More renovations

Early on in the pandemic we made a "to do" list for the house. My thought was that if we had something tangible to focus on it would keep our minds off the crazy.  It would help me think less about the fact that I have camped zero times this summer, hung out with friends zero times this summer been to the beach zero times this summer, seem my mother zero times this summer. . . You get the idea.

The biggest project we decided to tackle was our front porch.  I binge watched youtube vids and shared them to my wife, pumping up her enthusiasm (while she pretty much enjoys this journey now she was a lot less confident than I was that we could do these things.)  And initially, our project pretty much mirrored the helpful videos that we saw.  I got myself an orbital hand sander and got the beams sanded and we painted to a fair thee well.  I ripped up old flooring and sanded the floor.  We inspected said floor for damages.  And just like the videos there was a small section that needed repair.  

Armed with my boundless enthusiasm and said videos we pulled up the punky boards and discovered!  A missing joist.  Hmmm. Odd but this is an OLD porch on a 200 year old house.  Stranger things have been found working on this house.  We put in a new joist where there was not one, we married a new sturdy 2 x 4a to a less sturdy one and framed it in nicely.  Doesn't it look lovely?

Then we removed the last punky board and discovered that the support post to our porch was disintegrated.  As in, 40 years of hard living had turned it to dust.  I called a good friend in a panic.  He came over and looked and said well Sh### !  There was talk of jacking the house and contractors and all I could see were dollar signs.  And lets face it, while working on my home in the pandemic is fun--I am still very mindful of our money right now.  My wife is only recently back to most of her work. My middle son is not back yet.  And unemployment tanks next week unless there is a miracle. But back to the porch.

We called another friend.  He loves old housing and works for  a contractor.  One of my big worries was losing the fancy gingerbread trim if the whole post had to be replaced.  Yes, he agreed, nodding sagely, that would be horrible and very expensive to save.  However it was not clear if we would have to replace the whole post.  It was possible that this damage was caused by faulty gutters and moisture and that it only went part way up.

A glimmer of hope!  Back to youtube I went.  The next week armed with a 4 x 4 fence post that we got free from a job site my wife worked at, some 2 x 4s and a lot of prayers we went to town on the porch. We dug out all the punky wood.  We discovered good and bad things.  Bad.  There was no real footing for the porch post.  Good. The post was not a single entity.  At some point my grandfather had replaced the bottom half of the post with a couple of 2 x 4s joined together.  

We debated trying to make a nice footing for our post.  But as you can tell from the picture there was not a lot of room to dig.  I would have to use a hand trowel and I would likely still be there. LOL

In this picture you can see that I braced the porch with a 2 x 4 and inset my fence post.  We set the post on bricks which was the "footing" my grandfather had used. Why mess with what worked for 40 plus years?  We also had to take off that weird green stuff which was a thin, sort of papery backing board that he used before putting the finish boards over it.  My guess is it was all they could afford and it most definately was not rated for exterior work.  We took it off (but only in that section, I am not up for redoing the whole porch!) and put up exterior rated backing board.

Here's the exterior backing board we installed and you can also see that we had repaired the floor at this point as well.  It was starting to look like we would finish and that it was going to come out ok!

And it did!  Here is the repair with the new finish boards, ready for painting. (they have since been primed and I will paint this weekend.)  I will also paint that small area beside our repair where my paint was damaged by having to open the wall up. All in all it was about 8 hours of work and 5 trips to hardware stores as our efforts revealed new and different issues to address.  I should also mention that we don't own a power saw.  This stuff was hand cut, though we do have a drill and a few other small power tools.  I am beginning to dream about a small table saw set up!

Aside from painting the repair our next part of the project is making screens.  Another new skill to learn.  And yesterday the gutters were replaced so hopefully the water issue will also be a thing of the past.

Thinking and living deeply

There are the days when my emo teen feels like he will drive me round the bend.  Days when his sister "the tweenager" does the same.  There are also some wonderful conversations and experiences happening.

One convo that I treasure was with KC about a week ago.  He is thinking about the fact that next year he is old enough to get a job.  He wants a job  phone and knows he has to have a job to obtain said phone.  There are several markets in our community that are good first jobs for kids.  Rob worked at one of them and that may help the hire process as Rob was a great worker.

KC was concerned about how to address people.  He knows that if he is stocking shelves people will likely come to him and ask questions.  His concern was that in todays society, saying sir or ma'am might not be polite.  "What if someone is trans and I can't tell?" was his question.  I was so proud of him for thinking deeply about this, for having the compassion to see that speaking to people in the way they see themselves is important.

