Costume time!

It was costume week at the dance school this week!  This is Lissa as a flower.  She is also a tiger, which is equally cute and her hip hop number is the evil witch's guards.  All of them are cute as can be.

KC is a farmer, one of the evil witch's guard, his ballet number is "glinda's magic" which is an cream colored top with poet sleeves and long black pants, and jazz finds him an "emerald city kid."  The dance studio always does a production that is part theater and part dance, so it is more entertaining than the average recital. As you probably guessed, this year is the Wizard of Oz.  KC has also signed up to be in the final production dance so he is going to be busy with rehearsals for sure.

Lissa has all ready decided that she will drop all but hip hop next year.  She is really a dancer for the sociability of it and would rather spend Saturday mornings in a bit more leisurely fashion and perhaps sign up for swim classes.  KC is horrified that she wants to give up the ballet/tap and jazz combo class.  He quite rightly knows that ballet is a real core to a successful dancer. What he can't wrap his head around is that Lissa doesn't care about being a great dancer. She is there to have fun. He is there because it is a driving passion in him.

My boss was asking me last week if KC's dance love was a "nurture" or "nature" thing in my opinion.  She knows that my mom and my aunt had dance schools and that I danced all the way through school.  The thing is though, that I never suggested dance to KC. KC is the one who drove that train right out of the station.  He started dancing once he finally decided to walk and just never stopped.  Whether it was making up tap dances from his own mind or flitting around with scarves to classical music, it was really all him.  Somewhere in his biological family someone has a love of dance and a passion and ability for it.  Frankly I suspect that both of those things in him far surpass my abilities. I was a good dancer, but never great.  I didn't care enough.  I wasn't hungry for it.  He is genuinely committed to the core. He also has a sense of color and costume style and is not shy about voicing his opinions. I am blessed that the dance school values that input and allows some of the modifications he feels are important on his costuming.

But I have had several long conversations with him about how Lissa has to be allowed to find her own passions. Hers could be swimming, or basketball or any number of things and she can and will be allowed to explore and find her own passion.  I think he gets it now--at least gets that she has the right to do something else besides dance.  He just can't figure out why she wants to!

The Tween!

My kids are all so very different and that is one of their greatest gifts.  KC is what he considers a "tween"  At nearly 11 he is aware of being on the cusp of the teen years and excited and scared in equal measures.

This Saturday morning when we went grocery shopping he begged me to buy him some deoderant.  My wife is a bit charry of deoderants--feeling that chemicals smeared so close to the lymph nodes are unwise, particularly in the young.  She points out when we discuss this that because we homeschool he can shower when ever he wants. She is OK with powders like Gold Bond. She just does not like deoderant.

I am not really remembering how I got Rob past that little smelly road block with her.  Somehow I must have because he is a great aficionado of Axe and other similar things.  But I think his passions for those came much later and maybe my wife thought it was cologne initially.

At any rate, there I stood in the market with my son begging for deoderant.  In the interest of compromise I read all the deoderants there until I found one with no antipersperant, no fragrance, no parabens and no aluminum.  I handed it to him and he clutched it happily.  When we got to the checkout our cashier asked if the kids wanted to hold their gum.  I said no it was too early in the morning for gum. (we shop at 7:30 a.m.)  "Oh, but could I please hold my deoderant?" pipes up KC

Sunday was KC's first OWL class for fifth graders.  This is a class that helps address changing bodies and issues of sexuality that our religious denomination offers.  It does not replace my input as a parent but I find that particularly for my boys the value is that they are able to get a male perspective. And they are able to ask questions in the company of their peers which leads to feeling more comfortable with topics that typically are not comfortable.

Except that KC is my guy who will (thankfully!) talk to me about anything.  He literally talked non stop all the way home about what they did in class and why he felt the way he did about the discussion topics.  With Rob, by comparison, OWL cracked open the door so that he would reluctantly talk about these issues with me.  With KC, it was more like a floodgate!  I find myself wondering what it will be like in a few years with Lissa...

Wisdom tooth #1

Fiona had her wisdom teeth out yesterday.  Or rather ONE of the teeth.  I am so steamed.  I didn't feel that I could do anything about this because there have been so many delays and the error by the group home lost us the far more local dentist.  This procedure now takes place at a dental school of medicine in the Big City. That is more than an hour away from my home and another 15 or so for the home Fiona lives in. There are many constraints due to Fiona's type of insurance so the group home's error was not one that could easily be resolved.  The commute alone worried me.  We have had uncooperative winter weather and I worried that they would not get to a pharmacy and get pain meds filled in time before the locals wore off.

I was right about that because they got stuck in traffic after the visit.  But it got even worse. The dentist did not expect her jaw bone to be so strong (she is only 22 why would her jaw not be strong?) And the lower tooth cracked coming out and took longer. So they only extracted one tooth and she has to go back next week for more.

