Mothers Day

It is Mothers Day tomorrow and this is the day that we spend honoring K.  I get an Ooma's Day later, usually sometime in late June.  I have been reading a lot about how hard this day is for kids and for moms.  And I remember when it was only Chet how hard it was for us.  He inevitably couldn't hold his behaviors together.  There is an odd correlation in him whereby the more he wants to achieve something the less achievable it becomes.  So our best Mothers Days were very low key.  And had a physical component like a hike or trip to the beach so that some of the anxiety energy could burn off without a meltdown.  And sometimes even that didn't work.

With Fiona Mothers Day has always been a non issue.  She calls me mom but it doesn't have the same meaning for her. And it reminds her of her first mother and how she loves her and misses her and has no capacity to understand what happened, even if I had all the story to give her.

Thankfully with my 3 younger kids, Mothers day is a more joyful experience.  Rob enjoys doing for people.  He prefers not to have to talk much about it but he gravitates to tangible ways to show caring and thus this holiday is tailor made for that.  He has a flower pot to make today, Lissa will help me decorate a tray.  KC has a craft and Chet has earrings to make.  I have a mug that we will all decorate together with special paint and she will get breakfast in bed, replete with tea in the special mug.  KC has announced he wants to write a poem and recite it to her.  So I expect sometime today we will work on that.  At least it explains why he has been walking around the house rhyming words together for the past two days! LOL

But as much as I personally love this day.  And I do. I think Hallmark aside, it is important to take that moment and do something special for someone. I also fully understand the grieving and the loss and the rage.  And I always spend extra time thinking of the four women who were first mothers to my children.  Of the woman in India who brought Chet into the world and for reasons unknown to me, had to leave him on the steps of a hospital.  I hope that it was because she wanted more food and a healthier life for him.  I have always prayed it wasn't because she died and no one was left to care for the tiny baby.

I think of Rob's first mother and hope that her life has taken a better turn.  That she is safe and healthy and stable.  That KC's mom got to go to college as she was hoping, that Lissa's mom is healthier now and living a safer life.  And I hope they all know how much I love our children, and how I wish I could let them know that.

Every morning one of Chet's jobs is to go down cellar and empty our dehumidifier.  We have had a very wet spring and with a stone foundation, seepage is inevitable.  It disappears quickly because the cellar has a dirt floor but I don't want mustiness to remain as there is no real way to ventilate the cellar effectively. Thus the dehumidifier.

This morning Chet came flying upstairs and bursts into the kitchen like his pants are on fire.  "You clogged the sink" he says in a voice that sounds fairly accusatory.  He is directing his comment to my wife.  He continues on to tell her that she must have "washed diapers in the big sink" and explains that he has deduced this because the sink is full of water and there is water on the floor.

Of course, K doesn't appreciate being accused of this, but in reality, Chet wasn't accusing.  His modus operandi is to take anything that is shaking the norm of his world and craft an explanation.  Soapy water overflowing the soak sink must mean that Mom washed something there.  He saw her do a load of diapers yesterday and thus it was diapers.  Doesn't matter that our washer is located in the upstairs bathroom.  I have learned over the years that the explanations he crafts don't have to be reasonable to neuro-typical people. They just have to help him order his world. Because an unordered world is a scary place to him.

I explained it would be better to come up and tell us what he found.  Just to report, and we would all work together to find the cause.  Which sadly enough seems to be a clogged line.  Could be (gulp) tree roots or something like that.  At the moment the toilets don't seem impacted but we are not doing any wash till this is resolved because it was soapy water that K said smelled like our detergent. I have no sense of smell so I am just relying on her here.  But I hope the repair guy comes soon because we easily do 5 loads of wash a day at our house and this will pile up fast!

A is for Ant

The mail came today, and guess what was in it?  KC's long awaited ants.  Um, gee honey look!  I so tried for enthusiasm and I was doing pretty darn well in the department till I got the package open on the porch. No way in heck was that package coming inside the HOUSE!  LOL  When opened there were all these warnings about how these were harvester ants and do.not.touch. them.  Warnings about how they give a nasty bite that typically causes swelling and sometimes bruising.  Yup, my son's doting UNCLE gave us this joy!  So now, my joy is even more dim and still in my happy voice I send the kids inside with the recycling.  And I stand there on the walk holding the vial of the wee beasties and knowing I somehow have to make myself pry off the top and dump them in the ant farm, which is filled with this blue gel stuff.  I stand there staring at them, transfixed with horror.  And thank goddess, my wife walks outside, takes the vial and dumps them in.  We seal the top (we put extra tape around the top for good measure--guess who helpfully suggested that!) and bring it in. 

I have to give Uncle props for fascinating my kids.  They really enjoyed watching the ants.  They have begun building tunnels and you can see them bite off chunks of the blue gel and carry it to another location and then come back for more.  It is interesting.  It is also creepy and when I go to bed tonight I just KNOW my dreams will be filled with ants.  Lots and lots of ants.

