Jitters

Much is going on with  Fiona lately.  Some is good--it looks like my guardianship will be done and finalized in November. This is a relief.  I think it will help me to advocate for Fiona and have a position of relative authority to do so.  As opposed to the dance I have done for all these years, explaining the rather convoluted yet emotionally binding ties that we have.

I was told that the new agency wanted to meet me and my family 11/4 and that they wanted me to tour the group home w ith Fiona on 11/11  I requested the time off and was approved. Then the new agency said, gee no, they didn't need to meet with me on 11/4 and I could just come to the group home on 11/11 when Fiona visits and have lunch with her.  Um, OK.  It bothers me though not to have met these new folks.  Not to have a single email from them--any communications I have received have been through Jane, despite the fact that they have been given two contact numbers for me and my email.  In my longish experience in dealing with agencies, this worries me.

Then there are first family issues for Fiona that are complicating all of this. Fiona, like most of us, has trouble with change.  Her problems are manifested more profoundly than perhaps most of us though and there has been an uptick in incidents of unsafe behaviors, raging and such.  Into all of this, has been added renewed contact with D and a request from the birth family that her sister Krystal be allowed to visit.  Krystal has been living down south with an aunt. She has now apparently come back to the Northeast and is presently only about 10 miles away from the Great School.  She has been in phone contact with Fiona.

However the Great School director feels that there is enough on their (the schools plate) and Fiona's at this point. Despite my advocating for supervised visits at the school, despite Jane advocating for the same, our request was denied. Krystal will not be allowed physical visiting at this time. It will be up to the new group home staff and myself to facilitate this once Fiona has moved.  My feeling was that the staff at the school is well versed in how Fiona responds.  The new group home will not be.  While I will give this my absolute best effort in coordinating physical visitations, Krystal will be much further away from us.  I am not a licensed therapist and don't really feel that this should be something that I should be in charge of, given Fionia's level of mental illness.  Yet I also feel that to not work on this is a huge dis-service to her and abdicates my responsibilities as well.  So I am fretting about this a bit.

I am also fretting about the fact that the present time line for her move to the new group home is two days before Christmas. She is scheduled to spend Christmas Eve with us.  The first time ever.  Holidays are hard for her and it seems like the system sometimes sets up those least able to deal with it when big changes are planned at times that are all ready hard.  Can you hear my heavy sigh?