Camping!

 Last weekend we went camping with friends.  Good friends and good coffee make for a grand weekend.  And I was lucky enough to have both.  I am a tent camper--which appears to be a declining form of camping as I saw RV's everywhere but very few tents (except those doing duty as overflow for the RV folks)  I find this interesting as to me, an RV feels like I am a hermit crab, carrying my house along with me.  I enjoy the freedom of choosing minimal essentials and making it work for the time we are there.  I usually forget something--the only thing that would ever cause panic would be the coffee pot!  The pot above has camped with me for more years than I dare to count.  It was falling apart til I had to lend it to my friend this weekend and he fixed it before returning it to me.  Clever guy can fix anything. But, I was able to fix their caffeine deprivation because I had an old fashioned perk pot and they had a Keurig and the electricity at the campground went out!  Old school to the rescue!

Between our two families we had 10 kids, ranging from 3 to 17  It was so much fun.  Evening campfires, games at the picnic tables, several communal meals.  Lissa got to night swim, which is always a big deal at 13.  I remember how special that was at that age.  There were smores, laughter and a birthday celebration for our friend's son who turned 14.

This will be our only campout this Summer of Covid.  But it was a most excellent one, with warm and wonderful memories that I will grasp as tightly as I do that coffee on a chilly camping morning!

More renovations

Early on in the pandemic we made a "to do" list for the house. My thought was that if we had something tangible to focus on it would keep our minds off the crazy.  It would help me think less about the fact that I have camped zero times this summer, hung out with friends zero times this summer been to the beach zero times this summer, seem my mother zero times this summer. . . You get the idea.

The biggest project we decided to tackle was our front porch.  I binge watched youtube vids and shared them to my wife, pumping up her enthusiasm (while she pretty much enjoys this journey now she was a lot less confident than I was that we could do these things.)  And initially, our project pretty much mirrored the helpful videos that we saw.  I got myself an orbital hand sander and got the beams sanded and we painted to a fair thee well.  I ripped up old flooring and sanded the floor.  We inspected said floor for damages.  And just like the videos there was a small section that needed repair.  

Armed with my boundless enthusiasm and said videos we pulled up the punky boards and discovered!  A missing joist.  Hmmm. Odd but this is an OLD porch on a 200 year old house.  Stranger things have been found working on this house.  We put in a new joist where there was not one, we married a new sturdy 2 x 4a to a less sturdy one and framed it in nicely.  Doesn't it look lovely?

Then we removed the last punky board and discovered that the support post to our porch was disintegrated.  As in, 40 years of hard living had turned it to dust.  I called a good friend in a panic.  He came over and looked and said well Sh### !  There was talk of jacking the house and contractors and all I could see were dollar signs.  And lets face it, while working on my home in the pandemic is fun--I am still very mindful of our money right now.  My wife is only recently back to most of her work. My middle son is not back yet.  And unemployment tanks next week unless there is a miracle. But back to the porch.

We called another friend.  He loves old housing and works for  a contractor.  One of my big worries was losing the fancy gingerbread trim if the whole post had to be replaced.  Yes, he agreed, nodding sagely, that would be horrible and very expensive to save.  However it was not clear if we would have to replace the whole post.  It was possible that this damage was caused by faulty gutters and moisture and that it only went part way up.

A glimmer of hope!  Back to youtube I went.  The next week armed with a 4 x 4 fence post that we got free from a job site my wife worked at, some 2 x 4s and a lot of prayers we went to town on the porch. We dug out all the punky wood.  We discovered good and bad things.  Bad.  There was no real footing for the porch post.  Good. The post was not a single entity.  At some point my grandfather had replaced the bottom half of the post with a couple of 2 x 4s joined together.  

We debated trying to make a nice footing for our post.  But as you can tell from the picture there was not a lot of room to dig.  I would have to use a hand trowel and I would likely still be there. LOL

In this picture you can see that I braced the porch with a 2 x 4 and inset my fence post.  We set the post on bricks which was the "footing" my grandfather had used. Why mess with what worked for 40 plus years?  We also had to take off that weird green stuff which was a thin, sort of papery backing board that he used before putting the finish boards over it.  My guess is it was all they could afford and it most definately was not rated for exterior work.  We took it off (but only in that section, I am not up for redoing the whole porch!) and put up exterior rated backing board.

Here's the exterior backing board we installed and you can also see that we had repaired the floor at this point as well.  It was starting to look like we would finish and that it was going to come out ok!

And it did!  Here is the repair with the new finish boards, ready for painting. (they have since been primed and I will paint this weekend.)  I will also paint that small area beside our repair where my paint was damaged by having to open the wall up. All in all it was about 8 hours of work and 5 trips to hardware stores as our efforts revealed new and different issues to address.  I should also mention that we don't own a power saw.  This stuff was hand cut, though we do have a drill and a few other small power tools.  I am beginning to dream about a small table saw set up!