I know this needs to be done and I know that people are human and make mistakes. Goddess knows I make my share, but knowing my girl is hurting and feeling in my core that there was a better way just kills me.

I could not talk to her last night because they got home so late and she had the meds at last. I am calling today to see how she is doing.

Birthday Surprise!

I am a bit emotionally and physically tired these days.  Unremitting snow and cold weather take their toll on me physically.  I feel like I may never be warm again.  However I keep chanting that we are close to spring.  Maybe the goddess will hear me and it will stop snowing!?  Right now the city where we go to church has the dubious distinction of being the snowiest city in the entire US.  Not a title any of us have particularly aspired to!  At our house, the snowbanks are taller than Chet who is nearly 6 feet tall.  Roads are narrow, sidewalks non existant for the most part.  The National Guard has helped out our city, trying ot clear major intersections a bit for safety and to help dig out fire hydrants. I really feel for the plow crews, both the city employees and the private contractors.  They are worn out to a nubbin. Today there is a huge wind chill so I have not been out in the snow with the kids.  Frost bite warnings abound so we are staying in.

I am also car-less as my car stopped working on my way home from work Friday evening.  It was a bit scary as I was in the middle lane of a multi lane highway and all of a sudden the car went form 30 to maybe 1/2  a mile an hour.  Traffic was not amused, I was fairly freaked.  Thankfully though most of the electrical died, my blinkers worked and I was able to use a hill to coast myself into a parking lot unscathed.  My mechanic had it towed to their shop but they do not work on weekends so he is trying to fix it today.  A bit worrisome is the fact that no clear cut thing is jumping right out as "this" is the problem.  There are a number of smallish things that it could be--the battery terminals are corroded. The alternator cables look a bit worn.  Maybe the alternator though appearing to work properly now is on its way out.  I hate the unsureness of this, although I trust my mechanic and appreciate that he is willing to say that he is not 100 per cent sure it is any of these things.  But we will have them fixed today and see if all goes well.

On the plus side of things, the kid's godmother and I managed despite my car-less state to pull off a birthday surprise for my kid's godfather.  Greg's birthday is Friday the 13th.  I was supposed to bring a cake to the coffee house for Greg's birthday to surprise him but Friday night found the cake in my pantry and me car-less because my wife was at work with our one remaining vehicle.

Wendy and I concocted a new plan where she and Greg would both drive to the coffee house and bring us.  The boys would ride with Greg and Lissa and I would ride with Wendy.  Somehow I would smuggle the cake into her car without Greg seeing and from there into the church without his knowledge.  Fates were smiling on us because Greg was so busy chatting with the boys that he did not see me skulk out the front door with the cake.  A traffic jam on the highway brought all of the traffic to a stand still.  However I knew a back road and was able to direct Wendy on how to use that to get to church. Thus we got to church 10 minutes before the guys and could have the cake safely tucked away without Greg being the wiser.

He was so surprised when it came out at intermission and everyone sang to him.  He loved the cards the kids had made for him.  I will remember all those smiles for a long time!

The secret Valentine Surprise movement!

Time to blog seems to be woefully hard to come by these days and I miss it.  It helps me keep my perspective and then I don't feel that I am mashing a lot of things disjointedly into one post.  So today, despite there being a kabillion things I want to write about and only about 5 minutes to do it, I am choosing our new family tradition:  "Valentune surprise."

My wife hates Valentines day. Which I think is weird as what is not to like about a holiday that makes you stop and remind someone you care about them?  She opines that it is a "manufactured" holiday and I maintain that she has the luxury to be that way because she has a February birthday. I love decorating, making valentines, sending flowers, the works.   My wife has a guaranteed celebration that the rest of the world does not with her February birthday.

However this year I decided to show her that Valentines Day is not commercial. It is a pause to make sure our loved ones know they are loved and appreciated.  Hence I created Valentine Surprise.  Last night I explained to the kids that over the next few days we were going to find somethng special to do for Mom and quietly do it. Then we would leave a little heart there that said "VS"  Last night's "vs" was cleaning the launch pad area in our front hall.  The kids helped put everything that was on it away and arranged three plants attractively in the center of it with a little heart tucked inside the middle one.  It was literally the first thing that my wife noticed when she came home from work.

I am going to be curious if today they are able to find a way to surprise her today on their own, or if they will need some help from me after we get home from dance classes tonight.  Either way, there will be another little heart with another non material gift appearing somewhere in our home today!

Fiona's wisdom teeth.

Thursday  Fiona was supposed to have her wisdom teeth out.  I had arranged to meet her at the dentist. The dentist was in a city about 40 minutes from us.  I got an advance on sick time for the year at work and was waiting right on time.  Except that the staff at the group home slipped up and forgot the appointment.  I am baffled at how that happens. They had an appointment card. I had an appointment card. Our house has more people in it than the group home and we get everyone where they need to be when they need to be there.  And besides that, how do you forget something as important as a medical appointment.  The drs office told me that they had even called and left  a reminder message the day before.  When I mentioned that in my tirade discussion over the missed appointment I was told the home had no phone service for the past three days, and that Verizon was coming to fix it that day.  Which was either a signifcant health and safety concern for me or a prevarication.  I suspect the latter since I called them on their landline and all our discussions were on that line.

