Two steps forward, one step back

Feels like that is perhaps the most accurate description of raising Robbie. Lately maybe it is 3 steps back? But I do see positives, and I keep those in the forefront of my mind. But the lying, and the taking things, that has been stronger lately.

Yesterday I went up to his bedroom with the intent of changing his closets. Somehow his was the only one not fully done and I thought since I had a migraine, it was a mindless task for a rainy Sunday. En route to the closet I spotted a pair of ear buds hanging out from behind the bed. Odd, as we have a no toys in the bedroom rule. I move the bed and a veritable horde of stuff was there. Much of it was useless trash, magazines, inserts, etc. Stuffing from something he had taken apart. Batteries were under his pillow. I was checking under the pillow pretty regularly for a while and just tried to ease that back. I don't like feeling like the police when I put him to bed at night.

I cleaned up that mess and in my own clumsiness knocked a shelf in the closet as I back up. More debris cascaded down on me but a lot of this stuff was stuff that belonged to others. Last month Kirsty needed new checks for her check book. She couldn't find them. We both spent a lot of time looking everywhere for them. She doesn't write a lot of checks so that pack would easily last 4 months. We finally decided she must have accidently used them out of order and rush ordered a new set. But mean while she had to make two extra trips to the bank to withdraw money to make payments in cash and of course we paid extra for the fast delivery. Guess what was one of the things that fell out on me? Yup, the checks. he didn't do anything with them, but he took them and horded them. He even knew we were looking for them and never snuck them back--though I don't know if he even remembers what he takes or if it is more of a mindless compulsion. . .

I cleaned out the closet, and told Rob that from now on, only clothes and jewelry and the baby blanket that came from his birth family would be allowed in his room. We packed his knick nacks and momentos up together carefully and have stored them in the attic. this way I can see more readily if he has other people's belongings hidden in with his own. Whoever said it was best to hide something in plain sight had the right of it. At least where a young teen is concerned as the general environs are usually so messy that it is hard to distinguish one person's things from another without a lot of going through.

From there I moved onto the actual clothing change and he helped me with this as well. I reached under his dresser to throw out the cleats he wore last year for baseball. His young man's feet have grown and these will never fit him. They made an odd clunk as I tossed them in the trash and thankfully I heard it. I took them out and he had secreted a watch in the toe of the sneaker. It belonged to Kirsty's mom and was inscribed on the back. K's mom died 13 yrs ago; the momento while not looked at daily would surely be missed had it been consigned to the trash.

Rob wrote a letter of apology for the stealing, though even in this he had rather crazy justifications. Things are always "found on the floor" in his line of reasoning and he always is "keeping them safe" I do believe that in his first life maybe things had to be hidden to be kept safe. But I need to find a way to help him see that this is not a wise and healthful tool for the rest of his life.