Aside from painting the repair our next part of the project is making screens.  Another new skill to learn.  And yesterday the gutters were replaced so hopefully the water issue will also be a thing of the past.

Saturday NIghts Fireside

Last night after the sun went down we had a fire in our fire pit.  This amazing pit was built by my wife and our two boys last year. It was late in the season though and although Rob used it a number of times with friends, there never seemed to be time for all of us to gather there.  But time is more available these days in the time of Covid.  Living in a state with the 3rd highest rate of infection has meant lots of time doing things as a family unit.

That is an upside to all of this.  I have had times to cook with my Rob.  Chef by vocation, he and i have worked in the kitchen together.  He has helped plan menus for family meals, and has been here for game nights and fire pits. Up till Rob was probably 17 or so, he did virtually everything that I did with the younger kids.  His choice,not a requirement.  He came on every camping trip. He went with us to the park and would play soccer with the youngers and I , there were hikes and bike rides. He came food shopping and sat with me at dance classes.  Not that he did not also have things he did without his siblings and without me.  He was part of youth group, mission trips, homeschool classes , a week away at summer camp, and had a wide circle of friends that led to a variety of experiences.  But as wide as his experiences were, he wanted and needed a close touchstone of family.  I was always more than fine with it.  And as I suspected, when he went to college the ties loosened naturally.  There were friends and experiences engendered through college life.  He began working and had more relationships and experiences through that as well.  He began to be around less and less.

Pre-pandemic I saw him at night when he came home from work--usually around 12:30 a.m.  He was sleeping when I left for work in the morning.  We always talked briefly when he came in and if he was going back out with friends he always let me know.  I am a light enough sleeper that his tread on the stairs always has woken me enough to chat and see how his shift was, what his plans were.

Now we have time for lots more talking.  Last night we were the last two at the fire pit.  There were marshmallows and laughter for several hours and then one by one the others all began to drift away, looking for showers and bed.  He and I sat out with the dogs watching the bats flit across the sky, seeing the stars gleaming, talking but also enjoying periods of pause. 

I'm thinking that this is a great gift. When eventually the world resumes something resembling normalcy, I know I'll see him much less. I know that he hopes to be living somewhere else in a few years.  Though fledging may look differently post-covid I know that there will be a time when he makes his own home somewhere else.  The virus has taken much.  KC's first recital in the lead role at the dance school.  Elisabeth's Girl Scout encampment. My Sunday mornings in community with my church. . . but there have been unexpected gifts as well.  This is a big one.

Mothers Day is Reno Day!

The DIY train keeps rolling along here at the 10 Green as my kids used to call our house when they were little.  The bathroom hallway got its coat of paint today now that all the old wallpaper (4 blessed layers of wallpaper!!!) has been removed. The seams have been caulked and the walls mudded and sanded smooth.  The paint is a creamy yellow and will brighten the space greatly.

Elisabeth's room is almost empty and ready for us to prime the walls today.  I had Elisabeth help me rip out the rug and padding and showed her how to remove tack strip.  I have a lot of the staples that used to hold down the padding removed but will need another evening of work to finish that up.  My wife primed the back wall.  This room has only one window so we didn't want to prime all the walls at once because the smell would overwhelm.  While I have no sense of smell a boat load of Kilz is good for a migraine so a slower pace is good for me too.

We stopped work about 12;30 and I picked up our Mothers Day meal from a local restaurant.  It was meat based so I ate sides but I knew my wife would love this meal and she did. The kids had cards and gifts and it was lovely.  I made a pineapple sunshine cake--which is kind of a cheater dessert to me as it uses a cake mix as a base but there was no flour in the store this shopping trip and I only have a 10 pound bag left here at home. (I realize that sounds like a lot of flour but we bake a LOT, especially in pandemic times.) So since there were cake mixes at the store I reverted to this old "recipe" that did not deplete my precious flour stock!

Later that night we went outside and had a fire in our fire pit.  It was chilly out and a perfect night for it.  Lots of chatter and laughter, only Chet would not come because we had no marshmallows.  That made a fire "pointless."  (laughing)  He has promised to come to the next fire when I am able to find marshmallows.  Understanding the realities of pandemic shopping in our area is hard for him.

We also called my mom and wished her happy mothers day.  All in all it was a lovely day and we feel very blessed.

Cards of Hope

Today I asked the kids to make cards and/or write letters to my mom. She lives two states away and is greatly feeling the impact of our inability to visit the way we usually do.  She is getting on in years and has some aches and pains that are not unusual for her, but which I think feel magnified in this period of anxious isolation. I write to her by email twice daily and call several times a week but it is not the same.  It is not filling her well with what she needs.

