KC and Lissa wrote letters to Santa when we went to the Holiday Stroll. This was not a surprise, they wrote letters here at home. Letters to mail to him detailing their holiday dreams. Letters to leave with the cookies on Christmas Eve. letters because they thought he might be lonely--Santa gets a lot of mail from our home.
Thus I have been pretty sure I knew what was in their hearts and minds for holiday gifting.
Imagine my surprise when KC wrote on his letter to Santa "a new waffle iron!" LOL
Yup. About 4 months ago our waffle iron died. We used to use it almost weekly but it is hard (and pricey) to find a waffle maker that does 6 waffles at a shot. There are a LOT that make 4, but for 6, not really. So I put it off. We sort of switched to pancakes and texas french toast or eggs and home fries for the breakfast for supper meals. I guess KC was really missing those waffles. Thanks to the magic of the internet, Santa will come through!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
You have to laugh!
Chet and Kirsty had a rather large disagreement the other day. Both were still annoyed when I got home from work and I tried to negotiate the minefield of the evening; supporting both of them in their respective positions without setting anyone off again.
K's perception is laudable but the reality of it is not the most emotionally supportive for Chet. She believes that she needs to keep pushing him to try his best, to do better than he presently is and the most recent disagreement concerned handwriting. She made him rewrite a blog post that he had written for me to input for him on his book and movie reviews. Chet was angry and the second effort didn't look any better. For me personally, I don't see fighting over this. He had OT in school for 6 years with no discernable improvement and I have never been able to easily read his handwriting. When I do the blog entry he reads his notes to me and I type what he dictates.
At any rate, I started cleaning up from supper and Chet announced that " I was much the kinder parent, though far more simplistic."
From my autistic son, this is a compliment. Because I know he uses the english language a bit differently from the rest of us, I asked what he meant. (OK I will confess; I laughed and asked if that meant I was nice but simple minded.) He said no, he meant that I was kind and I didn't nit-pick.
It takes being willing and able to look beyond what is said and done sometimes when communicating with my Chet. He truly has a heart of gold, but such a hard time sharing his thoughts in a way that makes sense to the rest of the world. I tried to explain that Mom was just trying to help him work a little harder on some life skills because it would make things easier for him later on. But I do know that I see the situation differently; that there are things he probably has maxed out in ability wise and that is why I don't push. I figure if 25 years of skill building and intensive work on a behavior hasn't worked beyond a certain point, we have likely reached the limit of his ability to adapt and learn to that specific situation.
Maybe I am letting too much slide; I guess there will be no way to know until a lot further down the road. In the mean time, I'll go on being my simplistic self!
K's perception is laudable but the reality of it is not the most emotionally supportive for Chet. She believes that she needs to keep pushing him to try his best, to do better than he presently is and the most recent disagreement concerned handwriting. She made him rewrite a blog post that he had written for me to input for him on his book and movie reviews. Chet was angry and the second effort didn't look any better. For me personally, I don't see fighting over this. He had OT in school for 6 years with no discernable improvement and I have never been able to easily read his handwriting. When I do the blog entry he reads his notes to me and I type what he dictates.
At any rate, I started cleaning up from supper and Chet announced that " I was much the kinder parent, though far more simplistic."
From my autistic son, this is a compliment. Because I know he uses the english language a bit differently from the rest of us, I asked what he meant. (OK I will confess; I laughed and asked if that meant I was nice but simple minded.) He said no, he meant that I was kind and I didn't nit-pick.
It takes being willing and able to look beyond what is said and done sometimes when communicating with my Chet. He truly has a heart of gold, but such a hard time sharing his thoughts in a way that makes sense to the rest of the world. I tried to explain that Mom was just trying to help him work a little harder on some life skills because it would make things easier for him later on. But I do know that I see the situation differently; that there are things he probably has maxed out in ability wise and that is why I don't push. I figure if 25 years of skill building and intensive work on a behavior hasn't worked beyond a certain point, we have likely reached the limit of his ability to adapt and learn to that specific situation.
Maybe I am letting too much slide; I guess there will be no way to know until a lot further down the road. In the mean time, I'll go on being my simplistic self!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A shoebox full of joy
It takes a special brand of insanity fortitude to take my whole tribe shopping at once! But I pretty much have it down to a science and though I am sure the various retailers are thrilled to see us leave, we do get through the stores for holiday shopping with minimal issues.
