Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Losing Threads

Rob has a bio brother who we visited with in September. The social worker who brought D out to us called afterwards and we talked about how well the visit went. I enjoyed D. Rob seemed to enjoy the chance to reconnect, though there was the expected awkwardness as many years had passed since they saw one another. But they did connect and D enjoyed our family. The sw told me that he wanted to see us again. We were very open to seeing him again, perhaps even having visits where he could spend the weekend.

But alas, in the ways of children in care, life was not so simple and straightforward. The sw who i dealt with was one whose specific job was to locate family who had been separated through foster care or adoption issues. Because D is in foster care again, he had a different sw. Someone I don't know the name of. The family find social worker is out of the picture once the family in question is found. She said she would notify his "real" social worker (regular sw?) of the mutual interest in visits. That was September. I have heard nothing.

I know that some bio family were being considered as placement for D. He really wants to stay with the people he is with now. But family are considered an option first and foremost in the system. And the family find social worker said she knew that the bio family hates us. Actually hate was her word, i am not exaggerating. I said i knew that. That there were no doubt voodoo dolls in their houses with my name on them and pins stuck in them. LOL My guess is that if D got placed with family, we aren't going to see him again.

And I feel really badly about that. It would be good for Rob to have a bio connection. And I genuinely like the boy. We had a lot in common to talk about. He is amazingly mature for his age. But oddly, it was KC who brought the subject up this a.m. He wanted to know when we would see D again "because he really likes him." I have a picture of D and Rob on the fridge from the visit and I think he was looking at that.

It is sad that there are so many roadblocks to keeping the connection between kids who get separated due to issues in their first families. I jump through hoops to try and keep any connection with Fiona at all, but it is so hard. We are always the last to find out about any changes for her. There isn't much effort by staff or the workers in her life to keep in contact with us. She has been moved in the past--even hospitalized--and we haven't found out for weeks. I realize we are not legally in a position to be notified, but come on; I write to the child every week!

There is not really much of a point to this rambling. Just frustration. And sadness for relationships that may never develop.

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