Growing Pains

Fiona almost did not call last night.  Jane called and said that she had gotten upset about somethiing and decided she did not want to talk to us or even to visit with us.  Jane said that normally she would not even share the last part as it was (in Jane's mind) clearly said in anger but Fiona had said it in the presence of otehr staff which meant that the whole team weighed in and felt that we should have this big talk about if she wanted us to visit or not.

Fiona has had lots of big things to deal with lately.  First family re-connections and most recently the immenent loss of her social worker.  S. is leaving on maternity leave and a new worker will be assigned.  Normally, Fi has gotten very over-worked, very inexperienced and very unhelpful workers but this is not the case with S. and her departure is a blow to my daughter.  It is another loss, and another feeling of being "passed around."

Jane said she was really sure Fi wanted to see us but that staff would like me to choose a cut off date to cancel the visit if her actions did not mellow out.  That felt really hard, but I finally said Thursday evening by 6 p.m.  Partly because I know Jane does not work on Fridays and communicationis with the school are a bit dicier when she is not in the loop.  Jane could hear my hesitation and she said that she too was sure Fiona wanted us to come, but that I needed to remember about keeping my whole family intact and not being held hostage by my daughter's mental illness.

Those were huge words to hear.  Intellectually I know this--otherwise we would not have had her removed from our house years ago.  It was clear that she was going to be unsafe and unsafe to others as well as herself.  But with her in the Great School, there is not a daily dose of dealing with the scope of her mental illness. It is easier to forget just how big that is and how hard things are for all of us when she is dysregulated.

On the positive side, Fiona stabilized and called about 40 minutes later and had a great chat. She clearly wants to see us and spoke animatedly of the things she would like to do when we arrive. We planned crafts and gym time and maybe using her video recorder.  We will see how it all shakes out.