We talked about how the interaction in the job he is likely to obtain would not necessarily require sir,ma'am or anything to help someone out.  A friendly smile and a comment like "oh we have those in aisle 2 should I show you?" would work out just fine.  If it was someone he was meeting where a more in depth relationship/conversation was to unfold, it was totally fine to either use their name or ask how they preferred to be addressed. He is my sensitive, deep thinking soul.  But in particular this level of sensitivity makes me have hope in the harsh world we presently reside in.

Last night the two kids and I went to our church to help stock for today's monthly food pantry.  There is a ton of set up work to do and we have always had dance commitments that kept us from helping. With no dance in the summer and no camping trip this weekend we were free to help.  KC was a huge help lugging boxes, breaking down and disposing of recycling and keeping things organized.

Lissa and I worked together packing large boxes of eggs into one dozen boxes.  Then when we finished, she wandered over to a table where a bunch of store brand small pies were located.  Her sharp eye picked up on the fact that she saw one pie with mold on it.  She then decided to make it her mission to check every single pie to make sure it was safe and good quality.  There were a LOT of pies probably about 100.

I had finished my task and things were wrapping up.  We had a 30 minute drive home ahead of us and had worked for 2 hours.  I confess I was tired.  I asked her if she'd like me to help her finish up the quality control.  She looked at me and said "I've got this. I'm just fine.  Go find someone to talk to!"  (My love of chatting is fairly legendary in our home!)  It was clear that she really owned this job and that it was not fair to jump in and help.  I took her advice and found someone to chat with for the remaining 10 or 12 minutes that she needed to complete the job.

I am grateful that all my kids seem to mostly live with compassion and think of others.  We need that in this world.

Food packing day

It has been a busy weekend in many ways.  Yesterday KC and a lot of the members of the dance school that they participates in performed shows at the area assisted living facilities.  They were very warmly received in all venues.  He was in 3 of the numbers this year and the shows were about 45 minutes in length.  They did 4 shows in all and devoted the larger part of yesterday to giving joy in this way to the seniors of our city.  He was proud and excited to be doing this.  Last year he was only in 2 numbers, this year he was in 3.  He stressed a lot about whether or not he would slip when he did his solo in the tap number, whether he would get tired doing the lift etc etc.  He did great though.

Lissa spent from 2 to 6 yesterday outside a local big box store with her Girl Scout troop. She was helping with the cookie booth and despite the very chilly temperatures the girls did well on their sales. Lissa and I worked together on finding recipes on the net that use Girl Scout cookies and folks who bought more than 4 boxes got a free recipe book.  It was a cute little sales aid and Lissa enjoyed doing it.  I helped at the booth the last 2 hours of the day, having completed taxi duties associated with the winter show performances.  Holy handwarmers it was cold!  Lissa was fine as I had her wear her really warm winter gear--snow boots, snow pants, parka etc.  Dressed like we were doing a winter hike.  However our troop is not wealthy and many of the kids working were very lightly dressed for being outside so long.  When I came I brought extra gloves and chemical handwarmers and just left them on the end of the table so people could borrow gloves, and use the handwarmers.  They were gone in a flash.  It is one of those things you don't realize at first. In a lot of social situations it is easy to disguise the fact that there is a real fine line between having enough and just barely getting by nowadays.  But sometimes it shows.  Kids who say they only wear hoodies because of "fashion" sometimes really only wear hoodies for other reasons.

Today Lissa has a "hang out" (we have apparently reached the age where we are too cool to have a play date) with her friend L.  I'll pick her up at 3:30 and she and KC and i will head to the food packing center.  Both kids were initially thrilled to do this.  Today not so much; primarily because KC is a bit tired from yesterday and because it made for a shorter time for Lissa and her friend to be together today.  However I have been impervious to their half hearted suggestions that we not go.

First of all, I believe in showing up when you say you will and I did check with them before I signed up our team. Secondly, I think the energy of the event will come through to them.  I have done the United Day of Caring with my work team and you can't help but get energized because to be in community with so many people excited to help others---well, it is pretty cool.  But most importantly, I think it is important to find a variety of ways to help others.  This is a way to give of service and I am convinced that service needs to be a component in creating a more fair and just world.  It isn't just about writing a check or dropping off a donation.  Those are fine. They are needed and there are times when I have contributed in that way as well. But we also need to be willing to work for a better world, and a fairer distribution of that which we all need in order to live.  So I hope today will help my two youngest see that and I'm more than willing to plan another "hang out" time for Lissa and her friend!