When I got home from work today all the cards had been made and they were all so beautiful. Cheery thoughtful loving messages that I know will help.  KC in particular had written a lovely letter that also gave insight into how he was feeling--always a plus for a mom of a teen!  He said that he thought she was feeling pretty lonely because this was hard on all of us and he felt that way too. But that he was trying to keep busy by staying connected with friends on line. And that he had been enjoying family dinners which he had really been missing. That he enjoyed games and movies with the family and that we would all get through this.  That he could pass on what I have been trying to create and model for them here, gives me hope that they are absorbing this.  I don't want them to be nervous and fretful.  I also don't want them to be reckless with their health or that of others.  But there has to be a middle ground where we live the life we have, the best way we can. Those cards give me hope that will happen.

2020 The year the world was cancelled

Thus far in our state most of what was "normal" has been cancelled.  There will be no dance recitals. No graduations. No proms. No church services. No non essential businesses open. No face to face banking. No proms. No school for the rest of this school year. (this probably impacts us the least as we homeschool) No Scouts. No encampment. No Coming of Age in person for Elisabeth. No work for my wife and my son until goddess knows when.  Probably no camping as the campgrounds we typically use are only allowing RV campers among their many restrictions.

At different times, some or all of us mourn the loss of the normal.  My wife had to drive to a store to do a socially distanced pick up of an order.  The trip did not even involve exiting the car and my daughter begged to go.  Weather hasn't cooperated for much outdoor walking as it has either been rainy, snowing or we have had high winds (high enough for warnings)

However I am resolute about making the best of what we have. /We have each other and are blessedly, very thankfully, healthy thus far. We have good music of many genres to listen to and lift our spirits.  We have humor, books, games and time to enjoy each other more deeply than we usually do.  We have family dinners and enough food to let us linger with enjoyment at the table. We have enough DIY projects in our old house to keep me busy for a loooong time. I have been organizing family game nights, movie nights, and with summer looking very different I am thinking of social distance fun that we can do.  Bike rides, cooking supper over our fire pit to pretend we are camping, finding a drive in movie. (the 2 youngest have never been to one and what is more perfect social distancing than a drive in??) We are hoping to put in a veggie garden- we are checking the amount of light our fairly shady yard gets. (I don't  think the community garden will be open this year) We are keeping a journal of what this time is like. We are being careful with spending because it is so unclear how this will all play out financially.

I try not to worry, but of course it creeps in from time to time.  I find myself worrying for my kids who should be stretching their wings and trying new things and instead are hunkered at home.  I worry that this will be a long term life change and not a blip on the time line.  I have one confirmed case of Covid-19 that I know of in the apartment community where I work.  Due to social distancing and the precautions our staff has taken for a long time I am not worried that I will contract this at work.  But at some level I worry about either my wife or I contracting it because we are over 60 which places us in the lower end of the high risk zone. 

But worry can not and must not consume us.  Life still must be lived because that is the way we cherish our days, and make memories to sustain us.  Tonight we are buying movie popcorn from a local theater and having a family movie night at home.  Be safe everyone! Make memories! Live as fully as you can.

The Day of Celebration

The 17th was KC's 16th birthday and he had a wonderful day.  Despite the challenges of Covid-19 we were able to give him an amazing day.  It started with his favorite breakfast--home made cinnamon buns.  KC is the kind of kid who understands that the fact that I took the day off from work so that I could make them for him is a gift in itself. 

At 11:30 the folks I work with paraded by honking horns, with balloons and posters wishing him a happy birthday.  KC does not know all of those people but he was very shocked and touched that they did this for him. 

At around 1, a close family friend drove by, played Happy Birthday on their car stereo and had a birthday poster for him signed by all the family members. 

At 2, a caravan of more than 11 cars drove by honking and waving.  More posters, more joy.  Many of the cars held friends from dance and youth group.  A number were adults that care deeply about him.  People from church, and his godparents.  Some of these people drove more than 30 minutes to get to our house so that they could do this for him.  That measure of love and caring was not lost on him.

Later that evening we had our family party.  The dining room was decorated with a broadway theme.  Home made decorations that he loved, his favorite meal, and a delicious home made cake. He got some great gifts--money from K and I, his aunt and grandfather and grandmother and from Chet. These funds are to purchase a fancy light and fan combo that he wants for his bedroom.  Rob gave him running shoes and a record player and his first vinyl.  It was definately a day filled with love.  In his thank you note he wrote to us that he had thought it was going to be a depressing day but it was so much more than he could have imagined.

He too, is so much more than any of us could have imagined.  He is such a gift.

