Saturday, October 11, 2014
I was thinking though about something I read on the net recently. It was about a couple who adopted 4 children through foster care. They had older bio kids who were nearly grown at the time that the 4 little girls came into their lives and hearts. It was not a bad post. The family looks from my cursury reading to be loving and their new children seem happy etc.
There was one component that struck me though. The parent who wrote the article talked about what they lost in this process. At first I thought she meant the children. But no, she meant the adoptive parents. They lost free time, a tidy home, spontanaity when planning things etc. I get that. It is all valid and real. But at some level that also all seems rather superficial to me.
Because the people who came to this relationship from a real place of loss were the four children.And I saw nothing about that in the article. No matter how happy they are now, no matter how well adjusted they are, or seem to be, they came from a place of loss. And loss I would wager that is bigger than losing free time and a tidy home. And while it is important to recognize what we as parents of any children--biological or adopted--place on the back burner--it is just that, back burner.
I have every confidence that there will be a time in my life when my house stays clean for longer than 20 minutes. But I have to tell you, most days that isn't all that important to me. I strive for a certain level of cleanliness but I place a much higher premium on memory making, shared experiences and consistantly showing my kids that I am there for them and how much I hold them in my heart. There will always be dishes, but only a finite period of time to walk this path with them all.