Bunny Blues

There has been another round of huge staffing changes at the home where Fiona lives.  It also goes higher up the food change with a clinician change and some new faces in upper management.  I can't speak to whether any of this is good or not. Frankly I liked our last direct care team very much and the 15 months or so that we worked together were some of the healthiest ever for Fiona.  I felt they got her, not just her needs, but who she is as a person, beyond and above all the cognitive and behavioral stuff.  The inside part that so often struggles to be seen and validated.

However I see huge storm clouds on the horizon.  This team contacted me last October about Fiona having a pet.  This was something she asked for and they went up the chain and got approval for.  I was not the driving force in this.  While I know that pets are therepeutic, while i know that Fi adores animals and is good with them, I have had deep concerns over the plan.

Loving pets does not translate into having the ability to provide regular and appropriate care.  However my opinon was not solicited and a plan was put into place.  Fiona has been working the plan which included a certain decreased level in holds, a certain level of cleanliness in her room and other goals.  It has been a long road but she has met these requirements and thought that this Christmas she would be able to buy her bunny.  (part of the goals were also financial and budgeting for the pet care and the supplies the pet would need.

A couple days ago Fiona called me and said she was worried that staff were backing away from the plan to get her the bunny.  I said I didn't think that was the case but that i would contact the team.  I did and my daughter is correct.  The new team point person said "gee it is not our practice to permit pets for a variety of reasons yada yada yada."  We are meeting next Friday as i have the day off to discuss this and develop a plan.  There will be no good resolution to this if they are recanting.

My daughter has had too many instances where people have broken faith with her.  This is going to be another and she will hate every single member of this team forever.  Or at least till they all ride off into the sunset and the next crew come on board.

To complicate things, we just let Lissa get a small dog.  If Fiona can't realize her dream of pet ownership it is also going to create a difficult dynamic here to negotiate.

What the new team does not know is that I have saved every single email to me and from me regarding the pet issue.  Actually I save every email with this agency period. And if I have a phone call, i send a follow up email saying "this is my understanding etc etc. and asking for their confirmation."  I don't know that this will help her get the pet but it will help me if I have to take this up a notch concerning the way they are handling my daughter's care.

Holiday Mural 2015

So every Christmas season we cover a wall of our dining room with paper and make a giant holiday mural.  This year KC suggested Santa's work shop.  It is a tradition that we are all featured in the mural so you will notice that our faces have been added to "elf bodies".  The pictures don't really do the mural justice as it is so big and getting it all at once instead of in bits and bobs of smaller pictures has much more impact.

I love that this is still so much fun for all of us.  We draw and paint a lot but we also add objects to give dimension--bows on the packages for instance.  The packages are made from scrapbook papers and the "ribbon" is duck tape because our cat would ingest real ribbons.  The star on the tree was on top of the tree in Lissa's room last year but it broke and could not go on this year.  However it could be tacked above this "tree."

Something new to the mural this year was the incorporation of KC's advent doodles.  He started doing this last year with his friend the fantastic artist Jane Houghton.  Jane actually published her doodles this year into a little count down that goes on a teeny easel and is on our dining room table.  KC makes a doodle a day and we have found ways to incorporate his into the mural. If you look closely, Rob is holding skates that have laces with a #8 squiggled into them.  There are also doodles that act as ornaments on the mantel. ( a canle and a nutcracker)

Perfection is not the goal and everyone contributes ideas and art as the month goes on.  As the days shorten and we creep closer to the shortest day of the year, things like this brighten my spirit and help me wait for the return of the light.

Troublesome Thursday

Today was one of those days when I looked at the calendar and said THURSDAY?  How is it THURSDAY all ready?  Things have been so super busy at work that literally a week vanished. There are times when I love my job, times when i hate my job and times that fall in between.  For the record, like most of us working folk I suspect the time "in between" is far greater than either of the extremes. One of the things I love is the people connection, feeling like I really know these people and am making a difference.  There are times too when the sadnesses of their circumstances also make it the thing I hate about my job and this week just seemed overly full of those things.  Situations like:

a resident with a degenerative eye condition who has no one to help him administer the medicated drops that he needs. (for the record I am working on visiting nursing services now for him)

a disabled resident who has found out that he has a life threatening illness and has no family in the area. (working on services and apt mods for him too)

a resident with many young children who messed up her life choices badly and is now a guest of our state. (things like this never end well and are something I really hate)

a coworker who lost a beloved family member

another coworker whose parent is hospitalized.