KC's Birthday

 This was to be the "big" birthday.  The kind we NEVER do.  With a tent in the back yard and friends and music and food that was catered.  16 is  a big one!  And KC had asked for that.  He does not ask for much and gives greatly of himself so we had agreed.  Then, Covid-19  And in the scope of the world problems, how to celebrate a birthday is small.  But like a paper cut, small wounds can hurt deeply too and this one did.  He has been great about it.  Honestly I think I think about this just as much as he must.  I hate that my son--and so very many kids--are missing mile stone moments that can not be recaptured.    However, I am not going to sit and sob.  So I set out to make a home party that would be fun and memborable.  KC loves dance, movies and musical theater.  So I got foam board and with an old piece of PVC, an empty flower pot and an oatmeal container covered in black paper I made what sort of resembles those big moveable spot lights they use on stage.  I have tested it and a high powered flash light fits into it and shines ib the big glittery 16 that I made on the foam board.

 To further have the movie theme, I found images of movie reels, spent a ridiculous amoutn of time trying to find movies with the number 16 in them (that was crazy hard!) and wrote those on the "film."

 My wife took two pieces of white foam board and made these awesome happy and birthday signs.  I know KC who loves to save memorablia will save these.

 We had a left over star from some other birthday and I printed a picture of him and put him on it.  There are also a few other decor items that we have saved from prior decorations--those wire and foil 'sprays" of stars  Those can't go out till right before the party because one or all of our critters will try to eat them. 

There will be two parades past our house that KC does not know about.  One is the folks I work with.  My boss had everyone make birthday posters and they are driving by between 11;30 and 11:45  At about 2:00 p.m. a parade of his dance and youth group friends are going to drive by as well.

I made home made cinnamon buns for breakfast--I suppose I could have included a pic of the nearly empty pan as those went FAST and we are going to see whatever movie he wants later today or this evening.  We are ordering out for supper and will have home made cake and his party then.

The bottom line is that we can choose to celebrate or we can choose to be sad.  We choose to celebrate KC and all that is amazing and joyful and full of promise!

5 Crowns Night

We had a family game night again on Tuesday night.  It was a lot of fun.  I do love that all the kids are willing to play, even if it is not their favorite game that night.  Tuesday we played 5 Crowns which is a rummey-esque kind of game with a few twists.  When Chet was a middle schooler it was his favorite game. I think next to Magic (which I will not play) it remains his favorite game. 

Playing in the evening is a bit hard for Chet as he is even less socially adept but we have been able to get through about 90 minutes of game time in the evening once a week.  I balance his desire for routine with the fact that life can get so dull in quarentine that changing something up a bit spontaneously has a valid benefit to the majority of family members. 

Though KC really did not love this particular game (I had not realized that he has never played rummy) he is a good sport and so ready with funny quips that it all worked out well.  Elisabeth has played rummy before and caught on quickly.  But it was Rob who won the game.  I am glad that it has also been a different kid that has won each week thus far.  Even more than that, I am grateful that for 90 minutes we all forgot all the scary stuff around us and just concentrated on each other, on love and on laughter.

Nearly 16!

In April, KC turns 16.  He is such a busy guy, embracing life fully and chasing his dreams.  In addition to homeschooling, he works part time at  a local market and at the dance school.  He volunteers in one of the classrooms at church fairly regularly and attends youth group weekly.  And he dances.  4 nights a week, and more as the march towards recital begins.  He has a leading role as The Beast in Beauty and the Beast and is extremely excited.

Since December I have been asking him how he sees himself celebrating 16  It's a milestone birthday and I would expect that he might want a bit more than a family birthday party.  He said he had been making a list of people he wanted to invite. He was up to 43 people.  Note to self:  Produce list of friends the next time someone makes that "socialization" comment about homeschoolers!  I said we could do that if we rent a hall (or the function room at church) and bring music and food.

So that was an option.  But I think he became a little concerned that he wasn't quite ready to host that much on his own.  (obviously we would be there but there is more involvement in making sure one's guests are having fun.)

I checked in again in January.  He had a couple of experience oriented venues that appealed to him but were far beyond our price point for the number of people he wanted to invite.  Today he came to me and said if he trimmed the list to 25 people could he do a dinner at a restaurant.  That feels "grown up" to him and he feels all his friends (who are diverse and who don't all know each other) would get along and enjoy a meal together.


So that is the plan---now to get him to pin down a date.  This requires checking rehearsal schedules with his dance school!

It Happened and Chet Rocked it!

Who would have thought it?  I took a 2 WEEK VACATION!  The world did not end (though candidly I have had to go in early every day last week and likely next week in order to catch up!)  However, it was worth whatever extra work I need to do now.  We all had a fabulous time.

And the best thing?  The friends we went with had a blast too. There was zero squabbles.  There were 6 of their kids, and 4 of ours and everyone just got along. We shared a giant house with its own pool.  I was most worried about Chet as large groups can be over stimulating. And we were spending a lot of time in the Magical Place.  Theme parks also can be over stimulating.  However we brought sound reducing head phones for him to wear when things started to be too much for him.  He was resistant at first to employing them but eventually could see that they really do help.

