Sweet Saturday!

Today was a very laid back day for us.  We did our usual Saturday morning things, and then our friends G and W were taking Lissa and Rob out for a trip to a kids museum. Actually the person of focus was Lissa, but they told her she could pick someone to go with her and she chose her big brother.  She had a marvelous time and Rob was a champ about it.He used to work at this particular museum and G and W had never been , so he was able to kind of show them around.

While they were gone, KC went to work with K at one of her smaller cleaning contracts. He got to empty trash baskets, do the recycling and a little vacuuming and earned himself some spending money for our upcoming camping trip. He was puffed out with pride for doing this.  It was really very cute.

While they were all gone, I steam cleaned our living room rug.  It is a really icky pale green.  It is pretty old and there are stains that don't come out but overall, it looks much better for my efforts.

Later in the day, KC and I went bowling.  He loves to bowl and Lissa despises it.  She thinks that bowling shoes are so ugly that she refuses to put them on her feet.  I have no idea where I got a fashionista for a daughter, but I did.  So it was a great thing for just he and I to do.

Other than that, it was a pretty quiet day and I enjoyed cleaning and doing some cooking and relaxing.  I don't do that all that much and I know I needed it. I had a 2 day migraine last week that was really hard to work through. I made it to work both days, but was pretty useless here at home.  I hate that.  I hate that it makes my kids really worried.  I hate that I feel like I am not pulling my weight.  But there wasn't much I could do about it either. So it has been nice to have some down time and rest up a wee bit.

Fabulous Fourth!

Our annual 4th of July BBQ morphed a bit larger this year, adding in some good friends who are not usually in town for the event. Actually it has grown over the years.  Once only our kids godparents came, but now there are neighbors and other friends as well.

 I envisioned tables gaily decorated in the back yard. I had games in mind for the kids and a cool outdoor art idea that I shamelessly stole from another blogger. . . and then, nature intervened. In the form of heavy rains and winds from Hurricane Arthur.

Pretty much all the festivities around us cancelled or postponed.  We did not.  I figure fun can happen somehow, anyhow.  And it did.  We got enough breaks in the weather to cook outdoors, but we set up tables in our living room for the actual meal.  My kids woke up early as usual. At quarter to 6 specifically, KC and Lissa wanted to know if they could start decorating!  Um, not quite yet, guys.

By 8:30 though, not only were they decorating, but their friend from next door was over helping out as well.  I had gotten white table cloths for most of the tables and that meant they could literally draw on them.  They had a blast doing that. One table had a blue table cloth and I had made big silver stick on stars for that one.  We made centerpieces and stuck those around the room.  Easy fun, kid friendly ones. (think 3 small flags held in place in a tiny vase by a glob of playdoough.  Then artfully covering vase with star stickers. LOL  But it was fun.  We had a blast.  We smashed everyone into the living room. There was food aplenty.  Much laughter and conversation.

In between breaks in the rain, the kids would dash outside for a bit, run around and then get chased back in by the weather.  They would play card games in the dining room while the grown ups chatted elsewhere.  It was just plain fun.

Best of all, my wife enjoyed it.  I love gatherings. But K, not so much.  She is an introvert at heart and gatherings exhaust her emotionally and physically. She said she loves the 4th of July though because she feels that people come to it with fewer expectations and that there is more fun.  I love it because it is the gathering that blends a really diverse group of our friends together.  The fact that Fiona was here with us as well, was extra special.

Tomorrow I need to start some prep for our next camping adventure. We leave next Saturday morning for NH!

Strolling in the Summer time

Today was our city's annual "Summer Stroll."  This event is one I look forward to every year.  The downtown is closed to everything but foot traffic.  The local vendors have free or low cost crafts for kids. There is lots of music and demonstrations of things.  There is food to buy or to just admire.Some of the food is even free.  My wife had a job in the morning so she met us down there. We arrived right on time because we did not want to miss the parade.  Actually K doesn't really love crowds or heat--both of which were very much in evidence today, so she wound up staying only an hour or so.  In true J-E Team fashion, the littles and i stayed till about 4 pm

We just take our time.  Lissa got a glitter tattoo.  KC bought himself a cookie from his favorite bakery.  We watched someone doing sand sculpture.  We listened to music while we noshed on pizza and drank free lemonade.  The kids played a number of free games.  Eventually, long after my wife had departed, the kids began to wilt a bit in the heat.

KC suggested that we look at a bead store that we have never been in before.  We went in and it turned out that you could make a necklace or bracelet right there on the premises.  We were the only people in the shop and the kids took their time, picking their beads (after I made sure they were not the really super duper pricey ones!)

