Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Struggles and Extractions

It was Patriots Day weekend, a long weekend for me with no work yesterday. This is a holiday that not all states celebrate, but ours does.  It was a low key weekend for me, though my wife says that is purely because I don't know how to relax.  She is right about that.  I hate sitting around.  I love to be doing.  I don't want to waste a minute of this precious life I have been given. Yet I know that actively appreciating can lead to frenetic racing, so I work constantly to try and balance my own high energy with "pauses" for the rest of the family.

I did a lot of swapping of closets this weekend.  Us folks in the Northeast have a deep abiding urge to shed the winter woolies. So since Saturday weather was warm, I did this. I knew it was going to get cold again later in the weekend, but I am sailing my ship with positivity and believing the warmer temps will be back sooner rather than later.

I got a lot of outgrown clothes either to the consignment shop or to the pod where one can donate usable goods for free.  I even sorted some of my shoes (my one real vanity) and consigned those that I have not worn and will not wear again. Once you are in the um, 50's , some styles just look down right silly on you!

Sunday was church and that is always a touch stone for my week.  Our minister spoke on genocide and there is much for me to mull over in the week to come.  I tried to write my piece to read tomorrow at Amazing Jane's retirement party. It is a work in progress.  There is so much I want to say, but I want to be respectful of Fiona's privacy as well at the gathering.

Fiona has been struggling and I have spent a lot of time on the phone with her. When she is disregulated she alternately pulls me close and pushes me away, blaming me for all the injustices both real and perceived in her life.  She refused to go to the new day program that I have been working months on because her hair was not done in extensions.  She did not ask for extensions until late the night before when it was not possible to even get clip ins to skate by on.  I am not sure if she is afraid and did this subconsiously to avoid going or if it is the fact that she has a total inability to plan ahead.  At any rate, that night she totally lost control attacking staff and another resident and requiring a hold and one on one presence for the next 24 hours. She would call me and rage at me, saying she didn't want me to be my guardian any more.  I tried to just let her vent and then we would hang up.  I would call back a few hours to say that I loved her and that I would always be there no matter what she felt she needed to say, she would cry and calm down, only to wash rinse repeat hours later.   Yesterday was the first day she sounded more herself and I am hoping the worst is over with as I want to bring her to Jane's farewell party tomorrow.

Yesterday morning I had a tooth extracted.  Apparently I am such a weirdo that I did not know I had an abcessed tooth.  There was no pain. It was found during my regular cleaning last week.  I had the tooth out in the morning and all is well.  They gave me a pain med which I did not need or even bother to fill. I took Ad*il yesterday, but today I don't think I will need anything.  The only annoying thing is that I won't be eating many salads this week. OK any salads this week!  I need to eat softer foods while I heal and salads are my favorite lunch.  I made them every morning and love throwing different add ins--egg, edamame, tiny bits of roasted veggies, salsa, you name it, into the regular base of greens.  My wife hates salads and thinks I am nuts.  So today it is pumpkin raviolis instead, but I really can't complain as all went so well.

All day long my wife kept telling me to go lie down and I kept saying "why?"  LOL  So we got the camping gear out of storage and organized instead as it is only 5 weeks till I take the kids for the first camp out. Now THAT makes me smile!

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