It is very early morning as I write this and the kids are all ready awake and chattering in their rooms. It is Halloween, you see, and that is a pretty big deal in our house. There are pumpkins to carve, seeds to roast, costumes to wear in the dark of the night. It is also a night that is very important within our pagan tradition.
Until last night, I did not have a costume. I had precious little time to devote to such an endeavor and just was coming up short in the creativity department. However KC said "why don't you go as Mother Earth?" This also embraces my theology somewhat, and was easy to do from things around the house. Last night, while the Red Sox cruised to a win I tacked faux leaves and flowers on a green cloak of polar fleece that we all ready had.
This is also an exciting Halloween as for the first time since before Lissa was born, K is able to walk with us.In the past, her work schedule has not permitted it.
So have a spooktacular Halloween everyone. The veils between the worlds are thin tonight. I'll be holding the memories of loved ones who have passed in my thoughts and hoping they can feel the love and the joy that is their legacy.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Jitters
Much is going on with Fiona lately. Some is good--it looks like my guardianship will be done and finalized in November. This is a relief. I think it will help me to advocate for Fiona and have a position of relative authority to do so. As opposed to the dance I have done for all these years, explaining the rather convoluted yet emotionally binding ties that we have.
I was told that the new agency wanted to meet me and my family 11/4 and that they wanted me to tour the group home w ith Fiona on 11/11 I requested the time off and was approved. Then the new agency said, gee no, they didn't need to meet with me on 11/4 and I could just come to the group home on 11/11 when Fiona visits and have lunch with her. Um, OK. It bothers me though not to have met these new folks. Not to have a single email from them--any communications I have received have been through Jane, despite the fact that they have been given two contact numbers for me and my email. In my longish experience in dealing with agencies, this worries me.
Then there are first family issues for Fiona that are complicating all of this. Fiona, like most of us, has trouble with change. Her problems are manifested more profoundly than perhaps most of us though and there has been an uptick in incidents of unsafe behaviors, raging and such. Into all of this, has been added renewed contact with D and a request from the birth family that her sister Krystal be allowed to visit. Krystal has been living down south with an aunt. She has now apparently come back to the Northeast and is presently only about 10 miles away from the Great School. She has been in phone contact with Fiona.
However the Great School director feels that there is enough on their (the schools plate) and Fiona's at this point. Despite my advocating for supervised visits at the school, despite Jane advocating for the same, our request was denied. Krystal will not be allowed physical visiting at this time. It will be up to the new group home staff and myself to facilitate this once Fiona has moved. My feeling was that the staff at the school is well versed in how Fiona responds. The new group home will not be. While I will give this my absolute best effort in coordinating physical visitations, Krystal will be much further away from us. I am not a licensed therapist and don't really feel that this should be something that I should be in charge of, given Fionia's level of mental illness. Yet I also feel that to not work on this is a huge dis-service to her and abdicates my responsibilities as well. So I am fretting about this a bit.
I am also fretting about the fact that the present time line for her move to the new group home is two days before Christmas. She is scheduled to spend Christmas Eve with us. The first time ever. Holidays are hard for her and it seems like the system sometimes sets up those least able to deal with it when big changes are planned at times that are all ready hard. Can you hear my heavy sigh?
I was told that the new agency wanted to meet me and my family 11/4 and that they wanted me to tour the group home w ith Fiona on 11/11 I requested the time off and was approved. Then the new agency said, gee no, they didn't need to meet with me on 11/4 and I could just come to the group home on 11/11 when Fiona visits and have lunch with her. Um, OK. It bothers me though not to have met these new folks. Not to have a single email from them--any communications I have received have been through Jane, despite the fact that they have been given two contact numbers for me and my email. In my longish experience in dealing with agencies, this worries me.
Then there are first family issues for Fiona that are complicating all of this. Fiona, like most of us, has trouble with change. Her problems are manifested more profoundly than perhaps most of us though and there has been an uptick in incidents of unsafe behaviors, raging and such. Into all of this, has been added renewed contact with D and a request from the birth family that her sister Krystal be allowed to visit. Krystal has been living down south with an aunt. She has now apparently come back to the Northeast and is presently only about 10 miles away from the Great School. She has been in phone contact with Fiona.