KC wanted a beachy, ocean feel to his and spent a long time making sure that just the right shades of blue were found. I thought this was a bit odd as he is all about green. And there were hues of green aplenty in the store.  I found out afterwards that the bracelet was for me!  Good thing that my wrist is as skinny as his.  He let the shop owner measure his wrist for sizing for the bracelet!

Lissa chose some really pretty beads as well, more of an odd pinky brown color but really pretty.  And the total cost for over 20 minutes of contemplative fun for 2 kids?  $2.02!  I'll take that!

In praise of all things summer!

I love summer so.  It is chock a block full of fun stuff.  I will grant you that small things are really cool and fun to me (and usually my kids as well.)  I look forward to this time of year all through the cold long winter.  The longer day light hours have meant time for bike rides to the park to play.  They have meant later bed hours and more stories.  Blowing bubbles on the porch in the twilight. Fireworks. The start of summer book club at the library.  Walking downtown for a slushy. Being able to bike to the library instead of having to always drive. In warm weather my energy is always at its highest.  Not that I am a slug in the cold weather but I am usually pushing myself as physically, it drains me.

Next week is the fourth of July and we are having our usual BBQ  The kids god parents, our dear friends always come over.  So do the folks who live next door.  This year more friends are coming as well--the family who we camped with over Memorial Day weekend.  Fiona will be here as well.  It will be fun.  It will be rowdy.  It will be a bit messy.  And I will love every minute of it.

My wife is being a very good sport about this.  In a classic case of opposites attracting, I am an extrovert.  I am that person who hates to be totally silent.  Who loves to meet new people.  Who thinks that a gathering of 10 or 12  additional folks is a small thing and that making decorations is a blast. I love planning out the food and all the little details that go into making sure people have fun when they gather.  My wife?  2 is a crowd and more than that makes her want a nap!  In fact she has been known to leave a gathering for a nap!  LOL

So I have that on the front burner at the moment, and today I hauled out our 4th of July decorations and the kids and I bought paper goods when we went shopping.  We got plain white table cloths and the kids are going to take some silver sticky paper that I have and make silver stars to fasten all over it. Then KC sees himself completing the effect by drawing fireworks.  We will see. . .

Graduates and Collegiates

It has been a whirlwind of milestones and memories here!  These 2 shots are from Fiona's graduation from the Great School in the Big City.   We were all there Wednesday to watch her walk and receive awards and give a speech.  Her composure was impressive. She looked lovely. She was happy.  She got to connect with so many school chums.  I confess I never thought I would see her walk down an aisle and graduate.  I am still amazed, and proud and glowing.  Her tassle for the hat (which she despised) is hanging by my computer, vivid proof that I am a soppy sentimental mom.  Fiona laughed when she saw it, as she is here for an overnight tonight.

Today was another excursion to the Big City for most of the family.  Rob had orientation at his college and K and the littles rode in on the train with him.  The littles love visiting museums in the city, exploring small eateries and finding green spaces.  They are pretty expert at public transportation and helped out the mom who is far less familiar with those aspects of transportation.  I sadly, had to work and was not part of the visit to the science museum or the swan boat rides etc.

Rob came back excited by his schedule (with perhaps the exception of a 7 a.m. English class which will necessitate a very early train!).  He is also enthusiastic about exploring some of hte sports teams that the college has.  I am so glad. This is what I want for him out of his college experience.  I am glad that he has the kind of personality that will be willing to dabble in new things.

Well Seasoned

There are many wonderful things about being what I call a "seasoned" parent.  One is that I think there is a huge shift in my personal perspective from when I was the young parent of a child with special needs.  Also, Chet was our only child and I think perhaps that factors in as well.    I had not adopted again because his needs consumed so much of our attention that I felt it would be unfair to any other child at that point; the world through his lens of disability was my only view for many years.

I watched friends with neurotypical kids cheer at soccer games.  I watched them plan family gatherings and attend things like fireworks or parades or theme parks.  These things, when we tried them, usually ended in disaster as the event would become so overwhelming to my son that he would behave in ways that were harmful to himself or to me, or disruptive to others.

In some ways, my world shrunk.  Play dates were virtually non existant. He was not invited to parties and did not want to join clubs.  We carved out a new path.  He took swim classes and volunteered at a wildlife sanctuary. We camped and hiked.
 Family gatherings were small and made manageable to him by routine and brevity.  I had tried support groups and found they didn't meet my need.  I found they were filled with weary frustrated people who just wanted to complain.  I didn't want to complain.  I wanted companionship because I am intensely social by nature. I was told often that I should lead a workshop. I didn't want to do that either--at that point I was still trying to make public school life viable for him and I was doing enough advocating and educating there.  My well was nigh onto empty.