It is hardest of course, for Chet, who is over stimulated by the flashing lights, the music, the crowds, essentially ALL of Yuletide. Lissa is kind of up there too in the easily stimulated arena, but Rob and KC are thankfully not. Todays shopping trip focussed on birthday and Yule gifts for Fiona, Christmas gifts for K from the older boys, gifts for the "Shoebox Project" at church and the supplies KC needed for a gift he wanted to make for K for Yule. I like to take it in small chunks when I do this holiday thing, don't I? LOL
We tackled Fiona's gifts first and found pretty sweaters, a fancy hoodie with faux fur around the hood, a sparkly scarf and some cute jewelry. Those were all fine, but KC was determined to get her a locket because he felt she should have a picture of us from one of our visits that she could always wear close to her heart. The only locket we could find that fit his vision (it HAD to be heart shaped and it HAD to be silver) was more than I would ever normally have a sibling spend. But the sincerity of his desire to do this and the maturity of seeing what she would need outweighed the fact that his piggy bank sure did not have this much cash in it. He can pay me in chores and I know he will. We got the locket and now we have to figure out how to shrink one of our pictures down and print it for inside of it.
We did K next and that went pretty easily. Oh and I also was (you can laugh here) helping Chet buy his gift for me. Chet and K have been oil and water these days and with his aforementioned over-stim situation, it seemed better for me to do this. He doesn't stress me out the way he does K. I set some guidelines by showing him 3 things I liked and then told him to make his decision from those things and pay for it while I was elsewhere so that I would not know his final decision. My goal in this was to try and make sure I did not get another 3X hoodie since I am a size 5! LOL I asked Rob to circle back and check on things when I was not in the aisle and he did and reported that all went well.
Once we got back together it was time to buy gifts for an 8 to 12 year old boy who is in a shelter in Maine. Rob spent Columbus Day weekend there with our church youth group and bonded with an 8 year old boy there. In Rob's mind, we were buying for that particular boy. I have not a clue that he will actually receive our specific box, but didn't honestly feel that I needed to burst that bubble for Rob. I think he thinks a lot about that boy and that he weighs on his heart a bit. If it helps Rob to believe he gets this box, so be it. And who knows, maybe he will. We all picked out things for the box. It is fun to see how much we can fit in a shoebox. We fit, craft scissors, glue sticks, glitter sticks, crayons, markers, 2 pair of gloves, a card game of pictionary, a game called Toss Up, Silly Putty, clay, a Transformer, and an action figure. I figured out last year that you fit the most things by taking everything out of its cardboard and shrink wrap and packing in that way. I loved watching the kids all take part in deciding what to get and knowing that someone will have a brighter Christmas because of what we did.
From there we went to get printer ink because we need to take the kids holiday picture so I can mail out my cards. I tried to take their picture when we got home and either I was VERY jittery after taking them all shopping or the anti wiggle feature got turned off by a gremlin again. (I suspect the latter as the kids all use the camera as well.) I could have screamed as it was a cute shot, but it is way too unfocussed.
Then we went to the craft store and I scored a couple of craft kits for Fiona and KC got the suppies to make his gift for K. He literally has drawn out diagrams of what he wants to make for people and he sat down and did hers the minute we got home. The kid amazes me.
Actually, they all amaze me. They give freely of their hearts and their talents and that is all any mom could ask for.
It is hardest of course, for Chet, who is over stimulated by the flashing lights, the music, the crowds, essentially ALL of Yuletide. Lissa is kind of up there too in the easily stimulated arena, but Rob and KC are thankfully not. Todays shopping trip focussed on birthday and Yule gifts for Fiona, Christmas gifts for K from the older boys, gifts for the "Shoebox Project" at church and the supplies KC needed for a gift he wanted to make for K for Yule. I like to take it in small chunks when I do this holiday thing, don't I? LOL
We tackled Fiona's gifts first and found pretty sweaters, a fancy hoodie with faux fur around the hood, a sparkly scarf and some cute jewelry. Those were all fine, but KC was determined to get her a locket because he felt she should have a picture of us from one of our visits that she could always wear close to her heart. The only locket we could find that fit his vision (it HAD to be heart shaped and it HAD to be silver) was more than I would ever normally have a sibling spend. But the sincerity of his desire to do this and the maturity of seeing what she would need outweighed the fact that his piggy bank sure did not have this much cash in it. He can pay me in chores and I know he will. We got the locket and now we have to figure out how to shrink one of our pictures down and print it for inside of it.