I remain amazed at how accommodating D^sney is.  I brought documentation of Chet's status with us as I was concerned about his ability to maintain in a long line.  It turns out that there was a program whereby we could check in at a ride and be given a return time, allowing us to move elsewhere about the park, get a bite to eat, etc and then just return at the scheduled time.  Our friends have two children on the spectrum as well so we were all in the same boat and received the same accommodation.

I knew the other kids would have a blast and they did, in all the "typical" and expected ways.  It was also magical because Rob was able to be with us for the second week and I know that he hopes to move to the West Coast in the next year or two so this may be the last big family vacation with him. But watching Chet succeed at this, laughing and having a truly wonderful time--that is my great gift.  You need to understand that when he was little we could not even go to a small theme park (think Santas Village in NH or Story Land in NH) without horrible meltdowns.  I remember him biting me all the way to the car when he was about 8 because he was so overstimulated.   I remember being black and blue from being kicked.  Admittedly we did not have the correct diagnosis then, but the pain of not being able to share in a beloved parent/child experience was an emotional wound.  Now those memories will forever be outshone by two weeks of him laughing and having fun in ways I never knew he could.

First and Last Campout 2019

We left home to clear skies and lovely crisp temperatures on Friday.  This was a much anticipated camp out. Partly because in a strange confluence of events it was our ONLY camp out this year.  Partly because this camp out at a retreat center in Maine with friends from our church and a neighboring church is an important launch to the Religious Education year for my kids.

Chet had a hard time on the trip up.  He was more frenetic than is typical and Rob was unable to come with us.  That may have played a role in Chet's behavior because whenever you deviate from the expected routine, his behavior decompensates.

 Also, the retreat center has instituted some new policies.  Some of those meant that Chet could not assist as a "porter" carrying people's bags to their rooms and showing them the room locations.  However, I had prepared for this and reminded him over the past three weeks about how this had changed.  It was now a staff job etc.  So during the time he would typically help others, he and I played a variety of card games on the porch of the dining hall and watched the moon rise over the waters.

Thankfully we also took a long beach walk as a family as the weather was lovely on Friday.  (note foreshadowing for Saturday's weather!  LOL) We also looked for small to medium sized rocks oval and smoothed by the ocean.  My SIL is fighting breast cancer and she recently spoke with me about healing rocks at the center.  They are painted with images and sayings that make the visitors to the center feel loved and strong.  She had taken two and knew she had to replace them, as that is their policy. She does not do crafts and had offered to bring back her two rocks when she no longer needs them.  I offered to paint two rocks for her and she has chosen what they are to say.  I hope the goddess guides my hands as I am not the most clever of painters and this is important to me. 

We found a variety of rocks that we screen shot to her so she could choose the ones she likes.  We also wrote her a message in the sand and sent that to her.  Her prognosis is good but the road to health is going to be long and challenging.  Despite hearing "stage 1" it is still scary.  And due to family history and aspects of her cancer, she still has to have chemo and radiation.  She shaved her hair this Saturday and sent me pictures. We texted while I was at the camp out.  I hope it helped  and that she could feel my love and support even though I could not be with her that day.

Friday night was cold.  We definitely felt the icy fingers of Lady Autumn as we lay in our tents.  It was 45 degrees when we woke in the morning.  Thankfully I am a bit of a veteran to this camping gig and had packed well and warmly.  The kids had argued bitterly with me back at home when I was gathering warm things. I think on Saturday they realized that Ooma might still know a thing or two as we were more than prepared!  (laughing again)

The whole of Saturday was cold and rainy off and on.  There was a bit of beach walking and lots of game playing and talking.  You know, I could choose to be angry that my only camp out had cold temps or I could find happiness in time to read, and talk with friends and play games.  I chose the latter as did the kids.  Chet had lots of kids who wanted to play Magic the Gathering with him so he was set literally for the day.

Saturday night was the talent show and bonfire with singing and more conversation.  It was late when we got to bed but I woke early as usual and joined friends on the beach for a short yoga session.  My yoga has improved over the years.  My balance is still less than what i wish it was, but it is better than a year ago.  My new class, while not necessarily feeling like it physically challenges me, has taught me more flow of poses and a sense of searching for quiet inside myself.

Of course today, in the capricious way of things, the weather was warm sunny clear and lovely.  However we had also learned that KC's close friend just lost her dad very unexpectedly.  (car accident)  He was trying to support her long distance and feeling somewhat emotionally worn himself.  Rather than prolong our day, we broke camp and headed home.  I was missing my wife, and i also knew I had 8 loads of camping wash to do, the tent to set up again and dry when we got home etc.

