Updating Old cabinets

 Months ago we installed new uppers in our kitchen.  We installed a set of custom lower cabinets in one area but there was a run of base cabinets that would have been too complicated to replace.  Made many years by vocational school students, the doors are thinner than normal.  They are essentially plywood.  But to remove them and put in a new base is more money and time than we wanted to devote to it.  So we mutually agreed to paint the lowers and put on new hardware to give them another lease on life.  

There used to be two very ugly faux drawer fronts underneath the sink.  They didn't fit properly and wobbled all around--in fairness all of my 5 kids pulled on them at one point or another when they were growing up.  But you can see the lovely orangey color and the dated hardware.  I had obviously removed the two faux drawers at this point--an embarrassingly easy thing to do that took about 3 minutes of time.  We also removed a piece of quarter round that was under the counter and discovered that there was a bit of a mess there.  Moisture had gotten behind the trim and mold was growing. There was a gap, caused in part by levelling the counter but also partly because there used to be a different counter and sink there in my childhood.  I did not want to put trim back there.  So I went to my source--Youtu*e  and sure enough someone had solved a similar problem with an old door.  

The solution was to put painters tape behind the gap and seal it thoroughly.  Then we used wood resin fill to fill the gap. The procedure was pretty easy.

Here it was after filling the gaps so that that top is flat.  We sanded it down with a mouse sander. My wife then took off all the old hardware and painted the drawers and lower cabinets.  Amazingly, for the first time ever, our new hardware lined up with the holes for the old hardware.  Truly a renovation miracle!  

Our plan was to replace the two faux drawers with one longer piece of wood.  I am a bit of  a wood hoarder.  Lumber is expensive and old wood is just so special.  One of the pieces i had saved from the bathroom gut job was a lovely pine board.  It was too thick for our purpose so a friend planed it to the correct thickness for us.  Today we painted and installed it.  The lowers look amazing!

The Youtu*er I watched called this process "puttin lipsick on a pig."  Well this pig looks pretty fine!  We used Heirloom Traditions paint for this.  I have used their paint in other applications in our home and find it to be exceptionally durable and very easy to apply.  This color is called London should anyone be interested in the color in their own home.

First project of 2023 finished!

Hello 2023

 Happy New Year!  It was a different New Years Eve this year.  They have changed a lot over the years.  There were the years the kids were too little to stay up (and be human the next day!) so we would pick countries around the world and make special food from that country , and learn facts about them and play trivia games and learn about them.  Then we would have sprinklers in the back yard or glow sticks and say Happy New Year according to the time it was the new year there.

Then the kids got old enough to stay up.  We had snacks and movie nights together and snuggled watching the ball drop.  One year KC timed us watching the Avenger movie so that when the "snap" happened it was midnight.

Now things have changed again, as is the way in life. Rob does not live at home.  KC went to a friends house for New Years Eve and to sleep over.  Elisabeth had two girl friends sleep over here.  Chet always prefers to stay in his room, not liking noise and hoopla so it was my wife and I rattling around the house.  I made tostones and coquito to snack on, but then by 10:30 I was cold so I snuggled in bed and watched the new year in from there on my phone.  What a party animal!! At midnight we were all texting each other watching fireworks on our phones (which I have to admit was extremely cool!)

This morning, kids are still sleeping but my wife is at work and I have been up for hours.  It is uncharicteristically mild here right now so I took a long walk to welcome the New Year and to talk to the goddess.

May 2023 be good to us all!