We did K next and that went pretty easily. Oh and I also was (you can laugh here) helping Chet buy his gift for me. Chet and K have been oil and water these days and with his aforementioned over-stim situation, it seemed better for me to do this. He doesn't stress me out the way he does K. I set some guidelines by showing him 3 things I liked and then told him to make his decision from those things and pay for it while I was elsewhere so that I would not know his final decision. My goal in this was to try and make sure I did not get another 3X hoodie since I am a size 5! LOL I asked Rob to circle back and check on things when I was not in the aisle and he did and reported that all went well.
Once we got back together it was time to buy gifts for an 8 to 12 year old boy who is in a shelter in Maine. Rob spent Columbus Day weekend there with our church youth group and bonded with an 8 year old boy there. In Rob's mind, we were buying for that particular boy. I have not a clue that he will actually receive our specific box, but didn't honestly feel that I needed to burst that bubble for Rob. I think he thinks a lot about that boy and that he weighs on his heart a bit. If it helps Rob to believe he gets this box, so be it. And who knows, maybe he will. We all picked out things for the box. It is fun to see how much we can fit in a shoebox. We fit, craft scissors, glue sticks, glitter sticks, crayons, markers, 2 pair of gloves, a card game of pictionary, a game called Toss Up, Silly Putty, clay, a Transformer, and an action figure. I figured out last year that you fit the most things by taking everything out of its cardboard and shrink wrap and packing in that way. I loved watching the kids all take part in deciding what to get and knowing that someone will have a brighter Christmas because of what we did.
From there we went to get printer ink because we need to take the kids holiday picture so I can mail out my cards. I tried to take their picture when we got home and either I was VERY jittery after taking them all shopping or the anti wiggle feature got turned off by a gremlin again. (I suspect the latter as the kids all use the camera as well.) I could have screamed as it was a cute shot, but it is way too unfocussed.
Then we went to the craft store and I scored a couple of craft kits for Fiona and KC got the suppies to make his gift for K. He literally has drawn out diagrams of what he wants to make for people and he sat down and did hers the minute we got home. The kid amazes me.
Actually, they all amaze me. They give freely of their hearts and their talents and that is all any mom could ask for.
Strollin' in the Holiday
Yesterday was our community's annual Holiday Stroll. This is such a fun event. For the afternoon, there is almost a small town feel to our mid sized city as businesses throw open their doors and invite the public in for cookies, hot cocoa, crafts etc. Because we live only a half mile from town, I always walk the kids down. Traffic gets blocked off and pedestrians wander at will through the various shops, displays and events.
Usually the weather is not too cooperative. Last year it was frigidly cold and i remember explaining to Lissa that I would not stand in line in the cold for 45 minutes so she could ride a pony. LOL The year before that we had slushy snow and rain. This year, the goddess graced us with blue skies and mild temps. Also, having done the stroll for a bunch of years now, I have a feel for how the events generally will run (there is some variation year to year but also some standbys). This helps me hit the things that seem to matter most to the kids.
The first thing we did was head to the bakery that gives out free cookies. Except KC remembers that they make a cookie he adores that is of course, not free. So we bought that, and a cupcake and some kind of chocolate confection. Then we got in line for face painting and watched the Christmas parade go by while we were in line. From there, we wrote holiday messages to soldiers, letters to Santa, visited with Santa, played an indoor snowball fight, We watched chestnuts being roasted, heard carols being sung, and bought some hand made jewelry for gifting.
Nearly three hours went by in the blink of an eye and suddenly the sun was low in the sky and it was time to walk home. I baked frozen pizzas in the oven and we had a 'dinner theater" in our living room watching a children's holiday movie. Doesn't get better than that!
Usually the weather is not too cooperative. Last year it was frigidly cold and i remember explaining to Lissa that I would not stand in line in the cold for 45 minutes so she could ride a pony. LOL The year before that we had slushy snow and rain. This year, the goddess graced us with blue skies and mild temps. Also, having done the stroll for a bunch of years now, I have a feel for how the events generally will run (there is some variation year to year but also some standbys). This helps me hit the things that seem to matter most to the kids.
