Memorial Service Done

Thankfully we have all survived the memorial service. It was hard on the kids. A long drive (2.5 hours) then a short time at my moms which allowed limited moving around, a chance to eat, and changing into church duds. Then another drive to the church so that they could sit through an hours service. This meant I had a 2 year old who had not napped and had been awake since 5:30 that morning. A 5 year old whose emotions were very ragged, a 13 year old who was fine, and a 23 year old who was stressing and causing stress. He was hot, he was in others space, he was not comfortable in his own space. His lack of connection to emotions made for constant attention to him. Family were supposed to sit in the front rows. We sat in the row that appeared open behind family. Then my mother came and moved my sister and her family to sit up in the very front row with her. Nice. So now there was this big empty row dividing us from all the other family. In the interest of practicality this did ensure that I could worry less about what my kids might do. In reality I felt positively alienated.

That continued basically through the whole experience. My sister had been invited to participate in the service. I was not. I was told that only one person from our side of the family could speak and my mother had decided it would be younger sister. Yup. fine. Part of me shrugs mentally and says "whatever". Part of me childishly is angry. We have consistantly been there for my mom and her husband. Our kids really know and love them. Sis visited like 3 times in 10 years and 2 of those times my mom paid for her to come. Her kids have come probably twice counting the memorial service. So it seems unfair. Life is unfair. I need to shut up and move on.

During the service I was busy enough containing Chet and helping KC and watching Lissa--why did I want to add speaking to those responsibilities? KC broke down twice and needed extra cuddling. Lissa was just fractious from being massively overtired (she doesn't sleep well or long in a car). After the service there was a lovely luncheon and a chance to mingle and talk. The kids really needed to burn off steam though and there was a playground outside. They were pulling me toward the door so I went outside with them. It was blazingly hot and I spent a great deal of time inadvertantly aerating the lawn of the playground as I trotted around in my 3 1/2 inch heels playing with the kids. I had play clothes to change into but no time or way to do that; their need to run and move was so profound. I kept thinking that K would come out and switch off with me so that I could go chat with people I have not seen in ages. (they are mostly only relatives by marriage; Ken's family is very large but there are several that I am very friendly with)

K didn't show up. The funny part of this--and it TRULY is funny--is that K hates social chatting. She is very much the introvert and I am not. So while I am stuck on the playground she is stuck inside and it never occured to her to go switch places. So it was just as hard for her as it was for me. By the time the kids were ready to go back inside we really had to get going as the long homeward drive awaited and it wouldn't get any easier for delaying. So I got to wave quickly at everyone I wanted to see and we headed out.

On the trip home, KC slept nearly the whole way--which meant it was hard to get him to bed last night. But he was emotionally worn to a nubbin so I was glad that he could rest. Lissa napped briefly but not enough to really require changing up her schedule. She and i took a walk after supper, admiring mosses growing between the cracks of the sidewalk and the first changing leaves ( what's up with that!!!) Picked wild queen anne's lace for our kitchen vase and walked home. KC was still too emotionally beat to want to come, a true rarity for him.

Today will be a quieter day so that everyone can start the week more centered, more at peace.