However the Great School director feels that there is enough on their (the schools plate) and Fiona's at this point. Despite my advocating for supervised visits at the school, despite Jane advocating for the same, our request was denied. Krystal will not be allowed physical visiting at this time. It will be up to the new group home staff and myself to facilitate this once Fiona has moved. My feeling was that the staff at the school is well versed in how Fiona responds. The new group home will not be. While I will give this my absolute best effort in coordinating physical visitations, Krystal will be much further away from us. I am not a licensed therapist and don't really feel that this should be something that I should be in charge of, given Fionia's level of mental illness. Yet I also feel that to not work on this is a huge dis-service to her and abdicates my responsibilities as well. So I am fretting about this a bit.
I am also fretting about the fact that the present time line for her move to the new group home is two days before Christmas. She is scheduled to spend Christmas Eve with us. The first time ever. Holidays are hard for her and it seems like the system sometimes sets up those least able to deal with it when big changes are planned at times that are all ready hard. Can you hear my heavy sigh?
Thursday, October 24, 2013
It's almost official
I received a call from Jane last night and the finalization of my guardianship of Fiona will likely happen in November. This is a relief to us all. Presently, because someone administratively in DCF dropped the ball years ago she has not had a legal guardian since she turned 18. So someone with very limited cognitive abilities, with a number of significant mental health diagnosis technically has been able to make their own decisions. This has been tiptoed around since it was discovered and Fiona has very willingly empowered the Great School to make decisions on her behalf. But she leaves the school in December and I most definately want my daughter to have the safest and happiest future possible.
Fi is struggling a lot right now. She is deeply afraid of moving to the new group home and leaving the Great School. It has been a solid anchor in her life and though there have been typical issues between her and other students, it is familiar. It is home. And the unknown is scary for everyone, probably amplify that a thousandfold for Fiona. The unknown has in her life brought some really scary negative things. Hopefully between us, the staff at school and her other family supports, we can show her that she is not alone and we are all in this together.
She had a visit with D, who is Rob and Fiona's bio brother. He is a year or so older than Rob but younger than Fiona. Jane said he reminded her so much of Rob as like Rob, he was very quiet at the outset of the visit. I am hoping that we get to have a visit between he and Rob and in an ideal world, Fiona as well.
Fi is struggling a lot right now. She is deeply afraid of moving to the new group home and leaving the Great School. It has been a solid anchor in her life and though there have been typical issues between her and other students, it is familiar. It is home. And the unknown is scary for everyone, probably amplify that a thousandfold for Fiona. The unknown has in her life brought some really scary negative things. Hopefully between us, the staff at school and her other family supports, we can show her that she is not alone and we are all in this together.
She had a visit with D, who is Rob and Fiona's bio brother. He is a year or so older than Rob but younger than Fiona. Jane said he reminded her so much of Rob as like Rob, he was very quiet at the outset of the visit. I am hoping that we get to have a visit between he and Rob and in an ideal world, Fiona as well.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Harvest fun
After we spent about an hour there, we headed home for a bathroom break and some snacks before heading to another city for Pumpkin Fest. This is held at a large science museum and features about 1000 pumpkins that are eventually all lit once it gets dark. During the daylight hours, there were lots of cool science activities to do, a large playground to fool around at, a nature trail to explore, and wildlife exhibits. We watched someone juggle fiery torches (totally amazing) and then the juggler balanced a tall peacock feather on one finger. After accomplishing this she held it out for the audience to try. The first child who tried failed. KC stepped up and totally rocked it. I actually think he got so into it that he forgot that there were lots of people watching him; it was pretty amazing!
Rob's friend D from church met us there and hung out with us the whole evening. D is feeling a little lost right now and loves to spend time with us. It is fine with me. One more kid, two more kids, it is all relative. As long as everyone understands the ground rules, we seem to do just fine.
As it got dark the pumpkin displays began to glow.
There were amazing carvings on some of them. But I think I love the happy glow on my daughters face most of all!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Fiona's plans move forward
There have been a flurry of phone calling and emailing with regards to Fiona's pending move. I have filled out and mailed the guardianiship papers and the CORI form. The DDS wants to meet our family on November 4th at the Great School so I have successfully gotten permission to take that day off. I have a 1/2 day off on 11/11 so that I can go tour her new home with her as well.
Wednesday evening when we spoke on the phone she said she had great news that she wanted to tell me when she comes out this weekend. I think is has to do with contact with her Mom J. She said that she is happy but feels really badly because she is afraid KC and Lissa will be sad.
I told her that Lissa is so young that she does not get a lot of these things yet. KC would likely be a little sad but he would also be happy for her, because he does understand. He is in fact, writing to his birth mom again this week.
