Thursday, April 8, 2010

Showing caring

I have a wicked cold.  It snuck up on me pretending it was allergies (lots of stuff blooming like crazy due to our heat wave)  Because I thought it was allergies at first, I didn't do anything.  Sigh.  If I know I have a cold I have these totally awesome cherry zinc lozenges that really kick a colds butt.  The thing is, I have to take them the first 24 hours of being symptomatic to have them really benefit.  Sigh again.  So by the time I realized that it was not allergies, I was loooooong past the 24 hour window and well on to miserable.  But I digress.

I am not really whining here.  This morning I woke up and I could hardly talk.  It will get a bit better over the course of the day with lots of hot beverages but suffice it to say I don't really sound like myself.  Remember, I am not whining!

What I am doing, is marvelling at the different ways that our kids show caring.  My Chet for instance is not a demonstrative guy.  Yup, he gives me a hug every night but I know it is because it is routine.  I have taught him to hug me before he goes to bed at night.  He does it because routines are safe for him and not because he has this upswelling of love that just has to be expressed.  BUT today when he saw me getting out my clothes for work he asked what i was doing.  I said I was getting my clothes for work. (between you and me I wanted to say "duh" but I am glad I didn't!)  His response was "why was I going to work when I could clearly barely talk."  For Chet, this is caring.  I explained that my boss is having serious medical issues and as the next senior staffer I need to be at work, regardless of my cold.  That made sense and he nodded his head and left.  Someone else who doesn't know Chet wouldn't see that there really is a lot there.  It means he actually observed how I was sounding and acting and since most times, he is so absorbed in his own world this is truly, really huge.

Then there is Rob.  Rob came to us at 5 with a really significant trauma history.  It has become clear that he is reluctant to share emotions and that he is also somewhat reluctant to show empathy.  These situations make him feel vulnerable and he doesn't like that.

I read aloud to the kids at night and right now, Rob and I are at a pretty darn interesting part of the book we are sharing.  Last night, although I did take the kids to the park, my voice was clearly fading and my energies with it.  When it was bedtime he came in and asked if I was going to read to him.  I said that I was going to chug a hot cup of tea and that I promised i would give it a try.  He paused for a moment and said "I know, but it will be okay if you can't and want to take a night off."  Trust me, I felt better than any cold medicine could ever do, hearing those words.

So today I may not be able to talk much, but I am basking in the love that was shown by two of my children for whom this is the most difficult.


Todd said...

Hope you are well soon. That's really cool that they are showing that they care.

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Awwwwwww. That really is sweet that both boys connected with your feelings!