Halloween, Nature's tricks and remembrances

This picture shows why there was no Trick or Treating in our community tonight!  It may be Halloween but it is unsafe for people to be out.  A freak "trick" by Mother Nature dumped more than 16 inches of heavy wet snow on the region.  Lots of downed wires, (we were without power from 10 p.m. Saturday to 2:30 a.m. Monday)  downed limbs and slippery roads.  So trick or treat is Thursday, but we pagans celebrate Halloween even if we don't go out and snag candy!  LOL

 A spooky supper is a holiday tradition that can happen regardless.  Here is Spooky Lissa. . .

 . . .and KC lurking behind a chair

Rob grins beside the top part of a wiches hat that the kids made out of a pink camo handkerchief, a foam cone and a cardboard circle painted black!

We had spooky pizza decorated with cheese "spiderwebs" delish sugar cookies artfully decorated as pumpkins and ghosts.  Truly I should have taken a picture but we were too busy munching.  And our beverage of choice--Kool Aid Fizzy Lemonade, aka "swamp water punch!"

For me, at a deeper level, this is a night of remembrance.  I believe the veil between the worlds is thinner on this night and I feel the love of those who have gone before more closely.  When my kids are abed, I light a candle and have a quiet ritual time of my own.

For my Rob it is also a time of remembrance.  His sister Krystal has a birthday just a day or two before Halloween.  Due to our power outage we could not wish her happy birthday on line on her day. When he went on tonight, her Facebook account which is our means of connection, appears to be gone.  I could see the sadness in his eyes.  I gave him the personal email that I had for her, but I don't know if that works or not. Krystal was the sister he was the closest to in his first family.  I often wonder if a part of him is angry that we let her go to Cousin N because we could not guarantee her safety if Fiona stayed in our home. I wonder if that anger is directed towards us, or toward Fiona.  Or himself, for feeling disloyal to family.  These are hard conversations to have and ones he has indicated that he does not want to have right now.  I respect that.  It is his grief and his pain and he can and should share it as he wishes.  As long as he knows I am there and that we can grieve together.

Jumping from Fall to Winter

This shot was taken this evening.  It is not even November.  Clearly the goddess has a sense of humor.  Me, not so much.  I am not ready for the fingerless gloves that I wear from November to oh, about June.  But clearly I have to get ready.

I sort of  worked at getting ready today by the tribe all getting their flu shots.  Lissa is totally unfazed by shots.  Watches calmly, hops down off the table, business done.  KC, um not so much.  In fact, King of Drama doesn't begin to describe the histrionics we were treated to.  I am reasonably sure they heard the wails in  Peru. LOL  Rob finds it all funny which is in itself funny as at 7, he was KC.  Just quieter but no less anxious and uncooperative. LOL  Chet has always been easy about that kind of thing and becuase we went early in the a.m. we were in out and done before much time elapsed.

I finally got my scrapbook program back on my computer, thanks to the work of my lovely and talented wife and I made a scrapbook page for Fiona of our last visit together. It came out cute and of course now the kids are clamoring to have their books updated. They are only 5 months out of date. Sheesh, what is the hurry?  LOL

But despite the snow I am glowing inside! Our church youth group does a coffee house a couple times a year as  a fund raiser for the trips that they do.  Lots of teens perform but so also do lots of other people. Rob has gone before and he has often helped in the kitchen.  This year, he thinks he has decided to perform. Can I just say Woo Hoo!!!!!! He also said it was okay for us to be there and the kids are stoked to see Rob play. I'm excited not just because he is my kid and he plays well. He does, but the fact that he has the self confidence to share that talent in the wider world is what makes me grin!

Fiona sort of calls

Tuesday is call night at our house and it is highly anticipated.  The kids and I eagerly await the ringing of the phone and a chance to catch up with Fiona.  Tonight the phone rang and it was Fi.  But she explained that she was going somewhere with some friends from school and the staff and she had to get ready so she really did not have time to talk. But she wanted me to tell all the kids hi and she loved them and she loved me too.

This is so huge.  I know she was prompted to call by amazing Jane, because my daughter's cognitive issues mean that she does not remember that Tuesday is call day.  But the fact that she was amenable to taking those few minutes and telling us why she couldn't chat was an enormous step forward in maturity for her.  Usually she is so in the moment that she can't see other issues or factors that should be considered.  Tonight she remembered how much her siblings and I love her and look forward to hearing her voice. Happy dancing time!

And a Wild Time was had by all!

