Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Changes Changes!

I had intended to write more of Lissa's story this morning, but find my mind awhirl with more present changes in our lives. On the home front, Dee's social worker called me at work yesterday. Many many weeks ago, we sent letters to him and in turn received a phone call from him. But there has been no contact since. I sent more letters to the social worker but didn't know when if ever Dee received them.

The social worker said yesterday that she had a long visit with Dee and they talked at length about Robbie and how best to proceed. Dee expressed worry that he might say things that would cause Rob to have nightmares; he didn't know what Rob remembered from their family and also knew that Rob had some horrible experiences in foster care. He told his sw that he could tell what those were to her but he didn't feel he should because they really were Rob's stories to tell if he wanted to. At the end of the 90 minute visit Dee finally decided that he would like to visit Rob and that they could just hang out and do things together. Not that the past didn't happen, but that they didn't need to re-visit it together to have a relationship now. It all sounds amazingly mature for a 14 y/o boy. Apparently he has also been at dance camp most of the summer so this is also part of why we hadn't heard from him. So some time in September we hope to have Dee visit. Plans are for baseball or shooting hoops down at the school, it is sort of nebulous at hte moment as the sw has to confirm the dates with me.

It is hard to tell if Rob is excited, nervous or what with regard to this. I know I am nervous! I want this kid to like me. He sounds like a neat guy and although I don't figure I can step into his life at 14 and be his family, maybe he would let me be his friend. I don't know what his expectations of our family are; and i have to explain to the other kids about Robbie having another brother that they have never met before. I sort of expect KC to be upset about this. More as in annoyed or angry, not hurt. He will feel we left out something important and not shared with him something we should have and because he idolizes Rob this may be hard to get across to him. I need to try and prepare Chet, who always has unusual questions and due to his autism an often off putting manner of communicating. And the thing is, I want Dee to like us. I want at a minimum for him to see and feel that Rob is safe and happy. In a best case scenario I would like him to feel comfortable enough to want to consider living with us. . . if not as a full time member of our family as a frequent visitor. . .

Then on the work front, it looks like my company may seriously be up for sale. This could be good. One thing is that the company I work for now, may offer a very nice severance pay that could seriously help our debt. That would be really good. Really REALLY good. And there could be other really good things. Some rumored, such as increased vacation time. Some implied, such as being part of a company that is growing instead of shrinking. I worry because our existing company is owned by 3 elderly gentlemen who may not be interested in retaining the property long term. What if they all die? What happens to my job then? On the other hand, it is the devil I know. and I am liked and respected here. What if things don't go well with the new company? I am the sole wage earner for my family. Kirsty works part time, but the lions share of our bills are paid by me. So I hem and haw, essentially about things that i can't even control. Change can be good, and i try to remember that change is an opportunity for growth. Even when it can also be scary.

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