The first thing we did was head to the bakery that gives out free cookies. Except KC remembers that they make a cookie he adores that is of course, not free. So we bought that, and a cupcake and some kind of chocolate confection. Then we got in line for face painting and watched the Christmas parade go by while we were in line. From there, we wrote holiday messages to soldiers, letters to Santa, visited with Santa, played an indoor snowball fight, We watched chestnuts being roasted, heard carols being sung, and bought some hand made jewelry for gifting.
Nearly three hours went by in the blink of an eye and suddenly the sun was low in the sky and it was time to walk home. I baked frozen pizzas in the oven and we had a 'dinner theater" in our living room watching a children's holiday movie. Doesn't get better than that!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Saturday doings
Well Rob is officially hired on at the local wildlife museum and starts next Sunday afternoon. He seems excited and I am glad that there was an interview process to help him get used to how that feels. In another bit of good news, one of his youth group friends also volunteers there and we will be able to share transportation chores which is a huge benefit to us.
KC officially has 3 dance classes on Saturday as the new jazz class was a go and this was the first Saturday for that. He loves it and loves the music they use in the class. He doesn't know that he will have a second number in the recital and I have neglected on purpose to share that with him. LOL
We leave in a few minutes to go to our town's Holiday Stroll. Vendors, and crafts, food and music. It is a fun way to spend the afternoon, though it leaves me racing through my chores tomorrow after church. But this is a kind of busy that I enjoy. It is a wealth of experiences that build memories and knit us ever more closely together.
KC officially has 3 dance classes on Saturday as the new jazz class was a go and this was the first Saturday for that. He loves it and loves the music they use in the class. He doesn't know that he will have a second number in the recital and I have neglected on purpose to share that with him. LOL
We leave in a few minutes to go to our town's Holiday Stroll. Vendors, and crafts, food and music. It is a fun way to spend the afternoon, though it leaves me racing through my chores tomorrow after church. But this is a kind of busy that I enjoy. It is a wealth of experiences that build memories and knit us ever more closely together.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Feeling Blue
It is also December 1st and it was on December 1st 14 years ago that we found out my MIL had terminal cancer. I will never forget the hysterical sobs as my wife called me at work and choked out the news. I will never forget how helpless I felt in the whole situation. Helpless is another one of those things I don't do well. I like to fix. I like to be orderly and yes, in charge. Don't ask for much in life do I?
So whatever the cause of the blahs tonight I am determined to think of the positives. Because there are a lot of them. Like Rob, who is pictured above. Rob who is out on his second date with a really nice young woman he met at our church youth group. She is his first real girl friend and he has fallen hard. He is growing up so much these days. Saturday he interviews for a volunteer position at a local natural history museum. He is stepping out and testing his wings and I love that!
And there are KC and Lissa who dance and sing and perform their little hearts out every evening after supper. Who can remain blue when someone is tap dancing in the front hall of their home with a large fake candy cane as a prop?
And Chet. Sometimes it is hard to know when you have made an impact with Chet. Autism blunts many of his responses so it is hard to know what he is doing because he memorized that "this" was the appropriate response to "that" situation. But yesterday he spoke with me about things we did at Yule when he was little. It was just neat to me that he remembered.
My wife. Who cheerfully drove my teen to a city 30 minutes away for his date tonight.
I have a lot to smile about. And tomorrow is Friday. . . see me grin!
Loss
Death has brushed past me in my life the past two days. Not in a personal way, but taking people I knew, and I hate that. In both cases, the people involved are individuals I knew from my work. The first one, made choices regarding substance abuse that ultimately took her young life. It is sad. She is not the first of her family to do this and it is chilling to me to leave children behind because of that choice. I knew her before her demons ran her life and she was sweet and cheerful and caring.
Then just yesterday, another individual passed away from an unexpected medical problem that required immediate surgery. Talking with her shattered adult daughter was one of the hardest things I have done. I remember her mom as one of the nicest people I have dealt with, cheerful in the face of adversity, hopeful and always always careful to make every appointment that we had.
It is never easy to lose someone, but losing them around the holidays is always the hardest. My heart goes out to their families.
Then just yesterday, another individual passed away from an unexpected medical problem that required immediate surgery. Talking with her shattered adult daughter was one of the hardest things I have done. I remember her mom as one of the nicest people I have dealt with, cheerful in the face of adversity, hopeful and always always careful to make every appointment that we had.
It is never easy to lose someone, but losing them around the holidays is always the hardest. My heart goes out to their families.
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