Mothers Day

It is Mothers Day tomorrow and this is the day that we spend honoring K.  I get an Ooma's Day later, usually sometime in late June.  I have been reading a lot about how hard this day is for kids and for moms.  And I remember when it was only Chet how hard it was for us.  He inevitably couldn't hold his behaviors together.  There is an odd correlation in him whereby the more he wants to achieve something the less achievable it becomes.  So our best Mothers Days were very low key.  And had a physical component like a hike or trip to the beach so that some of the anxiety energy could burn off without a meltdown.  And sometimes even that didn't work.

With Fiona Mothers Day has always been a non issue.  She calls me mom but it doesn't have the same meaning for her. And it reminds her of her first mother and how she loves her and misses her and has no capacity to understand what happened, even if I had all the story to give her.

Thankfully with my 3 younger kids, Mothers day is a more joyful experience.  Rob enjoys doing for people.  He prefers not to have to talk much about it but he gravitates to tangible ways to show caring and thus this holiday is tailor made for that.  He has a flower pot to make today, Lissa will help me decorate a tray.  KC has a craft and Chet has earrings to make.  I have a mug that we will all decorate together with special paint and she will get breakfast in bed, replete with tea in the special mug.  KC has announced he wants to write a poem and recite it to her.  So I expect sometime today we will work on that.  At least it explains why he has been walking around the house rhyming words together for the past two days! LOL

But as much as I personally love this day.  And I do. I think Hallmark aside, it is important to take that moment and do something special for someone. I also fully understand the grieving and the loss and the rage.  And I always spend extra time thinking of the four women who were first mothers to my children.  Of the woman in India who brought Chet into the world and for reasons unknown to me, had to leave him on the steps of a hospital.  I hope that it was because she wanted more food and a healthier life for him.  I have always prayed it wasn't because she died and no one was left to care for the tiny baby.

I think of Rob's first mother and hope that her life has taken a better turn.  That she is safe and healthy and stable.  That KC's mom got to go to college as she was hoping, that Lissa's mom is healthier now and living a safer life.  And I hope they all know how much I love our children, and how I wish I could let them know that.