When I write it out, it doesn't seem like it should feel like so much.  And maybe if it wasn't also the week Fiona was hospitalized, it wouldn't.  Or if there wasn't all the stuff swirling about regarding the sale of my company, it might not feel like so much.

But it does, and I don't really mean for me.  For those people and those situations, I felt like I could offer so little to make any of these situations better for the people and families enduring them.  Probably, life is like that all the time, with  good things and bad things, but they usually seem more balanced.  The cosmos got a little slap happy in the negativity department this week!  So tomorrow, I think I will post a picture of our "Beary Christmas" bear and work on some cheer!

Death of a dishwasher

Sigh.  Two nights ago I found our dishwasher flashing an odd light sequence when I went into the kitchen about 10:30 p.m.  Worried about an electrical fire I opened the door so it would definately not be running.  It had drained, the dishes were both hot and clean, so all seemed okay. 

Sadly, this was not true.  It was the final gasp of our nearly 10 year old dishwasher.  Last night, it refused to do anything except fill with water.  Not especially helpful.  Also not helpful is the fact that we always run the dishwasher late at night so it really was not the time to start washing dishes.

I can't complain. This dishwasher has been a real workhorse.  The catch on the door has been broken for nearly a year now, but we figured out that propping it with our mop kept the connection and it would still run just fine.  But this, this is not an easy fix like that.  And since it costs $95.00 an hour for a repairman, it is actually going to be cheaper given the age of the appliance, to buy a new one.

It is a task both K and I loathe.  The space for the dishwasher is an inch narrower than the industry standard (gotta love old houses) and it is always a challenge finding one that fits the spot.  Wish us luck!

Thinking of Thanksgiving

The economy is so bad this year. It is impacting our household in a myriad of ways. Yule will definately be smaller and this bothers me. For 2 yrs now KC has asked for a "rose petal cottage." I am not sure it is the best gift for him and last year didn't get it because it seemed flimsy. However this year he asked again and this year flimsy or no, there is no way I could afford it. Sigh. That rots. The rational part of me knows that we can and will give him a wonderful Christmas experience. I do get that. But the fact that he asked for the same thing for 2 years is what bugs me. Sigh again. A big part of me thinks that the magic of childhood is the dreams that become realities for you as a child. On the other hand, the rational part of me knows I personally asked for my own horse every year from ages 5 to 11 and I didn't get it!

On the other hand, despite having to be careful, we are so much better off than so many people. Where I work, there are people from all walks of life, but mostly from much tougher situations than I am in. People who aren't agonizing over the rose petal cottage. People who agonize over buying meds or paying rent. Over how many times a week their kids can eat lunch. The people who have a really low income seem to have a safety net. They qualify for programs that make sure there is food on the table, their energy bills are usually paid etc. Their kids get free lunches or reduced fee lunches. They get holiday baskets to help with Thanksgiving. But there is an increasingly large segment of our population that fall through the cracks. People who are newly out of work don't always qualify for aid. Or don't know where to go if they do. Single people with a low wage job tend not to be a segment of our society who are noticed as needy. The person who is out of work for a month due to illness and who doesn't have young children tends not to qualify. So every year we tell our site that we are holding a lottery for thanksgiving baskets. In reality we pick 5 families that we know won't have a Thanksgiving without some help. Our staff donates veggies, fruit and turkeys and we deliver them the Tuesday of Thanksgiving week. We let the "winners" know ahead of time to alleviate any stress they may be having over their holiday meal. To a person, they have cried with relief and joy. Several have let slip stories of additional hardships that they are facing. Not in a "pity me" way, more in a matter of fact, sharing a facet of their life way which is somehow all the sadder to me. And it isn't hardships like giving up a cable channel. It is hardships like affording medicine for diabetes or even the type of food that a diabetic should eat. It is hardships like not being able to buy meat. I am a vegetarian by choice not because I realized that I couldn't pay the light bill if I bought meat to eat.

So today I am grateful that my biggest worries are keeping magic and good memories a part of my children's childhood. There will be food aplenty on the table next Thursday, much laughter and hubbub and we are very blessed. And I am giving thanks.