Jane called last night to let me know that Fiona was not making a call. Jane had been postponing telling me because KC had desperately hoped that Fiona would call to wish him Happy Birthday. Jane hoped that he had forgotten. Not a chance. When the phone rang he ran following me into the room where I sit to talk and mouthed "Is it my sister for me." Sigh. Trauma keeps on hurting.
The thing that worries me the most is finding a way for Fiona to successfully "re-enter" her life so to speak after a visit. I am lucky that the team at the Great School are supportive of visits even when there is increasing emotional fall out after one. I worry that if we don't get things to be a bit calmer that we could have our visits curtailed in some way. Now mind you, I don't know that would happen. That is just my irrational brain responding to the situation and the bad things that have happened over the years in the past when we were trying to visit. At some point, Fiona will graduate from the Great School and I don't know that a new placement will be as thoughtful and open minded as the team where she is now.
Sigh. There is no answer obviously. I need to just trust that we can work on the healing and that things will be okay. And repeat that over and over to myself.