And so, the rest of the day has been spent cleaning the equipment so it is ready for next year, doing laundry so the work week can start smoothly, and remembering the sound of the ocean when I lay in our tent these past two nights.  I will miss that perhaps the most I think.

It was the kind of camp out that left me feeling very connected to my network of church friends, and also very aware of the fact that fall is truly here.  I watched red leaves skitter across the sand as I walked the beach.  I saw brilliantly scarlet sumac and gorgeous golden rod.  There was no denying the wheel has turned!

Hello Fall!

And just like that--summer was gone.  The air is crisp and cold tonight as I write this.  The moon rides high and full in the sky.  Part of me is still mourning the passing of summer. It will always be my favorite time of the year.  The warmth, the long hours of day light, the bird song are all special to me. I have saved up the memories to pull out and smile over during the cold days of winter.

But for now, like the grasshopper, we are busy!  Fall is fun too because there is just so much going on. I love being busy and I love that we like to do lots of things in the fall.  This weekend we are camping with our church in southern Maine.  It is a special time where the kids reconnect with friends and the adults gather and socialize.  The food is good, the company is fantastic and there are miles of beach to walk and enjoy.  There is yoga on the beach in the morning and I may even do that this year.  My yoga abilities while not stellar are a lot better than they used to be.  I would at least not embarrass myself. We leave tomorrow around noon and will return on Sunday.

Church begins the following week, although Elisabeth's coming of age class has all ready launched.  Rather literally actually as the first event was a canoe trip.  This will be an exciting and transforming year for her.  I can't wait to see how it unfolds for her. I have been lucky that all my kids have had this experience and it has without a doubt changed each of them profoundly.

Our city fall festival is coming up and the kids spend the day there helping the table that the dance school has and dancing at the festival.  This is another fall highlight for both kids. They love to be ambassadors for the dance school and to have the day down town with their friends.

Things have changed this summer.  It wasn't just the plants growing profusely in our gardens. or the rooms of the house during the seemingly endless house renovations.  Our kids have grown and changed as well.  Both KC and Elisabeth are increasingly independent.  They are adept at making plans and getting details so things will happen.(although ironically, Elisabeth excels at this a bit more than her brother.)

We are no longer the centers of their worlds.  As I told someone the other day, I am no longer the center of their universe, I have moved to one of the middle planets.  We are loved, and I know that, but as it should, their focus is moving outward.  We are not the first person they tell things to sometimes, and the things that occupy their world are wider than decorating for fall.  But they are both amazing kids and I am so proud of them and so very lucky to be their mom.

Garden glories

The most intensely purple hydrangea!

Early in the spring our side yards are so sere and bare.  The land looks depleted and I despair of it looking nice.  Sure I know there are a billion hosta that will come up. But it is my wife who loves the hosta,   Me?  Not so much. I love color. I crave it like some people crave chocolate when they have PMS!  LOL  And the reality is that we have precious little time to really garden.  Weeding is at best hit or miss.  And a lot more miss than hit.  Yet somehow, this happens!  A riot of blooms. Color for weeks!  Stunning phlox, hydrangeas and sunflowers.  The echinecea plants had a spectacular year too.  Ferns made a verdant soft counterpoint to the color. Spirea bloomed with abandon.  I have a couple of rose plants and they did well.  My trumpet vine decided it was not dead after all and bloomed its heart out!

I am storing up all this colorful goodness. I know that we are on the ever darkening side of the wheel right now.  So I share these pictures and memories so that I will be able to look back in the depths of December and remember summer.

A riotous display of phlox

Sunflowers are one of my faves!

Finding Me

Or perhaps I should say, finding more of me.  I got a little lost there for a few years.  Lots of kids, lots of stuff going on.  It was and is, all GOOD.  This is not a whine post.  I have enjoyed the parenting journey more than I have words for.  Sure there have been and will continue to be hard times. But my kids and my wife?  They are the best of my life.  Hands down.  That said, I have realized that along the way, kid needs, family needs, tended to supplant any time for myself.  I certainly enjoyed taking the kids to the park every night. And I got some level of fitness from it.  But was it a work out?  Not really.  I grew to treasure summers not just because it is my favorite season, but because with no taxi responsibilities for the kids activities I could take zumba once a week. (and the year she offered it twice a week, I was there for both of them.)

I discovered hot yoga purely because it was the only thing that fit my schedule year round.  Most Saturdays I can devote 9 to 10 a.m. to my yoga practice.  Not every Saturday, but most.  And when I started doing that, I started realizing that really, an hour a week for myself was maybe not quite enough.