She said she wished she was adopted when she was a baby because then she would not have all these confusing feelings. That she wanted us to be "like blood." I reminded her that we are family forever and that getting back in contact with her first family members never changes that. I also tried to explain that even if she had been adopted as a baby she would still have confusing feelings because she has seen that in KC all ready. Adoption has part of it that is always about questions and hurting, but what we can do as a family is love each other and that gives us strength getting through the tough spots.
I don't know how much she got and how much she will remember if things start to feel overwhelming for her. We have some fun festivals to visit this weekend though that will hopefully help balance any of the tough stuff.
Wednesday evening when we spoke on the phone she said she had great news that she wanted to tell me when she comes out this weekend. I think is has to do with contact with her Mom J. She said that she is happy but feels really badly because she is afraid KC and Lissa will be sad.
I told her that Lissa is so young that she does not get a lot of these things yet. KC would likely be a little sad but he would also be happy for her, because he does understand. He is in fact, writing to his birth mom again this week.
She said she wished she was adopted when she was a baby because then she would not have all these confusing feelings. That she wanted us to be "like blood." I reminded her that we are family forever and that getting back in contact with her first family members never changes that. I also tried to explain that even if she had been adopted as a baby she would still have confusing feelings because she has seen that in KC all ready. Adoption has part of it that is always about questions and hurting, but what we can do as a family is love each other and that gives us strength getting through the tough spots.
I don't know how much she got and how much she will remember if things start to feel overwhelming for her. We have some fun festivals to visit this weekend though that will hopefully help balance any of the tough stuff.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
The splinter you can't pull out
We had a really great holiday weekend together and Rob is safely home from his mission trip. He said he stacked a ton of wood during the weekend so folks will be warm this winter due to his sweat equity. The littles and I had a lot of fun as well, crafting, playing, cooking and biking. Fiona had fun. It was all good. Till the adoption splinter poked KC last night.
He had picked up a Martha Speaks book that Lissa chose from the library. It is a new Thanksgiving one and though it is below his grade level he was sitting at the table reading it after shower. Guess what? In this one, Martha searches for her lost family. She finds her mom and her entire litter of puppy brothers and sisters and they all have Thanksgivinig dinner together. Oh yay. KC put the book down and said "well at least MARTHA found her family."
I reminded him that we had found Mom Y and that he could write to her again if he wanted to. He does want to do that.I reminded him that I am always willing to help him with that if he wants it, but that if he wants it private I will respect that too. He was okay with that as well. But he also thought it would be a great idea to invite her to Thanksgiving dinner. The hard conversation of geography and finances (I didn't even get into the fact that we don't know one another well enough for Y to feel even remotely comfortable doing this even if she could afford it) was painful. I know that despite my best efforts, my son was hurt by the fact that this isn't going to happen. That life's questions and issues aren't able to wrap up tidily like a chapter book. It is okay for now--until the next time life pokes the adoption splinter.
He had picked up a Martha Speaks book that Lissa chose from the library. It is a new Thanksgiving one and though it is below his grade level he was sitting at the table reading it after shower. Guess what? In this one, Martha searches for her lost family. She finds her mom and her entire litter of puppy brothers and sisters and they all have Thanksgivinig dinner together. Oh yay. KC put the book down and said "well at least MARTHA found her family."
I reminded him that we had found Mom Y and that he could write to her again if he wanted to. He does want to do that.I reminded him that I am always willing to help him with that if he wants it, but that if he wants it private I will respect that too. He was okay with that as well. But he also thought it would be a great idea to invite her to Thanksgiving dinner. The hard conversation of geography and finances (I didn't even get into the fact that we don't know one another well enough for Y to feel even remotely comfortable doing this even if she could afford it) was painful. I know that despite my best efforts, my son was hurt by the fact that this isn't going to happen. That life's questions and issues aren't able to wrap up tidily like a chapter book. It is okay for now--until the next time life pokes the adoption splinter.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Monday Holidays are the best!
Lissa also wanted silver duct tape as part of her were wolf costume so there are patches of that on the hoodie and the jeans. From a safety standpoint that is probably great anyway. Then we cut the tips off of dollar store gloves and she will have glow in the dark nailpolish--doesn't every glam werewolf?
At any rate, it took two bottles of fabric fusion glue to achieve all this but they are very happy with the results and I will post pictures when they don them. I like that they were so much a part of things. For me, it was way more fun than going to a big box store and buying something.
Then we did some leaf raking, some cookie baking and some bike riding. The haunted house in the picture above we made during Fiona's visit this past Saturday. Thus far, Lissa has still not eaten off the candy. I may have jinxed myself by writing that!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