Peaceful Nights

If anyone does read my blog (and it still makes my eyes widen when I realize that people do!) they have got to be rolling their eyes as I keep rhapsodizing over the bed thing.  KC slept all.night.long.   In his own bed, and awoke with a smile on his face. 

Why do I keep going on and on?  It really isn't because nothing else has happened in my life!  It is more because co-sleeping is not the norm in our society. And even among friends who co-slept, their kids were in their own beds long before KC decided he was ready to make the transition.

Also although my wife initially supported co-sleeping--and I think at some level still does--she also believes in moving things along with our children if they are not moving quickly enough according to her internal time line.  I am way more laid back about things like who sleeps where, and how they get to their bed.  I have had to listen to people tell me this journey was "unnatural." That I was not "parenting"  That I would never  get my children out of my bed.  Well, let's just say it was awkward and hurtful to listen to the various comments.  So I am simply basking in happiness now.  Just basking!  LOL

And KC goes to bed!

KC's new bed arrived today.  Clearly I didn't need to order the frame as this made it waaaaay too tall.  Without the frame it is exactly as tall as my bed. It is at the bottom of my bed as I write this.  With the cosleeping bolster as a bed guard for him to cuddle and to keep him from falling out.  With his comfy sheets. With his blanket.  His bear.  And . . . him!

At 7:30 I typically put on a popular PBS on demand show that just plays sleepy music.  It is like a tranquilizer dart to him and he falls asleep in minutes.  Literally in minutes.  Then I work downstairs for a few hours and eventually carry him up to bed.  Tonight, I will walk up to bed all by myself! 

I am almost afraid to hit the publish button; as if saying this aloud will somehow jinx me.  But I think our little guy is just having a total power surge of confidence and I am loving watching this happen. And I am also feeling good about the fact that I haven't pushed any of this.  I have let it be on his terms, in his time and in his way.  There are so many things out of children's control. I try to let them have a say when it is possible and reasonable. 

Lissa gets herself dressed!

Kids are so different!  I was wondering aloud to another mom if I should be worried because Lissa at 3 does not know a single letter.  She knows the ABC song and can sing it 90 mph but recognize a letter?  Any letter?  Nope.  Can you tell that as a reader and a homeschooler the ole stress level was rising?  Not to mention the fact that Lissa does not care that she doesn't recognize letters.  LOL

The thing is, despite having 4 kids I have no real yardstick for what is the "norm" for this skill.  Chet had to learn a new language as a toddler.  Recognizing letters took longer but it suddenly clicked and he was reading words at age 4.

Rob came to me at 5.  He didn't know how to read.  He did know all his letters but had not been taught how to sound words out or group them in anything but his name. He had never been to a library.  He actually participated in some nifty Title 1 stuff that helped bring the reading along really quickly when we got him enrolled in Kindergarten here.

KC loved playing with letters.  He had soft letters that he played with and when he was 2.5 he knew each letter visually as a result.  For what its worth, Lissa has the same letters and couldn't care less about them.  At any rate, KC has been reading for nigh onto a year now and knew letters for a looooong time.  One of the moms at KC's dance class works at a pre-school and she assured me that Lissa is totally normal.  Her son who is Lissa's age has exactly the same interest and understanding of letters. (that would be none!) LOL

And this morning, Lissa got up and announced she was going to get herself dressed all by herself.  And she did.  KC didn't do that till he was um maybe 5????  I so have to remember not to stress and to just celebrate.  They are all doing fine.  Life is good!

And they're off!

Saturdays are busy and fun.  When you put May Day AND the Kentucky Derby on the same day, well it is high drama at our house!  LOL  This morning we mailed Nana's May basket, and a small bit of jewelry and make up to Fiona. Then it was off to do banking and the library and dance class.  At the dance studio there were all these women sitting on lawn chairs in front of the school.  Say what???  This, it seemed ,was the ticket line.  The recital ticket sales were commencing this afternoon and people who clearly equate 5 and 6 year olds wandering aimlessly around the stage for 4 hours or so were literally queued up hours in advance.  Needless to say I was not one of them.  This production, sweet though it might be, will not be the Boston Ballet.  Nor would it be one of the musical artists  Rob and I saw at Christmas.  Sean Kingston I might wait in line for.  Tickets to this , not real likely.  Luckily I found out that if one was not a groupy, one could return about 3ish and one would not find a line.  So that is what we did. And in between, we played outside with waterguns, made cookies for Rob to bring to fellowship, delivered May baskets, made silly hats to wear during the Derby, and bought KC a new mattress and box spring.  The latter took the longest as just like Goldilocks he had to try all the beds (or very nearly so) to see which would give him his "beauty sleep."  He decided on a set and it turned out it was on sale (can we all cheer here!) AND he said he thinks he is getting tired of the Good Night Show and would like to try going up to bed with his bear at 7:30.  This will begin when his new bed comes on Tuesday.  Wahoo.  Three cheers. I am so hoping that this transition goes smoothly and that my laid back child led efforts in this regard are really beginning to come to fruition.