I started carving out more time to read in the evenings before i fell asleep.  I refuse to let myself go to sleep  after just doing piece work and planning the next homeschool class.  I told myself I could stay awake for at least 20 minutes each night to read and found that most nights I exceed that. (perhaps even a bit more than i should, but oh, the joy of a good book!)  Because I am on Goodreads I learned the other day that last year I read 53 books!  I think the year before I read something like 12 so that is really a big improvement.  I was always a big reader, somehow evening exhaustion, the challenges of reading in bed when you had two littles that coslept. well it had just drifted away for a bit.

Likewise I have been making time for more fitness in my life. I am weird in that I like to work out.  It relieves stress and helps me feel warmer for at least the 30 minutes or so that I am doing the routine.  I joined an on line fitness group with unlimited videos to follow so that i can keep changing up what I do and do it in the comfort of my home.  It seems doable even when the taxi duties resume next week.  Thus far I have exercised regularly this week and I love that I can change what I do.  Tonight it was Barre and yoga, last night I did a step class. 

It is important to keep this body moving.  This carcass is nearly 60 now and though I have always been flexible and am not a person prone to aches and pains, flexibility and tone just doesn't hang around if you don't work to make it so.  I want to be able to do hikes that interest me, to walk on beaches comfortably long into the future.  Making that a reality means not forgetting to move now.

All of that also I hope helps me to be a better parent and a better spouse.  When I am more relaxed I am more attentive, more receptive to others.  I am a "fixer" by nature, but if i have worked out I am more likely to just listen which tends to be what people really want, instead of charging off trying to save the day!

So though I will likely never again be able to spend 3 and 4 hours a week in a dojo, I have found a reasonable way to enjoy myself and meet this need. 

Happy Almost Birthday Elisabeth!

She is sassy and stylish, funny, with a quick wit and cutting sarcasm.  Fiercely loyal and yet not afraid to be herself and to stand by what she believes in. . . she is my youngest.  And in a matter of days she turns 12.  This past weekend we had her friend birthday party--a sleepover event with 5 of her friends. 

Elisabeth has really good friends.  The kind that I hope will all still be friends years from now.  The interesting thing is that they are from all walks of life.  Because we homeschool she has friends from the neighborhood, from Girl Scouts, from her time in basketball   and from her dance classes.  Yet they all mesh together well and they are really kind to each other.  They know her well, as evidenced by the shirt she was gifted with! 

As I watched them this weekend I was struck by how grown up she looks and acts.  Wasn't it just yesterday she wore a crown and hit her brother with her birthday wand?  LOL

Next year it will be her turn to go through our church's Coming of Age program, as if this mama didn't need more proof her babies are growing up fast!  But I am happy for  her and excited to see what the future holds for her.  Her actual birthday is this Sunday and she wants to spend Sunday afternoon helping to distribute gifts to foster kids.  She is deeply moved by the fact that she knows foster kids often lose treasured items because they leave their family home so quickly and/or move so often.  She knows that some of her siblings have been through foster care and she has chosen to help work with a friend's new nonprofit which will help 400 foster kids in our city have great Christmasses. I might mourn the loss of my "baby" but I sure love the heart and passion that she has for the world.

Sunday we will bring cupcakes to church and Monday we have her family party and she will at long last get her own phone. 

Stepping forward

This guy here?  The one with the two legs, not the four.  It seems like not long ago that he was so little, so anxious about the wider world.  I remember that despite his love of dance, he would tremble back stage, clutching my hand, nearly breaking the teeny bones in my hand because he squeezed so tightly.  

I've never been one to push my kids. They only squeeze your hands for a moment in time.  And then you turn around and they are a teen.  Going off on mission trips and helping others.  Chatting with friends and planning outings that only occasionally involve me getting him at least part way to the destination. This year he has two part time jobs---one at the dance school and one at the local grocery store.  He's saving up for a cooler phone than what his mom will buy him.   And the little guy who was afraid to go on stage?  That guy decided to try out for one of the acting roles in recital.  This studio does theater as well as dance.  He auditioned and got a part.  He will be the godfather in the dance school version of Shark Tale!  

This spring he will turn 15 and I know the pace of changes and separation and working towards newly defined dreams will only intensify.  So for now I am grateful for the fact that he still gives hugs warmly and willingly.  That he asks each day when I come home how my day was and that he enjoys movie nights with his doddering parents.  I am blessed.

First Campout of 2018-- VERY Late post!

We are back from our first camp out of the summer and it was so much fun!  Hikes, theme parks, board games with friends.  We could see stars and the milky way clearly at night and I slept soundly tucked into my sleeping bag in our tent.

This year we brought another girl with us as well.  I don't really know her parents well; I have met them twice actually.  But I know her through our camping friends and my kids knew her as well.  She very much wanted to come on a camping vacation and her parents would not go. So her parents messaged me and wanted to know if I would take their daughter camping.

