KC's Birthday

 This was to be the "big" birthday.  The kind we NEVER do.  With a tent in the back yard and friends and music and food that was catered.  16 is  a big one!  And KC had asked for that.  He does not ask for much and gives greatly of himself so we had agreed.  Then, Covid-19  And in the scope of the world problems, how to celebrate a birthday is small.  But like a paper cut, small wounds can hurt deeply too and this one did.  He has been great about it.  Honestly I think I think about this just as much as he must.  I hate that my son--and so very many kids--are missing mile stone moments that can not be recaptured.    However, I am not going to sit and sob.  So I set out to make a home party that would be fun and memborable.  KC loves dance, movies and musical theater.  So I got foam board and with an old piece of PVC, an empty flower pot and an oatmeal container covered in black paper I made what sort of resembles those big moveable spot lights they use on stage.  I have tested it and a high powered flash light fits into it and shines ib the big glittery 16 that I made on the foam board.

 To further have the movie theme, I found images of movie reels, spent a ridiculous amoutn of time trying to find movies with the number 16 in them (that was crazy hard!) and wrote those on the "film."

 My wife took two pieces of white foam board and made these awesome happy and birthday signs.  I know KC who loves to save memorablia will save these.

 We had a left over star from some other birthday and I printed a picture of him and put him on it.  There are also a few other decor items that we have saved from prior decorations--those wire and foil 'sprays" of stars  Those can't go out till right before the party because one or all of our critters will try to eat them. 

There will be two parades past our house that KC does not know about.  One is the folks I work with.  My boss had everyone make birthday posters and they are driving by between 11;30 and 11:45  At about 2:00 p.m. a parade of his dance and youth group friends are going to drive by as well.

I made home made cinnamon buns for breakfast--I suppose I could have included a pic of the nearly empty pan as those went FAST and we are going to see whatever movie he wants later today or this evening.  We are ordering out for supper and will have home made cake and his party then.

The bottom line is that we can choose to celebrate or we can choose to be sad.  We choose to celebrate KC and all that is amazing and joyful and full of promise!

5 Crowns Night

We had a family game night again on Tuesday night.  It was a lot of fun.  I do love that all the kids are willing to play, even if it is not their favorite game that night.  Tuesday we played 5 Crowns which is a rummey-esque kind of game with a few twists.  When Chet was a middle schooler it was his favorite game. I think next to Magic (which I will not play) it remains his favorite game. 

Playing in the evening is a bit hard for Chet as he is even less socially adept but we have been able to get through about 90 minutes of game time in the evening once a week.  I balance his desire for routine with the fact that life can get so dull in quarentine that changing something up a bit spontaneously has a valid benefit to the majority of family members. 

Though KC really did not love this particular game (I had not realized that he has never played rummy) he is a good sport and so ready with funny quips that it all worked out well.  Elisabeth has played rummy before and caught on quickly.  But it was Rob who won the game.  I am glad that it has also been a different kid that has won each week thus far.  Even more than that, I am grateful that for 90 minutes we all forgot all the scary stuff around us and just concentrated on each other, on love and on laughter.

Covid Easter 2020

 One thing that doesn't change despite Covid-19 is the chaos of a family picture!  A bunch of out takes of the efforts.  There was much laughter as Luna, Elisabeth's job got into the act.

 And then Blake, our elderly Brittany joined KC for the shoot.

 And they argued over who got to hold Luna.

And we finally got a shot!   We still had a clue hunt for the kids.  Fiona was not here as we can't visit, and she has stuff going on that is impacting our relationship anyway.  If she could be here, I am not sure she would, but I will write about that (I hope) at another time when I am not so emotional about it.

On the plus side, Rob was home for Easter dinner which has not happened in several years. The restaurant where he works is always open on Easter, they are known for an amazing brunch--we actually went last year.  This year I did not want him to have to cook.  I also did not want my wife to cook, because she has been doing a lot of kitchen duty during the Time of Covid.  She is not working much outside the home and I am still working so it has just naturally evolved.

I resolved this by doing something sort of hybrid.  I ordered them all dinner from a restaurant where I could pick it up curbside. There was beef for the beef eaters, chicken for the chicken eater and since I never got around to doing my quinoa and veggie bake, I just ate off the sides.  There was an amazing gigantic salad that I had two helpings of, seasoned rice and broccoli.  We had home made parker house rolls, and Elisabeth made cupcakes decorated to look like bunnies for dessert.  The table was pretty, there was laughter and the memories will hopefully be good ones.  That has been what I have worked hard on during this time of uncertainty and worry.

Sending bright blessings and healthful energies to all as we work our way through this scary time.

Sunday thoughts

I read or listen to the news only once daily, and try never to hear the White House briefings.  I do listen to our state governor as I respect him and feel that he is doing a very good job in very challenging times.  I am realizing that much of what I am missing are the small things that I took for granted.  In my daily life I did not recognize the magical of the minute.

I miss going to the Dunk's on our way to church and getting the kids their "second breakfast" while I get a cup of hot black coffee. Yeah, I like my coffee black.  And routinely my order would get messed up because I think most people order with cream and sugar. But seeing the familiar counter staff, waiting for the first sip of the hot brew while conversations swirled around me--I miss that.  I can make coffee here.  I do make coffee here.  (and it never has cream and sugar in it LOL) but I miss those moments when I would chat with the kids about their food choices of the day and get their input on which donut their big brother would like most.