But years passed. And either I have shifted, or society has.  I am still a parent of a disabled child who is now a young adult.  Actually, that has changed to being a parent of 2 disabled young adults. But I am also a parent to 3 typical kids.  They have play dates and parties. They love fireworks--like what we went to last night, dance classes and more.

For KC, last nights city fireworks event was a "date" with his girl friend.  She and her family of 5 met us at the venue, a large local park.  We spread our blankets out together and her mom and I began chatting.  We have much in common, from our large families to our sociability.  She told me that she had invited her sister who has an autistic son to join us all.  Her sister was neat, her son was fun, though they had to leave before the fireworks because he was afraid the noise would bother him.  Rob's friend J met us there. He too is developmentally different.  

My point is that we all meshed together and had fun.  We all talked together, blew bubbles, played with light sticks, and played a very whacky game of Hot Potato.  Differences faded.  I suspect society is a bit different now. More is known about spectrum disorders and that helps a lot.  But I suspect a lot of it is that I view things differently as well.  I don't feel that I need to apologize.  I rarely feel embarrassed. This is just the family that we are. And we love each other.

Rob's last RE Sunday

Sunday was a hectic and emotional day here.  Lots of wrapping up of activities and teen experiences.  It was Rob's last RE Sunday at our church.  He received recognition for his help in some of the classrooms this year.  He has been a special helper to a young fellow with some behavioral challenges, greatly improving the classroom environment.  The younger kids had parts in the service.  KC read a haiku that he had written, Lissa and he both helped their classes with a musical selection.

Part of what our church does for the graduating seniors is to give them all the pictures and art that have been saved by the program director.  In Rob's case, he was there since he was 5.  It was a LOT of pictures. And I was struck by so many things looking through them.  Once more, seeing the haunted empty look when he was so young and watching that change in the pictures over the years.  I watched the smile become genuine and reach his eyes. I watched his body posture change. I was also struck by adults who spoke about how Rob is not a talker, but a do-er.  As a member of the Coming of Age, his silent demeanor had been a bit of a challenge.  However, during that year, his mentor ost his father and Rob took it upon himself to write a letter to his mentor. Which so moved the man that he still has the letter and tears up when he mentions it.  "What Rob does, comes from his heart, " was the statement that struck me.

Then we had a picnic at church and from there, came home to get ready for Rob's final piano recital. It was only 3 years ago that Rob asked to take piano lessons and he is a really good pianist.  Not in the classical sense, but he is a great jazz pianist. He feels music and has a creative  musicality.  Reading music isn't his strong suit and neither is being an accompanist--but listening to him play music by John Coltrane accompanied by a jazz ensemble was really pretty awesome. I felt badly as we had to leave right after his pieces because we had to get back to our church.  I made sure I facebooked the music school and thanked his teacher and explained publicly.  I would have been annoyed if I had a child yet to play and saw a whole row of people marching out. LOL  He wrote back about how much he has enjoyed Rob as a student and how intuitively musical he is.

Then it was back to church for a vespers service featuring one of our favorite folk singers--Joe Jencks.  Long time readers will perhaps remember that Joe is from Chicago as are both KC and Lissa.  Once he performed at our church on KC's birthday and sang happy birthday to him. KC has never forgotten that and would not miss a performance of Joe's ever if he had a choice.  After vespers I brought the littles home, but K hung out in the city as it was Rob's last youth group and it was the Bridging ceremony, leading the way to young adulthood.  He brought home several lovely momentos and will be attending General Assembly in RI later this month with the youth group contingency.

The day was so jammed that it was really the ensuing few days that I felt the emotional aftershocks of it all.  In many respects Rob is our first for a lot of these experiences.  Chet was never able to handle the Youth Group environment.  The lack of rigid structure made him unable to hold things together.  He was never able to take part in any type of musical recital as he would get overwhelmed with the sights sounds and sensations. (however he did take guitar lessons for many years and enjoyed that)  Likewise, Chet has never left home and some day, Rob will fully spread his wings and fly. We are in the midst of all the paperwork and hoopla that accompanies the college experience--another thing that Chet did not do.  And I stand on the narrow parental ledge equal parts proud and a bit melancholy as I truly can't imagine what the house will be like when he is not here all the time!