I was fine with it and she was very easy to bring.  I actually felt bad because everything we did was so new and exciting to her. She is 16 and clearly hasn't had a lot of experiences offered her in life. So making pancakes on the griddle outdoors was amazing.  Making "walking tacos" was thrilling. Going to Storyland had her over the moon taking pictures with characters.  Hiking up some waterfalls?  The absolute bomb.

I felt lucky to be able to offer those experiences to her.  I guess I hadn't really realized that there are lots of kids who don't get exposures in life.  My friends and i have camped together since 2012.  Our kids have grown up together camping and enjoying all that such vacations offer. This young lady's mom doesn't like warm weather and doesn't like to go out of the house and leave her a/c  Her dad thinks that kids don't need to go anywhere.

But they do.  The world is large and wide and in order to learn how to navigate in it, they need to get out in it.  They have to learn to make decisions (trying to decide what to order at a diner was torture for her) They have to learn to help (everyone helps police our site to keep it boring for bears as we camp in bear country) Everyone helps set up and everyone helps break camp but in between there is lots of fun. 

I am also a pretty laid back camper in that I tend to go with the flow--weather often dictates what can happen.  But kids choose a lot of the activities locations and experiences.  It was super super fun.  I can't wait for the next campout!

***Edited to note that I wrote this in July and forgot to post it!

Camping 2018

The kids and I are back from a camping trip with friends.  We knew we had been camping together a long time but Facebook memories says we have been at this since 2012!  Sure didn't realize it was that long.  Other families have filtered in and out of our camping group but the two of our families have remained constant.  Watching the kids grow up together has been pretty special.  They range from 8 to 16 now and hang out together really well.  No cliques.  Dynamics ebb and flow acording to interests.  Pool time found the upper aged teens horsing around in the deep end and then gathered on the pool stairs laughing and talking.  The younger ones were doing more swimming than chatting. 

But it was such an easy campout because there was always someone around who had an interest in what the other kid was doing or wanted to do.  So I had nearly 6 days with no whining or arguing--truly a Mom miracle! 

Us parents are good friends too--we feed each others kids, help each other out, and love to play board games by the fire at night. 

My campsite was less than stellar (noisy neighbors) but at the end of the day, I didn't care.  (and eventually the noisy ones packed up and left.)  Life is too short to focus on negative.  I was too busy watching the stars that you can't see in the city, cooking on the camp stove, hiking and swimming and making memories.  There are likely more years behind us now than ahead of us for these type of gatherings.  Those upper aged teens like my KC and my friends E and K are going to be busy with jobs and their own lives really soon. The signs are there now.  Older teens going off together when we are at a venue and stopping back periodically to check with us.  Evening games that don't require adults after dinner is done.

I'm loving where we are now, and how deep our friendships have become. I am loving the people all the kids are evolving into and watching that transformation from kid to young adult is really a privilege.  I enjoy also the fact that the more relaxed venue of camping has always made it easier for kids (mine and who ever else is around) to talk.  This trip it was KC, who shared his thoughts on taking a relationship from best friend to boyfriend/girlfriend status.  His concerns about losing a good friend, of not wanting to rush her were thoughtful and true signs of the young man he is becoming. 

But I am not going to lie.  I also miss this.  When Rob was younger than KC is now and Lissa was a bit of a thing.  Camping was probably a lot more work than it is now--though I don't remember it that way.  But my friends were teasing me this trip about how early my kids used to go to bed so I know a whole lot has changed as they got older. As things change as they grow and mature sometimes I feel like I am the one on the Chimney Drop!

Book Games

Apparently when your kids get to a certain age it is increasingly less cool to take pictures with/of them.  However KC was ok with me taking a picture of a game he worked hard to create.  He assists with our library boys book club every month.  When he started helping he decided that cooler games had to be introduced because the kids were sick of trivia games. 

He did Jeopardy, a board game of his own creation, a matching game, a home made Headbans knock off and a couple others.  However the final game of the season should be, in his words, so amazing that they would all want to return in the fall.  He decided to create Book Opoly. 

KC is creative and really good with the big picture concept stuff. The how to get it done stuff?  That usually still needs a fair amount of my help.  However he had a really clear vision of how to turn Monopoly into a book themed game.  We found blank property cards in a fillable pdf on line and made them the titles of books.  We renamed EVERYTHING on the board. We made cards.  It was a big job.

However he saw it through and it was honestly fun working on it with him.  Best of all, his group LOVED it.  So much so that 10 minutes after they were supposed to be done they were all still playing the game.  As the librarian said when she came out to talk with me--this age group (8 to 12 year old boys) is pretty unforgiving. If they don't like something you will know it.  The fact that they were still playing when they were supposed to be going home spoke volumes.

I could tell KC knew it too because when he finally came out he was positively glowing.  I don't have a picture of the giant grin on his face as he came through the door but I think it is imprinted on my heart forever.