I miss going to the library.  No lie, it was hard to fit in library trips this year.  The kids had so many activities that sometimes I felt stressed getting there.  I went mostly for Chet who likes to hold a "real" book, and who has all ready destroyed one Kindle.  But even though it was stressful to get there, I loved seeing the librarians. Most of them have known my kids their whole lives and watched them grow.  I loved the conversations. I loved wandering through the stacks choosing Chet's books.  He is still able to read during the pandemic. We have a large collection here at home and he has adapted to using a kids Kindle that has parental controls that will hopefully help keep him from destroying it.

I miss sitting in the sanctuary at church.  I usually sit in the same pew and there is a high window up to the left of where  I sit.  Our church has a very modern architecture.  Frankly it is not a really pretty building.  But I have spent years looking out that window as I meditate and listen to the music, the readings and the reflections.  There is a single branch from a tree that goes across in front of that window and I watch the leaves bud, green color and fall off. I watch the clouds scud behind it on windy days.  There are trees outside my windows here and I look at those too.  But there is a sense of absence and loss for that particular time and manner in which I marked a time in my week for over 20 years.

These are little things.  I know that.  And my post is not expecting pity or pats on the shoulder.  There are others facing much greater losses, and I hope that if I am truly blessed, losses such as these may be all that touch our family.

Rather, this is a reminder to myself. To never ever take for anything for granted again.  To embrace all the small joys I am offered and to offer as many to others as I am able.

KC is nearly 16

This guy is almost 16 and the party planning has had to be severely adapted.  This was the year he was going to have the "big friend party"  Either a restaurant gathering or a big gathering in the back yard with a lot of catered food, a bonfire and musical theater karaoke.  Except of course, we can't  He is good about the family birthday party and we will find ways to make his day feel special and for him to be enfolded in our love.

What is tearing him up though is the lack of dance.  This picture was from last years recital. It was his lyrical dance which was one of my favorites.  This year I don't even know if there will be  a recital, and this year he earned the lead in the production. Costumes were chosen and purchased.  It is a disaster.  Is it as bad as being hospitalized with Covid?  Of course not, and I am grateful beyond measure that thus far we all remain healthy as do my extended family.

But it is huge for him and for all the other dancers.  For KC this is literally what he wants to do for his career.  And at the moment everything that has meaning to him is on pause.  16 is a hard time to press pause.  Your life is just launching in so many ways. We await a newsletter from the dance school that will let us know the direction that they are taking with regard to recital.  I have my fingers crossed but I know he is very worried.

K and I asked him to choreograph short dances for he and his sister and perform them for us last night.  He complained.  Not much room to dance (true) But mostly I think it was the depression.  We insisted and they did the dances last night and I could see how much it lifted his spirit.  He becomes one with the music when he dances and all his feelings just poured out.

Today, shopping with a mask on and maintaining social distance I found myself silently invoking the goddess for our families continued safety.  I do believe we will come out of this okay--I am an optimist by nature.  But the worry is there.  Such is life in the time of Covid.

Quiet midweek post

It is mid week and I have time for a blog entry!  I have not had evening time like this since the kids were very little.  After dinner tonight Elisabeth, my wife and I took a walk. We are helping Lissa train her dog Luna to walking.  Truthfully, Lu naturally heels, most of the training involves teaching her that the world is safe to walk in.  Which I realize is a bit of an oxymoron right now.

Numbers continue to rise for those who have tested positive for the virus.  Preparations are being made in our state for the "surge" that is expected between 4/7 and 4/17  It is deeply unsettling to read about temporary mortuaries and  convention centers being turned into medical facilities.  However the flip side of that is that preparing ahead is wise, and perhaps, (hopefully) we are over preparing and some of these drastic scary things won't be needed as fully as we fear.

Meanwhile I will focus on family game nights, and dinners with laughter and washing hands.

Sunday, week three of Covid

I am here to sit with myself again.  Virtual church will start in about 20 minutes.  I have sterilized all the knobs and switches in our house. I have dusted. I have put away laundry and done dishes from breakfast.  After church I will clean and sterilize the island and counters in the kitchen and deep clean the bathrooms.  In reality a lot of these things are normal tasks that I do routinely in our home.  But in the time of Covid-19 there is a heightened sense of urgency to remain a clean space that no germ would want to hang around in. 

Increasingly I feel the loneliness and isolation of this experience.  I have my family and I am blessed beyond measure in that regard.  But even at work we are isolated, safely having staff meetings by phone trying to not be in the same room with one another.  As a highly people oriented person, I find myself feeling down quite frequently.  Not depths of despair, just lonely.  I am grateful for technology but media does not feel the same as face to face.  Not being able to plan a party for my son's 16th birthday party not meeting friends for coffee or a quick chat outside the market etc.  I never realized how important things like this are to me.  I suppose the upside is that i will never ever take such experiences for granted again.

Meanwhile in far more serious matters, the number of cases in our state continues to rise. I am grateful and blessed that we all remain healthy and that we have been able to meet our financial obligations.  Hoping everyone stays safe!