Today we went to the big city to see Fiona.  We had an eventful train ride.  Unbeknownst to us, rail work meant we took a train part way, were bussed part way and got back on a train to finish the journey.  It still beats me getting lost in city traffic! LOL

We met Fiona and Jane at the train station and drove to a zoo.  I have been to several zoos but never this one.  It was really cool.  The sculpture of the red panda behind the kids is made out of hay bales, incidently!  We had a really amazing time together. Fi did so well. She is such a good big sister and I am so proud of the work my daughter is doing.  Cousin N and her daughter were supposed to join us and did not show.  Jane is annoyed, though we are both trying to err on the side of caution and not judge.  Something may have happened, but apparently she has continued to have a pattern of unreliability since she came back into Fiona's life.  To say that this is detrimental to Fi is kind of the understatement of the century. Sigh.  Jane said the reason she feels okay about the first family contacts that Fi has, is because her relationship with us is so steady and so secure.  You can see it when the kids are together running down the paths, or telling silly jokes in the back of the van.  I can feel it in the genuine way that she hugs me.  There is no rigidity to her posture. Her face lights up when she sees us.

We went to the zoo gift shop and the kids were picking momentos.  I told Fiona she could pick something out and when she went off to look for  a trinket, Jane took me aside and asked if I wanted Fiona to pay for it herself or if I was paying. Fiona had paid her own admission to the zoo and I know that part of what the Great School is working on is money management and money as it relates to daily activities.  But she is also my daughter and if I am letting the other 3 get  a momento of the day, I want to do the same for her.  Jane got that--and I totally know that at some level that is way more about me than it is about Fiona--but she let me get her the darned stuffed tiger. LOL

We got back to the train station with only 10 minutes before our train arrived.  How I managed to get 3 kids in and out of the bathroom and their requisite food from the donut shop in the station I have no idea, but  I did.  Now we are home, the kids are in bed, but the memory of the laughter of the day rings in my memory.

Planning our visit to Fiona

Fiona and Jane called last evening. Fi was in a very upbeat mood and eager to finish planning our visit on Saturday.  We are going to a zoo in the Big City which all the kids are looking forward to.  I said I would pack the sandwiches, chips and dessert if Fiona would do the beverages.  I know the school has single serve containers of drinks so this makes for an easy way for her to  contribute to the visit.  Hopefully, Cousin N and her daughter are joining us there but Jane sounded a little sketchy about that.  I hope they follow through.

I have felt very badly because this past Sunday was a family event at the Great School in the Big City and logistically I just could not get us there.  We had church commitments that I could not reshuffle and Rob had something he was involved in with the Youth Group.  I explained this to Fiona and she was fine with it but for the first time asked if we were Christian. We are not, and I explained that and gave the 10 second version of our faith.  I said that Rob was very involved in youth group and had a lot of friends and did a lot of cool things both for fun and to help others with them. That was fine with Fiona but she was worried that if we were not Christian we wouldn't wind up in the "right" heaven so we could all be together when we died.

Truthfully I don't really believe in heaven in that way but I know how important this concept is to my daughter.  Though she does not practice a particular faith at this  point and has not for many years, she did have a strong Christian influence in her life at one point. 

I said I really believe that it is about living a good life and that there are lots of roads through lots of churches to the same heaven and not to worry.  She was good with that.  Whew!

Missing You

It was a crazy day at work today.  But near supper time, I was home again and chatting in the kitchen with my wife.  KC peeked in the window from outside where he and Lissa were playing and spied me inside.  He came flying in.  Gave me the biggest hug imaginable.  "I'm going right back outside to play," he said. "But I just wanted to hug you; I missed you so much today."  Best feeling ever!

Facial Recognition Study

One of my friends is doing a child development class at school. She needed to show pictures to a variety of children of different ages to study when gender awareness came into play. The pictures were just faces at first--hair, clothing etc, was covered by a paper border. The kids each said whether they thought the face was male or female. Then when she went through the pics, she would lift up the border and they would see the face more traditionally and either confirm or change their decision.

L. was nice and let Chet do this as well, even though at 26 he is statistically not in the groups that she needs to explore. But he was fascinated by the project and clearly wanted to be asked and she picked up on it.  Predictably he had a  hard tiime with it.  He still has a hard time with recognizing people he does not know well and it is an aspect of his autism.  I find that he tends to glom onto a specific feature or style of clothing to describe someone from church to me.

Rob was more in the societal norms as I would have expected also.  However what was surprising was that Lissa scored higher than KC.  She got almost every single one correct.  KC who at first thought should have rocked the test, scored at the same level as my friends 4 year old.  Poor L is going to have some wonky results to tabulate. 

However as I think it over, KC is my fey child.  My guy who does arabesques and jetes down the empty aisle of a grocery store.  And who wears sparkly bits of cloth when we play dress up.  I'm not sure gender, even though he clearly knows he is a boy and self identifies as such, is as important to him for some reason. Intriguing though.