Dealing with Disappointments

One of the things I have noticed about my kids is that depending on their prior life experiences and/or their disabilities is the way they handle disappointments. Or don't handle them. I always do my absolute level best to make sure anything I say will happen, does. It is important that they know my word can be trusted, that I am someone who will follow through. However obviously I don't control the weather, our extended family (though I have put the fear of whatever power one believes into them about promising and not coming through!) or friends. Likewise I can't control misconceptions on the part of said children. This week we had that type of experience with KC.

He watches PBS TV and on the childrens show they apparently began to advertise about an upcoming tour of those demented men known as the Wiggles. I am not seriously against the Wiggles. Kids love them. They are harmless. I just think that pretty much all adults that have to behave as the Wiggles do should either have very good um "supplements" to their diets and lots of cash for their efforts! LOL

Anyway, day one he comes out and gives me a very garbled story about new Wiggles stuff. I nod, ignore and keep doing the dishes. Day 2 he comes out and he has figured out that the Wiggles are going on tour. Nothing else, so I again am not really clued into this. Day 3, the report is that "the Wiggles are going on tour. They are coming to a city near US!" OK now i know I need to find out more. I go on line. The Wiggles are indeed going on tour. And they are not coming anywhere near us. It would be a minimum of an 8 hour (one way) drive to experience the thrill of the "Let's go bananas" tour with our wiggly friends. So I explained this to KC. I expected arguing. That is what Chet would do. For hours. He would create 50 million scenarios that would allow you to do what he wanted, even if it was at the expense of other family members. I expected sullenness. That is what Rob would do. Just be quietly miserable to me. I expected screaming which at 2 is Lissa's mode of expression when displeased. I swear the girl could shatter glass. But none of that happened.

Instead, he stood silently for a minute. Then he walked out into the kitchen with his hands clasped behind his back. "Lissa! Robbie!" he called. "I have some bad news. The Wiggles are NOT coming to a city near us after all and we won't get to see them live." Now aside from the fact that at 13, Rob was probably dancing with joy inside, I was just so beyond happy to see that he could handle it this way. I know that the other kids can't necessarily help their responses. They are informed by negative life experiences, by the results of their first parents addictions, by their disabilities. But those responses can in some cases be modified over time. At least because I am an optimist I believe that. Even for Chet who is so stuck in early teen behavior, I have hope that eventually I will get him to "young adult". I hope that eventually Rob will learn the value of talking things through and seeing that we control what we can, but can't control the world. And Lissa of course is too young to know much beyond her immediate wants and needs.

Meanwhile, I celebrate the fact that one of my four seems to have a grasp on that, and we are in the midst of planning our own "Wiggly movie celebration" for a date to be determined in August which is when the Wiggles tour is.