The error resulted in the surgery not happening and the dentist refusing to make another appointment.  My daughter has a consult with another dentist on the 14th. Hopefully the surgery will be scheduled promptly after that.

I went all the way up the food chain filing complaints regarding this.  I understand human error.  I did not get wicked upset when staff forgot that Fiona was going to the movies with us 2 weeks ago and we had to scramble around to get her to the cinema on time.  That is something I understand forgetting.  Medical things, no.  And it makes me wonder what else they have forgotten that I don't know about?

My email box has been full of communications regarding this matter since I filed my complaint and began my calling of powers that be. I am hopeful that this will show that I care. That I am vigilent and that for my daughter's sake, I am watching them with eagle eyes.

I also have toured a great potential day facility for Fiona to participate in.  When one of the group home higher ups called me to apologize again (!) I talked with her about this opportunity. She said she is taking my daughter this coming week to tour the facility. I said that I wanted to know what was being done about the mid day medication issue. The day facility does not medicate and I had communicated this to the group home after my tour. Fiona takes a mid day dose of a significant med so it is important to find out if this schedule can be adjusted. What a surprise (not!) to find out that the higher up had no idea that the program did not administer meds and that this would be something to resolve.I reiterated my desire for them to contact my daughter's psychiatrist and address the issue.

As much as this whole situation drives me batty, I wonder what happens for people who have guardians out of state or less involved.  I suspect it can't be good.

Farewell Vacation!

My holiday break is about over and I am sad to see it go.  Life is so fast paced that it takes me a loooong time to really let go of thinking of times and schedules and by the time I do, it is just about time to think of them again! Also my job does not lend itself well to long times away.  Aside from breaks at this time of year, I mostly only take a lot of 3 and 4 day weekends with my vacation time. A couple days ago I started forgetting to put my watch on. That is my sign that I am really in a "vacation" mindset.  My watch is always on me.  Some people use the alarms on their phone. I am pretty old school for time pieces and have a timex that has a glow in the dark light! LOL

I love the picture above, even though I think I have used it all ready on the blog. But in the not too distant past I would have thought that this picture was not attainable.  All of us routinely together on holidays? But the Great School helped Fiona so much. She still has severe issues and probably always will, but pictures like this are myriad now in my photos.

I toured a really great day program for Fiona while I was on vacation.  I am not sure if it will work or not because the program is not allowed to administer medications. She has a psych med she takes three times a day.  I hope that perhaps there are adjustments that could be made that would allow her to participate in this.  The program has a learning component for adults who wish to expand their learning, a job readiness component (and they have a lot of connections in the community with employers who hire their people) an art component with a ceramics studio, a fiber arts center, a wet media room, and more.  There is a fitness room as well as a cafe for just gathering.  It has a school like set up where the participants choose with help their 4 focusses for each semester. I SO hope this works out for her as it would greatly expand her horizons.  The program needs to review her information and her psychiatrist has to look at the medication issue but it is at least a potentiality for 2015 to have a great opportunity for her.

The kids and I have had a lot of fun playing the games our family got for Christmas.  Games are always family games so no one person has ownership.  We have rocked out to Dance Revolution 2015, played Slamwich, Nada and Super Farkle.  Oh and Scrabble Slam which is a lot of fun as well.  In our house, games that you can do in about 15 minutes with a max of about 30 minutes are the best fit for our schedules.  All of these work well within those constraints.

I've marshalled the troops and they have happily spent a lot of time helping to undecorate our house and put up our snowman collection and tidy various messy spots within our home.  A family our size and a home our size seems to make a lot of messy spots.  I wish I kept up with that better but at least twice a year I get a chance to hoe through things really thoroughly, usually in winter and again once in the summer.

My wife was able to take the kids in to the city to see our friend Jane Houghton's art show at the Hanover.  She is an amazing artist and has taught our KC so much and continues to foster his artistic leanings.  The kids loved the show and her amazing mixed media work.

We read our 2014 memories together over supper the other night and enjoyed that too.  All year long when something happens that we want to remember, a family member grabs an index card, jots it down and puts it in an envelope that hangs on our kitchen wall.  They can be big things or little things.  Campouts, seeing ducks crossing the road near our street, sunsets rainbows, and physical achievements--anything can be written down.  It was fun to recount them together and to wonder what new things the year will hold.

I know that January is going to be very hectic at work and that on the 20th Rob will head back to school for the next semester.  Part of me feels very unready to launch back into the crazy.  But I know that once it has been going for a few days, it will be normal again, and I will at least be entering it with a more rested frame of mind than I have had in a long time.